Chapter: Lia Fernandez – The Disaster Sister
(AUTHOR'S POV)
The morning after the horoscope incident.
Angelo's house was recovering.
Slowly.
Aries had finally dried off.
Percy had stopped giggling.
Jay was sitting on the couch, looking innocent.
Too innocent.
Keifer beside her, already suspicious.
Tita Gemma was in the kitchen.
Tito Rachel was reading his newspaper.
Angelo was on the phone.
In the corner.
Smiling.
Soft.
Warm.
Too soft.
Too warm.
Jay noticed.
Narrowed her eyes.
"Who's he talking to?"
Keifer followed her gaze.
"Ion, probably."
"Look at his face."
"Disgustingly happy."
Jay nodded.
"Whipped."
"Completely whipped."
Aries leaned over.
"Should we ruin it?"
Percy grinned.
"Always."
Before they could move—
The front door burst open.
"HELLO FAMILY!"
Everyone turned.
A woman stood in the doorway.
Beautiful.
Dark hair.
Sharp eyes.
Mischievous smile.
She looked exactly like Angelo.
But with more chaos energy.
Way more.
Jay's eyes widened.
"Who's that?"
The woman spotted Jay.
Her smile grew.
"YOU must be Jay!"
She ran toward her.
Jay stood.
Bracing.
The woman reached her.
Grabbed her face.
Examined her.
"THE Jay!"
"The one who punched Honey Bee!"
"The one who married Keifer!"
"The one who causes ALL the chaos!"
Jay blinked.
"Yes?"
The woman squealed.
"I'M LIA!"
"Angelo's SISTER!"
"Your new BEST FRIEND!"
Jay's eyes lit up.
"Angelo has a SISTER?!"
"WITH CHAOS ENERGY?!"
Lia nodded.
"THE MOST!"
"WORSE THAN HIM!"
"WAY WORSE!"
They grabbed each other's hands.
Spun around.
Screaming.
Laughing.
Everyone watched.
Horrified.
Aries whispered to Percy.
"This is bad."
Percy nodded.
"Very bad."
"Two of them."
"Together."
"We're doomed."
Keifer covered his face.
"Jay plus Lia."
"Perfect disaster."
"End of the world."
Tita Gemma appeared.
Saw Lia.
Smiled.
"Lia! You're back!"
Lia ran to her.
Hugged.
"MAMA!"
Tita Gemma hugged back.
"My wild daughter!"
"Finally home!"
Tito Rachel lowered his paper.
"Lia."
She ran to him.
"PAPA!"
Hug.
Kiss on cheek.
"Missed you!"
He patted her head.
"Missed you too."
"Even though you're chaos."
She grinned.
"Your chaos."
---
The Living Room – Chaos Multiplies
Lia settled on the couch.
Right beside Jay.
Like they'd been friends forever.
Which, apparently, they were now.
Sisters in chaos.
Lia looked at Jay.
"So."
Jay leaned in.
"So."
"Tell me everything."
"About what?"
"About YOU!"
"About KEIFER!"
"About the WEDDING!"
"About the LUMP!"
Jay's eyes widened.
"You know about the lump?!"
Lia waved.
"Aries texts me everything."
Aries waved from across the room.
"Best informant!"
Jay turned back to Lia.
"Then you know—"
"Everything."
"Every embarrassing thing?"
Lia nodded.
"Every single one."
Jay grinned.
"Perfect."
"We're going to be best friends."
Lia grinned back.
"Already are."
They hugged.
Tight.
Evil.
Aries whispered to Percy.
"They're planning something."
Percy nodded.
"Definitely."
"Should we be scared?"
"Yes."
"Very yes."
Keifer grabbed Jay's hand.
"Wifey."
She looked at him.
"Yes, hubby?"
"Whatever you're planning—"
"Don't."
She smiled.
Sweet.
Too sweet.
"No promises."
He sighed.
"This is my life now."
---
Angelo's Call – The Setup
Angelo was still on the phone.
In the corner.
Oblivious.
Smiling at Ion.
Soft voice.
Warm words.
Disgusting.
Lia noticed.
Nudged Jay.
"Who's that?"
Jay grinned.
"His girlfriend."
Lia's eyes widened.
"ANGELO HAS A GIRLFRIEND?!"
"Shh!"
Jay covered her mouth.
"Don't ruin it!"
Lia lowered her voice.
"THE ANGELO?"
"The scary one?"
"The mean one?"
"The thirty-two year old?"
Jay nodded.
"The same."
"And he's WHIPPED."
"Completely."
Lia gasped.
"I NEED TO SEE THIS."
Jay's eyes sparkled.
"I have an idea."
Lia leaned in.
"Tell me."
Jay whispered.
Lia's grin grew.
Evil.
Perfect.
"YES."
"ABSOLUTELY YES."
They stood.
Walked toward Angelo.
Slowly.
Silently.
Everyone watched.
Aries grabbed Percy.
"What are they doing?"
Percy shook his head.
"Something terrible."
"Should we stop them?"
"No."
"Watch."
They watched.
Tita Gemma covered her mouth.
Tito Rachel lowered his paper.
Keifer just prayed.
---
The Attack
Angelo was deep in conversation.
Ion's voice on the phone.
Soft.
Loving.
"So last night was—"
Angelo smiled.
"Perfect."
"I miss you already."
"I miss you too."
Then—
Lia appeared beside him.
Leaned close to the phone.
Voice loud.
Sultry.
Dramatic.
"Babe~"
Angelo froze.
"What—"
Lia continued.
"Last night was SO nice, right?"
Angelo's eyes widened.
"What are you—"
Lia ignored him.
Kept going.
"The way you held me~"
"The things you whispered~"
"I can still feel your—"
Angelo grabbed her.
Tried to push her away.
She held tight.
Grinning.
Jay appeared on the other side.
Adding fuel.
"Kuya, you're blushing!"
Angelo glared.
No power.
Everyone in the living room was watching.
Aries on the floor.
Percy wheezing.
Tita Gemma covering her mouth.
Tito Rachel actually laughing.
Keifer recording.
Because of course he was.
Ion's voice through the phone.
Confused.
"Angelo?"
"Who is that?"
Angelo tried to speak.
"Baby, it's not—"
Lia leaned in again.
"Don't lie to her, babe~"
"Tell her about US~"
Angelo pushed her.
She came back.
Laughing.
Jay helped.
"Kuya, just introduce her!"
"Your SPECIAL sister!"
Angelo's eye twitched.
"LIA."
"JAY."
"STOP."
They didn't stop.
Lia grabbed the phone.
"HI ION!"
"I'M LIA!"
"ANGELO'S FAVORITE SISTER!"
"The one he cuddles with!"
Angelo grabbed the phone back.
"LIA!"
Ion's voice.
Shocked.
"Angelo?"
"Who is that?"
"Why is she talking about cuddling?"
"Why did she say last night was nice?!"
Angelo tried to explain.
"Baby, it's my sister—"
"SISTER?!"
"YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SISTER?!"
"NO!"
"THAT'S NOT—"
"SHE SAID LAST NIGHT WAS NICE!"
"IT'S A JOKE!"
"A BAD JOKE!"
Ion screamed through the phone.
"WHO SLEEPS WITH THEIR SISTER?!"
"ANGELO MIGUEL FERNANDEZ!"
"WE'RE DONE!"
"BREAKING UP!"
"GO CUDDLE YOUR SISTER!"
The line went dead.
Silence.
Dead silence.
Angelo stared at the phone.
Processing.
Then—
Slowly.
Very slowly.
He turned.
Looked at Lia.
Lia was already backing away.
Hands up.
"In my defense—"
Angelo stepped forward.
"Your defense?"
Lia kept backing.
"It was a joke?"
"A funny joke?"
"Very funny?"
Angelo's eye twitched.
"Funny."
"Yes."
"Very funny."
Lia looked at Jay.
Jay was useless.
On the floor.
Crying with laughter.
Lia looked at Aries.
Also useless.
Laughing.
Percy.
Same.
Tita Gemma.
Laughing.
Tito Rachel.
Smiling.
Keifer.
Recording.
Still recording.
Traitors.
All of them.
Lia turned back to Angelo.
Smiled.
Weak.
"Kuya—"
Angelo grabbed her ear.
Twisted.
Hard.
Lia screamed.
"OW!"
"KUYA!"
Angelo's voice.
Deadly calm.
"You ruined my relationship."
"Joke!"
"With your SISTER act!"
"JOKE!"
"Ion broke up with me!"
"She'll come back!"
"How do you know?!"
"WOMEN KNOW!"
Angelo twisted harder.
Lia yelped.
Jay finally got up.
Wiping tears.
Still laughing.
"Kuya, she'll forgive you!"
Angelo glared.
"Not helping."
Jay waved.
"Call her back!"
"Explain!"
"Blame Lia!"
Lia pointed.
"HEY!"
Jay shrugged.
"What?"
"It's true."
Angelo let go of Lia's ear.
Pulled out his phone.
Dialed Ion.
Put it on speaker.
Everyone went silent.
Ion's voice.
Cold.
"What."
Angelo spoke fast.
"Baby, I'm sorry."
"That was my sister Lia."
"She's a demon."
"A chaos demon."
"She was joking."
"Badly."
"I don't sleep with her."
"I don't cuddle her."
"I don't do ANYTHING with her."
"Except fight."
"And ear-twist."
Ion was quiet.
Long silence.
Then—
"Your sister?"
"Yes."
"The one who just—"
"Yes."
"She's insane?"
"Very."
"As insane as Jay?"
"More."
Ion sighed.
Audible sigh.
"Angelo."
"Yes, baby?"
"Put your sister on the phone."
Angelo handed the phone to Lia.
Lia took it.
Nervous.
"Hello?"
Ion's voice.
"Lia."
"Yes?"
"I'm going to kill you."
Lia's eyes widened.
"Fair."
"But also—"
"Welcome to the family?"
Ion laughed.
Despite herself.
"You're terrible."
Lia nodded.
"Yes."
"Very terrible."
"But also—"
"Fun?"
"Chaos?"
"Worth it?"
Ion sighed again.
"Put Angelo back on."
Lia handed the phone back.
Angelo took it.
"Yes, baby?"
Ion's voice.
Soft again.
Warm again.
"I'm not breaking up with you."
He sighed relief.
"Thank you."
"But—"
He tensed.
"Yes?"
"Your sister owes me dinner."
Lia nodded frantically.
"YES!"
"ANYTHING!"
"NAME THE PLACE!"
Ion laughed.
"Good."
"Now go."
"Deal with your chaos family."
Angelo smiled.
"Love you."
"Love you too."
Call ended.
---
The Aftermath
Angelo hung up.
Looked at Lia.
Long stare.
Lia smiled.
Weak.
"So."
"We good?"
Angelo's hand moved.
Fast.
Grabbed her ear.
Again.
Lia screamed.
"AGAIN?!"
"ALWAYS AGAIN!"
"BUT I HELPED!"
"YOU CAUSED IT!"
"ION FORGAVE YOU!"
"BECAUSE OF ME!"
Angelo paused.
Considered.
Let go.
"Fine."
"But you owe me."
Lia rubbed her ear.
"Worth it."
She looked at Jay.
Jay was still laughing.
Lia grinned.
"Worth it?"
Jay nodded.
"Totally worth it."
They high-fived.
Chaos sisters.
Forever.
Aries finally got up.
Wiped tears.
"That was the best thing I've ever seen."
Percy nodded.
"Better than TV."
"Better than movies."
"Better than anything."
Tita Gemma hugged Lia.
"My chaotic daughter."
Lia hugged back.
"Your favorite daughter?"
"Only daughter."
"Same thing."
Tito Rachel patted her head.
"Good to have you home."
Lia smiled.
"Good to be home."
Keifer finally stopped recording.
Put his phone away.
Looked at Jay.
She was glowing.
Happy.
Chaotic.
His.
He pulled her close.
"You're terrible."
She grinned.
"Your terrible."
He kissed her head.
"My terrible."
Aries fake gagged.
Percy fake vomited.
Lia watched.
Smiled.
"I like this family."
Jay nodded.
"Best family."
"Chaos family."
"Forever."
Lia raised her hand.
"To chaos!"
Everyone raised theirs.
"TO CHAOS!"
Angelo shook his head.
But he was smiling.
Because this—
This insanity.
This disaster.
This love.
Was exactly what family meant.
---
Later – Peace?
Everyone settled.
Laughing.
Talking.
Normal.
For them.
Lia sat beside Jay.
"So."
Jay looked at her.
"So."
"Partners in crime?"
Jay grinned.
"Partners in chaos."
They shook hands.
Evil.
Perfect.
Aries watched.
"We're doomed."
Percy nodded.
"Completely doomed."
"But also—"
"Entertained."
"Always entertained."
Keifer pulled Jay closer.
Kissed her head.
"My wifey."
She smiled.
"My hubby."
Lia fake gagged.
"You two are disgusting."
Jay grinned.
"Your disgusting."
Lia laughed.
"Fair."
"Welcome to the family."
Jay nodded.
"Best family."
"Chaos family."
"Forever."
---
The End?
(For now.)
Because with Lia and Jay together—
The world was doomed.
And it was going to be hilarious.