I grabbed Ash, Ace, and Joker the second Blaze called. We needed a room ready, not later, Not "eventually", but now. From the way Blaze sounded, that kid had been through hell, and no kid deserves to walk into an empty room. Not after something like that.
So yeah.
We were doing this right. We hadn't even made it ten steps into the store before Ace's phone buzzed. He checked it once… then peeled off like his ass was on fire.
"I'll meet you at the car," he muttered.
And just like that, gone. I exhaled through my nose. The kid is struggling. I get it. That doesn't change anything. She's coming home whether he's ready or not.
Joker, on the other hand?
Already halfway feral. He was weaving through aisles, humming to himself like a toddler with access to adult money.
"You gonna go after him?" I asked Ash.
Ash didn't even look up. "Nah. He's meeting some girl in the bathroom."
I stopped walking. "You're kidding."
"Nope." Ash grinned. "She's trying to hook me up with her friend."
"Fucking hell."
Ash bumped my shoulder. "Please. You'd do it too. You only got eyes for that waitress at the diner."
"Eat shit."
"Aww," he cooed. "Love you too."
"You idiots are disgusting," Joker called from two aisles over.
He popped back into view holding a giant stuffed unicorn over his head.
"Thoughts? Or is this more 'My Little Pony on acid'?"
Ash snorted. "Looks like cotton candy had a stroke."
Joker hugged it tighter. "It speaks to me."
"That's because your brain is broken," I muttered.
He tossed it into the cart. It hit Ash square in the face.
"FUCK—!"
Ash shoved it off, knocking the cart sideways. The cart slammed into a tower of decorative pillows. They exploded everywhere.
Fantastic.
A sales girl rushed over, trying very hard not to look horrified.
"Um… do you guys need help?"
Ash leaned casually on the cart like he hadn't just committed pillow murder.
"Yeah," he said smoothly. "We need girl stuff."
"For a twelve-year-old," I cut in quickly.
The girl blinked. Then her expression softened. A little smile formed on her face.
"Oh. Okay… do you know what she likes?"
"Trauma," Joker said.
"Twelve," I repeated, sharper this time.
Ash nodded seriously. "Something that says 'my life is falling apart, but at least my room is cute.'"
The girl snorted before she could stop herself.
"…Pastels?" she offered.
Ash grinned. "Lead the way."
As she walked ahead, Joker elbowed me.
"He's getting her number."
"I'm getting arrested," I muttered. "Joker—stop touching things. Put the owl down."
"I like the owl."
"We're not buying the owl."
He dropped it into the cart anyway. Of course he did. The girl led us to a section that looked like a lemon exploded. There was yellow everywhere. There were comforters, rugs, lamps, pillows.
Joker stopped dead.
"…It's like being inside the sun."
"Could be worse," Ash said. "Could be pink."
Ash picked up a fluffy yellow pillow with a stitched sun on it.
"…This is kinda cute."
Joker checked the tag. "Twelve bucks."
Ash dropped it instantly. "The kid doesn't need pillows."
I grabbed it and put it in the cart. "She's getting pillows."
Joker grabbed a round rug.
"This looks like a tortilla."
"It's a sun," the girl corrected.
"It's a tortilla," Joker said firmly. "The sun is nature's tortilla."
Ash lost it.
I sighed. "Put the tortilla in the cart."
He threw it in. It hit me in the face. Joker disappeared again. Came back five seconds later with a giant stuffed duck. I stared at him.
"No."
"Yes."
"Absolutely not."
"It's perfect."
"It's huge."
"It's comfort."
Ash nodded. "He's right."
The sales girl added, "It's on sale."
I closed my eyes.
"…Goddammit."
The duck went in. At this point, the cart looked ridiculous:
* A giant "sun" rug (tortilla)
* Three yellow pillows
* A blanket
* A lava lamp for some reason
* Clothes the girl helped pick out
* The giant duck
* And, somehow, the ceramic owl again
I didn't even ask. I didn't want to know.
"Let's check out," I said.
Before something else ended up in the cart, broken or both. The girl waved as we headed out. Ash winked and blew her a kiss. I grabbed the back of his hoodie and dragged him toward the exit.
"You're done flirting for the day."
"You can't stop love, Rook."
"I can stop you." I point out
Behind us:
CRASH.
I turned. Joker had driven the cart straight into the wall. I pinched the bridge of my nose. Today was long, slow, and painful.