Muhahahahahaha!
So evil—this Dio truly lives up to being the supreme villain. How could anyone come up with such a terrifying demand?
First, appraise her entire being from a lofty height, then dump every single task on her as the ultimate hands-off boss.
With Shinomiya Kaguya's sky-high pride, just hearing that she'd have to serve under me would probably make her furious enough to die, right?
(She really didn't.)
Just imagining her seething with unwillingness yet forced to swallow her disgust and meekly obey my every arrangement gets me a little excited!
[Hey, Shinomiya—pour me some coffee!]
[Yes… (extremely reluctant tone)]
[What the hell is this? Looking down on this Dio? You didn't even prepare No.1 Blue Mountain coffee!]
[I'm so sorry… (frantically bowing in apology)]
Ahahahahahaha—truly refreshing!
All of the above were Diego's delusional fantasies.
"Dio-kun, Dio-kun, what are you grinning stupidly about?" A slender hand waved in front of Diego's face. Kitagawa Marin bent at the waist, slowly leaning closer.
"Ahem, ahem—I was contemplating the grand construction of the student council and my first sustainable innovative talent development plan. A new idea struck me, and I couldn't help but chuckle." Snapping back to reality, Diego quickly schooled his expression.
"Ohhh, I see! That's so impressive!" Kitagawa Marin looked blank for a moment, then excitedly made an invitation. "Hey hey, listen—there's this super delicious new restaurant that just opened outside school. Wanna go try it with me…"
Whoosh—
A gust of wind blew past, her lifted hair blocking Kitagawa Marin's view. When she brushed it aside, the spot beside her was empty—Diego had vanished.
Kitagawa looked left and right, cupped her hands like a megaphone, and shouted, "Eh? Dio-kun? Dio-kun—"
"What are you still waiting for? What kind of amazing food is waiting for us inside the restaurant?! I'm so excited!" Diego stood at the entrance, practically bouncing with anticipation.
"Ahhh?! Wait for me~"
Kitagawa Marin jogged after him.
...
Inside the newly opened restaurant outside school, starving students quickly filled every seat. The packed crowd created a noisy atmosphere, making the place extraordinarily lively.
Even so, in one unnoticed corner, Goto Hitori curled into a ball, trembling all over. The raucous crowd triggered her social anxiety full force—her brain was on the verge of crashing.
"Nene, have you guys decided what to order yet?"
Across from her sat Ijichi Nijika, holding the menu with a little yellow duck hat on her head, legs swinging lightly in her seat. "It's rare for Ryo to say she's treating."
"Um… is Goto-san okay?" Kita Ikuyo watched the bizarre twitching Goto Hitori with concern, carefully dabbing the sweat from her forehead with a tissue.
"Ah, it's fine, it's fine. Bocchi does this all the time—she'll be back to normal in a few minutes." Nijika waved it off with a touch of fondness.
Snap!
"Emm…" Ryo pressed her palms together, slammed the menu shut, and declared expressionlessly, "Great, I've decided!"
At the sound, Goto Hitori wriggled, revived on the spot, and raised a trembling hand. "Um… is it really okay for us to leave Dio behind and eat without him?"
"I feel like he'll…"
Goto Hitori didn't finish. She drew a finger across her throat in a slicing motion.
"It's fine, it's fine!" Nijika's eyes curved slightly in a faint smile. "There's no way Dio would just happen to come eat here and catch us red-handed, right? He's strictly a home-cooked-meals guy."
"More importantly, I'm way more worried about Ryo's wallet…" Nijika narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Ryo and stated bluntly, "You're sure… you're treating, right?"
"Mm-hmm, of course. The manager just paid us wages, didn't he?" Ryo nodded, fingertips drumming a rhythm on the table. "So sorry, Bocchi."
"Eh? Why?"
Goto Hitori suddenly sensed danger. She frantically looked around, trying to dodge the word she dreaded.
No no no no no—no way!
It can't really be…
Borrowing money…
Ryo clearly said she was treating…
Ryo tilted her head, puzzled by Goto Hitori's full display of confused human behavior.
"Sorry, but I'm broke right now. Cover me, okay?" Ryo's eyes were vacant as she shook her completely empty wallet.
"Eh?!" Goto Hitori let out a shriek and asked weakly, "B-But… didn't you call us here, Ryo-san?"
"Because I was super craving it… If I didn't do this, you guys definitely wouldn't have come with me, right?" Ryo blinked innocently, propped her chin on her hand, and stared at Goto Hitori. "Please cover me. I'll pay you back next month."
It's said every social-anxiety sufferer falls for this move.
Goto Hitori's face darkened further. She muttered softly, "…You didn't pay back last month's either."
"Ryo-senpai! Use my money!" Kita Ikuyo—seeing a chance to be Ryo's loyal… devoted fan—immediately lit up. She held out her money with both hands.
"Then I won't hold b—"
Ryo reached for it.
"Ahem, ahem, ahem!"
Nijika coughed pointedly. Ryo's hand froze mid-air. After several moments of inner struggle, she reluctantly pulled it back.
"Hey, you—stop always borrowing from Bocchi just because she's easy to push around." Nijika lectured earnestly. "This time's on me—I'll treat!"
"Nijika~ You're the best! I love you most!" Ryo sniffled and turned toward the blond guy holding a notepad and pen. She snapped her fingers. "Waiter! Order!"
Snap!
Thud thud thud thud...
The blond guy appeared at Kessoku Band's table in an instant—moving so fast he left afterimages.
"So, I'd like… Eh—DDDDDDio?!"
Nijika had just started reading off the menu when she turned and saw the blond guy was none other than their currently most feared, most unwanted band manager—Diego Brando. Her speech stuttered in shock.
"Sensei?! You're working part-time at this restaurant?" Kita Ikuyo stood up, eyes sparkling.
Diego swept his bangs aside. His chin gave a slight twitch—silent acknowledgment—before he asked, "Hello, lovely ladies of Kessoku Band. What would you like to eat?"
He held his pen poised over the notepad, ready to take their order.
Nijika was completely flustered, eyes turning into little beans, face visibly reddening. "D-D-Dio, when did you get here?"
"Roar roar—probably right around the 'no way Dio would catch us here' part." The pen tapped against Diego's chin. He waved dismissively. "But that doesn't matter. Quit stalling—what do you want?"
The four exchanged glances and nodded in unison.
Time to test their rapport!
Nijika gestured up and down twice.
"Oh—1982 Kobe beef!" Diego noted it down.
Ryo propped her chin and winked at Diego.
"Got it—grilled meat rice bowl topped with secret sauce!" Diego's expression didn't change.
Kita Ikuyo raised her hand—only for Diego to cut in.
"Hmm… strawberry parfait that won't make you gain weight!"
Then Diego glanced at Goto Hitori. His pen moved swiftly across the page before she could react—he'd already written her order.
"Excellent taste—delicious honey drink that turns you into a super idol!"
Perfect understanding!
All four gave thumbs-up. Diego returned an OK sign.
Kita Ikuyo's eyes shone with admiration. She smiled sweetly. "So amazing! As expected of Sensei! You figured out exactly what we wanted!"
"Hmph. Don't underestimate who you're dealing with. I've personally trained you girls for months. The last performance went quite smoothly—even Bocchi could play guitar normally."
In truth—no.
This scumbag Diego had just stopped time with The World and asked the Memory Spirit to extract their thoughts. He was simply reading off the answers.
In another corner of the restaurant, Jotaro—who had brought Jolyne for lunch—witnessed the entire scene. As the only other Stand user of the same type, he could move during time stop.
Jotaro: Has Dio gone mad?
Just then, the waiter brought two bowls of beef noodle soup topped with green onions.
?
Didn't I specifically say no green onions?
Whatever—I'll make do.
After all, Jotaro was no longer seventeen. The old him might have refused to pay and stormed out over the wrong dish or unpalatable food—or demanded a replacement plus compensation.
But now he was a father. He knew how to handle such things maturely and gracefully.
Just as Jotaro prepared to politely speak with the waiter, Jolyne beside him slammed the table, stood up with her bowl, and called the waiter over. "What kind of place is this?! Didn't my dad say no green onions?! The beef noodles barely have any beef—just a mountain of onions! Bring him a new one!"
"..."
Jotaro silently pulled his hat brim lower.
Meanwhile, Diego's actual guesses had been: oysters, giant shrimp, pork liver, chocolate ganache.
Synchronicity rate: zero percent. They might as well not know each other.
At that moment, Kitagawa Marin approached carrying takeout boxes.
"Dio-kun, the food's packed." Kitagawa Marin sidled up to Diego, shook their lunches, and noticed the four with her peripheral vision. "Eh~ Everyone, is today Kessoku Band's group meal day?!"
"Sorry, sorry—I borrowed Dio."
Kitagawa clasped her hands together in apology.
"Not at all—they ditched me for this meal. Who told me to be such a useless guy?" Diego wiped nonexistent tears from his eyes and ruffled Kitagawa Marin's head with his right hand. "Thanks for waiting. Let's go."
Without hesitation, Diego took the takeout boxes from Kitagawa Marin, took her hand, and immediately turned to leave.
"Have fun at your gathering! Next time if you're short a person, call me. If you just need someone to pay, that's fine too. I can squat nearby and pick up scraps from the bones. During shopping I can carry everything. And for photos—I don't really have friends, so I'm always free. I'll keep staring at my phone waiting for your messages…" As Diego left, he fake-cried and rambled on.
Tap tap tap...
The two descended the stairs. Kitagawa Marin looked up curiously. "What were you talking about with Kita-chan and the others just now? New song?"
Diego raised his notepad, flipped to the page with notes, and waved it in front of Kitagawa Marin. "We were discussing what to eat tomorrow."
All four turned dead-fish-eyed, watching Diego leave the restaurant.
So he wasn't actually working part-time as a waiter here…
...
After leaving the restaurant, the two found a stone bench in the park to enjoy their lunch.
Diego pulled two cups of pearl milk tea from the bag, inserted the straws, and handed one to Kitagawa Marin. He held his own overhead, examining it in the sunlight.
Sniff sniff...
Mm… no poison.
Slurp slurp slurp—chew chew…
Three seconds later, the milk tea was empty. Only a vacant cup remained.
So delicious!
ᕙ(☆＞ڡ O)!
Click!
A shutter sound came from beside him.
Hm?
Diego turned. Kitagawa Marin was taking a photo of the milk tea on the stone table with her phone.
"Dio-kun, let's take a food pic—to—gether…" Kitagawa Marin looked at the empty cup in Diego's hand and fell into thought.
"As expected of Dio-kun, huh?"
She sighed, quickly rallied, and cheerfully shoved her milk tea into Diego's hand.
Diego looked baffled. "?"
Kitagawa Marin blinked, wrapped one arm around Diego's, held her phone with the other, and snapped a photo of them both.
Click!
A shot of a beaming girl and a completely bewildered, zoned-out boy.
"There—perfect."
Kitagawa Marin gazed contentedly at the photo, eyes brimming with affection.
I love Dio-kun so much…
Diego stared at his hand for a moment...
Why take a food photo of me?
Could it be!
"Kitagawa, do you want to eat me?" Diego swallowed dryly.
A cannibal?
But in Kitagawa Marin's ears, those words carried a completely different meaning.
"Kitagawa, I want to have a child with you—shall we play the music of life together?" (Diego's passionate face)
Blush crept across Kitagawa Marin's cheeks. Shyly, she lowered her head and answered in a tiny voice, "Mm…"
Boom!
A bolt from the blue!
She really wants to eat me?!
Diego shook his head, dispelled the bizarre thought, toyed with the milk tea cup in his hand, and murmured, "So sweet… no wonder Mabel likes drinking this."
"I smell the scent of another world death! Is it that beautiful blue-haired big sister? I wanna see!"
Dekomori Sanae suddenly appeared behind the stone bench.
"O Scary Monsters—hurry and investigate the data on the Ice Tribe."
Takanashi Rikka followed right after.
Diego froze for a second, then snapped his fingers. "Easy enough!"
...
Small Easter Egg:
After school, in Fujiwara Chika's bedroom...
"Exams are finally over. I can finally relax on the weekend for once." Shinomiya Kaguya turned her head, hiding the blush on her cheeks. "How about I stay over at your place for the first time in forever?"
"Stay over!!" Fujiwara Chika's eyes sparkled. She clenched her hands excitedly. "Yes yes! Come stay!"
A sleepover party!
An activity that happens from time to time between close friends!
Late-night heart-to-hearts in a friend's room carry a special feeling like a short trip, making people unusually frank.
"Kaguya-chan, Kaguya-chan, listen—I recently started liking someone."
On the bed, Fujiwara Chika blushed and cautiously tugged at Shinomiya Kaguya's pajamas.
As mentioned earlier, such an atmosphere makes people honest. In this kind of setting, "the person I like" is an inescapable topic.
"Fujiwara-san? Really?! What kind of person is he?"
Shinomiya Kaguya was very relaxed—showing unusual interest in her friend's romance.
"Mm-hmm, let me think how to describe him… He's a very strong-willed person, super smart, has his own opinions, and somehow feels really gentle. Every move he makes draws me in." Fujiwara Chika closed her eyes and listed his appealing traits one by one.
Specific examples of attraction:
Diego: breathing ing...
Fujiwara Chika: This guy has such skills—one look and you know he's seducing me.
"He sounds like a really great person. Anything else?" Shinomiya Kaguya asked with a smile.
That's wonderful—I'm so happy for Fujiwara-san. Lately that traitor Hayasaka has been pissing me off. Hearing my best friend's love gossip is a nice change.
"And his eyes look a little fierce. His reputation at school isn't great…"
Wait—Fujiwara-san, you couldn't possibly…
Shinomiya Kaguya's smile froze. Her momentarily eased heart tightened again.
"He has beautiful long golden hair, super protective of his own, and when he smiles he looks confident and charming…"
Golden long hair…
She's set her sights on the primal savage?
Pretending it's just sharing when her brain's clearly been kicked by a donkey?
What kind of taste is this?
Her bitch nature fully exposed?
Did I spoil the two of them too much and now they've gotten cocky?
Shinomiya Kaguya turned stiffly like a malfunctioning robot. Clinging to one last shred of hope, she asked, "Um, Fujiwara-san… do you have a photo I could see…"
"I do!"
"It wouldn't happen to be Diego Brando, would it?" Shinomiya Kaguya's voice trembled. "There are already so many people after him—pick a different target!"
"Aww, so embarrassing—Kaguya-chan figured it out…" Fujiwara Chika covered her entire face with both hands, wriggling. "Doesn't this just prove the person I like is really amazing!"
You no longer deserve to be my best friend!
Fujiwara Chika was extremely excited. She eagerly pulled out her phone, opened her gallery, and showed it to Shinomiya Kaguya.
The sight that greeted her made Shinomiya Kaguya's vision blacken. She collapsed on the spot—Diego's infuriating face filling the screen.
"No way—I absolutely won't allow Fujiwara-san to date someone I don't approve of! Especially not a guy who already has a girlfriend!"
Shinomiya Kaguya tried to correct her.
"It's fine—even if he has a girlfriend, I'll still like Kaguya-chan the most!" Fujiwara Chika hugged Shinomiya Kaguya, pressing her ample chest against Kaguya's back—another blow. "Besides, I'm joining them! I've decided—first thing after I become Prime Minister: legalize polygamy!"
What can I say? (What else can I even say?)
Diego Brando! You bastard!
How dare you—again and again and again—steal away the people I cherish!
This isn't over! Just you wait!
Today's victory: Shinomiya Kaguya—defeat!
(Kaguya-sama has another red-hot day)