To say Jiraiya was a man whose perversion went "to the bone" isn't entirely accurate.
How could it stop at the bone? This was a man whose very cholesterol was saturated with lecherous molecules. The trait had seeped into his vital organs. Long ago, he was a perverted youth; now, he was a perverted middle-aged man; and in the future, he would undoubtedly become a perverted old geezer.
Perversion isn't a disease, but it can certainly be terminal... especially if you get caught while someone is whistleblowing on your "research."
Jiraiya was in the wrong, yes, but the misfortune he suffered today was a pure statistical anomaly. Peeping was a minor mistake; his real mistake was crossing paths with this particular brand of mentor and student.
Consider the chain of events:
His peeping was exposed by Hagoromo's "good deed of the day," leading to third-degree abrasions from a group angry mobs.
Those injuries were then "treated" by Kushina, meaning those abrasions were likely being upgraded to third-degree facial reconstruction.
In engineering terms, this is called a "two-stage turnkey service." One guy digs the hole, the other handles the burial. The two of them had achieved a level of synchronization that was frankly terrifying, despite being completely unintentional.
However, Hagoromo had been careless. He'd been in a post-sleep fog, and being back in the Hidden Leaf, his guard was down. About 80% of his usual IQ was offline.
He'd focused on staying hidden but completely forgot to disguise his voice. He never expected to run into Jiraiya again so soon, let alone that the man would memorize the exact vocal frequency of his tormentor.
Of course, in the grand scheme of things, this was just a prank. Once Jiraiya realized who Hagoromo was, he wasn't actually going to do anything to him. As a Kage-level powerhouse and a senior of the village, he had some grace.
But he was still incredibly grumpy.
Jiraiya toyed with the idea of giving Hagoromo a "lesson" that went beyond simple counseling, but the thought was dismantled by Kushina. She immediately activated her specialized defensive skill: The Good Mentor Technique.
"Jiraiya-sensei, in my heart, I don't think Hagoromo did anything wrong," Kushina declared. "Besides, at your age, why are you still doing such pointless things every day? Is it really that interesting?"
Interesting, Jiraiya thought solemnly. Interesting, the answer echoed in Hagoromo's mind. Interesting, were the two words Minato wouldn't say out loud if his life depended on it.
Kushina would never understand the male shinobi psyche. She thought Minato and Hagoromo were on her side, but in reality, the three of them were a united front of masculine solidarity. Still, they all nodded and pretended her lecture was deeply educational.
Being lectured by a junior like Kushina was both embarrassing and depressing for Jiraiya. Kushina shot Minato a look, her long-standing resolve hardening: even though Minato and Jiraiya were student and mentor, she had to make sure Minato made a clean break from Jiraiya's "lifestyle choices."
Jiraiya shot Minato a look that clearly said: Hey, a little help here?
Minato offered a sheepish smile and looked at the ceiling, pretending he hadn't seen anything.
He was a smart man; he knew that sticking up for Jiraiya now would only draw Kushina's indiscriminate aggro toward himself.
"Ahem..."
Hagoromo finally spoke up. He was good at reading the room and knew it was time to give Jiraiya an out.
"Jiraiya-uncle..."
Hagoromo used a familiar, casual tone. Was there a flaw in the seniority logic? None at all.
"About earlier... I'm really sorry. I didn't know the person in the tree was you. If I had known, I definitely wouldn't have exposed you."
"Since we're practically family in terms of lineage, next time... next time I'll definitely cover for you."
"Hagoromo, is it?" Jiraiya muttered, eyes narrowing. "I've heard Minato describe you before. Based on that information, I have plenty of reason to believe you shouted because you knew exactly who I was."
Wait, since when was Jiraiya such a suspicious person? Hagoromo thought. He shot a side-glance at Minato. What kind of 'indescribable' description did Minato-senpai give him? What kind of first impression do people have of me?
"Anyway, let's just drop the subject. These are matters of personal hobby. We should just agree to disagree and move on," Hagoromo said, trying to kill the topic before it got weirder.
Kushina didn't respond immediately. she tidied up the medical kit on the table, stood up from Jiraiya's side, and sat down next to Minato.
"Hagoromo, sit."
"Ah? Oh." Hagoromo sat in Kushina's vacated chair. From this close, he could smell the "medicine"—if you could call it that—smeared on Jiraiya's face. At least it smelled like actual herbs, which meant Kushina wasn't actively trying to poison the man.
"Hagoromo, I heard you did great on the battlefield. You almost blew up the Kazekage?" Kushina asked with genuine curiosity.
Blew up... that's a bit of an exaggeration.
Kushina knew the general reports, of course. Even from within the village, she kept a close eye on Hagoromo's movements. He was her only student, and she worried about him. But she wanted to hear the story from his own lips.
"That... well, an attack of that level wouldn't kill a Kage. At most, the surprise might have caused some minor damage. Based on how he looked a few days later, he was perfectly fine."
Hagoromo broke a cold sweat. Trying to unalive a Kage with bird eggs was a challenging proposition at best.
"Actually, I didn't even know what my summons could do back then. If I'd known, I could have made a better plan. Unfortunately, I'd only signed the contract a few days prior. I didn't really understand their combat style yet."