"Well done, Gorski and your brave subordinates."
We were protected by our allies and immediately taken to the medical department.
When we had our medical checks there, everyone was in even worse shape than we had thought.
The bullet wound on my cheek was said to leave a small scar, and several of my toes were on the brink of necrosis due to frostbite.
Some soldiers had lost an eye, and others had to have a frostbitten foot amputated.
"You are all heroes. I'll reward you later, so rest for today."
"Rest, huh?"
"It's a reward for the heroes who played a crucial role in our victory. I'll make sure delicious wine and meat are provided."
"Hooray!"
She said this and gently stroked my freshly healed cheek. It looks like I'll be given a day off today.
Today, Sylph had a gentler expression than usual.
[Link to artist twitter]
"I'll follow you for the rest of my life, Captain Sylph!"
"You're quite cheerful today. You guys are usually so foul-mouthed, always calling me a brat."
"That foul-mouthed guy has already gone off to the snowy plains."
"…I see. So that foul-mouthed man is gone too."
Sylph muttered, looking a bit sad.
"It will be a bit lonely without fools like him."
She turned on her heel and left.
***
"Captain Sylph really understands things well."
That day, we were indeed given a break.
"I wonder what will happen to me after this."
"You can't fight with one leg. You'll probably have to retire."
We were also given a bottle of Vok and a warm meal.
We borrowed a corner of a house and were able to spend a relaxing time sitting around a warm fireplace.
"Oh, there's chocolate hidden in the drawer of this desk. Maybe it belongs to the homeowner."
"Eat it, eat it. We might be dead tomorrow."
Including Mr. Gorski, there are only five soldiers left.
Among them, the soldier who lost an eye and the one who lost a leg would not be able to endure future battles.
Mr. Gorski had also been shot in the bulletproof part of his armor and was said to have a fractured rib. He will need a week to fully recover.
Gorski Platoon will be out of commission for a while.
"I'm sorry, but Private First Class Gresh should not drink alcohol and should rest. Your wounds might reopen."
"Eh?"
"You can drink once you're fully recovered. The alcohol won't run out."
The aftercare of the injured members was assigned to me.
In other words, that was the only task given to me. I left the seriously injured to sleep on any sofa they could find.
"We're really lucky to have survived that situation."
"It wasn't luck. It was all thanks to Gorski's lightning spear."
"What are you saying, Touri? It's mostly your achievement."
Since I had no one to talk to, I sat down next to Mr. Gorski.
It's hard to talk to people other than Mr. Gorski because our energy levels are so different.
"You were so calm. You seemed more insane than anyone else, but you were the most eager to live."
"Well, I have a child waiting for me to return."
"I see."
Even the golden hero had a tired face with unshaven stubble today as he quietly sipped his drink.
I forced him to do some pretty unreasonable things.
"Now that I think about it, I also have a family waiting for me to come home."
"Is that so?"
As Mr. Gorski sipped on his drink, I also quietly did the same."
It was very strong, but if drank slowly, it wasn't too overwhelming.
"The truth is, I received a secret message from Sylph."
"A secret mission?"
"Sylph's message said to adopt your proposals to the fullest. Sylph thinks very highly of you."
"…Seriously?"
I was surprised to learn this unexpected fact.
I had wondered why Mr. Gorski was so willing to accept my suggestions…
"In particular, it said, 'If you find yourself in a difficult situation, rely on her.' Honestly, I was anxious about adopting the proposals of someone so young, but…"
"Why would Sylph…"
"You yourself have proven the reason why."
It turns out that Sylph gave orders to Mr. Gorski to adopt my proposals.
"Tell me, what did you see?"
"I'm not sure what you mean by 'what did I see.'"
What exactly does she think of me?
I did think she was too favorable towards me, but…
"I was just thinking I didn't want to die."
"Well, I guess everyone feels that way."
"I didn't want to darken the face of Sedol who is waiting for me at home. I desperately thought about what I could do to give myself a better chance of survival."
I'm just a cowardly young girl.
In this place covered in blood and mud, I don't have the pinpoint accuracy or the skill to spot enemies on the screen like I did in the FPS games of my previous life.
But…
"Then, someone inside me told me: 'How to increase my chances of surviving.'"
"Were you hallucinating?"
"Maybe. Anyway, I somehow manage to survive every time I follow that voice."
The only thing supporting me now is the vague, unfounded intuition that "catastrophe awaits me ahead."
"It's not uncommon for soldiers to hear auditory hallucinations."
"Really?"
"It's said that those who can't endure the stress of battle might create a split personality to stabilize their mind. It's not that their mind is broken so they hear hallucinations, but rather that they hear them to avoid their mind from breaking."
When I spoke about the voice I hear inside me, Mr. Gorski furrowed his brow and explained.
"It's said that hallucinations in those whose minds are broken are curses. The grudges and the resentful gazes of fallen comrades stick in the mind and never go away."
"…I have also experienced that."
"I see. Me too."
I was surprised to hear that Mr. Gorski had also experienced hallucinations.
I had assumed that the hero in front of me would be free from such mental struggles, but…
"Once you've been on the battlefield long enough, you're bound to hear it at least once."
"…"
When I think about it, Mr. Gorski must have had his time as a new recruit too.
He must have gone through various experiences to become the person he is now.
He must have experienced all the struggles I'm dealing with.
"There's no cure to it other than taking a break or overcoming it with strong will."
"Strong will?"
"Yeah. I myself was once a naïve young man."
Mr. Gorski said this with a wry smile and turned his face away in embarrassment.
I'm sure he overcame the hallucinations with sheer willpower.
When I was tormented by hallucinations, I used to hug Rodri and sleep it off.
…Now that I think about it, it's no wonder that Rodri misunderstood something.
"However, there are also cases where someone has another personality inside them that speaks to them."
"Yes…"
"In this case too, we often have to make them rest, but… it's quite hard to cure."
Mr. Gorski continued.
He must be referring to what is called dissociative identity disorder.
"I heard it's a type of PTSD. A medic I knew told me that when soldiers can't stand the stress of the battlefield, they create another personality to stabilize their mind."
"Another personality, huh?"
"That's right. In those cases, the personality that is created is often 'a self adapted to the battlefield.' They don't feel fear towards death or violence on the battlefield, they are able to act calmly at all times, and eventually they even start to enjoy fighting on the battlefield."
Mr. Gorski said that it's easier on the mind to let such a personality take over.
He looked at me with concern.
"Touri, when did you start hearing that 'voice'? Was it after joining the war?"
"Yes, that's right."
Come to think of it, the first time I heard that voice inside me was when I broke through the city of Marshdale with Gomuji.
I was also in a desperate situation at that time.
"I'd like you to recall slowly and without forcing yourself. About the voice that you hear coming from within you."
"Yes."
"Have you ever felt that the voice you hear is that of a version of you adapted to the battlefield?"
Mr. Gorski asked seriously, choosing his words carefully.
"Touri, can you say with certainty that you are still sane?"
***
Another personality.
In the extraordinary stress of the battlefield, another version of myself was created to stabilize my mind.
This explanation was easily accepted within me.
"Oh, I see…"
I am a weak-minded girl.
I dislike being hit, I fear losing comrades, and I don't even want to think about dying.
That's why, in situations where I might die, I panic.
"Touri, what's wrong?"
"No. Thank you for the very convincing explanation."
In my panic, I must have relied on the glory of my past life.
The only memory I could proudly boast about from my previous life was becoming the world champion in an FPS.
The persona of a genius gamer who was always calm and can turn things around no matter the adversity.
"…I'm just weaker than I thought."
I had always become unnaturally calm in desperate situations.
Freed from the sadness of losing a loved one and the fear of dying, I was always able to act with utmost composure.
It wasn't because I was accustomed to war, but rather that my weak self had switched to a facade of bravado created by a constructed personality.
To withstand the stress of the battlefield and to find ways to stay calm and survive.
"Thank you, Mr. Gorski. I think I've come to understand myself a bit better."
"I see. So… are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm still in my right mind."
That's not entirely true. I had merely nurtured a personality within my mind that could act calmly and rationally as a defense mechanism.
The benefits of being able to stay calm in crucial moments are enormous.
Even if that personality is a perverse one that enjoys the battlefield as if it were a game, despite the adversity.
"I can say that I'm still sane."
It is more insane to entrust my life to my fragile, panic-prone self.
"I see. Then, if you experience any mental problems, please report them immediately."
"Understood, Mr. Gorski."
"That personality may seem very useful now, but… once everything is over and peace is restored, it may slowly bare its fangs at you. Don't rely on it too much."
Mr. Gorski said this and then ruffled my hair with his large palm.
It was rough, as if soothing a crying child.
***
That day's offensive continued until nightfall.
We, the Sabbatian government forces, swiftly occupied the eastern district of the capital and established a defense network in the city.
"We will award the highest honors to the unit that performed a surprise attack by sliding down from the upstream on sleds into the city and to the Gorski Platoon members who broke through the enemy trenches alone."
The main players in the victory of the invasion of Josegrad were the surprise attack forces who sacrificed their lives in a suicide attack, causing chaos in the rear, and us, who caused significant disruption by breaking through the trenches head-on.
Mr. Gorski's incredible abilities were recognized among the Sabbatian soldiers once again, and when the units were reorganized, there was a flood of requests to be assigned to Gorski Platoon.
There was a movement to promote Gorski to the rank of company commander, but….
"If Gorski becomes a company commander, he will have to command from the rear. It's a waste not to use him at the front lines."
Only platoon leaders are allowed to charge into the front lines. If a company commander is killed in battle, it would seriously disrupt the chain of command, so they cannot be on the front lines.
"In short, it's an assignment where he can die at anytime. That's what assault soldiers are."
Mr. Gorski expressed no dissatisfaction with this treatment and laughed, saying, "I'm not suited for giving instructions from the rear."
It is precisely because the brave Mr. Gorski runs at the forefront that we can confidently follow him.
"Just between you and me, I regretted returning to Othello Village after being wounded and retiring."
"Why is that?"
"I had nothing. My family, my friends in the village, everyone respected me and cared about me, but I just felt empty."
He complained to me like this when he was drinking Vok.
"The battlefield where my comrades fell is the place where I was supposed to die. Having decided that, returning alone to a peaceful village left a gaping hole in my chest."
"…"
"To adapt to the battlefield means to seek death on the battlefield. Don't get too used to the battlefield, Touri. You're still too young to seek death."
"Yes…"
"Do you know how many people I have killed so far? Who would accept the betrayal of such a murderer living a peaceful life? Even if the entire world forgives such a man, I would never forgive him."
Hearing those words…
I feel like I finally understand part of the reason why Platoon Leader Garback was so happy to stay behind in Fort Muson on that day.
"Assault soldiers can only be redeemed by dying on the battlefield. A peaceful death on a bed is nothing but a fantasy."
Mr. Gorski is a man as brave as a lion and as gentle and delicate as an elephant.
He must have long accepted death and dedicated himself to being a soldier.
I don't know if Platoon Leader Garback was thinking the same thing, but…
"So, Mr. Gorski, are you saying that an assault soldier's salvation lies not in dying in bed, but in fighting for their comrades and dying in the line of duty?"
"That's right."
If what he said is true, then Platoon Leader Garback was saved that day.
Yes, I would like to think that's the case.