"Huh…?"
This happened back when we were stationed at the fortress in preparation for the assault on Josegrad.
I followed Mr. Gorski's instructions and gave the quartermasters my laundry to take care of.
But…
"What's wrong, Aust-chan?"
"My underwear is missing."
"What?!"
When the laundry crate was returned, everything was there except my underwear.
I'd had my underwear stolen for the first time in my life.
***
"And that's the situation."
"Hmm… That's a serious problem."
Although it's a ridiculous case, it's still a case of theft.
I contacted the quartermasters to make sure it wasn't just forgotten, then formally reported it to Mr. Gorski.
"Stealing a female soldier's underwear is absolutely unacceptable. This can't be overlooked."
"Yes, sir."
"We will conduct a surprise inspection starting right now. All platoon members, report with your belongings!"
Discipline is everything in the army. Everyone can be punished under collective responsibility when an incident like this happens.
Although I complied with my reporting obligations, it was a very daunting report to make.
"Who the hell stole Aust-chan's underwear?"
"Ugh, a supply inspection… great."
As expected, my comrades looked annoyed with the whole ordeal.
Though I felt guilty myself, I couldn't just keep letting my underwear be stolen.
"You have ten seconds. If anyone here is responsible for taking Touri's underwear, step forward now."
"…"
"If no one confesses, I'll search everyone's bags!"
Mr. Gorski gave the culprit a chance to turn themselves in.
Not a single person moved as ten seconds passed in silence. The atmosphere became increasingly heavy.
"Very well. I do not wish to suspect my comrades, but it can't be helped."
"…"
"We will begin searching everyone's belongings. First up is Private Zaramazov. Open your bag!"
"Understood, sir!"
"Touri, you will inspect it."
"Yes, sir."
So it had come to this.
On Mr. Gorski's orders, I began checking each soldier's bag one by one.
The first was Private Zaramazov. As I looked inside—
"…Right away, there's women's underwear here."
"Zaramazov! Grit your teeth!"
"It's not what it looks like, Platoon Leader!"
I noticed a cloth bundle wrapped in suspicious paper the moment I opened his bag. From inside came a pair of sexy, mature-looking black panties.
"That's not Medic Touri's underwear!!"
"Really, Touri?"
"Yes, I don't own anything so flashy."
I was a little shocked, but he was right. Those black panties weren't mine.
Nothing else suspicious turned up in his bag. It seemed Private Zaramazov wasn't the culprit.
The real question was… whose underwear was this?
"Who does this woman's underwear belong to, Zaramazov?"
"It belongs to my lover back home, Platoon Leader!"
"And why are you carrying your lover's underwear?"
"I begged her for it as a good luck charm, Platoon Leader!"
He fell silent for a moment, and then, with a look filled with sorrow…
"And because of that, she dumped me!!!"
"I see. A good decision on her part!"
Zaramazov continued his report to Mr. Gorski, one he absolutely did not need to make.
"Private Gresh, open your bag!"
"Yes, sir!"
The inspection continued, but no one had my missing underwear.
"You! What's this suspicious bottle?"
"Vok, sir!"
"…Alright, continue!"
Was the culprit among us? And if so, why hadn't they come forward?
By now, the search was inconveniencing everyone.
Honestly, I just wanted to say: "I really won't be angry. Please just come forward."
"Private Tombel! Why do you have three photographs of women hidden away?"
"One's my fiancée and the other two are, ah, backups, sir."
"You're cheating? I hope you get found out and ripped to pieces!"
"I volunteered for this unit because I was found out! The battlefield is where I'll meet my end!"
"Don't make the battlefield your place of death for a reason like that!"
One by one, my comrades had their embarrassing secrets exposed, none of which had anything to do with the stolen underwear.
So Tombel was that kind of man…
"That's everyone. Looks like no one in my platoon stole Touri's underwear."
"It could have been an outsider. Maybe the quartermasters couldn't resist the temptation."
"There are plenty of idiots here today, but it looks like none of you are thieves."
"We apologize for being idiots, sir!"
And with that, the inspection came to an end. For better or worse, no one in the platoon was hiding my missing underwear.
I felt both relieved and worried. It was a little scary not knowing who the culprit was.
"I'll file a report to my superiors. Touri, anything else gone missing?"
"As of now, just the underwear."
"Alright."
A vague sense of disgust welled up inside me.
I'd never really had that kind of attention aimed at me before. It was a bit of a shock.
It felt rather unpleasant.
"Don't worry, Touri. I'll make sure nothing like this ever happens again."
"Thank you for your consideration."
And so, the whole affair ended on a rather sour note.
***
"I'm sorry, Touri. I was the one who picked up and washed them by mistake."
"Elijah?"
The culprit turned out to be someone completely unexpected.
It was none other than Elijah, a medic attached to Sylph Company.
"It was my mistake on my part. I apologize."
"A mistake?"
"Actually, I thought Sylph-sama was being lazy again…"
The reason she had taken my underwear was that she had mistaken it for Sylph's.
Apparently, Sylph wears expensive underwear that has to be washed delicately by hand, or else the fibers become damaged.
The quartermasters had requested her to wash any expensive items herself, but she refused, saying, "Doing laundry isn't an officer's job."
Thus, Elia often ended up hand-washing Sylph's laundry on her behalf.
"And yesterday, I was told that women's underwear had been mixed in with Sylph Company's laundry."
"I see."
"I thought Sylph-sama had dumped them on the quartermasters out of laziness, so I retrieved them…"
That was how my underwear had been taken in by Elijah.
But when she received them, they were clearly just cheap, shoddy women's underwear.
That was when she realized they must have been mine.
"I went ahead and washed them just in case. Here they are."
"Thank you for that… I'm sorry to have troubled you."
"No, it was my mistake."
In other words, there was never any underwear thief at all. It was only a mistake born out of good intentions.
Hearing that lifted a weight off my chest.
"Is Sylph really that careless?"
"In her private life, quite a bit. After staying up all night, it's not even unusual for her to go without changing her underwear."
I had always thought Sylph was a highly capable and strict person.
But now, I felt I had glimpsed an unexpectedly sloppy side of her.