The next morning, Qing and Lin Yue stood outside, Qing smoothed a patch of dirt flat with her palm.
"There's no paper left," she said. "And ink is a waste."
She picked up a thin stick and pressed it into Lin Yue's hand.
"If you can write here, you can write anywhere." Qing said pointing to the dirt.
Lin Yue looked down at the ground, then nodded slowly.
"Hold it like this," Qing said, adjusting Lin Yue's fingers.
Qing knelt down at Lin Yue's level and started writing first.
Lin Yue copied her, the lines wavered at first, uneven and ugly but slowly took form as she tried again.
Qing watched closely and nodded in approval with a smile. "Your hands are steady, well done."
Lin Yue's face brightened and she let out a small giggle.
Qing paused for a moment, then reached forward and pulled Lin Yue into a hug. It was light, almost hesitant, she was not used to doing it.
For Lin Yue who was not used to physical affection it felt strange.
She stilled for a second, then relaxed into the hug.
Inside sack of rice had grown noticeably lighter. Consort Wei's eyes were sharp, hunting for a reason to be angry.
"Why is the fire so small?" she snapped. She glared at the weak, flickering flame in the brazier like its struggle was a personal insult to her.
"To save coal," Qing replied, her voice neutral.
"Save it for what?" Consort Wei's face twisted in fury. "Our funeral? Are you waiting for us to freeze so the guards don't have to carry out heavy corpses?"
Lin Yue flinched. The room felt smaller, the walls closing in like a corner.
"I can eat less," Lin Yue said quietly, staring at her thin, dirty fingers. "I'm not that hungry anyway, I don't mind, please dont be angry."
Consort Wei turned on her at once, her shadow looming large over her. "Dont pretend to be noble! Dont you dare play the martyr with me, you dramatic stupid creature. You are the reason I am rotting in this hole. If it weren't for you, I would still have the your fathers ear. You're an inconvenience I've had to carry for six years!"
Lin Yue lowered her eyes, the glue holding her together felt like it was turning to water.
She felt a deep emptiness, like a void had opened up inside her, eating away at all her emotions.
"I did not ask to be born," Lin Yue whispered.
Consort Wei didn't soften, she didn't offer a hug or a tearful apology. She stepped closer, right into Lin Yue's face, her eyes cold.
"And I did not ask for a daughter who doesn't laugh, who just stares at me like a judge," Concubine Wei hissed. "You think you're the only one in pain? I have my own problems and yet I have to deal with your sensitivity? You are so selfish, Everything has to be about you, doesn't it?"
Lin Yue didn't speak after that. She couldn't, she just sat there, in silence.
Qing said nothing. She took the pot and began to divide what little broth remained into three bowls, each one smaller than the last.
~~~~~~~~~~~♡
By the third day, the rice was nearly gone. The sack lay half-folded in the corner. Concubine Wei stared at it for a long time, the frustration simmering behind her eyes until it finally boiled over.
"Go to the main kitchens," she commanded, pointing at Qing. "Tell them we are starving, tell them I am unwell and I need food!"
Qing's hand tightened on her clothes. She remembered the last time she'd asked for anything; she remembered the look of disgust on the other servants' faces, they had looked at her like she was a beggar on the street.
"They won't give us any , My Lady," Qing said, her voice the flat and neutral, Qing knew that the only way to calm Concubine Wei was to stay calm.
Consort Wei's face twisted into a terrifying fury. "Then you make them! You're so useless! Are you just going to sit here and watch me suffer? You're so selfish, always thinking about your own tired feet while I rot in this courtyard!"
Qing lowered her head. "Yes, My Lady." She glanced at little Lin Yue, who was huddled in the corner, trying to be unseen so her mother wouldn't notice her.
Qing took a deep breath and walked to the main kitchens.
The main kitchens were hot, steam rose from massive iron pots, the air thick with the smell of roasting meats. The smell made Qing's stomach cramp with a physical pain that felt like a wound. She stood at the edge, her hair unwashed and her clothes smelling of the damp courtyard.
*The food looks so good, if i can get anything at least miss will eat well.*
She waited for someone to notice her, no one did they walked past her like she was a statue.
"I was sent from the western courtyard," she said after a while of waiting. "We require more food."
The head cook turned, looking Qing up and down. He laughed so loud his belly shook.
"The western courtyard?" a kitchen maid echoed, sneering. "Is Consort Wei still breathing? I heard she just wants attention, tell her to eat her own pride."
"We were given rations," Qing said, her voice smaller now.
"Then eat slower," the cook replied, shrugging. "Maybe if you didn't look so filthy, we'd find a scrap for you. You smell of the gutter." He picked up a bundle wrapped in damp stained cloth and tossed it at Qing's feet. It hit the stone with a wet thud. "Take it, and don't come back. We don't have time for your nonsense."
Qing knelt down and picked it up. The smell hit her immediately the stench of mold.
When she returned, Consort Wei was pacing back and fourth. Lin Yue was sitting by the door, her eyes wide with fear.
"Well? Where is it?"
Qing placed the bundle on the table and untied the knot. The smell of rot filled the small room instantly. Consort Wei's expression changed from hunger to a violent, white hot rage.
"This is what you brought back?" she shrieked, slamming her fist onto the table. The wood under her hand shook. "You bring me trash? Could you not even do this properly?"
She turned her fury on Lin Yue, who was just sitting there, breathing.
"And you!" Wei screamed in the child's face. "Stop staring at me! You think you're so much better? You're a burden! I'm suffering, and I have a maid who is useless and a daughter who cant do a single thing right!"
Qing stood frozen, she wanted to defend Lin Yue, to shield her, but she was nothing but a maid.
Lin Yue said nothing, her eyes moved to stare at the floor, tears gathering in her eyes.
*A burden....*
Consort Wei let out a bitter laugh then turned away. "Useless," she muttered, leaving the room.
Lin Yue left the house, and found a small white flower growing between the cracks in the floor.
She looked at it for a while.
*It's just as pretty as Qing; maybe it will make her feel better.*
She ran back inside. Qing was cleaning up a few objects Concubine Wei had knocked over in her rage. Lin Yue walked up to her slowly and held out the flower with both hands.
"For you... I thought you might like it since it's pretty, just like you."Qing looked at the little flower in Lin Yue's hands quietly..
She reached out and took the flower carefully, as if it might break.
Then smiled a little ,"thank you miss."
~~~~~~~~~~♡
That night, Lin Yue's stomach twisted with emptiness. She pressed her palm against it, trying not to make a sound.
Hunger was a hollow, humming vibration in her bones. When she stood, it made the world tilt.
The dust on the floor looked like flour to Lin Yue; more than once she had bent down to grab some, only to realize it was dust.
Her mother lay awake, staring at the cracked ceiling. Lin Yue could see her eyes shining in the darkness. "You have her eyes," Consort Wei muttered into the dark.
Lin Yue froze, then spoke quietly. "Whose?"
"Lady Han, her snake like eyes," the Concubine Wei said staring at Lin Yue now.
"Your face," her mother continued, "draws attention, it always has."
Lin Yue said nothing, she touched her face running her fingers over her features.
*What's wrong with my face?*
"Men notice beauty," Consort Wei said flatly. "Women fear it." She turned her face to the wall. "You were born with too much of it."
Lin Yue did not sleep for a long time after that.
The room was still. The damp smell lingered, pressing into the walls, into the bedding.
*Men notice beauty, women fear it? What does that mean?*
She lifted her hand slowly, touching her face.
*Too much.*
Her hand dropped back down.
After that night, she changed.
Her steps grew smaller.
She stayed closer to walls, to corners, to places where people did not look twice. When servants passed, she lowered her eyes before they could meet hers. When voices rose, she stilled.
On one of the harder days Qing sent her to fetch water.
"Be careful, don't fill the bucket all the way; it will be too heavy," she said. "And come straight back."
Lin Yue nodded and left.
The path was narrow, the stone worn smooth. The well sat just beyond a turn, half hidden.
She lowered the bucket carefully, both hands steady on the rope.
"Whose child is that?"
The voice came from behind her.
Lin Yue turned.
Two maids stood there, watching her.
"The one from the western courtyard," one whispered.
"She doesn't look like she belongs there."
Lin Yue lowered her gaze.
"She's grown," the other said, stepping a little closer. "Look at her face."
...
"That kind of face brings trouble."
Lin Yue's fingers tightened slightly around the rope.
The bucket hit the water below with a dull sound.
*splash*
"Pretty things don't last long," the first maid said.
"Or they get taken," the other chuckled.
Lin Yue said nothing.
The rope moved slowly through her hands as she pulled the bucket back up.
When the water reached the middle of the bucket she lifted it and walked away.
When she returned, Qing looked at her once.
*Something is wrong.*
"Next time, I will go," she said.
Lin Yue shook her head. "I can do it."
*I need to be strong like Qing.*
Qing watched her for a moment, then nodded slowly.
"Be careful okay?."
"Okay."
The following days settled into a pattern. The fire burned low, the rice was measured into small, sustainable amounts, and the cold stayed, creeping into the walls, into their clothes, into their hands, making them go numb.
Lin Yue learned to move without making a sound. She learned not to step too close to the brazier, not to move too quickly near her mother, and to draw the least amount of attention.
*If I am quiet, Mother won't be so angry at me.*
Qing taught Lin Yue, without calling it teaching.
"Not like that," she said once, taking the flint from Lin Yue's hand. "Thats too much force."
Qing struck it again, softer this time, a small spark light.
Lin Yue watched closely.
*Soft works too.*
Another day.
"Stretch food as far as you can," Qing said, stirring the thin broth. "If you drink it too quickly, it disappears."
Lin Yue stared into the bowl.
*It's already so small.*
She nodded anyway.
"Noticing is more important than speaking," Qing said, sweeping the damp floor. "Listen first, then decide if you should speak."
Lin Yue nodded again.
Her hands moved through dust and grit, but her eyes stayed on Qing.
*If I listen, I won't get it wrong the no one will be mad at me.*
One afternoon, a sparrow flew in through the crack in the roof. It landed near the brazier, its chest moving up and down fast.
Lin Yue froze, watching it.
*It looks scared.*
Qing glanced up from her work.
"It watches everything; to survive outside, it must watch for danger," she said.
The bird turned its head quickly, then again, never staying still for long.
*It doesn't want to get caught.*
After a moment, it flew out the way it came in.
Lin Yue kept looking at the empty space.
*I should be careful too.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡
At night, when the courtyard went quiet, Lin Yue traced shapes into the dust.
Lines, rooms, faces she remembered of the people who hurt her.
*If I forget, they go away, I will never forget.*
Her fingers moved slowly.
She had learned well from Qing, she watched more carefully now, who ignored her suffering, who looked at her too long, with unkind eyes, who smiled in a way that didn't feel kind.
*Something always shows.*
*Even if they don't say it.*
Lin Yue felt a small flicker of anger in her chest.
*One day…*
*I won't be like this, one day it will be them watching me.*