DIZZY WITH LUST, Taxian-jun yanked off Chu Wanning's belt sash. His robes fell away from his shoulders, revealing the bruises beneath.
Taxian-jun froze, his eyes dark yet searing, like two glowing embers in the ashes. After a stiff pause, he closed his eyes and sighed. "Forget it…" He would likely break Chu Wanning in half if he took him again right now. "I'll…let you off easy today."
There was an almost otherworldly silence in the kitchen as he released the man in his arms and refrained from taking any further liberties. Yet Taxian-jun couldn't resist leaning forward, swallowing hard as he kissed his lover's brows and eyes, trailing his lips down to the base of his neck, where he sank his teeth into flesh. Only then did he rise, yanking the man he'd shoved against the table up along with him.
The congee was ready, bubbling in its pot. Taxian-jun fixed Chu Wanning's clothes with a rough hand and cleared his throat, voice still husky and warm. "It's ready. Serve me a bowl."
His behavior baffled Chu Wanning. But the emperor's moods were often inscrutable, and Chu Wanning still thought he was dreaming, so he didn't ponder it deeply. In any case, having a proper meal was much more comfortable than being bent over the table to satisfy Taxian-jun's lust. Thus he opted to remain silent as he reached for the wooden lid.
"A big bowl."
"Trying to stuff yourself to death?"
The ghost of a smile flitted across Taxian-jun's face. "We'll see." He sat down at the table. He had a strong urge to step up to the stove and see what kind of damage Chu Wanning had done to the congee, but he had to keep up imperial appearances. Taxian-jun sat with appropriate poise, affecting an expression of refined disinterest.
When the bowl arrived before him on the table, however, Taxian-jun could no longer maintain his aloofness. It was both overcooked and watery. He didn't need to taste it to know the flavor was certain to be off as well—that terrible, familiar flavor that was forever beyond his reach.
"Eat," said Chu Wanning.
Taxian-jun stared at the little bowl for a very long time, stirring it without bringing the spoon to his mouth. Chu Wanning glanced at him. "It'll get cold if you don't eat it soon."
"Oh." He lifted the spoon to his lips, but after a moment's hesitation, he set it back down.
Chu Wanning finally seemed to take notice of his strange behavior. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," replied Taxian-jun. He flashed a grin, devilish and disdainful. "It's so bad I don't want it anymore."
Chu Wanning stared at him.
"It's too stuffy in there. This venerable one is going to go get some air." He pushed the bowl away and rose to leave.
He was nearly at the door when Chu Wanning's voice rang out behind him. "If you don't eat it," Chu Wanning said with a tranquility born of enduring the same humiliation countless times, "I'll dump the pot."
Most of what he made for Taxian-jun ended up wasted. It'd been the same since that first bowl of wontons was flung to the ground.
Taxian-jun whirled back around. "Don't touch it! I mean…" He cleared his throat in an attempt to hide his anxiety. "Leave it for now."
"What for?"
"None of your business."
Taxian-jun lifted the door-drapes and left the room. When he was safely beneath the eaves, he closed his eyes and heaved a gusty sigh. He was a corpse—no matter how greatly he resembled a living person, he wasn't one. He'd long since lost the ability to eat food.
After he'd killed himself at Wushan Palace, he was raised as a revenant by Hanlin the Sage. The sage had subsequently escaped to this world through the rift, but Taxian-jun had been left in that tattered old universe to carry out his commands for nearly ten years. In that decade of living as one of the dead, he hadn't eaten a thing. He'd never been a glutton for food, so he'd felt no regret. Until today, when that dreadful bowl of egg and pork congee was placed before him—only then did he feel the pang of this loss.
Why couldn't he still be alive? He'd waited so many years for this day, for a Chu Wanning who belonged to him alone. Now he couldn't even eat the congee Chu Wanning made for him.
What did Chu Wanning's congee taste like? Taxian-jun stood beneath the eaves with his eyes closed, trying to remember. After a long moment, he jerked up an arm to cover his eyes. No one could see the expression on his face—all that was visible were his pale, pursed lips and the clean lines of his jaw.
He lowered his arm and opened red-rimmed eyes.
His memory was poor, and he'd never been clever. If he could still taste, perhaps he could have recalled those memories. But his blood had cooled and his tongue was deadened. Even with the bowl of congee right before him, he couldn't remember what it tasted like. Now he'd never know.
Late that night, Taxian-jun went to look for Shi Mei.
By the cold pond before the ancestral temple, that peerlessly beautiful man stood with his pale feet bare, splashing in the cold water and sending up glittering droplets of light.
Shi Mei arched a brow at the sight of him. "It's a beautiful day," he said mockingly. "Yet instead of staying in the chamber with Chu-zongshi, Your Majesty has found the time to seek me out?"
Taxian-jun didn't bother with niceties. "Are you able to make this venerable one alive for a little while?"
Shi Mei looked him up and down. "Your status as a revenant shouldn't affect matters of the bedroom."
"That's not what I'm talking about."
"Hm? Then what are you talking about?"
"Eating," Taxian-jun said stiffly. "This venerable one wishes to eat."
Shi Mei's eyes darkened. "Your Majesty can't possibly want to eat those wontons?" he asked thoughtfully.
"No one makes wontons as good as my shige."
Shi Mei smiled. "There's a new one. To think you remember his existence today."
Taxian-jun's recollections of Shi Mei had been scrambled beyond recognition. Sometimes he had memories of the man, but most times he had no idea who he was. This mention of his "shige" today caught Shi Mei's attention. "Ah, but you spend all your time entangled with Chu Wanning on Mount Jiao. Don't you ever spare a single thought for your Mingjing-shixiong?"
Perhaps this was what they meant by "together, yet strangers still."
It took Taxian-jun a moment to respond. "You said this venerable one's body has too much yin energy, and that I shouldn't go find my shige before fully reviving with a new spiritual core. He's a water elemental cultivator; this venerable one would hurt him badly."
Shi Mei lied without blinking. "Indeed."
"So why did you bring up wontons?" Taxian-jun glared. "Don't you have any tact?"
Shi Mei smiled. "I was just wondering. Other than wontons, what food would make the Emperor Taxian-jun, connoisseur of a thousand delicacies, crave it so?"
Taxian-jun fell silent.
"What, you don't want to say? Then let me guess. Chu-zongshi cooked for you?"
Shi Mei found his answer in Taxian-jun's expression. "I heard Chu-zongshi of Sisheng Peak is a master in the kitchen," he said with a smile. "Capable of cooking the greatest charcoal. How curious that you'd eat it so happily."
This last cast a pall over Taxian-jun's already grim expression. "Just tell me if you can do it. Stop wasting my time."
"Of course there's a way, but I've already told you what it was."
Taxian-jun frowned. "What?"
"The same old thing," Shi Mei said gently. "The sooner we take Mo-zongshi's spiritual core, the sooner you'll return to life."
A tangerine blossom floated on the surface of the water. Shi Mei tapped it with his foot, catching the pristine blossom between his toes. Its petals were alabaster-pale, yet not even the flower could compare with the fair translucence of Shi Mei's skin.
Shi Mei looked smilingly down at the little bloom. "The sooner we work together to obtain that spiritual core and put it in you, the sooner I'll have access to your full strength. And the sooner you can eat whatever you want." He paused, looking up through soft lashes. "Then you can finally see the one you long for."
Faced with Taxian-jun's silence, Shi Mei concluded, "So I suggest you cooperate, Your Majesty."
"You asked this venerable one to massacre those cultivators at Guyueye, then made me summon an army of Zhenlong pawns to take down Sisheng Peak. This venerable one did it all. What else do you need from me? Just say it."
Shi Mei rubbed his hands together. "How refreshing. There's really not much more for you to do, save for one last thing."
"Tell me."
"Come with me to Tianyin Pavilion. The board is set for our final move. It's time to finish things."
Only then did Taxian-jun notice the golden-feathered pigeon perched on a branch behind Shi Mei—one of the messenger birds used by Tianyin Pavilion.
"Tianyin Pavilion contacted you?"
"They did." Shi Mei extended two slender fingers, a thin sheet of paper trapped between. "All good news. Everything's gone according to our plan. It's difficult indeed to play the hero—Mo-zongshi offered up his spiritual core to protect the cultivation realm, but no one's lightened his sentence because of it." He smiled. With a flourish of his fingers, the letter folded itself into a paper butterfly and flew toward Taxian-jun. "See for yourself."
"There's no need." Taxian-jun caught the butterfly but didn't unfold it. He stared, dark-eyed, at Shi Mei. "Just tell me when we start."
"The interrogation is in three days. Sentencing in another three."
"Six days?"
Shi Mei caressed the golden pigeon's wing, his countenance mild. In a blink, a snake's triangular head darted from his sleeve. The animal sank its fangs into the bird's neck and swallowed the docile bird whole.
It happened so quickly. Nothing changed in Shi Mei's face—as if this was all entirely ordinary. He smiled and brushed an errant feather aside. "Exactly. We'll stay another three days on Mount Jiao, then go to Tianyin Pavilion to wait."
The feather drifted into the water. Ripples spread around it, destroying the reflection of the two men on the shore. "His spiritual core will make you unstoppable. Everything you want will be in your grasp."
Deep in thought, Taxian-jun returned to the secret chamber. Chu Wanning was already slumbering. It seemed he'd been reading, but had lapsed into exhausted sleep over the desk, his pristine white robes falling around him like a bank of fresh snow.
Taxian-jun stood beside him and watched him in silence. One man, one lamp, and one book. He'd seen all the glories the world had to offer, beauties of every color and kind and scenes of untold splendor. It's only Chu Wanning. What's there to look at? he asked himself, vexed.
But he still swallowed, impelled to lean down and take hold of this man, burying his face into the warm crook of his neck.
Chu Wanning stirred awake. Those phoenix eyes were mild and confused, yet when he remembered the cruelty of Emperor Taxian-jun before him, his gaze sharpened and chilled.
Taxian-jun watched the change, and the dissatisfaction and frustration in his heart multiplied like weeds. He couldn't stop himself from picking Chu Wanning up.
"What madness are you—mngh!"
The breath went out of Chu Wanning as he was shoved against the wall. Taxian-jun kissed him with passion and despair, lips roving from his neck to his mouth, and from his mouth down to his jaw. Panting, he asked, "Do you love me?"
Receiving no reply, he tried again. "Chu Wanning, do you love me?"
"What are you doing? Why are you…"
But Taxian-jun didn't seem to want to hear his answer. He simply wanted to ask; he didn't care what the truth might be. Or maybe the answer didn't matter—the road was long, and there was no turning back. No answer he could give would change a thing.
"If I weren't Emperor Taxian-jun—if I became a zongshi like you—would you choose to be with me? Would you be kinder to me?"
He bit down on the nape of Chu Wanning's neck, lapping at the broken skin as if he would drink his blood. As if this was the only way he could prove that the man in his arms belonged to him, and not to the Mo Weiyu who was different from him in every way. He lowered his lashes, and his voice went hoarse. "At the end of it all, do you still like the person he is more than the person I am…?"
"Mo Weiyu, what the hell are you talking about?"
Chu Wanning's memories were a mess. He only remembered the past life, not the present, so of course couldn't understand his raving. This was the only time he could belong to Emperor Taxian-jun alone.
Taxian-jun suddenly felt a terrible sadness. A bitter edge crept into the haughtiness in his voice. He nuzzled his lover, and at last quietly asked: "If I took his spiritual core…would you hate me even more?"
There was nothing one could change less than insecurity. Taxian-jun held Chu Wanning tight in his arms. "But you belonged to this venerable one first… Don't betray me."
Misery engulfed him. Perhaps a long loneliness would dull even the sharpest blade. "It's been eight years. Every moment he had you, I waited alone in another world."
Alone in Wushan Palace, with no one at his side.
"Don't leave me again. The first time, I at least had the ability to end things myself. But if you leave me a second time… I can't even choose to die." Taxian-jun furrowed his brow, darkness, madness, heartache, and obsession written in every line of his pale face. "I can't bear it. Not this time."