The memories come in clear flashes, unmistakable and undeniable.
Not all at once. Pieces first. Fragments I must have pushed away without realizing it.
No.
No, no, no.
I stop pacing abruptly, pressing my fingers to my forehead as if I can hold everything in place physically.
But it keeps coming anyway.
The car.
The way I… I was being so bold, so touchy. Clutching tightly to him.
I see it now, painfully clear.
I was too close. Too comfortable. Laughing too freely. Talking too much. My hand clutching his arm longer than it should have. Leaning in without thinking. Saying things that didn't make sense for an arrangement like ours, things that sat somewhere uncomfortably between casual and intimate.
My stomach drops.
Oh.
Oh no.
That's why.
That's why he pulled away.
My pacing stops completely and I sit down hard on the edge of my bed, like my legs just give up on me.
