Ash is dead. My father is dead... Well, Adam's father.
My own father… Is a whole other issue.
Not gonna think about that…
Ash and Adam's father… are dead. It doesn't feel real to me. I'm probably in denial or something...
Ash undeniably died in order to ensure that I could escape. Adam's father… I'm not sure how he died but–
Pax: [Is this all my fault?]
The temperature in the silent carriage dropped a few more degrees with that comment, and Adam's mother was shocked back into the present situation.
Mother: [O-Of course not, Adam,] she immediately stammered out. [This isn't your fault in the slightest… The truth is, your father made a lot of enemies with his work. I'm sure that it was one of them who orchestrated this attack.]
Hurrying over to my side and embracing me, I could feel Adam's mother shaking.
I see... She's truly a strong woman. She refuses to break down into tears in front of her own son.
That was a stupid comment I had made. It's obviously not my fault.
It would be like saying if on September 11th, 2001, a man was planning on calling sick, but then his wife convinced him to go to work that day. And then the man went to work at the World Trade Center. You know, obviously it's not the wife's fault that her husband is dead –she wasn't the one that was flying the plane or anything– but if she hadn't done what she did, then her husband would still be alive.
Maybe she is at fault --at least partially. But, she definitely shouldn't be blamed for it, and she definitely shouldn't feel guilty about it. Though it's hard to imagine a world where she wouldn't.
Pax: [hah…]
What an unfunny joke.
- - - - - - -
I pretended to fall asleep for the rest of the carriage ride out of respect for my "mother". I guess it was worth it, because I could hear muffled crying shortly after closing my eyes.
Eventually we arrived in the town of Guileva. Apparently, it's a town near the western border of Artenia.
Never heard of it before... I should have studied the maps in the mansion better when I had the chance. I also should've paid more attention during Ash's geography and history lessons... I'll never get the chance to do that again.
Mother: [Adam, we are going to be staying here for a little while.]
It was a shabby looking inn. The walls and ceilings appeared to be made of concrete, but there were cracks in it everywhere. Actually, it looked like all the buildings in this town were made of concrete and had cracks in their walls. The whole town looked like it could fall apart at any moment.
After entering the inn, we headed up the stairs, and went straight into our new room... It looked like shit.
The wooden floor looked like it was rotting, and I was able to count at least three separate spider webs on the ceiling. There was only one light source in the room --A single oil lamp that looked like it had once been used to bludgeon someone to death.
Mother: [Okay Adam, leave your stuff here and we'll go get dinner.]
Adam: [Uh…]
I stared blankly at my mother for a second.
Maid: [I'm afraid Adam forgot all of his belongings at the mansion… We did leave in a hurry after all...]
Mother: [Oh… We'll have to buy you some new clothes then… For now, let's just get some food.]
Adam: […Alright]
Honestly, I wasn't feeling very hungry. Even though I hadn't had a meal all day, and it was currently approaching sunset, for some reason I didn't feel like eating. I followed along anyways simply because I didn't have the energy to protest.
We found a bar nearby and went inside. The first thing I noticed was that a lot of young men and women were causing a ruckus. That was totally fucking with the ultra-gloomy vibe we previously had going on. The next thing I noticed was that a lot of these people had swords, staffs, and all sorts of weapons.
Could these possibly be the "Adventurers" I'd heard rumors about?
Anyways, we took a table and sat in complete silence. I ended up ordering some soup, while the maid and my mother just ordered some alcohol.
It seems like they're planning to drink their woes away...
I couldn't really blame them for it, but I had no reason to stick around to watch it.
I left the pub after my mother got to her fifth drink. I had already learned a lot about her today, so I figured I should leave before I end up learning too much.
It was completely dark now, and the streets were mostly empty, except for a few people walking here and there...
For some reason, something caught my eye in that moment-- There was a little girl just standing there.
Okay, maybe my thoughts are just trying to run away from all of the serious things, but I think that there is something off about that girl.
Well, I feel like she would have stood out to most people. I mean, she was a blue-haired 13-year-old wearing what looked like a karate Gi. Blue hair itself wasn't that uncommon in this world, but I've never seen that uniform in this world before. Combined with the fact that kids usually don't stay out this late and for some reason no one else was noticing her, and you get a real suspicious person.
Suspicious Child: [Hey there! You can see me?]
Before I could call out to her, she decided to go first. I don't even know when she spotted me.
Pax: [Is there something strange about me seeing you? Are you trying to become invisible or something?]
Child: [hmm… It's a secret. Anyways, my name is Charlotte.]
She enthusiastically stuck out her arm for a handshake. Adam looked at it for a moment before hesitatingly shaking it.
Pax: [My name… is Adam. What's a kid doing out so late, Charlotte?]
Charlotte seemed kind of taken aback by the question, but then she giggled and responded wittily:
Charlotte: [A kid huh? I'm pretty sure that you're the only kid in town –If you can even call yourself that.]
Shit–How much does she know!? Who is this kid?
Charlotte: [You've got quite the secrets yourself eh? Kid. Still haven't figured it out yet? Why no one but you can see me.]
Now circling me like a shark circling its prey, her tone changed to match that of a tiger playing with a mouse that had stumbled into its den. But I'm not just going to roll over for her.
Pax: [You… You've died before, haven't you?]
Her face contorted into a wicked smile at my words.
Charlotte: –Bingo
Huh? Since when has the world been completely dark? What the hell did that bitch do?
I can't see anything! Shit, I can't even breathe!
Charlotte: [Oh? There is something completely off about your soul, but it's not what I was thinking it was. Sorry –My bad, I thought you were something else... You're a different abomination from the one I was expecting.]
The world returned back to normal and I fell to the floor gasping for air.
Patting my back, the girl's demeanor returned to being friendly again.
Pax: [What... What the fuck just happened?]
Charlotte: [Yea, sorry about that. I mistook you for a ghoul and tried to eat you for a minute there.]
I had been struggling to stand up, but when she said that, I fell back on my ass.
Pax: [What?!]
Charlotte: [Well, only people who have died before can see me, you see, and you're clearly not normal, so I just went and assumed that you were a ghoul. Oh, sorry, ghouls are...] she scratched her head while she thought of how to best explain herself. [They're kinda like ghosts, I guess? You know, dead and ghoulish... I mean, there are some exceptions to that but you just sort of looked like one to me. Well, I know that's not really an excuse to just eat someone or anything so I guess I'm sorry... No, I am sorry.]
She gave a genuine bow and spoke with sincerity as she apologized.
Pax: […Alright. Sure I guess. I'll forgive you almost killing me there, but why did you call me an abomination earlier?]
Charlotte: [Well… I've never really seen anything like you before. What exactly are you?]
Pax: [Uh. I'm definitely a human though?]
Charlotte: [Nope. Definitely not. To me, it looks like your soul probably was a human's but then something dark and disgusting attached itself to that soul and completely changed it.]
She said such while making something of a disgusted face at no one in particular.
Wow... I think that's got to be the worst thing anyone has ever told me.
My feelings must have been obvious on my face because when Charlotte looked back at me, she immediately stammered out an apology:
Charlotte: [ah! S-S-Sorry about that. I mean, if you've been living as a human all this time then that's fine. You totally look like a human on the outside! A really hot and attractive human! Yea, there's nothing to feel bad about!]
As I slowly got up, Charlotte continued spitting out apologies one after another. I had stopped being able to hear her over the thumping of my own heart.
Ah, why did I even try from the beginning? Why is it that I just remembered now?
Pax: [I'm going back home now.]
Charlotte: [Ah, okay… see you tomorrow.]
She awkwardly stood and watched with her hands clasped in one another as I walked away.
This stairway, has it always been this long? Hah, something feels funny.
I feel like throwing up.
That bitch made me think about things I shouldn't have…
What a useless distraction.
Flopping down onto the shitty bed, I willed myself to turn over onto my back and stare at the ceiling –My first accomplishment of the day.
Ash was dead. Adam's father was dead. And Pax… had died long ago. So what the hell was I?
Right now, Adam would have been crying for his lost mentor and father, right? Why can't I?
Who am I?
???: [I think you know who you are.]
From outside the closed door to my room, a familiar voice spoke to me.
Oh how I wish I could drown in those pretty words of hers...
The only one I truly love, the only one who would never leave me...
While still staring at the ceiling, I felt something shift next to me. The mattress dipped slightly, and a familiar warmth brushed against my ear.
???: [Do you want me to spell it out for you?]
Say it. Hurt me more with that loving voice of yours. Rip me apart and tear me to shreds...
???: [You. Are. A. Parasite.]
Her whispers were like heroin. In nervous elation I clung to her every word. I would have died for her. I would have done anything for her.
But still, I pretended that I hadn't fully given into her yet.
Hah. Charlotte mentioned something that sounded similar to that. I am the "something dark and disgusting" attached to Adam's soul.
???: [Silly boy, you're being too literal. You are your whole soul. The "something dark and disgusting" and the rest of the soul are both you.]
I couldn't stop my heart from beating the way it did. I shouldn't have wanted this so bad, but I was more scared of her noticing how I felt about her.
Is that how that works?
???: [Separating Adam from Pax will do you no good. The theory that you are only the dark and disgusting part of that soul breaks down when you consider your first life. Weren't you just as much of a parasite then?]
Parasite –What a funny word. When it comes from your lips, it doesn't sound so bad.
Then she climbed on top of me, and I was looking directly at her. I felt her long hair tickly my face and her body weight press down against me.
Her face was only dimly lit by the broken oil lamp, but her beauty was still unabashedly radiant. Her lips curled into a smile and she went in for a kiss. Naturally, I didn't reject the offer. I didn't resist her warmth as it spread into me, nor the excitement that welled up inside of me. She tasted so warm and sweet, stronger than the hardest drug in the world.
But as soon as I felt myself about to become consumed by her, she disappeared. In her absence, I was left just staring up at the plain ceiling, in an unbearably cold and empty room.
Pax: [Hahahaha... Ahaha –ha... AHAHAHAHA.... AHAHAH]
This laughter feels forced.
It hurt my stomach. It made me feel like vomiting. Like a deep sickness from my soul. A fundamental perversion of reality. Eventually tears came flowing out of my eyes.
Pax: [I'm so glad that I can still cry. Hah...]
Crawling up into a ball, the bedsheets became moist from the tears.