In this match, our star striker, the Third Hokage, just scored an absolute screamer!
The enemy defense is crumbling! They're completely drowning in a sea of Konoha shinobi!
Alright, it was a good thing wars weren't broadcast live. Even if they were, Kamishiro shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a microphone. God only knows what kind of nonsense would spill out of his mouth.
Watching the Third Hokage's absolute dominance from above, he couldn't help but supply his own terribly inappropriate mental commentary.
Hiruzen was pushing the frontline hard. His staff swept and thrust, and for now, absolutely no one could stand against him. But it looked like the Kazekage was finally making a move. A clash between the two village leaders was imminent.
The Third Hokage was a monster, sure. But a warning was still necessary when extreme danger approached. Mental preparation was key to avoiding a fatal blindside. Kamishiro immediately relayed the intel down to central command.
Command processed the message and ordered him to maintain surveillance. That was easy enough. As for the situation on the ground, he trusted Tsunade to handle it.
Kamishiro turned his attention back to the enemy forces.
Honestly, his patrol route had shrunk significantly. The two armies were so tightly locked together that he could monitor the entire warzone just by hovering in place. There was no need to fly back and forth anymore.
Just as he was getting comfortable with the idea of floating up here all day, the massive bird beneath his feet projected a sudden shift in mood.
Yatagarasu couldn't speak like those fancy toads or snakes. But thanks to their summoning contract, Kamishiro could vaguely sense its intentions.
He stepped off the bird's broad back and walked right up to its head, crouching down to look it in the eye.
"You want to attack?"
Kamishiro patted Yatagarasu's feathers. Their eyes were comically disproportionate in size, but a clear, silent exchange was happening.
He was half-talking to the beast, half-muttering to himself.
Yatagarasu definitely wanted to hit the enemy. Kamishiro didn't know how it planned to attack, but dropping altitude was out of the question. He wouldn't allow it.
Right now, they were hovering at roughly two hundred meters. That was the safe zone. Very few ninjutsu had the range to reach them up here, let alone accurately hit a moving aerial target.
If Yatagarasu wanted to swoop down and claw someone, the answer was a hard no. They'd be shot out of the sky instantly.
Wait a second! Kamishiro suddenly realized exactly what kind of attack Yatagarasu had in mind.
They couldn't drop altitude, but they could run an airstrike! A highly targeted one, at that!
Biological warfare. Dropping a massive payload of bird crap right onto the enemy's heads!
Imagine Yatagarasu dropping a fresh steamer directly onto the Kazekage. The sheer humiliation! If Kamishiro pulled this off, it would be the greatest tactical achievement since the Sage of Six Paths invented ninshu.
The Fourth Kazekage, crushed to death by half a ton of high-altitude avian excrement. What a tragic end to a legendary life. What an incredibly fragrant epitaph!
Even if the payload didn't kill him, the sheer disgust would. There was no way the Kazekage could show his face in public after taking a direct hit like that.
When Gaara is eventually born, the kid is going to inherit the family scent of bird crap! This is going to become the Kazekage's new bloodline limit! Instead of stopping Yatagarasu, Kamishiro enthusiastically helped it aim.
Down below, amidst the Suna command squad, one guy was arrogantly wearing a wide-brimmed hat with the kanji for "Wind" on it.
That was the only reason Kamishiro could identify him. He didn't know what the Kazekage actually looked like—the guy had a totally generic face.
Is that little hat supposed to keep you dry? Cute. Did the Kazekage have any idea what Yatagarasu's blast radius looked like? A flimsy little hat wasn't going to save him from this monsoon.
The bird had spent the last few days horribly homesick in Shikkotsu Forest, completely unable to digest the local food. It had been holding this in for a while. It was primed and ready to blow!
Unfortunately, Kamishiro completely misjudged the situation.
Yatagarasu wasn't dropping a deuce. The bird was deeply invested in this attack.
Closing in on the Suna command center, Kamishiro rapidly calculated enemy movement, his own airspeed, crosswinds, and air resistance. He wanted a surgical strike.
He was fully prepared to smear the Kazekage's face!
The Suna ninja had obviously noticed the giant bird circling above them. They knew it was a Konoha scout, but they couldn't do a damn thing about it at this altitude.
Having all their movements monitored was a massive tactical disadvantage. Kamishiro's mere presence was a severe headache for Suna's command structure.
When the bird flew directly overhead this time, Suna largely ignored it. Let the kid watch. The scout couldn't attack them, and they couldn't attack him.
If the bird was stupid enough to drop lower, great. Suna's numbers would turn it into a pincushion in two seconds flat. But the scout clearly wasn't that dumb.
However, one Suna ninja noticed something off.
Was that bird trailing a white line straight down?
What the hell is that? Whatever it was, instincts overrode logic on a battlefield this tense.
"Enemy attack!"
And then...
BOOM! A massive, heavy egg slammed into the ground right at the ninja's feet. But it didn't just crack. It detonated.
It actually detonated! And then came the chain reaction.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Continuous explosions ripped through the desert!
For a brief moment, the entire Suna army was stunned into absolute silence.
We agreed to a civilized ground war! Why the hell do you guys have an Air Force bomber?! Referee, call a foul! This is completely unscientific! It wasn't just Suna that was shocked. Konoha was stunned. Even Kamishiro was horrified.
When he realized Yatagarasu wasn't dropping feces, but its own eggs, he almost tried to stop it. Hey, pacing yourself is important! You're young, don't blow all your ammo at once! You'll ruin your health! Then the explosions started, and a massive mushroom cloud swallowed the Suna command center...
His brain simply couldn't process it. What was that? Exploding egg yolks? As the shockwaves continued to rattle his teeth, the terrifying truth finally dawned on him. Those weren't egg yolks. They were biological thermobaric bombs!
You're a living stealth bomber?! Why didn't you tell me that before?! Well, the bird wasn't exactly a genius, and it couldn't talk. Plus, it hadn't tried to blow Kamishiro up when he caught it.
Whether the Kazekage survived the blast was anyone's guess. But Kamishiro had just accidentally obliterated Suna's entire central command structure.
The White Yaksha, who had fully intended to keep a low profile this war, had just stolen the spotlight again.
But Kamishiro didn't feel triumphant. He felt profoundly depressed.
It turned out he wasn't just completely useless on this battlefield. He was literally less useful than a bird. He didn't just lack balls. He was being completely outclassed by a bird's eggs!
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