I returned to the Princess Residence and told Xiao Tao to start packing. I had made a promise to the Emperor: I would not return to Luoyang. Da Qi needed the Crown Prince. It had no use for a princess of uncertain origin.
Xiao Limo was playing with the loose strands of my hair, effortlessly at ease. "Sister."
"Xiao Limo. Stop performing."
I watched the shift move through his eyes, unhurried. "You know?"
"At the Eastern Palace," I said, unevasive. "You hid it well. But when you saw me with the Crown Prince, you were hostile toward him. Tell me — where does an idiot get hostility?"
He turned and pulled me into his arms, his tone light and mocking. "Are you going to tell your father?"
I did not flinch. "Your father served faithfully, led from the front. Your elder brothers spent their lives on the battlefield and died there. The Xiao family has given everything to this empire. Xiao Limo — where precisely is your crime?"
He went still. He had not expected that.
He drew a long breath. Let it out. Turned away, shoulders bowing under something heavy. "If I didn't play the fool — the Emperor would not have spared my family."
Xiao Lifeng was a scholar. Lord Xiao Zhong was past sixty. But Xiao Limo — young general, commander of the Xiao Army — the Emperor could not afford to let him exist as he was.
I rested my hand on his shoulder and breathed out. "I know."
He turned back. The corners of his eyes were red — something close to beautiful in its rawness. "Yangtai Pass. The reinforcements never came. The supply lines burned. My brothers were taken prisoner. They starved themselves. Hua Shu—" His voice cracked. "They never surrendered. Not until the end."
My trembling hand landed on his shoulder. Tears came fast and hot. It was the Emperor. It was him.
Xiao Limo wiped them away, voice rough. "I don't believe in punishing those who had nothing to do with it."
I tipped my chin up, turned away before he could see the rest. "I am leaving Luoyang. What happened to your brothers — I will write it out, leave the letter to be delivered to the Crown Prince when the time is right. He is not like my father."
He stepped closer, cutting off my retreat. "You're leaving Luoyang?"
"If I stay, the Emperor will see it as a threat. The Crown Prince will be dragged into the crossfire."
Xiao Limo's jaw tightened. His eyes burned. "So for your Crown Prince, you will do literally anything."
This was the first time I had ever seen him lose composure.
I pressed my fingers to my temple. What else can I do?
He turned to leave. I caught his sleeve. Something in my throat ached.
Would you come with me if I asked?
No. He cannot leave Luoyang. His absence would only hand the Emperor more reason for suspicion.
"Take care of yourself," I said.
He stood with his back to me, head half-bowed. "You're abandoning me."
* * *
This was who I was. The most celebrated princess in Da Qi — and after Consort Zhen died, I learned to survive by pleasing him. He wanted daughters spirited, so I gave him spirited. He wanted brave, so I rode and laughed and never trembled where he could see. He always said: Hua Shu, I'll give you boundless glory — just be good.
I had never once disobeyed him. That was my one skill. He wanted me gone from Luoyang — so I went. As long as he was good to Hua Ling, good to Xiao Limo... good to the Crown Prince. I went.
* * *
A dark night, perfect for running. Xiao Tao hoisted her bundle onto her shoulder and tossed her head. "Princess. Let's go."
"One moment." I set the Princess Residence on fire. Then I turned to Xiao Tao, radiant with liberation. "Xiao Tao. We're free!"
Xiao Tao looked pained at the loss of all that silver. "Princess, why couldn't we just sell it?"
I swung up onto the horse and pulled her up in front of me. "Let's go. Your princess wants for nothing."
"Ah!" Xiao Tao shrieked. "Slower, please!"
"Hold on tight."
She twisted to look at me, cheeks pink. "Princess, you really do carry yourself like a man sometimes."
I took that as a compliment. "And don't call me Princess anymore."
"Then what do I call you?"
"Call me... my lord."
Xiao Tao dissolved into laughter. "Yes, my lord."
I shuddered from shoulder to spine. "Actually — just call me Miss. Princess Hua Shu is dead. From now on, my name is Hua. Li. Zhi."
Flowers. Leaving. The Branch.
Xiao Tao nodded slowly, then looked at me with shadowed eyes. "Young Princess Hua Ling will be heartbroken."
I swallowed past the tightness in my chest. "They will look after her."
* * *
I had never realized before how much Xiao Tao could talk. The horse galloped, and her little mouth kept going.
"Miss — it's lucky you didn't bring the young lord along. Even without him being an idiot, this would have been frightening enough."
"Faster!" The hooves picked up. Xiao Tao's voice picked up with them.
"Minister Song's daughter offered Xiao Limo her handkerchief in the marketplace — he didn't take it, and he made her cry. She ran off to White Cloud Temple to become a nun."
I bit down on a smile. "That one chose monastic life herself. She wanted to leave home but needed an excuse she could blame on someone else."
Xiao Tao was not buying it. "What about the Shen household girl? She studied under Lord Xiao, fell completely under his spell, went to spy on him bathing — and he had her thrown out! She was so humiliated she climbed Mount Cangwu and joined the Changfeng Sect and never came home."
"That one is even more unjust," I said. "Shen Qingrang wanted to study at Cangwu but couldn't find a pretext. So she staged the whole thing and pinned it on Xiao Limo."
Xiao Tao grabbed my sleeve. "Then — what about pushing his cousin? Beating his brother?"
Those were real.
"Xiao Lifeng wanted to enlist. Xiao Limo refused, and he made that refusal very physical. As for the cousin — there was probably a reason."
Xiao Tao rubbed her eyes. "Miss, how do you know all this?"
* * *
So the young lord isn't bad after all.
That night — Xiao Limo had looked at me strangely and said, very quietly: "Sister. Limo is not bad."
I had been suspicious. I feigned sleep. When he thought I was out, he proceeded to air every grievance in that careful, guileless voice of his. I had to bury my face in the pillow to keep from laughing.
Ha. Men.
If he wanted to perform, I would let him perform right up until the curtain fell.
* * *
In the sixteenth year of Jingyuan, Princess Hua Shu died. Her posthumous title was Xianjing — Virtuous and Tranquil. The empire mourned for three days.
"Boundless favor. Endless glory."
The autumn wind cut through everything. The sunset spread apart and dissolved. The light went out.
* * *
Xiao Tao and I settled into Guyang for over three months. We found a small house. Without the weight of everything that had pressed down on me in Luoyang, I noticed, with faint surprise, that I was putting on weight. The memories of the capital began to crack and scatter — like smoke, like something that was never quite real.
Xiao Tao took to embroidery in her idle hours. She pulled me over to admire her work with the enthusiasm of someone presenting treasure. Her bedding was covered in it — peonies fat and rich as painted queens, butterflies so lifelike they seemed on the verge of lifting free from the cloth.
"Miss, pick one first — Xiao Tao will sell the rest at the market tomorrow."
I pressed a finger gently to her cheek. "Xiao Tao. I have not fallen so low that I need you selling embroidery for food money. Every piece of this is yours. I'm keeping them all."
"Miss, there's truly nothing left at home now." She kept her head down. I could not read her expression.
The jewels from the residence couldn't be moved safely. Not yet.
"Are you afraid of hardship?"
"Miss — it's you I'm afraid of suffering."
I ran my thumb over the embroidered silk. All those years at court, flattering the Emperor — I had picked up enough: qin, chess, calligraphy, painting. I soothed Xiao Tao carefully. "Miss has found work. Monthly pay. I can absolutely keep you fed."
Her eyes brightened. "Really?" Then clouded again. "But you are a princess. You shouldn't have to—"
Those deer-bright eyes, wet at the edges. Hard to look at without feeling something.
"Silly girl. I'm exactly the same as you now."
* * *
Three months away from Luoyang, and I still found myself thinking about Xiao Limo without being asked to. How he was doing. Whether he was eating properly. There was always that vague, inexplicable sense of familiarity when I thought of him — like we had known each other long before any of this.
I pulled Xiao Tao into a halting, sideways confidence. "There's a... friend of mine. Actually, never mind."
She pressed me into a chair with both hands and smirked. "Miss. Tell Xiao Tao about this... friend."
I dropped my head. Sighed deeply. "I keep thinking about him without meaning to. Wondering if he's alright. I can't sleep. I can't taste food properly. What is wrong with me."
"If Miss misses the young general, you could just write to him." She looked at me with magnificent disdain.
I went scarlet. "I don't miss him. I am not thinking about Xiao Limo."
I needed to occupy myself. Something to redirect all of this energy.
* * *
I changed into a different set of clothes and presented myself at the Zuixian Tavern — the finest establishment in Guyang — as a professional storyteller.
I had a bottomless reservoir of history and lore to draw from. Within a month I was the name in the city. All three floors of the Zuixian filled when I told stories. People brought their own stools to sit in the corridors.
"Master Hua — you can't know what you've become in Guyang."
I stroked my false beard with exquisite insincerity. "You flatter me. All thanks to Manager Li's generous patronage."
Manager Li clapped me on the shoulder with real admiration.
* * *
I swept my sleeve and addressed the room:
"Last time, I told you of Li Yuan's third daughter — the one who adored the art of war. She swore: Why must only men fight? One day I will fight for my father and lead women soldiers to build an age of peace. When Li Yuan's uprising failed and he retreated into Shanxi, it was this woman whose courage turned the tide. She raised an army of seventy thousand against the Sui, and in the same year formed the Lady's Army. She later led ten thousand troops to join forces with Li Shimin on the northern bank of the Wei River for the assault on Chang'an — and when Princess Pingyang died, Li Yuan commanded she be buried with full military honors..."
The room erupted. "Bravo!"
Who still dares to say a woman is worth less than a man?
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