Chapter Twenty-Three: Kiss Lessons
The morning after the flour fight, the kitchen was peaceful.
Too peaceful.
Jay stood at the stove, making Keiran's favorite pancakes. The sun streamed through the windows. Birds sang outside. Keiran was still asleep. Keigan was at school.
Perfect.
Then warm arms wrapped around her waist.
"Morning," Keifer murmured against her neck.
"Morning yourself." She leaned back into him. "Someone's awake early."
"Couldn't sleep. You weren't there."
"I was making pancakes."
"Pancakes can wait." He kissed her neck—soft, slow, lingering.
She shivered. "Keif—"
"Shh. Cooking requires concentration. I'm helping you concentrate."
"By distracting me?"
"The best kind of help."
His lips found that spot behind her ear—the one that made her knees weak. She gripped the spatula tighter.
"The pancakes—"
"Will survive."
Another kiss. Lower this time. Her shoulder. Her collarbone. The curve where neck met shoulder.
She moaned softly. "Keif..."
"That's it." His voice was rough. "Just focus on me."
"I can't focus on anything when you do that."
"Good."
He turned her around, pinning her gently against the counter. His eyes were dark, playful, full of love.
"I love you," he said.
"I love you too. Now let me cook—"
He kissed her.
Deep. Slow. Thorough.
She melted.
---
Neither of them noticed the tiny figure in the doorway.
Keiran stood there, Rex clutched in his arms, eyes wide. He'd woken up hungry. Followed the smell of pancakes. Found something much more interesting.
He watched for a full minute—Pappa kissing Mamma, Mamma making happy sounds, both of them wrapped up in each other.
His little brain processed.
Then he spoke.
"PAPPA."
They broke apart like teenagers caught by parents.
Keifer spun around. "Keiran! Buddy! You're awake!"
"Mamma making pancakes?"
"I—yes—pancakes—we were just—"
Keiran toddled forward, expression serious. He stopped in front of Keifer and pointed.
"Pappa give Mamma kissies."
Keifer's face went red. "Uh—"
"On neck. And face. And—" Keiran demonstrated, kissing the air loudly. "Like that."
Jay buried her face in her hands, shoulders shaking with laughter.
Keifer cleared his throat. "Well, buddy, when you love someone, you give them kissies. It's... it's what you do."
Keiran considered this. Nodded slowly.
Then he pointed at himself.
"Keiran want kissies too. Like Mamma gets."
Keifer blinked. "You... want me to kiss your neck?"
"No!" Keiran looked horrified. "Pappa silly. Keiran want kissies from Honey. Or Mica. Or—" He thought hard. "Pretty girls."
Jay lost it completely. She doubled over, laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.
Keifer stared at his three-year-old brother. "You want... pretty girls... to kiss you?"
"Yes. Like Pappa kiss Mamma." Keiran nodded firmly. "But on cheek. Not neck. Neck is weird."
"Neck is—" Keifer ran a hand through his hair. "Buddy, you're three. You don't need kissies from pretty girls."
"Yes do. Mamma gets. Pappa gets. Keiran wants."
Jay managed to compose herself slightly. "Baby, those kinds of kissies are for grown-ups who love each other. When you're bigger, you'll find someone special to give kissies to."
Keiran pouted. "But I want NOW."
"No can do, little man."
He thought for a moment. Then his face lit up.
"What about Rex? Rex can give kissies!"
"Rex is a dinosaur."
"Rex is BEST dinosaur. Rex loves Keiran." He held up the stuffed toy. "Rex, give kissies!"
He made the dinosaur kiss his cheek.
Problem solved.
Keifer and Jay exchanged looks of pure relief.
---
Breakfast continued with significantly less neck-kissing.
Keiran ate his pancakes happily, occasionally making Rex give him "kissies." He seemed satisfied with this arrangement.
But the questions didn't stop.
"Pappa, why you kiss Mamma neck?"
"Because... because I love her."
"Why neck? Why not cheek?"
"Neck is... special."
"Special how?"
"Just special, buddy."
Keiran considered this. "Can I kiss Honey's neck?"
"ABSOLUTELY NOT."
"Why?"
"Because—" Keifer looked at Jay for help.
Jay jumped in. "Because Honey is Percy's special person. Only Percy kisses Honey's neck."
"Oh." Keiran thought. "Can I kiss Rakii's neck?"
"No."
"Mica?"
"No."
"Freya?"
"NO."
"Ella?"
"KEIRAN. No necks. Only cheeks. Only for people your age. Only when they say yes."
Keiran sighed dramatically. "Fine. Cheeks only."
"Thank you."
"For now."
Keifer buried his face in his hands. Jay patted his back sympathetically.
"He's three," she said. "This is just the beginning."
"I know."
"Wait until he asks about babies."
Keifer looked up in horror. "Don't even joke."
---
After breakfast, Keiran demanded "kissy practice."
"What?"
"Kissy practice. So Keiran knows how when he's big."
Jay bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Baby, you don't need practice."
"Yes do. Don't want to be bad at kissies."
Keifer opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again. "Buddy, I don't think—"
"Pappa teach me. Pappa good at kissies. Mamma makes happy sounds."
Jay turned bright red.
Keifer choked on his coffee.
Keiran looked between them, confused. "Why Mamma red?"
"She's... warm. From cooking."
"Pappa cough because coffee?"
"Yes. Exactly. Coffee."
Keiran nodded, satisfied with these explanations. Then he climbed onto Keifer's lap and looked up expectantly.
"Teach, Pappa."
Keifer looked at Jay in pure desperation.
She shrugged, still laughing silently. "You're the kiss expert, apparently."
"Jay—"
"Teach the child."
"I can't teach a three-year-old how to kiss!"
"Not REAL kissing. Just... cheek kissing. For when he's older."
Keifer took a deep breath. "Okay. Okay. Kiss lessons. For cheeks only. For the future."
Keiran nodded seriously. "Future kissies."
"Future kissies," Keifer agreed weakly.
---
The lesson began.
"Okay, buddy. So when you want to give someone a kiss—on the cheek—you have to ask first."
"Ask?"
"Ask. Like, 'Can I give you a kiss?' And if they say yes, you do it gently. On the cheek. Like this."
He demonstrated on Keiran's cheek—a soft, quick peck.
Keiran beamed. "Again!"
"That's the whole lesson."
"AGAIN!"
Keifer gave him another kiss.
Keiran giggled. "Mamma turn! Mamma teach!"
Jay leaned down, kissing his other cheek. "Like that, baby."
"Good! Now Rex turn!"
They spent the next ten minutes kissing Rex the dinosaur on command.
Keiran was delighted. Keifer was traumatized. Jay was having the time of her life.
---
By the time Keigan came home, Keiran had graduated to "advanced kiss lessons."
"Tito Percy next! He needs kiss lessons too!"
Keigan stopped in the doorway. "What did I miss?"
"Kiss lessons," Jay said calmly.
"Kiss... lessons?"
"Keiran wanted to learn how to give kissies like Pappa gives Mamma."
Keigan stared at his little brother. Then at Keifer's traumatized face. Then at Jay's barely-contained laughter.
"I'm going to my room."
"KEIGAN! Kiss lesson!"
"NOPE."
He fled.
Keiran sighed dramatically. "Keigan no fun."
"He's just shy, baby."
"Oh." Keiran nodded wisely. "Like Rex. Rex shy too."
"Exactly like Rex."
---
That afternoon, Percy arrived unexpectedly.
He walked in to find Keiran sitting on Keifer's lap, practicing "asking for kissies" on Rex.
"Can I give you kiss, Rex?"
Squeak from Rex.
"Rex said yes!" Keiran kissed the dinosaur. "Good job, Keiran!"
Percy froze. "What... what is happening?"
"Kiss lessons," Jay said.
"Kiss... lessons?"
"Keiran saw Keifer kissing me this morning. Wanted to learn."
Percy's face went through several expressions—confusion, amusement, delight, evil glee.
"Keifer. Giving kissing lessons. To a three-year-old. Based on his own technique."
"Don't," Keifer warned.
"This is GOLD. This is better than anything Yuri's ever filmed." Percy pulled out his phone. "I'm documenting."
"Percy, I swear—"
"Too late. Already filming. Keiran, show Tito Percy what you learned!"
Keiran beamed. "Watch, Tito Percy! I ask first!"
He turned to Rex. "Can I give kiss, Rex?"
Squeak.
"Rex said yes!" Kiss. "Good job, Keiran!"
Percy was crying with laughter. "This is beautiful. This is art. Yuri is going to lose his mind."
Keifer buried his face in his hands.
Jay patted his back sympathetically. "You wanted kids someday, right?"
"At this rate, I'm never having kids."
"Too late. You already have one. He's three and taking kissing lessons."
Keifer looked at Keiran, who was now teaching Rex how to ask for kisses properly.
"I love him," he admitted. "But he's terrifying."
"That's parenting."
---
Honey arrived an hour later to collect Percy.
She walked in to find Keiran running toward her, Rex in hand.
"HONEY! HONEY! I learned kiss lessons! Can I practice on you?"
Honey raised an eyebrow at Percy. "Kiss lessons?"
"Long story. Very long. Incredibly funny."
Keiran tugged her hand. "Honey? Can I?"
Honey knelt to his level. "Of course, sweetheart. But only on the cheek, okay?"
"Pappa said cheeks only! For now!"
"Smart Pappa."
Keiran kissed her cheek sweetly. Then stepped back, beaming. "Good job, Keiran?"
"The best job, sweetheart."
Percy fake-cried. "He's growing up so fast. First kiss lessons. Next he'll be dating."
"He's three, Percy."
"Time flies!"
---
That night, as Jay tucked Keiran in, he looked up at her with serious eyes.
"Mamma?"
"Yes, baby?"
"When I'm big, can I give kissies like Pappa gives you? On neck and everything?"
Jay kept a straight face. "When you're big, and you find someone special who loves you very much, you can give them whatever kissies they want. But only if they say yes."
"Like Pappa asks you?"
"Pappa always asks. Always makes sure I'm okay with it."
Keiran nodded wisely. "Pappa good at kissies."
"He is."
"And Mamma good at getting kissies."
She laughed. "I try."
"Good. When I'm big, I want someone like Mamma."
Her heart melted. "You'll find someone even better, baby."
"Impossible. Mamma best."
She kissed his forehead. "Love you, Keiran."
"Love you, Mamma. Forever and universe."
"Forever and universe," she agreed.
---
She found Keifer in the living room, staring at nothing.
"How's our son?"
"Adorable. Terrifying. Asking about neck kissies for his future wife."
Keifer groaned. "I can't. I can't handle this."
"You handled it beautifully."
"I traumatized him."
"You taught him consent. You taught him to ask. You taught him that kissies are for people who love each other." She sat beside him. "That's good parenting."
He pulled her close. "I love you."
"I love you too. Even if you started a kiss lesson craze."
"I did NOT start it. You started it by being kissable."
"That's not a word."
"It is now."
She kissed him—soft, sweet, on the lips.
"No neck?" he murmured.
"Keiran's still awake."
"Later?"
"Later."
He smiled. "I'll hold you to that."
---
From the hallway, a tiny voice: "PAPPA! Stop kissies! I hear you!"
They burst out laughing.
Parenting was chaos.
But it was their chaos.
---
End of Chapter Twenty-Three