"No! Stop, stop! Ahh!" I wailed.
Every night, my routine was the same: being awoken violently by fits of nightmares, reliving that day every single time I closed my eyes. The lifeless eyes of my victims looking back at me, reaching out at me, begging to save them.
I was beginning to dread going to sleep, often going days without sleeping, avoiding it like some plague. It had been two weeks since I slaughtered the rebels on Ickni's order. I hadn't been assigned to any other missions, so I sat idly in the palace under the watchful eye of Ickni at all times of the day.
While I was free to explore the palace, I wasn't permitted to leave or even go near the main gate. I wished to explore Grandheart more, but I was stuck, imprisoned once again.
Staring at the ceiling of my room, I slowly picked myself up and exited my room. Walking around the palace had become one of my nightly pastimes, often just wandering aimlessly until daybreak.
One of my favourite locations in the Palace of Grandheart was a small, disconnected balcony far away from the army of servants. In the palace, most of the servants were concentrated around Ickni's throne room; it was frankly suffocating to be around that many of Ickni's pawns. They all acted as her eyes and ears, reporting everything back to her, the slightest slip of the tongue resulting in an execution.
The veterans in Ickni's service were unnerving to be around; their eyes told a thousand tales about the cruelty and brutality of Ickni's ways. They looked as if they had lost their will to fight long ago, awaiting their eventual slip-up. I had once tried to strike up a conversation with one of them, but they didn't respond, just looking through me like I didn't even exist.
Their only concern was Ickni; deviating from their purpose would only invite pain. I knew that, but I still couldn't stomach their faces, so I thought it would be better for everyone if I just stayed away. Saving both parties' hardship.
Walking to the balcony, I stared into the vast network of stars above. I had always taken solace in the eyes ever since I was young, my dream to explore everything that I could see. I never thought that I'd actually get to visit another world, but now that I've lived through that dream. I say that it is nothing like what I once thought; my picture of a fantasy realm was swiftly shattered as soon as I set foot on this land.
Despite this, my dream to explore the stars still held firm, even though my expectations didn't match reality. My desire still burned bright in my heart. Fortunately, I hadn't lost that along with my innocence.
"The stars, I'm glad such a beautiful thing still exists in this land," I muttered to myself.
My power had become easier to control, no longer needing to focus all my attention on activating its power. However, it still wasn't instantaneous, taking a few seconds to activate, while I hadn't tried another spell since that day, I was still practicing in small amounts.
To save my mind from overloading with information, I categorized the power used as spells ranging from simple, directional, and catastrophic. While I hadn't discovered any catastrophic spells, many ideas revolving around world-devastating spells came to my mind, but I wouldn't dare try them. Such a thing would only mean countless deaths, and that wasn't something I could stomach at the moment.
Releasing a multitude of shimmering balls of pure light into the sky, watching as they danced in the air serenely before bursting, spreading my light across the whole air, creating a beautiful artificial constellation of stars.
"That's truly a majestic sight."
An unknown voice reared its head out of the shadows, and the visage of a six-winged angel soon came into view. He smoothly landed on the balcony, touching down on the bannister, looking at my constellation in awe.
"Who are you? I haven't seen you around the palace."
The man turned his attention to me, smiling sweetly at me, his eyes laced with admiration and care. His features were quite unique; he had pale blue hair and peerless sapphire eyes. His wings mirrored his hair and eyes. I was beginning to realise the connection between someone's features and the colour of their wings.
"Lucius von Snow. You are Evernight, right?"
"That's right. What is it that I can do for you?"
I was slightly alarmed by his sudden presence. My only memory of the man's name was when I first met with Ickni. His sudden interruption to our meeting caused the death of a servant, but I didn't blame that on him; it was just the twisted nature of Ickni.
"I've noticed you visit this specific balcony every day. I usually come here whenever I'm assigned to the Order Dominion; it's disconnected from those dreadful servants."
"You aren't from this Dominion, then? I noticed you aren't collared." I said.
"No. I'm from the Moon Dominion directly next to this one. I can't help but notice that you bear the mark of Order, but you aren't collared either. Is there any reason why?"
Lucius was fishing for information on me; I could blatantly see that. He wasn't exactly trying to hide his interest
"If I put a collar on, it just tries to kill me, so I don't wear it, but I'm still firmly under her thumb."
"The sacred band, a despicable weapon of control. I truly despise this Dominion, and the despair living in these lands. I wish I were still at home; even the frontlines are better than this wretched place."
It was nice knowing that other people outside this Dominion shared the same opinion as me. Although I still didn't understand why they willingly choose to ignore Ickni's plots.
"Should you really be talking to me about this?"
"I don't see any problem with it. You have no band, and it's not like Ickni could execute me anyway. She isn't so stupid as to harm me, no matter what comes out of my mouth."
"Is that how it is, then? Why don't the other Dominions stop Ickni's vile plots?"
Lucius let out a deep sigh. "The war between the Devils still rages on to this day. We don't have the manpower to stop Ickni. With a single thought, she can strip the identity away from those wearing the bands, creating herself an army of two million obedient slaves. We can't handle a war on two fronts, let alone a civil war."
"I guessed it was something like that. But it still angers me greatly, her subjects go through countless amounts of suffering and pain each day with no end in sight."
"Yes. It isn't fair."
Lucius's charming smile downturned slightly at my words.
"Why are you exactly here in this Dominion you despise so much?" I asked.
"It was an order to survey the Order Dominion and report my findings back to the Moon Dominion, Selvar Moonborne. I must follow orders no matter how much they displease me."
"Artoria said something similar," I muttered, not catching Lucius's ear.
"I've heard of your accomplishments in Grandheart, destroying the Rebels of Revel that had been under Ickni's nose for a while. That's quite impressive for a newcomer."
"I feel no pride for killing those men, no matter if they deserved it or not. I will never be impressed by killing someone."
"Those were your first kills, then?"
"Yes."
Lucius looked out into the stars hanging above, his expression stiffening as he recalled the many memories within his mind.
"I remember my first kills like it was yesterday. I was thirty, my first wife had been kidnapped and murdered by a couple of drunks. The rage I felt that day still lingers in my heart. I tracked them down myself and used my Edict to freeze and shatter their limbs, one by one. I'm extremely ashamed of those days when I was lost in grief. If it hadn't been for Mister Selvar, then I may still be that way. Jumping from tavern to tavern seeking comfort in the embrace of liquor."
Lucius's grip on the barrister tightened, leaving a small crack in its surface.
"I'm sorry. How did you get over the guilt and grief?"
"I didn't. I no longer sleep at night, but even though I carry the souls of thousands in my wake, I know that I was right to take their lives; if I hadn't, then my beloved home would be in ruin. I've long since come to the realization that my actions were justified. Despite this, it doesn't conceal the pain in my heart, just dampening it." Lucius exclaimed.
"I thought your answer would be something like that. Ever since I robbed those twenty men of their spark, I've come to see their deaths as just the consequences of living in this world. If you can't adapt to survive, then you'll die. If you aren't strong enough, then you'll die. If you hesitate, then you'll die. But no matter how many times I repeat these words in my mind, the guilt doesn't recede, sticking with me through every action."
"Crude, but those are true. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I can't tell by your features, but I'm thinking around fifty."
"Huh? Do I look that old?"
I dragged my fingertips across my skin, checking its condition like I thought it was still silky smooth, not a single sign of aging. I wasn't even old, so why was I being compared to a fifty-year-old?
Lucius's head tilted slightly, confused by my words. I suddenly remember that angels are immortal beings; he was probably being nice, calling me fifty. I doubted he meant any offense by it, toning down my hostility. I answered his question.
"I'm eighteen."
"What…?"
I realised immediately that it most likely wasn't a good idea to reveal my actual age. I should've just gone with his estimate. Grumbling silently to myself, I face Lucius's baffled expression, smiling awkwardly.
"I couldn't have guessed. People under the age of fifty usually don't get into military organizations, but I guess there are always exceptions."
"Yep. I'm just one of the unlucky wingless who caught Ickni's attention." I said meekly.
"So you have yet to explore the wonders of the four other Dominions? I'm jealous, I wish I could relive my shock and awe of visiting the other Dominions for the first time."
"I'd like to visit the other Dominions and the land of Devils. I've heard it's quite the sight!" I exclaimed.
My interest and joy in exploring overcame me for a brief moment. The memories of reading about the Dominions and the Devil continent, Faravos, came back to me like a flood. Despite my excitement about traveling, Lucius's face shifted unnaturally, averting his eyes from me.
"I won't report this because you're young. But don't mention anything about willingly wanting to go to the Devil continent to anyone again. It's considered high treason to think positively about devils."
I stepped back slightly from Lucius, my blood running cold. Although it wasn't exactly surprising that it would be considered high treason, it still scared me at that moment.
"Oh, I'm sorry…"
"Don't worry about it. If you want to start your travels in the Moon Dominion, we'll happily take you in, whenever you wish. It's a stunning land of snow and perpetual darkness; the moon always looms in the background, no matter where you are. I'd love for you to visit sometime."
Something was strange about his words. Why was he being so nice to me, and why would he openly accept a Servant of Order into his lands? The same order he openly detests, I don't get it.
"I'm wingless. Why do you open your arms to me so easily? Everyone hates my kind. Why are you different?"
I wasn't truly an angel, but the same discrimination applied to me. I had seen the consequences of not having wings on your back.
Lucius's six wings shook at my question, seemingly deeply disturbed by my question.
"What a truly unpleasant question. I don't care about how many wings someone has on their back. I've seen despair, and I don't wish to push that on someone else. I'll never degrade someone based on such an insignificant reason."
"But it isn't insignificant. Wingless are weaklings, not touched by the power of Edicts. Can you truly say that you do not look down on us?"
I pushed him for answers. I didn't believe his explanation; it was too basic. On Earth, I've seen many say they didn't discriminate against someone's skin colour, only to go back on their word and spill hateful words and incite violence.
Lucius bit his lip at my question. I couldn't exactly tell if this was out of anger or sorrow; his eyes didn't tell me anything. But there was something odd; he wouldn't look me in the eye anymore, looking anywhere but my eyes.
"I don't like talking about this, but I'll tell you anyway. I once had a daughter, she was wingless just like you. It was just the unlucky draw of fate, and as you said, wingless aren't very strong, so no matter how much she wanted to follow in my footsteps. She couldn't."
He paused briefly, gathering his breath.
"No matter how many times I told her no, she wouldn't listen, so I trained her into a fine swordswoman. But—But when she went to war, she was slain by one of her own allies. She didn't even have the chance to put her combat skills to the test; she died as soon as she hit the ground! I couldn't do anything, not a single thing! She was so proud—"
"It's okay. You don't have to tell me anymore. I believe you. I'm sorry I pushed you."
Placing my hand on Lucius's shoulder, I sat there for a couple of moments, allowing him to gather his emotions.
"No. I understand why you pushed me. I know you know the hardships of being a wingless better than me, so I won't push you to trust or even believe me. But in honor of my fallen daughter, I'd like to relive the battles we used to have. Would you please accept my request to duel?"
I wasn't exactly thrilled to be fighting against someone, but I still wouldn't shy away from his challenge. I didn't yet fully understand my abilities, and the only way to fully learn would be through actual combat experience.
While I wasn't exactly sure of Lucius's edict, I guessed it was something revolving around the moon or water from his earlier story.
"I accept."