"Little Boss, have you been sneaking out at night lately?"
"Oh, you noticed?"
From that day on, Lenalee and I began our late-night infantry training.
Lenalee seemed uneasy about the training she'd only heard about, but she accepted my guidance without resistance.
"I apologize. I've been sneaking out for personal reasons."
"What have you been up to? I'll cry if you've picked up some bad habits."
"I haven't picked up anything like that…"
I can't abandon my duties to train during the day.
I've been sneaking out on nights when I don't have work to meet Lenalee.
"I'm worried. Girls like Little Boss are easily deceived and taken advantage of by men."
"I see. So you're saying you could easily trick and take advantage of me, Cale?"
"…Well, I guess I could if I tried?"
"How rude."
Sneaking out at night is still not a good idea even if I'm off duty.
Even though the head of the ward, Cale, sneaks out to hire prostitutes.
"Sorry. I've been sneaking out to train with my sister-in-law."
"Oh? Your sister-in-law, your husband's sister?"
"Yes, a communications officer named Lenalee. She's a bit cheeky but a good, honest girl."
"I see."
I honestly apologized and confessed what I was doing.
Compared to hiring prostitutes, it's not something to be ashamed of… I think.
"You come back quite late. What kind of training are you doing?"
"Umm, two hours of running and two hours of strength training."
"Four hours straight?"
The training with Lenalee is mainly physical training for now.
She doesn't yet have the physical ability to march on the front lines as a soldier.
If she wants to become an infantryman, she needs to build stamina and strength first.
"Is that the same training we did before deployment?"
"Yes, it's a slightly modified version."
"Isn't that tough training? Won't it affect Lenalee's daily duties?"
"It might."
It's tough for a 14-year-old girl, but it's the minimum necessary training to become an infantryman.
Formal training doesn't end in just four hours.
"…However, if she can't even endure the current training, she to give up on becoming an infantry soldier."
"That's pretty Spartan."
Real infantry training includes not only the physical training you're doing now but also combat training.
Continuous 24-hour training is the norm, and even adult men struggle with it.
That would be tough for a 14-year-old girl to handle.
But there is no distinction between men and women in the infantry.
On the battlefield, there won't be any leniency given just because you're a girl or because you're 14.
You'll only die if you go to the battlefield without the necessary training.
"I want her to understand the reality of being an infantry soldier. For example, opportunities to dig holes are far more frequent than opportunities to engage in combat."
"Well, that's true…. From what I've heard about frontline soldiers, it's best compared to being a construction worker with life-threatening risks."
"What would happen if you threw a cute girl like Lenalee into a group of strong, stressed-out men? It would probably lead to her distrusting men."
One reason there are no female soldiers on the front lines is the high risk of sexual assault.
In a situation where you're trembling with the fear of potentially dying tomorrow, the urge to act out if there's a woman sleeping next to you might become overwhelming.
"Even with consent, it should still be a violation of military regulations, but is that kind of thing common?"
"Yes. It's something I hear about frequently."
In the high-stress environment of the front lines, soldiers' self-control can easily break down.
That's why prostitution is prevalent on the front lines.
By purchasing women, soldiers calm their minds and control their lust.
Even someone as strict as Verdi used such places.
"Once we've established a relationship, I intend to discuss this matter thoroughly with Lenalee. Until then, please excuse me for sneaking out at night."
"I see. If that's the case, I won't reprimand you."
In the first place, I'm not the only one sneaking out during off-duty nights.
Medics also have their own frustrations and visit such places.
"Well, just make sure you don't overdo it."
"Now that I have received permission from the head of the hospital ward, I can see Lenalee with confidence."
Next, I should think of new training routines.
***
"Shall we train today as well?"
"Yes, please, Warrant Officer Touri."
Training with Lenalee continued for about a week.
Though she was exhausted, she kept up with the training diligently.
"Look, your dominant hand is trembling when you hold the gun. Do you really think you're aiming properly like that?"
"Thank you for your guidance."
Lenalee had a very serious attitude during training.
Her previously rebellious attitude had vanished, and she obediently followed my instructions.
"Warrant Officer Touri. How should I move my feet when turning around?"
"Ah, first you draw back your heel…"
She is very enthusiastic about asking questions, and she continues to train without skipping even on days I don't come.
…I'm sure she's a very honest girl at heart.
"Lenalee, you have a habit of pulling the trigger as you turn around. You should take a moment to aim properly."
"If I notice the enemy, I want to shoot as soon as possible."
"I understand the feeling, but you must report to your superior officer first when you spot an enemy, okay?"
"Why is that?"
However, she only listened to me regarding the training content.
She didn't have much understanding of other matters, especially military rules.
"It's the superior officer's job to decide whether to shoot or not."
"What if I get shot while reporting?"
"If you're in the enemy's line of fire, you are allowed to take cover."
Orders from superiors are absolute in the military.
But Lenalee prioritized her own hatred over orders.
"Even if I can kill the enemy while reporting?"
"Report first."
"If I'm already being shot at, surely it's okay to shoot back?"
"No. In such cases, the superior officer will usually give the appropriate instructions immediately."
She hasn't even become a "soldier" yet.
She's trying to become an infantryman while still holding onto her civilian mindset.
"I don't think it causes any harm to kill an enemy. If I can shoot, shouldn't I shoot immediately?"
"The purpose is not to kill the enemy, Lenalee. Soldiers always have a reason when they shoot the enemy."
"I see…"
It looks like Lenalee didn't quite grasp my words.
…Perhaps she is confusing the means with the ends.
She isn't participating in the war to kill the enemy; she's killing the enemy while participating in the war.
"I have shot people before, but my purpose has never been to shoot someone."
"Why is that?"
"If killing people becomes the goal, then you become nothing more than a 'murderer.'"
"A murderer?"
"Yes. And that is certainly not a good thing."
Certainly, there are some soldiers whose sole purpose is to kill people and who find pleasure in killing.
They satisfy their desire for conquest by trampling their hated enemies.
Such soldiers are often very reliable.
So I have no intention of denying the existence of such soldiers.
────I just don't want Lenalee to become such a person.
"I lost my family for no reason, just for someone's amusement."
"…"
"And you're telling me not to do the same to the enemy?"
"Yes."
My words must have struck a nerve, as Lenalee uncharacteristically snapped at me.
Of course, I understand her feelings. I don't expect her to be convinced by such idealistic statements.
"Don't misunderstand. Our goal in this war is not revenge."
"…"
"We're fighting to prevent that tragedy from happening again, to prevent the people of Austin from suffering anymore."
Surely, I'm seeing the shadow of Rodri in Lenalee.
I didn't want the kind and compassionate Rodri to commit massacres.
I'm imposing my own selfish ideals onto Lenalee.
"Private Second Class Lenalee. War is fought for the living, not for the dead."
"…I don't really understand what you're talking about."
"I see…"
I wanted Lenalee to reconsider, even if just a little.
But she only glared at me with emotionless, doll-like eyes.
***
"Let's end today's training here."
"Yes, thank you."
In the end, my insistence was almost completely ignored by Lenalee.
"Orders are very important. I remember when I was a rookie myself—"
"Yes."
There's no way Lenalee, who seeks a place to die, would be moved by a talk about the importance of life.
She wasn't the least bit interested in my flimsy persuasion.
"If you defy the commands of a superior, the military cannot function."
"That's true."
"It might be troublesome, but when you have suggestions, please present them as proposals…"
Lenalee isn't looking at me.
She is only interested in the experiences of murder that have piled up in my past.
"I was once beaten by my superior until my face was disfigured for neglecting that."
"…I see."
Her first priority is to kill Flamer soldiers. Her second goal is to die gloriously.
If Lenalee goes out to the battlefield like this, she will disobey orders and be killed in battle.
Commanders make various efforts to prevent new soldiers from dying in vain.
Platoon Leader Garback would beat and lecture us until we coughed up blood.
Senior Allen was a friendly man who was well-liked by his subordinates and would often tell them stories.
Mr. Gorski commanded his subordinates on the battlefield with his lion-like charisma.
"By the way, Warrant Officer Touri. Is that story related to the training in any way?"
"Yes."
I can't emulate any of that.
If Lenalee is going to become an infantryman, it's probably something I should leave to her superiors.
But…
"I want you to know this if you are going to become an infantryman."
"…I understand."
At the very least, I do not have the power to change Lenalee.
Realizing this made me very sad.
I must have been overconfident.
When I heard that she was Rodri's younger sister, I couldn't help but feel a sense of affinity with her.
But to her, I am just a complete stranger who claims to be her sister-in-law.
"Finally, let me ask you. Lenalee, what does death mean to you?"
"…Death?"
Lenalee believes that real family is waiting beyond death.
She never considered someone like me to be relevant from the start.
"Death is the goal. It is the place where all humans return."
"…"
That's why Lenalee was staring at me with eyes like those of the dead.
────Those words sounded familiar.
They were spoken by someone who was once a very important and irreplaceable senior to me.
And those were words I never wanted to hear from Lenalee.
"Death the goal?"
"Yes. So I'm not afraid of death."
"…A very cool and kind person also said the same thing."
"Ah, I see."
Senior Gray. My benefactor who taught me many things when I first joined in the war.
He was such a kind person that he could not stay sane unless he believed that his fallen comrades were being saved.
"Lenalee… I have no intention of denying your view of death as your goal."
"Yes, thank you."
"But it's problematic if you aim for such a goal so easily… You have yet to accomplish anything."
Senior Gray also once said, "Death is our salvation, our God-given right."
If you look at the words alone, they have the same meaning, but the feelings behind them are completely different.
He did not have the desire to die.
He fought countless battles, lost countless comrades, and said that in despair of the endless battlefield.
Senior Gray showed Rodri and I the path we should take and continued to struggle to survive until the very end.
Though he wished he could live, he overcame the fear of death.
"That is something that should be said by someone who values life more."
Hearing Lenalee speak the same words as my senior made me slightly irritated.
The girl in front of me who wanted to die had not overcome the fear of death.
…She is simply neglecting her own life.
"When your parents were killed by enemy soldiers, how did you feel?"
"…What are you suddenly asking?"
"Please answer me. It's important."
Before I realized it, I had approached Lenalee with an angry tone.
I felt like she had insulted Senior Gray's resolve, causing me to lose my composure.
"How did I feel? Well, that…"
"When the Flamer soldiers appeared in your hometown… What were you doing?"
Lenalee probably doesn't understand why I am suddenly acting like this.
She was taken aback by my fierce demeanor.
"On that day, I…"
In a slightly fearful voice, she began to recount what happened that day in a hesitant manner.
***
As the daughter of a farmer, Lenalee was using smoke to drive away pests in the fields of the village of Dokupori.
After the harvest, she was preparing the soil for the next season in the now-clear rice fields.
At that time, the Battle of the North had just begun, and the southern part of Austin was at peace.
It felt like a distant and irrelevant issue, something happening far away.
…But her peaceful life was suddenly shattered.
The first sign of trouble was the sound of gunfire echoing through the village.
A dry, 'pah!' sound came from behind the rice field.
Lulled into a false sense of security, Lenalee thought a hunter must have accidentally discharged his gun and paid no mind to it.
That was until the next gunshot, which sent her father collapsing into the fields.
"Dad?!"
Lenalee rushed to her father's side.
He was clutching his chest where he had been shot, gasping for breath and mouthing words.
"Dad, what's happening? What's with your chest?!"
"…R."
Her father was trying to say something, but it was hard to hear.
Lenalee brought her face close to her father's neck, and then…
"R-Run… away—"
She noticed an enemy soldier in heavy armor calmly standing far behind her father aiming a gun.
As soon as the soldier spotted Lenalee, he approached with a heavy clanking noise, slowly reloading his weapon as he walked.
"Ah, no!"
Lenalee hurriedly tried to carry her father on her back.
But there is no way that a young girl like her could run away with a grown man.
Eventually, the enemy soldier finished preparing his second shot and ran while aiming his gun at Lenalee.
"Go quickly! Lenalee!"
"Grandma!"
Just as she was about to be shot, Lenalee's grandmother, who was working nearby, tackled the soldier.
The old woman clung to the soldier's right leg and pushed him to the ground.
"Take the boy and escape outside the village! Go to the neighboring town! They will come after you!"
"Y-Yes, I understand."
"Your father is beyond saving, leave him!"
Just after shouting this, an iron gauntlet smashed into the old woman's face.
The soldier, now on top of Lenalee's grandmother, repeatedly punched her face in frustration.
"Grandma…"
"Go—"
Urged on by her grandmother's scream, Lenalee ran toward the main house.
To evacuate her younger brother who was inside their home.
"Oh, oh."
The door was destroyed when Lenalee reached her family's house.
Her younger brother was found strangled and tied to a clothesline in the garden as a sick joke.
From inside the house, her mother's agonized groans echoed.
"Mom!"
"No, don't come in, Lenalee!"
What Lenalee saw when she burst into the house was two burly men with faint smirks breaking her mother's neck.
"R-Run…"
In a cruel and seemingly amused manner, Lenalee's mother was grabbed by the nape.
Her neck was twisted and bent under the weight of the metal armor.
"Ahhh—"
The girl immediately ran.
Terrified by the sounds of hooves and booming gunfire, she plunged into the forest behind the village.
"Ha, ha, ha…"
Faced with the sight of her mother's death, Lenalee bit her lip and kept running.
Only her parents' words echoed over and over in her panicked mind.
────Run away.
────Run away.
Muttering those words like a curse, Lenalee was the only one to escape from the ravaged village of Dokupori.
After that, Lenalee continued to run, repeating her parents' last words in a daze, day and night, until she escaped beyond the Flamer forces' invasion line.
She ran, brimming with tears and sweat, until she was rescued by Austin forces deployed from the capital, Winn.