Time passed day by day.
A few months later, it was his birthday.
That day, he took me to a restaurant.
I knew it was his birthday, but I didn't know what to prepare.
So I chose the simplest things that I thought suited him—
a tie,
a shirt,
and a bouquet of roses.
Nothing elaborate.
Nothing too special.
Just things I chose myself.
When we arrived, I realized this wasn't a normal dinner.
Not just walking into a restaurant and eating.
Everything had been carefully prepared.
The space.
The lighting.
The arrangement.
Everything was intentional.
That surprised me a little.
Because I knew him—
he wasn't someone who did things for show.
But if something mattered…
he would always prepare it carefully.
I knew this wasn't just an ordinary night.
But I didn't ask.
We sat down.
The food was served.
The atmosphere was light.
Not awkward.
But I could feel something different.
A kind of quiet anticipation…
something I couldn't name.
I stayed calm.
Talked as usual.
After a while, he took out a small box.
Inside was a ring and a necklace.
He placed it in front of me.
At the same time, the staff brought over a doll—
the kind I really liked.
Similar to the one he had given me before,
but bigger.
And a bouquet—
not a normal one,
but something prepared very delicately.
Everything in front of me made me freeze.
He looked at me.
His eyes calm.
Not rushed.
Not forcing.
Then he spoke.
"Give me a chance to be your boyfriend."
I didn't respond immediately.
I just looked at him.
My heart started beating faster—
but I didn't understand why.
"Let me take care of you properly… more completely."
His voice was not loud.
Not rushed.
Every word was clear.
Slow.
"I don't want to see you struggle or worry anymore."
I stayed silent.
Not because I didn't hear him—
but because I was trying to understand what I was feeling.
"I'm not making promises."
"But I will do my best."
"Not because I love you so I force myself to try…"
"But because you deserve the best."
That made me pause.
Not because of the words—
but because of the way he said it.
It wasn't a promise.
It wasn't proof.
It was a very clear choice.
"That's my choice."
He looked straight at me.
No hesitation.
"I only hope you can live a peaceful life."
In that moment, something rose inside me.
Not just surprise—
but something that touched very deep.
Especially when he said "I love you."
He didn't emphasize it.
Didn't make it heavy.
But I couldn't ignore it.
And then—
another memory appeared.
His birthday, back then.
What had happened.
What I did.
What I didn't do.
All of it stopped me.
I couldn't move forward.
Not because I didn't want to—
but because I didn't dare.
I didn't want him to be at a disadvantage.
Didn't want him to be in a relationship
with someone who carried so much past behind her.
I also didn't want to lose what I had now—
this sense of peace.
The way we were together
without needing a definition.
I didn't know if it was selfishness…
or fear.
I only knew—
I didn't feel worthy.
I hesitated for a long time.
Said nothing.
Gave no answer.
Not because I didn't have one—
but because I didn't dare to say it.
He looked at me.
Then spoke softly.
"You don't have to answer now."
I looked at him.
"Whenever you agree…"
"Just give me a bouquet of roses like this."
He smiled slightly.
"No need to say anything."
"Anytime is fine."
"No matter how long it takes."
The way he said it made things harder for me.
Not because of pressure—
but because there was no pressure at all.
He gave me time.
Gave me the choice.
And asked for nothing.
The truth was—
in that moment,
I wanted to say yes.
But everything behind me held me back.
My past.
My sense of unworthiness.
My fear.
All of it kept me from stepping forward.
I said—
"I can't agree right now."
His expression didn't change.
He just nodded lightly.
As if he had already prepared for that answer.
"Mm."
Just a very soft sound.
"Then whenever you do… give me a bouquet."
No questions.
No persuasion.
No sadness.
Just acceptance.
After that, I felt a little awkward.
The air grew quiet.
But he quickly brought everything back to normal.
He continued talking.
Kept the atmosphere light—
as if nothing had happened.
That made me feel relieved…
and at the same time,
even more unsure how to face him.
After dinner, he took me home.
On the way, neither of us mentioned it again.
Everything returned to how it was before.
But inside me—
it wasn't the same anymore.
When we arrived,
I gave the ring and the necklace back to him.
"I can't accept them yet."
I looked at him.
"If one day I give you roses…"
"I'll take them back."
He didn't say much.
Just nodded.
His eyes didn't change.
That night, I couldn't sleep.
I thought a lot.
About him.
About what he said.
About what I felt.
And I realized something very clearly—
what I felt for him
was no longer just seeing him as a good person.
It had changed.
Very much.
But I still didn't dare to name it.
Didn't dare to define it.
Didn't dare to admit it.
I knew something had changed.
But I still wasn't brave enough
to step toward it.
Message of Chapter 37
Sometimes we clearly recognize a feeling—
but still don't dare to accept it.
Not because we don't love enough,
but because we are afraid we are not worthy of that love.