Chapter: Alone With My Thoughts
(Keif's POV)
The terminal was alive with noise, the hum of wheels on the floor, rolling luggage, announcements over the speakers, chatter in a dozen languages. Yet for me… it felt empty. Hollow. Every sound seemed distant, irrelevant. Nothing mattered anymore except the void Jay had left behind.
I leaned against the railing, arms crossed, jaw tight. I kept replaying that moment in my head—the moment she slapped me, the anger in her eyes, the tremble in her voice as she screamed she hated me. My chest ached, a slow, steady burn, the kind that didn't go away.
And then she had turned and walked toward the gate, her backpack bouncing against her shoulders. She didn't look back. She never looked back.
I wanted to call her, to run after her, to beg her to stop—but the words wouldn't come. They had been stuck in my throat ever since that morning, suffocating, heavy.
"Keif."
I flinched slightly at the voice. Familiar, calm, grounding. I didn't have to look to know it was Kuya Angelo.
I didn't respond. I just stared out at the empty gate, my fingers tracing the railing absentmindedly.
"I saw what happened," he said, his tone soft, measured. He didn't push, didn't scold. He just… observed, like he always did when I spiraled.
"…It's fine," I muttered. My voice sounded small, weak, even to me.
Angelo didn't let it go. He leaned closer, hand still resting lightly on my shoulder. "It's not fine, Keif. I know you're trying to tell yourself that, but I saw how she looked at you, how she reacted. That… that hurt, didn't it?"
I exhaled slowly. "…Every part of me hurts."
He nodded knowingly. "…I figured as much. And that's okay. Pain is part of the process. Part of losing someone, even if only for a while. Part of realizing your mistakes."
I closed my eyes. The airport around me melted. The crowd, the announcements, the rolling suitcases—it all faded. All I could hear was the memory of Jay's voice, sharp and trembling as she screamed. Her eyes burning with hurt. And the way my own lips had betrayed me, admitting things I shouldn't have said, things I shouldn't have revealed.
"…I used her," I whispered, almost to myself.
"No," Angelo corrected gently. "You did what you thought you had to. You were trying to protect her… in your own way. And yes, it may have hurt, but your intentions were never cruel. Never truly cruel."
I let out a bitter laugh, shaking my head. "…It felt cruel. It is cruel. I told her I didn't love her—after everything, after everything we've shared…"
"Keif." Angelo's voice was firm now. "Stop blaming yourself for her anger. She's hurting, yes. And yes, you caused part of that pain. But she's not broken because of you. She's hurt, and she has every right to be. And right now, she needs space. And so do you."
I leaned heavily on the railing, staring blankly at the gate where she had disappeared. My chest felt tight. I felt dizzy. Memories of her smile, the soft brush of her hand against mine, the warmth of her laugh, the little nicknames she called me—all of it pressed against my chest, suffocating.
"Keif… breathe," Angelo said quietly. His hand was still on my shoulder, steadying me. "You can't help her if you're collapsing under your own weight. You have to survive, even if it means surviving alone for a while."
I nodded slowly. "…I don't know if I can."
He gave a faint smile. "…You can. You've survived everything else, haven't you? Your mistakes, your battles, your fears… this is just another one. And you're stronger than you realize."
"…I'm scared she'll never forgive me," I admitted.
"That's a risk you have to accept," he said softly. "But the good news is… she's safe. She's with people who care for her. She's not alone. And one day—she'll come back. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week… but one day. And when that day comes, you need to be ready. Not desperate. Not broken. Ready."
I swallowed hard, eyes still fixed on the gate. The memory of her hand slipping from mine as she disappeared into the crowd still burned. "…And if she doesn't come back?"
"Then you live with the consequences," Angelo said calmly. "You don't regret loving someone because things went wrong. You survive. You grow. And you wait. And you hope."
I exhaled slowly, letting his words sink in. My fingers dug into the railing as if holding onto something solid in a world that had suddenly turned chaotic. I thought of her laugh, her stubbornness, her warmth. My chest ached in a way that no physical injury ever could.
"You'll see her again," Angelo continued. "And when you do… you need to be the Keif she fell in love with, not the one who let fear control him. Don't waste your second chance."
I closed my eyes again, the echo of her voice in my head. The weight of the distance pressed down, but somewhere deep inside, a small spark of hope remained. I had to survive. I had to prepare. I had to become someone worthy of her trust again.
"…I'll try," I whispered, voice hoarse, barely audible over the crowd.
Angelo patted my shoulder gently and stepped back. "…Good. Now, take care of yourself. Eat something. Sleep. Think. And remember… this isn't the end. Not yet."
I leaned my forehead against the railing, staring at the empty gate one last time before pulling myself upright. My body was heavy, my heart heavier, but I forced myself to breathe. One day, I would see her again. And when that day came… I would be ready.
For now… I had to survive. And that was enough.