"Thank you for coming, Warrant Officer Touri."
"Yes. Though, I'm no longer a Warrant Officer."
"That's none of my concern."
His attitude is clearly different from before.
He glared at me with furrowed brows, looking both frustrated and angry.
Was this his true face, hidden behind the deceitful smile of Bern Valou?
"…You're quite curt today."
"I'm just a little angry."
He, unusually, didn't have even a faint smile on his face.
He scrutinized me with his eyes as if trying to intimidate me.
"Answer truthfully. Is it true that you took command of the unit that conducted the rear disturbance during today's mining operation?"
"Yes."
"A young girl, laughing while bravely slaughtering the Sabbatian soldiers… That was you too, wasn't it?"
"…Yes."
I don't know where he heard it, but he must have overheard what I had done.
I confirmed it honestly since I was told to answer truthfully.
"Did you enjoy it?"
"…Enjoy what?"
"Killing so many Sabbatian soldiers and even taking down an ace. You must have been very satisfied, weren't you?"
"There's no way that's the case."
Bern spoke with a hint of sarcasm.
…There was no way I enjoyed that battle.
If I could, I would start today over again starting from the morning.
"Why wasn't it enjoyable?"
"…There's no way killing people can be enjoyable. I regret the 17 lives lost under my command and even for shooting the enemy ace, Mr. Gorski."
"But I received reports that you were laughing on the battlefield."
"I guess I end up laughing when I lose control of my emotions."
"Enough with the excuses."
It was unclear what Bern's intention was with these questions.
But since I was asked to answer truthfully, I tried to respond as honestly as I could.
"It was fun… Right?"
"…What are you implying?"
Bern was apparently dissatisfied with my response and no longer tried to hide his irritation, glaring at me with disgust.
"I looked into your history with the unit. Quite impressive, isn't it? The shadow behind Verdi's great achievements is you."
"I'm not sure what you mean."
"You should understand. It was always a mystery how that pampered brat managed to achieve such success…"
He stared at me with a sharp gaze as if he was about to shoot me to death.
Exhaling quietly, he continued speaking.
"You, Touri Lowe, are the source of Verdi's success. He doesn't have any special talent."
"Are you referring to the fact that I proposed the operation? At that time, Major Verdi was the commanding officer─"
"The merit of accepting and executing suggestions belongs to the commanding officer. In that sense, it's not wrong to say it's Verdi's achievements."
Bern interrupted what I was about to say and continued speaking.
It was as if to say that no excuses would be tolerated.
"Your strategies, though they come from someone without military officer training, are all brilliant and logically sound."
"…Thank you."
"You've demonstrated your abilities many times before. I won't write this off as a coincidence."
How thoroughly had he investigated me?
He grabbed my uniform roughly and said:
"Is it really so hard for you to admit you're a bad person?"
He pressed his face close to mine and glared fiercely.
***
"Look, I'll admit it. I'm a villain. I love tricking people and I'm good at killing enemies. That's why I took on the role of a strategist."
"…"
"Even so, I still treasure my hometown."
Being grabbed by the collar in anger was a rare experience for me.
I was so light that my military uniform stretched and I was easily lifted off the ground, my legs dangling in the air.
"Even if I'm cursed as a demon or deemed disgusting by others, I stood up because I had the talent to save my country."
"That's…"
"I may have killed a lot of people as a result, but I think I've been useful to Austin."
His words are full of intensity.
Having always stood at the forefront of national defense as a strategist, he said:
"Yeah, I'm a villain, sure. But I've contributed far more to this country than you ever will!"
"…!"
"That's great, I'm jealous. You get to be a good kid all by yourself!"
His words pierced through my heart more deeply than I expected.
"Why don't you acknowledge your own faults? Don't hide your talents and take it easy just because you want to look good in front of others!"
After saying those words, Bern slowly removed his hand from my chest.
"I wouldn't be saying this if you were just a regular medic with no talent."
"…I am—"
"But that's not the case; you know it well yourself."
I was accustomed to violent reprimands from Platoon Leader Garback, but his words continued to shake my heart.
"If you had been at the front lines from the beginning, would you have allowed the Sabbatian Army to break through?"
"I don't know."
"You would have managed to hold them off. At least, I think you could have done that."
What if I had been an infantryman from the start, commanding from the front lines in the trenches?
Would I have been able to deal with Sylph's surprise attack and defend effectively…?
"There's no guarantee of that."
"From your past achievements, I can assume you would have been able to do that."
"Those achievements were also influenced by chance and luck."
"If the situation could be overturned by mere chance and luck, we wouldn't need strategists at all."
If what he said is true…
Did I sacrifice Lenalee just because I wanted to look good in front of others?
"No. Even if I had been there, I don't think I could have stopped the Sylph Nova's surprise attack."
"Just your presence there would have changed Verdi's actions significantly."
I can't accept that. I don't want to accept that.
I collapsed onto the ground, unable to bear the weight of the realization.
"Admit it, Touri Lowe."
"I…"
"You're a monster who simply loves killing people. You're a pervert who gets excited about shooting enemies."
"That's not true. I—"
"And that's why you're an excellent commander."
Bern's words seeped into my mind, swirling around.
I've never enjoyed shooting people.
So why must I be told this?
"Don't deny it. Everyone in the unit saw the excited smile on your face after you shot someone."
"…No, that's not—"
"What's not? Tell me. Look me in the eye and tell me clearly."
…No.
It's true that I might have looked happy. But that wasn't me; it was someone else.
But could it be that this is just another aspect of myself?
"I…"
"If you admit you have a rotten nature, come join my unit, Touri Lowe."
While I was dazed, on the verge of losing my sanity from his reprimands,
Bern Valou continued speaking with a face full of anger.
"I have the authority to prepare you for the position of battalion commander and the rank of Captain. I want you to fulfill responsibilities that match your abilities."
"…"
"Don't say something as selfish as 'I don't want to kill people'… Are you planning to make the same mistake again?"
....
…Deep down, I had a feeling.
It was like the thrill of playing an FPS game.
The excitement of firing real bullets, the pleasure of landing a headshot, and the desire to rack up as many kills as possible.
Initially, I was terrified of Bern Valou, perceiving him as an exceptionally evil person.
But deep down, I am the one who is irredeemably wicked.
Perhaps I was deeply loathing him as a form of self-hatred.
"…"
"Let's hear your answer, Touri Lowe."
And there I finally came face to face with Bern Valou and…
I let out a small, faint smile.
"You're incredible, Major Bern Valou."
"What are you talking about?"
I'm a wicked person who enjoys killing people.
That might indeed be true.
There may have been times when I have taken pleasure in killing people.
So I admit it. I am a bad person.
A depraved individual who grinning from ear to ear while shooting down a benefactor with a head.
"Please do not compare me to you."
But clearly, the man in front of me is on a different level.
Bern Valou's "evil" isn't just about enjoying killing people. His "evil" is of a different caliber.
"I can somewhat see through people's lies and deceptions."
"Huh?"
"I just realized it. You're pretending to be angry, aren't you?"
Ah, I nearly got tricked.
This man wasn't truly angry about what was discussed earlier.
"You got angry because you calculated that if you persuaded me like that, you would be able to get me to join you. What you just said is not what you really think."
"…"
"You don't care one bit about your comrades dying. You only feel like you have one less toy to play with."
He was only pretending to be angry in order to deceive and use me.
"You're jealous that I can remain a 'good kid'? Oh please. You take pride in being evil."
"…"
"You're not fighting for your homeland; you're just playing with the war to make your faction, Austin, win."
Certainly, Bern Valou is a patriot.
But he wasn't serving Austin out of any special feelings.
"Is it that you wanted a new toy so badly, Major Bern Valou?"
"…Did you figure it out?"
I realized that he was only in our faction because he happened to be born in Austin.
It was like working harder simply because he was on the red team on sports day.
He enjoyed war with such a trivial motivation.
It was a desecration of the soldiers who risked their lives.
"Ah! I've gotten worse at lying, haven't I?"
The change in Major Bern's expression after I pointed that out to him was chilling.
The angry look he had up until now was completely gone.
He twisted his lips into a grotesque smile and his eyes, once empty, now glowed with a dark light.
"What a shame!"
Bern Valou clutched his head and laughed loudly.
"I thought I was getting pretty close. So you figured it out, huh?"
"…"
"I want you even more now. There's no weapon as versatile as you."
"…"
"Everyone wants to have a well-sharpened knife at hand, even if it belongs to someone else, don't they?"
The revulsion and fear made me nauseous.
He's looking at me, but it's clear he isn't looking at me at all.
"Oh, you're really something."
Bern was eyeing me with the same detached gaze one might use when assessing a new weapon.
"How about it? I can prepare a much more enjoyable battlefield where you can kill more efficiently."
"…"
"I'm sorry for lying, but I just can't help but want to revel in killing more people."
"And?"
"But even if I told you the truth, you wouldn't have agreed to join me. I had no choice but to deceive you."
It's disgusting. It's horrifying.
I had never encountered anyone more despicable than this young man, even in all my memories from my previous life.
"You do enjoy killing people, don't you?"
"…That may be true."
"Then come work for me. I'll invite you to a hell where we can both enjoy ourselves."
Bern continued to speak with ecstatic fervor.
With a face like someone who's just found a high-performance weapon, he grasped my hand.
"And that would be in Austin's best interest."
He said, with disturbing zeal.
"Major Bern."
"What is it?"
In response to the repugnant recruitment offer…
"I refuse. I would rather die."
I flatly refused.
***
"Oh, welcome back. What happened? That was quite a long conversation."
"Sergeant Gavel."
When that monster heard my answer, his face looked as disappointed, like a child who has had their snack taken away.
…I then bowed to Bern and left the tent without a moment's hesitation.
I no longer wanted to breathe the same air as that man.
"It's nothing. It wasn't anything important. Just some small talk."
"It didn't seem like that at all."
"Really, it was meaningless, trivial content."
Fortunately, he did not follow me.
Whether he judged it as pointless to follow or if he had other objectives, I don't know.
"I see. I won't ask any further."
"Thank you."
Sergeant Gavel seemed to understand and turned away without asking any more questions.
Ah, it was the first time in my life that I genuinely wished to scatter salt on the road.
"…By the way, Sergeant Gavel. May I ask you something?"
"What is it?"
"How did I appear when I was laughing during today's operation?"
"Uh…"
However, there was some truth to what Bern said.
What would you call a person who enjoys killing others if not evil?
I am a bad person. I realized that today.
… How did I appear to Sergeant Gavel?
"I wouldn't say you were laughing. If anything, you were crying."
"Crying?"
"Your eyes weren't smiling at all. I wouldn't call that a smile."
That's how Sergeant Gavel answered my question.
After that, he moved his hand close to my face, even though I'm supposed to be older than him.
"You looked like a child throwing a tantrum after losing something important. That's why I hesitated to pass on the command."
"…"
"But Major Verdi told me, 'If you're in a difficult situation, consult with Touri if she's around.' If you had been in a more normal condition, I would have easily entrusted the command to you."
He said while flicking my forehead.
"By the way, your face still looks messed up. Get your emotions sorted out properly."
"I'm surprised… You observe people more closely than I expected."
"Huh? Are you trying to pick a fight?"
At the time, he realized I was not in my right mind and was hesitant to hand over command.
This may be rude to Sergeant Gavel, but I had thought he was someone who didn't think much.
I guess that's what you'd expect from the grandson of Lieutenant Colonel Renvel.
"…Sort out my emotions, huh?"
"Yes."
Sort out my emotions.
I used those words just the other day when admonishing Lenalee.
There is only one thing the living can do for the dead: mourn, remember, and offer prayers for them.
That's how people get over separation from loved ones.
────Emotions are more troublesome and difficult to control than you think
────Instead of aiming not to get emotional, aim to become aware of your emotions when they arise."
Come to think of it, Senior Allen told me that a long time ago.
It's difficult to completely control your emotions, so try to learn to recognize them objectively.
Things might have been different if I had been more aware that I was being "emotional" today.
For example, I might have come back to my senses just before shooting Mr. Gorski.
"Thank you, Sergeant Gavel. I'm fine now."
"…You don't look fine at all. That's right, why don't you come to the joint burial of today's casualties? This will be your final farewell to your friend."
"No, that's alright."
That won't do.
If I had come to my senses, I would never have been able to kill that person.
And if I were in my right mind, I would undoubtedly hesitate to pull the trigger when I next encounter Sylph on the battlefield."
"I will carry the burden of Lenalee's death without sorting out my feelings."
"…"
"If I don't do that, I'm sure the weak version of myself won't be able to do anything."
Bern Valou had a point.
As long as I remain a good kid, more and more important things will slip through your fingers.
I wouldn't have allowed the Sabbatian Army break through if I had been on the front lines.
If I hadn't been pretending to be a good child, Lenalee might not have died.
"…I want to kill the Sabbatian soldiers, and apparently harboring such hatred makes me a better soldier."
I will never repeat the same mistakes again.
For that, I will carry Lenalee's death and move forward with hatred.
"I see."
"Yes."
Seeing my resolve, Sergeant Gavel quietly remarked:
"You know, your face seems to suit a rifle now."
He let that slip in a murmur.
End of Arc 7