Chapter: Married Since 1920
(Jay's POV)
I don't know how.
I don't know when.
But somehow—
Keifer and I started fighting like we've been married for 45 years with three grandchildren and back pain.
It started with something very serious.
Very important.
Very life-changing.
He ate my chips.
Without asking.
"Keifer."
He looked at me calmly. Too calmly.
"Yes?"
"Did you touch my chips?"
"No."
"Interesting," I said, holding up the half-empty packet. "Because last time I checked, chips don't evaporate spiritually."
The whole Section E turned toward us.
Blaster whispered, "It begins."
Keifer leaned back in his seat. "Maybe gravity ate them."
"GRAVITY?" I gasped. "So gravity dipped its hand inside the packet?"
Mayo clutched Rory. "They're fighting again."
Phase 1: Denial
"I only took one," Keifer said.
"One?" I repeated.
"Yes."
"ONE WHAT? One family pack?"
The bus went silent for a second.
Then chaos.
Josh fell off his seat laughing.
Keifer squinted at me. "You said I could take."
"When?"
"Last week."
"LAST WEEK? That permission expired!"
Blaster shouted, "Marriage problems!"
Phase 2: Petty Attacks
Keifer crossed his arms.
"You ate my chocolate yesterday."
"That was different."
"How?"
"Because I'm cute."
The bus screamed.
Keifer blinked slowly. "That is not a legal argument."
"It is in my court."
Ci N stood up dramatically. "Mom and Dad are fighting again!"
Felix added, "Should we take the kids and leave?"
Freya pretended to cry. "Not again!"
I pointed at them. "SIT DOWN. This is between adults."
Keifer leaned toward me slightly. "Adults don't shout about chips."
"Adults don't steal."
"I didn't steal."
"You emotionally stole."
He stared at me.
"What does that even mean?"
"I don't know. But it sounded powerful."
Phase 3: Overdramatic
"Fine," he said. "From today, I won't touch anything that belongs to you."
I crossed my arms. "Good."
"Don't touch my hoodie."
"Fine."
"Don't touch my water bottle."
"Fine."
"Don't hold my hand."
I paused.
The entire bus leaned in.
I looked at him slowly.
"That's not related."
"It is," he said calmly.
"It's not."
"It is."
"It's not."
"It is."
We stared at each other like two politicians debating nonsense.
Section E Commentary
Mayo: "Divorce incoming."
Blaster: "Who gets custody of us?"
Rory: "I'm going with Jay. She feeds better."
Keifer looked at Rory. "Traitor."
I smirked. "See? Even the kids chose."
He rolled his eyes.
Phase 4: Husband Energy
"You're overreacting," he said.
"I am NOT."
"You are."
"I am expressing my feelings."
"You're shouting."
"I'm passionate."
He leaned closer.
"You're dramatic."
I gasped like he insulted my entire bloodline.
"DRAMATIC? Me?"
"Yes."
"KEIFER."
"JAY."
We said each other's names like an old couple arguing about electricity bills.
The Final Blow
He suddenly took the chips packet.
Took one chip.
And slowly ate it.
While staring at me.
The bus exploded.
"DISRESPECT!"
"VIOLENCE!"
I grabbed his collar lightly. "You did not."
He smirked.
"You said I could."
"I did not!"
"You didn't say I couldn't."
"THAT IS NOT HOW RULES WORK."
He leaned close and whispered softly,
"You're cute when you're angry."
My brain short-circuited.
The bus went quiet.
I let go of his collar immediately.
"I'm not angry."
"You were."
"I wasn't."
"You were fighting for chips like a housewife."
I narrowed my eyes.
"And you were defending like a jobless husband."
The bus lost control again.
Finally, I grabbed the packet and kept it on my lap.
"From today," I declared, "this is mine."
He nodded.
"Okay."
Five seconds later—
He gently held my hand under the seat.
I looked at him.
"You said don't touch your hand."
He looked straight ahead.
"That rule expired."
I tried not to smile.
Section E groaned loudly.
"UGH."
"THEY FOUGHT FOR NOTHING."
"THIS IS WORSE THAN BEFORE."
And honestly?
They're right.
We fight like an old married couple.
But somehow—
We always end up holding hands.
So yes.
The retreat hasn't even started properly.
And Section E is already tired of our "marriage."
Poor them.