I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"Fine, but I want to alter the deal."
Zenith leaned back. "That's the point of a negotiation."
"I'll answer all your questions if you take Jashen home. Nothing more, nothing less."
"We'll keep her here if you answer my questions. And if you ever come back, we'll send her home."
I opened up one eye. "And if I never come back?"
"We'll never help her home, but we won't stop her either. Deal?"
I chewed my tongue for a moment longer, I suppose that's a good deal. Even if she never gets home at least she'll live.
I smiled softly.
I know she'll find something good about the situation. She always does.
"Yeah, that's a deal."
Zenith nodded, "Good, now answer my question. Why exactly do you want to die?"
I opened both eyes and sighed. "Because I'm tired of living."
Zenith hummed. "That's a terrible answer, how do you know you won't find something new to care about?"
"I don't," I answered.
"But I know if I do find something it'll end. Everything worth having always ends. Whether it's your girlfriend breaking up with you or losing your favorite dog, loss comes for all of us."
Zenith nodded. "So you're depressed."
"I'm not—"
"You are. And instead of picking yourself up and dusting yourself off, you'd rather wallow in filth."
"Well, that's harsh."
"I'm not here to coddle you. You're an asset to the empire and as such, you're an asset to me."
I shifted in my seat. "How does that work?"
"The empire has the largest military of all human kingdoms and shares the largest border with both the federation and the northern peninsula."
She pointed a finger at me.
"It is imperative that I assist the empire in maintaining its military capability. That includes potential dragoons like you."
I scoffed.
"Future dragoon? Please, if you guys cared so much you'd be looking into the massive trafficking ring on the demon continent. There must've been at least a hundred nobles there."
Zenith sighed.
"We were looking into it, but someone blew their center of operations clean off the map. We lost two agents that day."
I swallowed hard.
She met my gaze. "Did you have something to do with that?"
I swallowed hard as I tried to maintain my poker face. "No."
Zenith narrowed her eyes. "You hesitated."
"I was thinking."
"About what lies to tell me." She countered.
A deep sigh escaped me, "You already knew, didn't you?"
"Yes, when Julian told me you almost had your core harvested it didn't take long to put the pieces together." She tilted her head. "Though whatever the case I see no point in pushing that further."
"…Julian talks too much."
"It's his job."
We sat in silence a little before I finally broke the silence. "So now what?"
Zenith shrugged. "I'll take you back to the empire and deliver you to Lilith. I don't have the means to stop you with it backfiring so don't worry about me betraying you."
My shoulders relaxed a bit.
I don't know why but she seemed more trustworthy than my so-called friends.
Maybe it's because she's just an unapologetic bitch.
"Okay."
She opened the carriage door. The outside light was nearly blinding. I raised a hand to cover my eyes.
"Speak with your girlfriend first, then we'll head out."
She stepped out of the carriage first and I followed.
"She's not my girlfriend," I grumbled.
Just then, I spotted Jashen as she rushed towards the royal blades who finally let her through.
She tackled me in the grass and straddled my lap as her tail wagged.
"Hey, they wouldn't let me in and I was really worried." She checked my face and eyes. "Are you hurt? Did she try to eat you? Tell me, tell me!!!"
I closed my eyes and smiled.
"You're so damn annoying."
"I'm not! It's called worrying, you should know because I worry about you all the time. You know?"
Zenith watched from a distance with her arms crossed, there was a ghost of a smile on her lips.
Barely visible, but it shone like a star when you did. She turned away and linked up with Julian, the two of them entered the mansion.
Meanwhile, I wrestled Jashen off me and finally stood on my feet.
"Come on," I said as I dusted myself off. "Let's go somewhere private."
"Okay." Jashen scrambled to her feet and followed closely behind me. I decided the cliff edge was far enough from everything to have a final conversation.
But now that we were finally here my heart was pounding in my chest. I took my seat at the edge of the cliff, my legs dangled off the side.
Jashen copied me.
We both sat there for a while, watching as the waves crashed into the cliffside.
"So," I began.
"Yes?" Jashen replied as she turned to face me, her eyes zoned in on mine with a strange intensity.
My chest tightened as I quickly looked away.
"Stop looking at me like that, I can't think straight."
Jashen tilted her head curiously. "This is how I always look."
I frowned and continued to look away as I spoke. "Well, whatever. There's something I need to tell you. And it's that I'm going back home."
Jashen's shoulder slumped. "Oh, that's not good."
I turned back to face her. "Yeah, but before I went home I made sure you'd have a place to stay, here. So you don't have to cross back into the federation anymore. You can make friends, and eat all the cookies you want."
Jashen gave a halfhearted smile. "Yeah."
A hard lump rolled down my throat as I noticed her tail lay flat against the grass.
"And if you don't like it here you don't have to stay, they said you can go home whenever."
Jashen didn't respond, she just stared out into the sea.
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "Jashen?"
"You're going to kill yourself, aren't you?" She asked, her tone darkened.
"How did you..."
"I can hear really well, Lafayette. So I always knew, since you said it on the airship. But I had hoped that you would stay."
Her eyes shimmered.
"I knew it was impossible, but I still hoped. There were a lot of times in my life when things looked really bad, and hope was the only thing that got me through it."
A single tear rolled down her cheek.
"But I guess hope doesn't always work, does it?" She turned to face me and again I looked away.
"I guess not."
She chuckled softly. "But you want to know something? I still have hope that you'll live, that even if we never see each other again you'll find a way."
That tightness in my chest grew.
"That's stupid."
She nodded in agreement. "It is, I know it is. But I'll keep hoping. Because it costs nothing to believe in something."
She brought her knees to her chest.
"So if you have to go, I'll wish you luck. Because I believe in you Lafayette. I believe you'll make it through and show this world what a real hero looks like."
I fought back tears as I continued to look away. I didn't expect this to be so hard.
Why? Why now?
I'm so close to the finish line and even know life tries to reel me back in.
I tightened my fists as I abruptly stood to my feet and walked away. "I said what I had to say, bye."
Jashen looked over her shoulder as she watched me go. "See you later, Lafayette."
But she didn't chase me, she didn't even get up.
I didn't care.
I had a mission and I was going to accomplish it. She wasn't going to stop me from doing that.
I burst back into the mansion and searched for Zenith. Eventually, I found her examining a rifle, when she looked up at me. "Are you ready?" She asked as she set the gun aside.
"Yes," I answered.
Without another word, Zenith led me outside and raised a palm in the air. A ball of purple electricity spun in her hand.
Arcs flew out and tied themselves together; eventually, the electricity took the shape of a dragon.
She climbed atop the massive electric beast and extended a hand to me.
I snatched it and we took off.
The mansion, the dwarves, Julian, and even Jashen were all behind me now, just like it was supposed to be.
Even though…
Even though it feels like I'm making a mistake, I can't quit now.
Not when I'm so close.