I froze, my hand still clasped in Woo Seo-hyuk's. It was hard to process the situation, as if my brain had short-circuited.
'You… don't want me to feel uncomfortable holding your hand?'
Seeing my hand naturally held in Woo Seo-hyuk's large hand, I finally understood the meaning of what he had just said. My heart suddenly sank.
"Ah...."
I couldn't hide my embarrassment at all. Seeing me frozen in shock, Woo Seo-hyuk slowly let go of my hand.
"I apologize."
A sense of emptiness washed over my hand as the warmth from his body heat vanished. I bit my lip, unsure of how to respond to Woo Seo-hyuk's apology, when his hand moved toward my face this time.
"Please, don't bite your lip."
"...."
"It was my mistake. This wasn't the time for that, but I couldn't control my emotions for a moment."
The finger that had lightly pressed against my lip as if to stop me from biting it, quickly withdrew. As I lifted my head to follow the hand, I saw Woo Seo-hyuk's face staring at me.
My heart grew heavy in an instant. My mind was a jumble of thoughts regarding Woo Seo-hyuk's emotions, which I hadn't anticipated at all, and the fact that I had hurt him.
From his face, which wore a calm expression as if nothing were wrong, I… realized he was hurt. Even though our eyes had barely met, his dark pupils were filled with such raw emotion that I could tell immediately.
"Han Yi-gyeol ssi."
Woo Seo-hyuk, who had been silently watching me, spoke in a low voice.
"I'm not saying this because I expect anything in return. I hope you don't feel uncomfortable with me getting close to you, but if you do, just tell me honestly."
Woo Seo-hyuk's hand, which had reached out as if to grasp my shoulder, didn't touch me—unlike before—and simply withdrew.
"If it makes you uncomfortable, I won't touch you anymore. But I won't leave your side either, Han Yi-gyeol ssi. It's simply… nothing more than that. Nothing will change."
"...."
"So please don't worry."
It was a comfort remark that pierced through parts of me I hadn't even considered. His words—that he wouldn't leave my side even if I rejected him—stuck deep into my heart.
"I...."
The answer I had struggled to utter vanished before it even made it halfway. Unable to give any answer in the end, I could only bow my head.
***
When I opened my eyes, it was raining. I lay there looking out the window in front of me, then sat up. I stroked the back of the fox, which was curled up and sleeping soundly by my bedside, then left the bedroom. It was late at night, nearly 3 a.m., and the dim light of a table lamp was the only thing illuminating the pitch-black living room.
Tap, tap. The sound of raindrops tapping against the window continued without end. I had planned to drink a glass of water in the kitchen and go back to sleep, but I changed my mind, picked up the glass, and walked over. I placed a chair in front of the veranda window, sat there, and gazed outside at the falling night rain.
I don't know why I suddenly woke up at this hour. And I also couldn't understand why I couldn't fall back asleep.
'Something…'
I felt strange. It wasn't simply a good or bad feeling; it was a sensation that was hard to describe. I felt a bit uneasy, too.
I had been sitting there for quite a while, gazing out the veranda window at the pouring rain. Suddenly, a familiar voice came from behind me.
"Sehyun-ah."
A strong scent of lilies brushed past the tip of my nose. Startled, I turned around to find Elohim standing there—I didn't even know when he'd arrived.
"El."
"You couldn't seem to fall asleep."
Had he been watching? I answered with an awkward smile.
"I just woke up. I'm only going to stay like this for a little while, then try and head back to bed."
"You don't have to force yourself to sleep when you can't."
Elohim walked toward me with a faint smile and reached out his hand. Taking the glass I was holding, Elohim instantly turned the water into red wine, just as he had done before.
"One glass won't hurt, will it?"
I was craving a drink anyway, so I couldn't possibly refuse. The last drinking party was so shocking that I had decided not to drink for a while, but...
Glancing nervously at Elohim, I carefully took the glass of wine and took a sip. The scent of lilies emanating from Elohim's body mingled with the rich aroma of the wine.
"You looked a bit lost in thought."
Elohim, who had been standing quietly beside me, spoke when I had emptied about half of my glass. Feeling the strong wine gradually warming my chest, I raised the corners of my mouth slightly.
"Maybe it's because it's a rainy night, but I'm getting unnecessarily sentimental."
"That's not a bad thing."
Elohim, who had placed his hand on my shoulder, continued speaking.
"It seems you didn't know of the child Woo Seo-hyuk's feelings at all."
"...."
Elohim had accurately pinpointed the problem that even I was unaware of. Feeling a parched sensation in my throat, I took another sip of wine.
"I was a little… no. To be honest… I was very surprised."
"It didn't seem like he wanted to put that kind of burden on you. I suppose he'd feel a bit sorry if you knew."
"Well, I've actually already received an apology."
Though Elohim probably already knew this.
Elohim, who must have read my thoughts as well, blinked slowly without any rebuttal, as expected. His long, white hair sparkled like jewels in the yellow light of the lamp.
"It's not wrong that the child has feelings for you, is it?"
"Yes. I also agree with that."
It wasn't Woo Seo-hyuk's fault. The same goes for Cheon Sa-yeon, Ha Tae-heon, and Kim Woo-jin. I had never once thought about it that way.
But....
"But you think you are partly at fault, don't you?"
Elohim whispered in a sorrowful voice. I lowered my head, my gaze fixed on the wine in the glass, and began to speak.
"I am very grateful for the affection my team members show me. It is even more precious to me."
"...."
"You know, El. Because you've seen it."
My decision to help Cheon Sa-yeon drive out Kali and save the world was not solely for the purpose of my own survival. Even if I hadn't died when Kali turned back time, I would have still helped Cheon Sa-yeon fight the Praus Cult.
Because these moments are precious. Because these are the bonds I've resolved to protect.
I understand Cheon Sa-yeon's feelings—how he collapsed, terrified that the memories we'd built together would vanish. That's how much I truly cherished everyone by my side.
"That's why I couldn't simply just refuse."
I bowed my head deeply, pouring out the sincerity I had kept buried deep inside my heart.
"Everyone said they wouldn't leave no matter what choice I made, but I don't know if I can take those words at face value."
Their words telling me not to feel burdened and promising to stay by my side no matter what choice I made, were ultimately an act of consideration for me, as I am unaccustomed to this kind of situation. They must be putting my feelings first by forcibly suppressing their own desires.
However, I didn't have the courage to refuse that consideration. I felt anxious and scared. If I replied that they shouldn't push themselves and that it was okay for them to leave my side… I couldn't even imagine how they would react.
Elohim, who had been quietly listening to my story, gently cupped my chin with his hand. As I obediently followed the force lifting me upward without resisting, I met Elohim's eyes, which shone with a mixture of gold and black.
"Let me give you my opinion, Sehyun-ah."
"Okay."
"I think you're worrying too much. Of course, I understand why you might be feeling this way, but…"
Elohim frowned and gave a bitter smile as he looked at me.
"Don't think that their decision to stay by your side is made solely for your own sake."
"I...."
"It's because staying by your side is more important to them than anything else."
He continued his explanation while gently stroking my lower lip with his thumb.
"If you want to respect the other person's feelings, you must not be consumed by your own fears; you must focus on them. Is the other person saying they won't leave just out of half-hearted consideration, or is it a sincere wish made of their own greed?"
Greed? Them wanting to stay by my side is greedy?
"Sehyun-ah, don't you cherish and love all those children too?"
"Of course."
"If even you feel this way, what must it be like for the children who hold you in their hearts even more deeply than you do?"
"...."
"Even if you tell them to leave and kick them out, they probably will never let you go. They will struggle desperately to stay by your side."
My fingertips holding the glass trembled involuntarily. Even amidst the chaos that felt like a raging storm, what I felt most clearly was none other than anticipation.
Is that so? Is it really... like that? This feeling—that I wish everyone would stay by my side… is it not just my own selfishness?
"It is difficult and challenging for everyone to come to know and learn about one's emotions. It is not strange that you are worrying like this. Besides, Sehyun-ah, considering the life you have lived, dealing with even one person would be overwhelming, yet you have to handle so many… it's understandable that you are afraid."
This time, Elohim stroked my head gently, as if I were a child. My hair scattered loosely beneath his large hand.
"If you want to know whether someone's feelings are sincere or not, look into their eyes. Then, listen to their heartbeat. Only then will you know."
After this, he took the cup from my hand.
"Once you become certain of the other person's feelings, you'll be able to act more comfortably, too. Start by taking it one step at a time."
Looking into the other person's eyes, listening to their heartbeat. Come to think of it, I was always so focused on my own emotions that I rarely paid attention to what feelings the other person was revealing.
"...Alright."
It was a valuable lesson. It was also the advice I needed most, given my extreme inexperience.
"I'll give it a try."
I replied, feeling much better than before.
"Thank you, El."
As I thanked him with a smile that, rather than being forced, came naturally. Elohim also smiled gently back at me.