Four months until June.
That was the window. Album done by mid-May, rollout in late April, drop the first week of June. Eight to ten tracks, everything earning its place. I had been sitting with the concept for two weeks — not writing yet, just letting the shape of it form. What it was actually about. What I actually wanted to say.
I had a Reddit page now. Fans had built it without me. I'd found it by accident and started reading it sometimes, which was a strange thing to do but I couldn't stop. They had theories about the EP, debates about the trial, a whole thread ranking my freestyles. Someone had made a timeline of my cars. Someone else had started a petition for a music video.
I also decided I needed a chain. Not because of any of that — I'd been thinking about it for a while. Something cliche and clean. I sent some pictures to Ben Baller and was waiting on mock-ups.
I got all of that out of my head and finished what I was working on. Then I picked up the bag off my desk and headed to Maddy's birthday.
* * *
I'd been sitting on the gift for two weeks.
A Louis Vuitton bag. We had been out and she stopped in front of it and looked at it for a few seconds and then kept walking without saying anything. That was the whole signal. She wanted it and talked herself out of it and didn't mention it again. I went back the next day.
I wasn't usually a gift person. I didn't like the performance of it. But this felt different. She hadn't asked for anything. She hadn't even hinted. She just put it back.
I had it wrapped and put in a bag and left it on my desk. Tonight I was giving it to her.
* * *
I pulled up to the Howard house late. Cars down the street, music coming from the backyard. I grabbed the bag and went to the door.
Suze answered before I knocked. She took one look at me and her whole face opened up.
"It's the superstar." She pulled me into a hug. She smelled like wine.
I laughed. "Hopefully soon."
"Honey. Soon is now." She stepped back and looked at me like she had already decided something about me. "Go. She's out back."
* * *
I stepped into the backyard and walked right into chaos.
Cassie was half out of the hot tub, hunched over the side. What had just happened was obvious from the smell and the water and the screaming. Everyone was scrambling. Wet towels, wet clothes, BB yelling, Kat with her hand over her mouth. Lexi standing off to the side like she was trying to disappear into herself.
Nate was already at the towel rack. He grabbed one and held it out to Maddy. She took it without looking at him. Kept her distance.
Of course he's here.
Cassie was apologizing to everyone, over and over, crying into it. Suze appeared and started directing people toward the house.
I stayed near the door with the bag.
Nate saw me first. His jaw tightened.
I almost smiled.
Then Maddy turned and saw me. She crossed the backyard still damp, towel around her shoulders, and walked straight up and hugged me. Not a polite one. She actually leaned in and held it for a second.
Over her shoulder I found Nate and flicked him off. Kat caught it and turned away fast, her shoulders shaking.
"You think you're funny, asshole."
"Yeah."
He came forward. Maddy said his name. He didn't stop.
He grabbed me by the shirt.
I pushed him off and took one step back.
"Cool down. I'm not on that right now. I'm here for Maddy."
I looked at her. "If he doesn't stop, I'm beating his ass."
She looked at me for a second. Then she said, "Ok."
Just that. One word. And I watched it land on him harder than anything I could have done physically. Whatever he'd been expecting from her, it wasn't that. The okay broke something in him.
He swung. Wide and drunk. I stepped inside it and kicked his knee hard. He was tall and the angle was wrong and he yelled and buckled. I hit him again. And again. One more after that.
Then I stopped.
He was on the ground and he looked bad. I stood up straight. My knuckles were bloody and one was already swelling.
"Fuck."
I looked up at everyone standing in the backyard watching me. Suze came over and took Nate by the arm and walked him into the house without a word. She came back with a small bottle of alcohol and a cloth, handed it to me, and went back inside.
I poured it over my knuckles. It burned.
"Sorry," I said.
Kat laughed. She genuinely could not help it.
Maddy said, "Not your fault."
* * *
The party found its footing again. Music back up, people back outside, the whole thing settling the way it does when the worst moment has passed and everyone's still standing.
I found Maddy near the back door. I held out the bag.
"I'm not usually a gift person," I said. "So. Here."
She took it and looked at me before she looked at it. Then she reached in and pulled out the bag.
She went still for a second.
Then she screamed. Not fake. The real kind, high and sharp and completely unguarded. She jumped and hugged me with the bag still in her hands and then she kissed me and it felt good in a way that was hard to explain without sounding stupid.
When she pulled back her eyes were bright. She was still holding the bag against her chest like she needed to make sure it was real.
"Jordan." She looked at it again. "This is the one I wanted."
"I know."
"How did you know?"
"I pay attention."
She stared at me. Something crossed her face that she didn't try to cover up, which was rare for her. She looked down at the bag and then back up.
"Nobody does that," she said. Quiet. Not performing it.
"I do."
She kissed me again. Shorter this time but she meant it more. Then she held the bag up and looked at it under the backyard lights and smiled to herself like she'd forgotten I was standing there.
I let her have that.
* * *
Later I was on the back steps with a dish towel around my knuckles when Kat came and sat next to me.
She didn't say anything for a minute. We just listened to the music coming through the door.
"He had that coming," she said finally.
"I know."
"From like ten different directions. Not just tonight."
"I know, Kat."
She was quiet for a second. "She's different with you. I don't think she even realizes it but she is."
I didn't say anything.
"I'm just telling you. In case it matters."
"It matters."
She nodded and got up and went back inside.
A few minutes later Maddy came out and sat where Kat had been. She had the bag over her shoulder already. She looked at the backyard and didn't say anything.
I looked at her. "Happy birthday."
She leaned her head against my shoulder.
"Best one in a while," she said.