Hades woke with a pep in his step, his smile stretched so wide across his face that his cheeks ached. He rushed through his usual morning routine and raced through the palace to reach the entrance of the Underworld favoured by Persephone.
Today was the day!
Spring had finally ended in the mortal lands, and his wife was coming home where she belonged.
He found Cerberus pacing outside the bedroom door. The monstrous hound pounced on him, assaulting him with foul breath and copious amounts of drool.
"Shouldn't you be on guard duty? Ugh! You're ruining my clothes… Go drown someone else with your slobber!" Hades grumbled, trying to push Cerberus's heads away; but the three-headed beast was annoyingly persistent.
Once satisfied, Cerberus trotted toward the stairs and barked impatiently at Hades to follow.
"We would've left sooner if you hadn't taken the time to bathe me in your drool," Hades muttered, chasing after the hound.
The two of them nearly bowled over Zagreus in their haste.
"Whoa! Where's the fire?" Zagreus leapt out of the way.
"Your mum's coming home today," Hades called over his shoulder, not slowing down to greet his son or to comment on his latest look: blue skin, blazing red hair, and a row of piercings running the length of his bottom lip.
Zagreus might have said something to him, but Hades didn't catch a word nor did he slow down when Melinoë popped her head out of one of the many doors in the palace that led to Nyx-knows-where.
The palace doors swung open to reveal his chariot already waiting Cerberus beside it, panting excitedly.
"Sire!" Three voices called out just as he grabbed the reins.
Hades groaned as Alecto, Megaera, and Tisiphone swooped down and landed on the stairs leading up to the palace. Alecto stepped forward.
"Sire, we have a bit of a conundrum—"
Hades held up his hand. "Whatever it is, I'm sure you're more than capable of handling it. If not, consult the judges or Hekate. I have somewhere to be."
"But Sire—"
He gave the horses the command, and up they went, soaring off to meet Persephone at the gates.
Hades swore he could already smell the sweet, earthy scent of spring in the air. As he flew over the orchard, the pomegranate trees looked greener and healthier than they'd been in months, as if they too sensed Persephone's return.
He didn't have to wait long at the gates before she appeared with a retinue of Demeter's nymphs.
"My love!" Persephone laughed as she leapt into his arms.
Ignoring the fearful glances from the nymphs, Hades wrapped his arms around her and spun her in a circle while she giggled and peppered kisses across his face.
Hades breathed in her familiar scent and felt his throat tighten. They'd upheld this arrangement with Demeter for centuries, but it never got any easier.
"I've missed you," he murmured into her hair.
What he really wanted to do was pull her into a deep, extremely indecent kiss but those damn nymphs were still hanging around for some reason.
"So have I," Persephone sniffled. Unlike him, she wasn't shy about showing her affection. She cradled his face in her hands and gave him a big ol' smooch that had the nymphs tittering and Hades' heart soaring to heights unknown.
"Now that's what I call a proper welcome, husband," she grinned as Hades set her back on her feet.
"I'll take note for next time. But rest assured, wife, I plan on giving you a proper welcome once the day is over."
"You're going to work?" Persephone pouted.
Hades rubbed the back of his neck, a sheepish expression on his face. "Yes. The number of souls coming in has been higher than usual. There are judgment trials I need to preside over, and the Wellness Centre..." He trailed off as Persephone's expression grew increasingly dejected. "But I'm sure Charon and the others can handle things without me, and I can postpone my appointments at the Wellness Centre and take the day off."
Persephone's responding smile was brighter than any sun; she could've taken Apollo's place as goddess of the sun.
"Excellent," she said, clapping her hands together. "I took the liberty of preparing a picnic for us. I thought we could spend the day in the orchard together." She gestured for one of the nymphs to step forward.
The skittish nymph handed over a picnic basket, which Hades immediately took from Persephone's hands.
"And of course I wouldn't forget about you," Persephone cooed, turning her attention to Cerberus, who had been impatiently waiting his turn.
He immediately pounced on her, pinning her to the ground as all three heads licked her face while she laughed and rubbed his fur.
Demeter's nymphs looked scandalized, and a little green as Cerberus appeared to maul their princess right before their eyes.
Once Persephone had finally had enough, she commanded Cerberus to sit. Four more nymphs stepped forward, carrying two humongous slain boars between them.
"A little treat for you, sweetie," she said, rubbing behind one of the heads' ears. "I also brought something for the kids; gifts from my mother. Could you allow the nymphs safe passage to the palace to deliver them?"
"Of course. Cerberus will escort you," Hades told the nymphs. He turned to his hound. "Behave, and make sure they stay safe."
Hades watched the nymphs traipse off with Cerberus, their reluctant guard.
"Are you sure they'll be fine? They look just about ready to keel over," he asked Persephone as he picked her up and deposited her onto the chariot.
"If they die, at least they'll already be in the Underworld. That should save you a whole lot of paperwork," Persephone laughed.
Hades flicked his wife's forehead. "Not funny. If they die under my watch, your mother will find some way to turn it into a personal slight and demand another trial in Olympus."
Persephone rose onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Don't worry, love. They may be flower nymphs, but they're tougher than they look. Now, shall we?"
Hades grinned and grabbed the reins. "We shall, my queen."
The pomegranate trees danced in an unseen wind, their branches swaying toward Persephone in greeting as she and Hades made their way through the orchard. She plucked one of the ripe fruits from a tree and split it open, handing half to Hades. With a sly smile in his direction, she bit into the pomegranate and licked the juice from her fingers.
"What have I missed while I was gone? Hermes tells me you've had some interesting guests at the Wellness Centre," she said.
Hades arched a brow. "And how does he know who's been coming to the Centre?"
"Believe it or not, Charon and Hermes are good friends."
"Hm," Hades hummed, nonplussed.
They reached a clearing that made for a perfect picnic spot. Persephone reached into the basket, pulled out a blanket, and laid it on the ground. Hades helped her set out the food, his mouth watering at the sight of all the dishes.
"Did you make all this?" he asked, plucking an olive from one of the plates.
Persephone nodded. "I had help from the nymphs, of course. And I baked your favourite." She reached into the basket and retrieved a pan of baklava.
"Have I told you today how much I love you?" Hades grinned, taking the pan from her.
"Surprisingly, no. I was beginning to think Zeus had led you astray during one of his sessions. You'd usually have declared your love at least a dozen times by now," Persephone teased. She tore off a piece of baklava and fed it to him when he glared at her.
"So tell me, how have the sessions been going? Anything juicy to share?" she asked, lying down and resting her head on Hades' lap.
"You know I can't tell you that, sweetheart," Hades said softly, sifting his fingers through her hair.
"Aw, come on. You know I would never share what you tell me with another soul. I mean, I can already guess what Hera's grievances have been about. Ares has daddy issues for sure, and Zeus is his obvious sex addiction—"
Hades choked on his wine. "Don't let my brother hear you say that; he's getting testy— well, testier than usual, with anyone who mocks his love life these days. Here you go." He fed her a grape.
"Only because he has no leg to stand on. All the criticisms against him are pretty valid. A good portion of the tragedies that befall mortals are a direct result of Zeus's wandering eye… and cock."
"Let's not talk about other males' cocks, please," Hades grimaced.
Persephone sat up and pushed him. "Fine by me. I'd rather talk about yours and how we can put it to good use."
Hades smirked. "Now that's—"
"Daaaad!" Melinoë's voice carried on the wind, seemingly coming from all directions of the orchard. A moment later, she appeared in the clearing. "Ew, gross! I didn't need to see all that!" She screeched, covering her eyes when she noticed the compromising position her parents were in.
Hades groaned and sat up, still holding onto Persephone, who laughed at their daughter.
"Why are you screeching like a wraith and interrupting quality time with my wife?" Hades asked.
Melinoë lowered her hands. "She's also my mum, and I missed her as much as you did. But that's not why I'm looking for you. Charon lost three souls while passing through they Cocytus, and he has no idea where they might have gone."
"What?" Hades and Persephone exclaimed in unison.
"How did that happen?" Hades demanded.
Melinoë shrugged. "No clue. But he's looking for them. Ziggy and Cerberus are helping too, but Charon's afraid that the Shades might have floated down the Phlegethon."
"Then tell him to search that way," Hades ordered impatiently.
"He would, but there's a little problem…" Melinoë paused for dramatic effect. "The reason Charon lost them is because some souls wandering near the Cocytus got it into their heads to ambush him trying to force him to carry them into the Asphodel Meadows. Things are getting a little crazy down there, and if you don't step in, Charon may just give those Shades a second death."
Persephone looked at Hades. "We should take care of this. We can come back to the picnic once we've calmed things down."
"Fine," Hades reluctantly agreed.
The situation by the river Cocytus was chaotic. Charon's ferry had been dragged ashore, and the Shades' piercing wails were louder than ever before. Charon floated above their heads, swiping at them with his oar as they tried to drag him down.
"If you don't cease this now, I will make sure you're reborn as maggots in your next life. I'm warning you!" Charon yelled at the Shades.
"I'll take that over whatever hell this is!" An angry voice screamed from the crowd.
Hades recognized the speaker as Atticus, the angry Shade who'd come to the group session.
Atticus grabbed Charon's oar and, with help from some other Shades, managed to snatch it away in an attempt to pull him down. "It's not our fault we didn't get proper burials! Why must we suffer for this?"
A chorus of agreement rose from the Shades.
"If you're that impatient to cross over, why don't I chuck the lot of you into the deepest, darkest depths of Tartarus? Some of you were bound to end up there anyway!" Charon roared.
Hades was about to step in, but Persephone interceded before he could.
"Enough!" she commanded. The Underworld trembled with her quiet power, and the Shades backed away as she descended to the ground. In that moment, she was no longer Persephone, goddess of spring. She was Persephone, Queen of the Underworld and bringer of death. When she glanced up at Hades, there was fire in her eyes.
"I've got it covered here. You and Charon go search for the lost souls."
Hades dipped his head in a nod and left her and Melinoë to calm the angry spirits.
"What happened?" he asked Charon while they made their way down to Tartarus.
"An ambush. And I'm sure it was that bloody Atticus' idea. He's always watching like a creep whenever I sail past," Charon seethed.
Hades side-eyed him. "An ambush? On you? How?"
Charon grimaced. "I might have been a bit distracted, Sire."
"Distracted?"
Charon cleared his throat. "I went out drinking with Dionysus, Hermes, Apollo, and Thanatos. Dionysus must have put something in our drinks because I'm still feeling the aftereffects."
Hades rolled his eyes. "The lost Shades can't have gone far, and it's not like they can enter Tartarus without a key."
He immediately swallowed his words when they found the gates to Tartarus left open.
"Alecto!" he roared, his voice carrying across the Underworld. The Furies must have left the gates open when they came looking for him earlier.
"Do you really think the Shades went in there? No one would be that stupid… Right?" Charon asked.
"Keep looking for them around the Underworld. They can't have gotten very far," Hades told him.
The ferryman left just as Alecto and her sisters came flying toward them.
"Why have the gates been left open? What if one of the prisoners escaped while you were away from your post?"
"Apologies, Sire. I must have forgotten to lock up when we left," Alecto apologized.
"It's not like the prisoners can just waltz out anyway. And the Titans have been locked up tight, so there's nothing to worry about," Tisiphone nonchalantly chimed in.
"B-but we acknowledge our mistake, and it will never happen again," Megaera added, punching Tisiphone's shoulder.
"It better not," Hades warned. "But we have a problem to take care of now." He explained the whole ordeal with the lost souls, and the four of them set off into Tartarus to search for them.
"Sire, about that conundrum we mentioned—"
Hades had already moved ahead, intent on getting this matter resolved and returning to his wife. He spotted a familiar figure and stopped when he realized that they were slacking on their punishment.
"On your feet, Sisyphus, before I triple the size of your boulder!" Hades shouted at Sisyphus, who was seated atop his boulder as they flew over the area where he was imprisoned. The former king yelled curses back at Hades, who then made good on his threat.
"So, say hypothetically…" Alecto began again.
"There!" Hades pointed to a figure on the riverbank. A Shade was chasing after the burning, spinning wheel that held Ixion prisoner, a jar of water in her hands as she tried to douse the flames.
Alecto swooped down and seized her. "I'll take her back."
Hades continued searching the rest of Tartarus with Tisiphone and Megaera, but they found no sign of the other two Shades. Hours later, Charon discovered the second spirit wandering the banks of the Lethe just as she was about to drink its waters. A few hours after that, the last lost soul was located in the orchard, gorging on the food Persephone and Hades had left behind.
"So much for a romantic picnic," Hades sighed once he and Persephone were finally alone.
Persephone stepped close and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
"That is a shame but the day's not over yet. We could take a dip in the hot springs... and see where the rest of the day takes us," she suggested with an impish smile.
They had only just slipped into the springs, completely naked and moments away from reacquainting themselves with each other's bodies, when an angry Apollo burst in.
"There you are! I've been looking for you every-bloody-where!" Apollo hollered.
Persephone let out a startled squeak and ducked behind her husband. Hades, thoroughly unamused by another male catching a glimpse of his wife in such a vulnerable state, blasted Apollo away without hesitation.
"I'll be back in a minute, darling. Let me just get rid of this annoying pest."
He quickly got dressed and flew off to where Apollo had landed, near the gate that led to Olympus.
"How dare you barge in on me and my wife while we were indisposed?"
Apollo scoffed. "Please. I've seen all manner of naked bodies; it's not like I'm suddenly going to lust after you or your wife."
All Hades heard was 'lust after your wife', and he was instantly ready to skewer his nephew with his bident.
"What do you want, Apollo?" Hades growled.
"Why haven't you responded to my request yet?" Apollo snapped.
"What request?"
"By the Fates! You haven't seen it yet? I sent that ages ago. Aren't you supposed to be the brother who stays on top of his shit?"
"Apollo," Hades growled, patience wearing thin.
"I sent a request to have Hyacinthus released from the Elysian Fields and be allowed to ascend to godhood and be with me for eternity." Apollo grinned like the cat who got the cream.
"When was this decided?" Hades asked, completely nonplussed by the sudden request.
"Ages ago. Everyone on Olympus agreed, even Hera. I've just been waiting on you to process the paperwork and set him free."
Hades frowned. He didn't recall seeing any such paperwork. His expelled an exasperated breath. Clearly, getting rid of Apollo was going to take more than a minute.
The two of them headed to his office so Hades could search for this so-called request. But it wasn't among any of the documents awaiting his review and approval.
He was this close accusing Apollo of lying when the god let out an annoyed cry and stepped out from behind one of Hades' bookshelves.
"Looks like your overgrown mutt got to it before you!" he shouted, waving a bunch of shredded documents in Hades' face.
Most of the ink had been dissolved by slobber, and the documents were badly torn, but Hades managed to make out a few sections signatures; Zeus, Hera, and Hestia among them.
"You'll need to send another copy.s"
Apollo started to protest, but Hades cut him off.
"I give you permission to retrieve Hyacinthus from the Elysian Fields in the meantime, but I still need a copy for record-keeping purposes."
Before leaving, Apollo gave him a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek and hugged him tight. By the time he returned to the springs, Persephone was gone. Hades found her tending her garden with Melinoë and Zagreus. He joined them for a few minutes before the Judges summoned him for an urgent case.
By the end of the day, he'd done more work on his day off than on a regular one and had barely spent any time with Persephone.
"Next day off, we're going to a different realm so we don't get interrupted," he told her as they shared a nightcap on the balcony outside their bedroom.
Persephone beamed at him. "That's—"
"Sire, we really must speak with you," Alecto interrupted, landing on the bedroom balcony with her sisters.
Hades sighed. "Yes, your so-called urgent dilemma. What is it?"
The sisters exchanged glances and giggled before Megaera stepped forward.
"Say, hypothetically, an entity of the Underworld fell in love with a Shade…"
Hades, who'd been prepared for something genuinely urgent, immediately tuned them out. He grabbed Persephone's hand, pulled her into their room, locked the balcony doors, and closed the drapes.