" Nijika, Bocchi, Ikuyo."
Lunchtime at Shuchiin Academy. The four members of Kessoku Band gathered together. Yamada Ryo sat primly and began spouting nonsense in all seriousness:
"You might not believe this when I say it, but dragons are real in this world. Just a moment ago, I ran into Dio. The sky was all gray and drizzling endlessly. Dio suddenly called out to me, but I was in a hurry to mooch... to share bentos with you guys, so I pretended not to hear and kept walking. And then..."
Kita Ikuyo tensed up and quickly asked, "And then what?"
"And then... even though I clearly ran some distance away, I suddenly appeared right next to Dio again. He grabbed my shoulder, twisted my ear, and breathed on it..." Yamada Ryo looked genuinely frightened, patting her chest before continuing, "Full of murderous intent, he asked if I was a dragon?"
"So everyone, based on Dio's reaction, I'm 99% certain that—without anyone noticing—I actually turned into a dragon!"
"And now, it's time to pay tribute to the True Dragon Heavenly Maiden. Yamada Ryo, sending money!"
"Huh?" The one whose mouth twitched uncontrollably was Nijika. She scolded, "Ryo, go apologize to Dio right now! Why would you ignore him?!"
"Senpai!" The one eagerly rushing forward with both hands offering money was Kita Ikuyo.
"Um... I think what Dio really meant was, uh... he was concerned about Ryo-san's ear condition?" The honest Goto Hitori timidly raised her hand, then timidly lowered it again. "Sumimasen, please pretend I didn't say anything..."
o(╥﹏╥)o Waaah...
Yabai, yabai, yabai! This is bad!
Sorry for someone like me barging into the conversation so smugly. If only it could rain in the next life...
Dark clouds seemed to gather over Goto Hitori's head. She crouched on the ground, sinking into full shut-in mode, her fingers endlessly drawing circles as if performing some bizarre ritual.
"Okay... time for the real topic. What I actually wanted to talk about is Christmas presents. Last time I didn't give anyone anything because I had no money, so I wanted to discuss it with you guys."
Ryo turned serious, opened her chat with Diego, and held the screen out to the three of them.
Person Who Is Loaded But Can't Borrow (Ryo's note for Diego): Ryo, I want to check out that newly opened restaurant outside Morioh. The Italian head chef's dishes there are seriously delicious. After eating, all my fatigue just vanished.
Yamada Ryo: Then just go.
Yamada Ryo: Uh... you're not asking me to lend you money, are you?
Yamada Ryo: Just so you know, I already gave all this month's living expenses back to Bocchi. Haven't borrowed any out yet. I'm completely broke right now.
Person Who Is Loaded But Can't Borrow: ? You think I'm Dio or something?
Yamada Ryo: Fine, since you're so prideful and all. I'll think of a way to help you borrow some.
Person Who Is Loaded But Can't Borrow: (Language too intense and too filthy to display)
"Anyway, I still don't get why even after I put my life savings (meaning my tiny stash) on the line, Dio still got upset." Yamada Ryo averted her eyes guiltily, putting on a puzzled expression (this woman was faking it). "It's so weird. No matter how I think about it, the only reason can be that I owe him a present."
"So please, lend me some money. This is a once-in-a-lifetime request!" Yamada Ryo knelt on the floor, hands pressed together in supplication. "I seriously have no money to prepare a gift for Dio!"
What is this girl even saying?
Isn't she usually pretty sharp with her little tricks?
Why does she suddenly seem so brain-dead?
Ijichi Nijika's half-open mouth stayed that way for a long time. Finally, sporting dead-fish eyes, she had a "pleasant" exchange with the steel-straight Ryo.
"You really couldn't see such an obvious hint? I think Dio was asking you out to the restaurant for a meal together." Ijichi Nijika gently massaged her temples, unable to hold back a complaint. "Anyway, forget about borrowing money. Even if you had any, you wouldn't buy a gift with it. And no secretly bullying Bocchi-chan either. Dio's definitely mad right now, so prepare a surprise to coax him."
"Hmm... tell him with a surprise, huh... That's worth considering." Yamada Ryo rested her chin on her hand as an idea gradually formed in her mind.
Heh~ I've got a plan!
Just then, a certain shopping dragon noticed the four of them and slinked over sneakily.
"Eh? Nijika, Ryo, Bocchi, little sun! Awesome, you're all here!" Diego looked suspiciously shifty, raising an eyebrow as he leaned in and lowered his voice. "Listen up, you guys absolutely cannot tell anyone else—this world's dragons aren't fictional, you know?"
"Yeah, unlike sensei's world. What's up?" Kita Ikuyo replied.
"Just now, I discovered that this world really does have dragons..."
"Eh?"
Dio said the same thing. Could Ryo actually be right? Does our world really have dragons?
While Ijichi Nijika was thinking this, a dinosaur tail covered in "Dio" scribbles brushed against her cheek, then climbed onto the four girls' shoulders and securely bound them together.
"That's right, I'm very dragon. Give me money!"
"I, Diego Brando, future lord of Manhattan Island—send money!"
He wasn't angry at all!!!
I never should have expected anything from those two!!
Nijika abandoned all her assumptions.
...
Day two...
Inside the degenerate's lair, a sleep-deprived Diego crawled out of bed and groggily went to wash up.
"Ah... had a nightmare last night." Diego looked cold and weary, scratching his messy hair as he picked up his toothbrush to clean his dinosaur teeth. "I actually dreamed that Yamada Ryo was doodling all over my face. What a terrifying dream."
After rinsing, he spat out the toothpaste foam. Diego felt more awake and forced his fighting eyelids open.
"Ah...?"
The mirror's reflection instantly banished all remaining sleepiness. His face was covered in black marker writing—apparently from when Yamada Ryo had sneaked in last night while he slept.
Left cheek: Let's go together to the
Right cheek: restaurant you mentioned
Forehead horizontal inscription: wryyyyyyy
"Does this Yamada Ryo think this looks cool or something?" Diego was eerily calm. He cupped some tap water in both hands and haphazardly scrubbed the writing off his face. "How pitiful. Her taste clearly needs work..."
What's going on? Have I been slacking too much lately? First Hori, now Yamada Ryo—has my place turned into public property?
Even though he was extremely annoyed, they still went together that afternoon.
A gentle breeze kept stirring Diego's golden long hair. Along the way, Diego remained expressionless and silent, simply walking beside Yamada Ryo...
"..."
Yamada Ryo: ???
Why isn't this Dio saying anything? Doesn't he usually have that nonstop motormouth? The type who'd die if he stopped talking...
Jeez, tch...
Is he upset? Not saying a word the whole way... Could it be...
Yamada Ryo gave a confident smile. But paired with her somewhat cool demeanor, it ended up looking kind of scummy.
Jeez, starting conversations... better leave it to me, Yamada Ryo!
"Dio!"
"Hm?"
"You hungry?"
"...Not hungry."
Diego looked at Yamada Ryo with the expression one reserves for the intellectually challenged, inwardly thinking: What kind of idiotic question is this idiot asking? Who goes to a restaurant not hungry?
Yamada Ryo nodded with a smile, quite satisfied with the result. After all, getting Dio from not talking to talking was huge progress!
This guy is definitely an idiot...
The savior of the hungry, Diego, came online again. His eyes went vacant as he stopped looking at Yamada Ryo. His dinosaur tail twitched, pulling an enormous beef burger out of the Silver Bullet storage inside his body and shamelessly cramming it into Yamada Ryo's small mouth.
Diego's voice sounded half-dead. He yawned, completely ignoring the burger-smeared Yamada Ryo: "If you're hungry, use this to tide you over. Being hungry feels awful. The restaurant's just ahead."
"Mmph mmph... Too big, don't force it, it really won't go in..." Yamada Ryo felt like she was suffocating.
"..."
Yamada Ryo's struggles were magnificently ignored by Diego.
Who told you to doodle all over this great one's handsome face!
Heh heh, stuff you full before the meal so this great one can enjoy everything alone!
They walked a bit farther. Diego still maintained his expressionless, silent state.
Yamada Ryo furrowed her brows, sneaking cautious glances at Diego's face, once again troubled.
He ran out of things to say again so quickly?!
No, gotta keep going!
"Di—"
As soon as Yamada Ryo opened her mouth, the dinosaur tail eagerly shoved a giant lollipop inside.
"Hungry again? Eat more."
???
Probably ran out of things to say again. Yamada Ryo stopped deluding herself. Face slightly red, only a tiny bit embarrassed, she asked: "Why aren't you talking... Are you mad? Is it because I didn't catch your hint? Or because of the Christmas present thing?
If it's really like what Nijika said, and you're actually this petty, then... then I'll apologize, okay? Just say something to me, don't ignore me..."
Hoist...
The restless dinosaur tail lifted Yamada Ryo up and shook her like a bartender violently shaking a cocktail mixer, while Diego stared at her with clear disgust and silently increased the distance.
"Help, I was wrong, I'll never act again..."
"Don't think I, Dio, don't know—this has little sun written all over it." Diego controlled the dinosaur tail to toss her aside, expression calm. "Has anyone ever told you you're really not suited for the cutesy act? Even if you pretend to be all obedient and sweet, you still owe me that present and can't wriggle out of it. I'm keeping my distance purely because your stomach's been growling nonstop and it's embarrassing Lord Dio."
"Mm... I didn't have that kind of intention at all. Even if I did, it was only a tiny bit..." Yamada Ryo stubbornly held her ground like a duck that wouldn't admit defeat. Spotting the familiar restaurant, she felt relieved that this torturous journey was finally over. "Ah, we're finally here."
The two stepped through the restaurant doors. Diego glanced sideways and spotted the Morioh street punks—steak-head Josuke Higashikata and big dummy Okuyasu Nijimura—already eating.
"Huh? Josuke, isn't that Mr. Diego?" Memories of his head being treated like a basketball slam-dunked flooded back. Okuyasu Nijimura cautiously poked Josuke Higashikata, who was eating spaghetti, and whispered behind his hand, "Is he here for dinner with his girlfriend?"
"Whoa, it really is Mr. Diego! This is that 'Stand users attract each other' thing..." Josuke Higashikata's expression shifted briefly before returning to normal. He hesitated slightly at Okuyasu's question. "Probably not. I remember Mr. Diego's girlfriend as that pretty girl with an eyepatch who says weird stuff."
"No no no, no matter how you look at it, this blue-haired girl's vibe matches Mr. Diego way better."
"Absolutely not. That eyepatch girl's shy look whenever she mentions Mr. Diego can't be faked."
"Blue-haired girl!"
"Eyepatch girl!"
The two went head-to-head, neither yielding. Two single dogs suddenly worrying about Diego's love life.
Meanwhile, on Diego's side, with a grand wave of his hand, the restaurant's chef-waiter-owner Tonio Trussardi instantly understood. After sizing the pair up for a moment, he headed to the kitchen to prepare the dishes.
"So interesting... the owner decides what to serve the customers..." During the boring wait, Yamada Ryo propped her chin and sighed in admiration. "Oh oh, if only when we perform, we could just play whatever we felt like regardless of the audience. That'd be so much fun."
Diego let out a light laugh and teased, "Heh, even if a bassist plays whatever, the audience probably wouldn't notice anyway? The sound's so low."
"Whether a song sounds good or not all depends on the bassist! The bass is the essence and soul of a song! It's my life!" Yamada Ryo's eyes widened as she hurriedly refuted this bassist-slandering agent.
Then came talk of the greatness of bass, how hard bassists work for the band, and other obscure nonsense. The air was soon filled with cheerful vibes.
Soon the dishes arrived one after another.
The fragrant food made Yamada Ryo's eyes sparkle, but she quickly realized Diego's sinister intentions.
After a few spoonfuls of omurice, her stomach reached its limit. She could no longer serve as the spokesperson for cheap takeout. She could only watch Diego feast while his triumphant smirk confirmed everything.
I'm not hungry at all!
Nothing in the world is more despairing than this—so much delicious food in front of me, yet my stomach's so full I can't eat another bite.
It's like having an extremely beautiful, perfectly proportioned young woman willing to do cosplay seduction however you want, but you're a eunuch—utter despair!
Nonsense!
I can't muster any interest at all!
Give me another chance! I'm willing to walk that torturous road again—I swear I won't eat a single bite of Dio's food!
Just as everything proceeded according to Diego's plan, a sudden change occurred. Yamada Ryo's eyes turned ruthless as she rejoined the fray.
"wryyyyyy, how can you still eat? I clearly calculated your exact limit!"
"Hmph hmph hmph... Dio, you underestimate human power. When the body reaches its limit, willpower will break you through!" A glint of cunning flashed in Yamada Ryo's eyes as she smugly wagged her finger. "The tragic memory of eating nothing but grass for three straight months will never betray me. This is the greatness of humanity!"
"Nani?!"
"I'm gonna keep eating—"
The dinosaur tail moved again, cramming another enormous sausage into Yamada Ryo's mouth.
"Mmph mmph mmph!!!"
"Willpower this, limit that—ko no Dio will not allow something so broken to exist! Muda muda!"
Why do you carry so much food on you?!
Yamada Ryo genuinely didn't understand.
...
"Ah, five ants (delicious)!"
After eating and drinking their fill came the treacherous stage of paying the bill—the true test of social skill.
Diego struck first, casually bringing it up: "Ryo, I really like this Christmas present. Let's finish eating and pay the bill."
"Hm? What Christmas present? Wasn't it you hinting for us to come to the restaurant together?" Ryo blinked, pointing at herself.
Diego smiled faintly and replied confidently: "What hint? You clearly invited me. Don't forget—you doodled all over my Dio face and told me to come to the restaurant for my Christmas present. So obviously the initiator pays."
"But Nijika clearly said..."
"Eh, that's just what Nijika said. It doesn't represent my will. I didn't bring any money."
Waaah, Nijika, you ruined me... Why'd you have to randomly guess Dio's intentions...
"Hiss... I didn't bring any either. Can I pay with bass? I have lots of basses. I can pay off the debt." Yamada Ryo looked a bit awkward but had to accept defeat. "Dio, you're not gonna leave me here alone washing dishes, right?"
Two broke paupers stared at each other, sharing the exact same thought.
Wait, how is there someone who goes out to eat without bringing money? ×2
Should we just leave without paying and claim the food tasted slightly off? ×2
Though neither really had the right to criticize the other.
"...You're really throwing your life away like this?" Diego covered his face and sighed. With a flick of his hand, a wallet instantly appeared. "Starting today, until you pay me back, you're my Dio's slave."
"No choice... I've got no money left to protect my life. This is the time I least want to borrow money..."
Today's victor: Diego, complete victory!
(Gained one slave. At the same time, Ryo updated Diego's contact note to: Loaded, can borrow from, but if he doesn't get repaid something terrible might happen)
...
Day two's day two. Yamada Ryo got out of bed, washed up, and saw the couplet Diego had left for her.
Left cheek: Didn't expect you this
Right cheek: guy to be pretty fun
Horizontal inscription: wryyyyyyy
"This Dio guy... does he think this looks cool..."
The boomerang hurts so much!