After some superficial research, Kamishiro Hagoromo discovered that it was actually quite easy to get along happily with Orochimaru.
All he had to do was willingly offer himself up as a sacrifice.
Under normal circumstances, Orochimaru was surprisingly easy to talk to. He was polite, didn't pull rank, and while eccentric, he wasn't arrogant.
In Hagoromo's case, as long as he obediently let Uncle Snake research him inside and out, from head to toe, they would undoubtedly develop an incredibly close friendship.
Absolutely guaranteed.
But could Hagoromo do that? Of course not.
He felt Orochimaru was no different from a little kid who loved taking apart TVs, radios, and other household appliances... Liking taking things apart was one thing; whether he could put them back together afterward was an entirely different story.
If Hagoromo ended up as a pile of un-reassembleable spare parts, who was he supposed to complain to? Therefore, he absolutely refused to participate in any of Orochimaru's projects where he was the intended test subject.
Hagoromo and Orochimaru shared a mutual love for thick, solid, high-yield destructive ninjutsu, which gave them common ground to talk about. But ultimately, their fundamental attitudes toward ninjutsu were completely different.
If Hagoromo could learn a jutsu, he'd learn it. If he couldn't, he didn't feel particularly regretful about it, and he certainly never considered bolting external biological components onto his own body to force it to work.
But Orochimaru was different. He harbored a grand, overarching ambition: to research and learn every single ninjutsu in existence, while constantly developing new ones...
For this goal, he was willing to sacrifice anything, even changing his gender, let alone changing his biology. This was precisely why he ultimately went down such an extreme path.
It was just like Jiraiya's perversion; Uncle Snake just really loved slicing people open to see how they ticked. What could you do?
It was a sickness, and there was no cure.
In short, Hagoromo responded to all of Orochimaru's probing questions about himself quoting a famous line: "That is classified information."
After all, a ninja holds many secrets they wouldn't even tell their own mother. From any standpoint, Hagoromo had zero obligation to satisfy Orochimaru's curiosity.
Furthermore, Hagoromo's current strongest and most destructive technique wasn't even a ninjutsu; it was an esper ability. In a certain sense, it was equivalent to a highly specialized Kekkei Genkai. The things Uncle Snake found fascinating were things he would simply never be able to figure out.
Orochimaru didn't particularly mind Hagoromo's deflections. After all, even without the subject's willing cooperation, he was going to continue his research regardless; it would just be a bit more bothersome.
When a scientist's thirst for knowledge truly ignited, it was a terrifying thing.
So, if you asked Hagoromo how he felt about working with Orochimaru... the process itself was very smooth, as his expertise was unquestionable. However, the psychological pressure was immense. Overall, it was a rather unpleasant experience.
If someone spent all day staring at you with a gloomy, damp, yet intensely burning gaze, anyone would feel uncomfortable.
Let's put it this way: Hagoromo was genuinely terrified that Orochimaru might suddenly reach out and lick him... He would rather bathe in the Splitting Hound's drool than experience something like that.
Fortunately, the mission duration was limited, and not every aspect of the Raikage research required Hagoromo's assistance.
Cherish life, stay away from Uncle Snake. Whenever he wasn't explicitly needed, Hagoromo would find an excuse to slip out for some fresh air. He had completely abandoned his initial idea of observing the entirety of Orochimaru's craftsmanship.
...
"So let me get this straight. For my immensely important fourteenth birthday, the combined gift from all three of you is... buying me ramen?"
Hagoromo's eyes were dead. He had completely given up on his teammates.
"And the real kicker is we have to wait in this impossibly long line. We came out here for lunch, but I'm pretty sure it'll be midnight snack time by the time it's our turn."
Hagoromo was thoroughly sick of this kind of drawn-out, meaningless waiting.
"Captain Hagoromo, don't forget that a ninja must have patience," Asuma Sarutobi said, delivering a highly educational sentiment.
Hagoromo shot him a sideways glance but said nothing.
Does your dad know you're using your ninja patience on this?
The current situation was as follows: a legendary figure named Ichiraku had recently opened a new ramen shop, and the four members of Squad Hagoromo were currently standing in line.
Hagoromo naturally didn't know that this man named Ichiraku was actually Man of Miracles. The feats he would accomplish were truly miraculous: Chef Ichiraku's ramen would be a best-seller for 30 consecutive years, with sales numbers dwarfing his competitors.
Eventually, he would sell three hundred thousand bowls of ramen a year; if you lined up the bowls end-to-end, they would prolly circle the five great nations five times... But alas, Hagoromo rarely paid attention to culinary gossip.
Right now, Konoha's ninjas had indeed begun a massive period of rest and recuperation. In addition to his own teammates, Hagoromo frequently spotted other ninjas from his generation walking around the village.
"This newly opened ramen shop is genuinely amazing. You can tell just by looking at the length of the line, right? Hagoromo, surely you can understand that?" Kurenai Yuhi said. "Besides, treating you to ramen is already a massive financial bleed for us. We don't have mountains of mission bounty money like you do."
Standing behind her, Aoba Yamashiro actually nodded in agreement.
Kurenai's words seemed to carry a deeper implication, but Hagoromo pretended not to notice. However, he did realize today that all his teammates were a bunch of absolute cheapskates.
Thinking about it, Kushina really was a good mentor. She was incredibly generous. Her birthday gift to him was an A-rank sealing jutsu—the Five-Pronged Seal.
However, a jutsu like that required mastery over all five basic chakra natures (a secondary setting restriction). Because the learning requirements were so demanding, Hagoromo, who currently only possessed Lightning, Fire, and Water natures, could only stare at the scroll. He couldn't learn it, much less use it.
There was another reason why Squad Hagoromo had gathered today... It was because this squad was going to be disbanded very soon.
Taking advantage of this rest period, Konoha was restructuring its ninja squads to optimize combat effectiveness. For good reasons, Hagoromo likely wouldn't remain in this squad, which meant Squad Hagoromo was going to be broken up.
It was rather regrettable. After all, after over a year of working together, the squad had just reached peak operational synergy, only to face imminent dissolution.
Fortunately, during wartime, this kind of thing happened constantly. Everyone was already used to it.
"Oh right, Hagoromo, check out this cool thing I got."
Asuma spoke as he pulled a uniquely shaped weapon out of his ninja pouch.
It looked a bit like brass knuckles, the close-combat weapon of a street thug, but Asuma's version had blades attached.
"I just got this chakra-conducting weapon. I call them Flying Swallows. All I have to do is channel my chakra into it, and like this... it forms a razor-sharp Wind Style chakra blade."
The weapon was indeed novel, but Hagoromo lost interest after a single glance.
"A chakra blade... wow, so jealous," Hagoromo deadpanned. Extending his hand and pressing two fingers together, a miniature version of the Chidori Sharp Spear materialized at his fingertips.
Asuma practically choked on a mouthful of blood. In that moment, he felt a powerful negative emotion wash over him—the feeling of a friendship ending.
There's no need to insult people like that. We get it, you're awesome.
Fortunately, two absolute meatheads chose that exact moment to walk over, curing Asuma's embarrassment.
It was the duo of Kakashi and Guy.
"Hagoromo, is the rumor about the Raikage's..." Before he even fully reached them, Guy blurted out the question he had been holding in for days the moment he spotted Hagoromo.
Hagoromo instantly slapped a hand over the idiot's mouth. Can you keep a low profile? Do you really have to scream that in public?
Ignoring Guy's intense stare, Hagoromo said with absolute seriousness, "No, how could that be possible? I'm just a Chunin..."
In reality, the official notification of his promotion to Jonin had arrived on his birthday. But until all the administrative procedures were completed, he was technically still a Chunin.
Idiot! The cynical Kakashi thought to himself, rolling his visible eye.
Hagoromo released Guy. He and Kakashi got in line right behind the four of them... Which just goes to show the patience of ninjas: they were willing to stand in line for half a day just to eat a bowl of ramen.
"But I heard it was Kushina-senpai's disciple. Doesn't that mean you?"
"No, the intel is flawed. That was the Hidden Stone trying to frame Konoha and shift the Hidden Cloud's hatred onto us."
"Oh? Is that what really happened?" Guy's eyes widened in realization.
Thinking about it carefully, the rumored actions—which could be politely described as "unorthodox and brilliant," or impolitely described as "completely baffling and insane"—did heavily resemble Hagoromo's usual modus operandi.
It was just that no one actually believed Hagoromo could kill the Raikage. They were all from the same generation. Sure, you could be a genius, but you couldn't just casually ascend to godhood, right?
But regardless of the truth, smart people wouldn't ask too many questions, and the dumb ones had already been successfully fooled by Hagoromo. So the topic quickly shifted elsewhere.
As everyone chatted idly and the line inched forward step by step, Hagoromo suddenly saw Minato approaching.
Thinking Minato was looking for him, Hagoromo immediately waved his hand.
It turned out he was overestimating his own importance. Minato was looking for Kakashi.
Minato nodded in greeting to Hagoromo, then turned to Kakashi. "Kakashi, we have a mission."
"Yes, Minato-sensei."
Minato then turned back to Hagoromo. "Hagoromo, I originally wanted to bring you along as well, but considering your work assisting Orochimaru-sama takes priority right now, I swapped in another member."
Hagoromo shrugged, saying nothing. Honestly, he would have much rather gone on the new mission.
It was a strict taboo among ninjas to ask about each other's missions, so Hagoromo didn't press for details... Yeah, right. He could just go ask Kushina about it later.
However, considering the current frontline situation, the fact that Konoha was in a massive recuperation phase, and Minato's generally optimistic demeanor, the mission difficulty shouldn't be very high. To Minato, it was probably just a relaxing B or C-rank milk run, right?
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