[3 Hours Later]
We had been walking steadily for the better part of the afternoon, leaving the bustling town behind and following the main dirt roads that snaked out into the Amestrian countryside. The sun was hanging low on the horizon, painting the sky in deep shades of orange and purple.
After three solid hours of straight, relentless traveling on foot, my system's minimap pinged. I spotted a solitary figure walking toward us on the opposite side of the road.
He was a tall, broad-shouldered man wearing a simple brown suit, glasses, and a heavy coat. His golden-blonde hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, and he had a neatly trimmed beard. But it was the sheer, overwhelming aura of ancient, restrained melancholy radiating from him that gave him away.
Van Hohenheim. The human Philosopher's Stone. Edward and Alphonse's estranged father.
I held up a hand, stopping Lucy in her tracks, and stepped directly into the middle of the road to block the man's path.
Hohenheim paused, his golden eyes—the exact same shade as his sons'—looking down at me with mild, polite confusion. "Excuse me, young man. Are you lost?"
"Not at all, Hohenheim," I replied evenly, watching his eyes widen instantly at the sound of his name. "Actually, I was looking for you. I want to offer you a deal. A much better, much faster deal than the one 'Father' gave you, and certainly better than the centuries-long counter-circle you're currently trying to plot out across the country."
Hohenheim completely froze. The mild-mannered traveler vanished, replaced by a centuries-old immortal whose darkest, most closely guarded secrets had just been casually spoken aloud on a dirt road by a teenager.
"Who are you?" Hohenheim demanded, his voice dropping to a dangerous, resonant baritone. The earth beneath his boots gave a faint, ominous rumble. "How do you know about him?"
"I'm a doctor," I smiled, entirely unfazed.
"And I know everything. I know about the Dwarf in the Flask, I know about the Promised Day, and I know exactly how to kill him. But to save time, I need your cooperation. And to prove I'm not just crazy, I'm going to show you that the fundamental rules of your reality don't apply to us."
I turned to my left. "Lucy. Do the honors. Show him what we're working with."
Lucy nodded firmly. She wasn't tired in the slightest. She stepped forward, her brown eyes completely serious as she pulled the Blue-Eyes White Dragon card from her pocket. She held it out in front of her, channeling her celestial magic directly into the holographic surface with practiced ease.
"Come forth!" Lucy commanded.
The air pressure violently dropped. A blinding pillar of pure white light erupted from the card, completely engulfing the road. Hohenheim threw his arms up to shield his face as a deafening, earth-shattering roar echoed across the countryside.
When the light faded, the massive, terrifying form of the Blue-Eyes White Dragon loomed over us. Its jagged wings cast a massive shadow over the road, its glowing blue eyes staring down at the immortal alchemist with sheer, apocalyptic hostility.
Hohenheim's jaw dropped. He was a walking repository of half a million souls, but even he couldn't comprehend a biological impossibility like a dragon materializing out of a piece of paper.
"And that's just her," I said smoothly, drawing his attention back to me.
I didn't clap. I didn't draw a circle. I just crouched down and pressed a single finger against the dirt road.
Using my Medical System's Equivalent Exchange Bypass, I fundamentally ignored the law of conservation of mass. I didn't transmute the dirt into a different shape or pull minerals from the surrounding earth. I just forced reality to obey my command.
A pulse of brilliant blue light flashed from my fingertip. In an instant, a massive, flawlessly cut, hundred-pound block of solid, pure gold materialized out of thin air, resting heavily on the dirt right in front of Hohenheim's boots.
Hohenheim stared at the gold, then at me. His golden eyes were wide with a genuine, creeping sense of fear. He knew alchemy better than anyone on the planet, and he knew that what I had just done was conceptually impossible without burning the energy of thousands of human souls. Yet, I hadn't used a single one.
"You..." Hohenheim breathed, looking between the dragon, the gold, and me. "You aren't human. You bypassed Equivalent Exchange entirely. What are you?"
"I'm the guy who's going to help you fix your mistakes," I told him, standing back up and crossing my arms. "I've already fully restored Alphonse's original body today. Now, it's Father's turn to pay. Are you in, or are you going to keep walking around the country in a circle?"
Hohenheim looked at the dragon, then at the unwavering determination in my eyes. The fear slowly morphed into a profound, desperate hope. He let out a long, heavy exhale, his shoulders slumping.
"If you really cured Alphonse... and if you truly have power like this..." Hohenheim muttered, closing his eyes. "Then yes. I agree to your terms. I'll help you."
I grinned, a triumphant feeling washing over me. "Perfect."
Lucy smiled brightly, effortlessly dismissing the Blue-Eyes. The massive dragon dissolved into motes of white light, returning to the card in her hand without draining her magic in the slightest.
The tension entirely evaporated from the air.
And in that sudden silence, an incredibly loud, rumbling growl echoed between the three of us.
I flinched, pressing a hand against my stomach. Right on cue, a second, equally loud rumble came from beside me. Lucy slapped both hands over her stomach, her cheeks flushing completely red.
Her magic was perfectly fine, but physically, we had been hiking for three hours straight without a single break. We had eaten a little bit before leaving, but sheer, relentless travel had completely burned through whatever calories we had left.
"Um," Lucy squeaked, staring at the dirt road in utter embarrassment, trying to suppress her grumbling stomach. "S-Sorry. I guess walking across half a country on foot really builds up an appetite."
I awkwardly cleared my throat, completely losing my intimidating, omniscient aura.
"Well," I muttered, looking over at a highly amused immortal. "I suppose even world-saving doctors need to eat. Do you know any good places to grab dinner around here, Hohenheim?"
Hohenheim let out a long, weary sigh, the tension in his broad shoulders finally relaxing. "There is a small tavern just up the road, at the edge of the next village. They serve a very hearty stew. My treat, naturally, considering the sheer weight of what you've just dropped on me."
"Lead the way," I grinned, my stomach giving another emphatic rumble of agreement.
As we walked the final stretch toward the village, Hohenheim adjusted his glasses, his golden eyes filled with an intense, analytical curiosity. "So, Doctor. I accept that you can bypass the laws of this world entirely. But 'Father' is not a normal being. He sits at the center of a massive web of alchemical energy, protected by barriers and the sheer lifeforce of half a million Amestrian souls. How exactly do you plan to destroy him?"
"I'm going to use a blade," I stated simply, keeping my pace steady. "It's going to instantly kill him."
Hohenheim blinked, looking thoroughly confused. "A blade? Young man, no sword forged on this earth can pierce a barrier fueled by a Philosopher's Stone, let alone instantly kill the core of the homunculi."
"It's not an earthly sword," I corrected him smoothly. "I have a conceptual summon trapped in a stone right now. I just need to slot it into my weapon, and then I'll summon a literal god called Odin to strike 'Father' down. One swing. Zantetsuken. It cuts through the concept of existence itself."
Hohenheim stopped walking for a fraction of a second. He stared at me, his face slightly pale, and swallowed hard. A very loud, very audible gulp.
"...A god," Hohenheim muttered, shaking his head as if trying to physically process the sheer absurdity of his new allies. "Right. Of course. Why not?"
We reached the roadside tavern a few minutes later. It was a cozy, warmly lit wooden building filled with the chatter of locals and the incredible, mouth-watering scent of roasted meat and root vegetables. Hohenheim secured us a table in the corner and ordered three large bowls of beef stew and a loaf of fresh bread.
When the food arrived, Lucy and I didn't hold back. Three hours of straight, relentless walking had left us completely starved. We dug in immediately, the rich, savory broth and tender meat tasting like absolute heaven after a long day of multiversal chaos.
As we ate, the heavy atmosphere of our assassination plotting entirely faded, replaced by the comfortable, quiet hum of the tavern.
I reached for a piece of bread, glancing over at Lucy. She was happily chewing on a piece of carrots, entirely focused on her meal, but there was a noticeable smudge of thick brown gravy right on her cheek.
Without really thinking about it, I reached across the table. "Hold still a second, Lucy."
She froze, her brown eyes widening as I gently brushed my thumb against her cheek, picking the stray bit of food away with a napkin.
"You had some stew on your face," I noted casually, pulling my hand back and taking a bite of my bread.
Lucy's entire face instantly flushed a brilliant, radiant shade of crimson. "O-Oh! Thank you," she squeaked, suddenly finding her bowl of stew incredibly fascinating.
Sitting across from us, Hohenheim watched the entire exchange. The ancient, immortal alchemist rested his chin on his hand, a deeply fond, gentle smile spreading across his bearded face. Seeing us share a meal had clearly reminded him of his own youth, or perhaps of his time with his late wife, Trisha.
"You know," Hohenheim said, his voice warm and genuinely happy. "You two make quite a lovely couple. It warms an old man's heart to see such care."
My brain, currently entirely focused on the delicious bread and the logistics of finding a Final Fantasy mechanic to slot my Odin Materia, completely failed to register the romantic implication of the word 'couple'.
"Thank you, Hohenheim," I replied earnestly, offering him a polite nod. "We make a pretty great team."
Lucy completely short-circuited.
Hearing me instantly, casually accept the compliment of us being a 'lovely couple' without a single ounce of hesitation was the final nail in the coffin. She let out a high-pitched, entirely muffled squeak, immediately raising both of her hands to completely hide her burning red face from view.
Hohenheim blinked, looking from Lucy's hidden face to my completely oblivious, neutral expression. He realized instantly that I had completely missed the point.
The immortal alchemist threw his head back. "BWAHAHAHA!"
His booming, deep laughter echoed through the corner of the tavern, drawing a few curious looks from the other patrons. He laughed until tears practically formed in the corners of his golden eyes, slapping the wooden table with his hand.
I paused with my spoon halfway to my mouth, entirely confused as to what the joke was. But seeing the normally depressed, guilt-ridden Van Hohenheim laughing so genuinely and freely was incredibly contagious.
"Hahaha!" I started laughing along with him, offering a casual shrug.
I had absolutely no idea what was so funny, but if the immortal father of the Elric brothers was having a good time, then the multiversal dinner was an undeniable success.
We finished the last of our stew and bread, the warm meal completely restoring our energy. Hohenheim paid the tavern keeper, and the three of us set out into the night, utilizing a series of underground military tunnels that the ancient alchemist knew like the back of his hand.
It took another hour of navigating the dark, cavernous depths beneath Central City, but eventually, the narrow tunnels opened up into a massive subterranean chamber. The air down here was thick, heavy with the oppressive, suffocating weight of half a million trapped souls.
Sitting in the center of the massive room, connected to a labyrinth of pipes and alchemical machinery, was a figure that looked like an identical, albeit far more sinister, twin of Hohenheim.
Father. The Dwarf in the Flask.
"Hohenheim," Father's voice echoed through the chamber, dripping with absolute arrogance and detached boredom as he opened his eyes. "You return to me. And you've brought... sacrifices? How utterly pointless. You foolish humans, do you truly believe you can defy the natural order of—"
I stepped in front of Hohenheim and Lucy, pulling the massive, heavy green Zolda Magnum from my inventory.
I already knew from my fight with the other reincarnator that the weapon's Advent Card slot was surprisingly versatile.
I pulled the dark, pulsing Odin Summon Stone from my pocket and jammed it directly into the Magnum's slot.
The heavy firearm hummed violently, locking the Materia into place.
"Let's see which version you are," I muttered, pointing the gun forward and channeling my mana straight into the stone.
The entire underground chamber went pitch black. The suffocating pressure of Father's Philosopher's Stone was entirely eclipsed by a sudden, terrifying wave of pure, absolute darkness.
The ground trembled as the sound of heavy hooves echoed through the void.
A massive tear in reality ripped open above us. I looked up, a massive grin spreading across my face as I recognized the design instantly. It wasn't the classic, colorful knight from the older games.
It was the Eikon of Darkness from Final Fantasy XVI.
Stepping out of the rift was a colossal, demonic knight clad in intricately detailed, dark blue-and-black armor with jagged edges and a flowing, tattered blue cape. An asymmetrical horned helmet completely obscured his face. He initially appeared atop Sleipnir, his monstrous spectral steed, but instead of charging, the Eikon gracefully swung his leg over the saddle and dismounted.
Odin stood on the stone floor at his full, terrifying height, his heavy sabatons echoing in the silence. He drew his massive, wicked-looking blade—a dark, almost crystalline extension of his own power—the metal humming with apocalyptic energy.
Father's eyes went wide, his arrogant facade completely shattering. For the first time in centuries, the immortal homunculus felt genuine, paralyzing fear. "What... what is that?! That is not alchemy!"
I pointed the Zolda Magnum directly at the throne.
"Zantetsuken."
Odin's unseen eyes seemed to flare beneath his helm. The dark god stepped forward, swinging his massive jagged blade in a single, effortless horizontal arc.
There was no explosion. There was no massive beam of energy. There was just a single, blinding line of black light that cleanly severed the very concept of space itself.
"...impossible—" Father choked out mid-sentence.
A perfectly straight black line appeared horizontally across Father's chest, slicing through his barriers, his body, and the throne behind him. A second later, the upper half of his body simply slid off, dissolving into ash and completely dissipating before it even hit the floor.
The core was destroyed. The ultimate evil of Amestris was instantly, effortlessly erased from existence.
Above us, Odin lowered his blade, his massive form dissolving back into shadows and returning to the Materia slotted in my gun.
The underground chamber fell dead silent.
Hohenheim stood frozen, his mouth slightly open, staring at the empty, sliced throne. He had spent hundreds of years agonizing, planning, and preparing for an earth-shattering final battle to stop this monster. And a teenager with a big green gun and a magical rock had just ended it in five seconds.
"Well," I sighed, resting the Magnum on my shoulder and turning to Lucy. "That's pretty much it for everything here."
Lucy nodded, still staring at the spot where the dark god had just cleaved reality in half.
"There's really nothing else for us to do," I said, casually pulling up my translucent blue system interface. "I already left Mustang a list of the remaining homunculi and their weaknesses back at the prison while giving him my... other advice. The military can mop up the rest of the stragglers. Let's head home."
I tapped the 'Return to Original Coordinates' button on the screen. Lucy smiled and did the same on her own interface.
Instantly, a soft, golden light began to envelop my boots, slowly traveling up my legs. Lucy began glowing with the exact same light, her form starting to turn translucent.
Hohenheim finally snapped out of his shock, his golden eyes widening in confusion as he saw us lighting up like beacons. "Wait, what's happening? Are you... leaving?"
"Our work here is done," I told him, giving the immortal alchemist a respectful nod.
I looked at him, remembering the scene we had left behind in the streets of the town.
Two brothers, finally reunited, whole and human once again. The country was safe. The shadow war was over before it even began.
"The world is safe, Hohenheim," I said quietly as the golden light reached my chest, my voice echoing slightly in the vast chamber. "You don't have to carry the weight of a million souls or plot a counter-circle anymore. You have your freedom back. So... go be a father yourself."
Hohenheim's golden eyes filled with an overwhelming, unspeakable emotion. He stared at me, the weight of centuries finally lifting off his shoulders.
"Who..." Hohenheim breathed, his voice trembling with profound awe. "Who are you?"
The golden light reached my neck. I couldn't resist. I flashed him a massive, utterly shameless grin.
"I'm the doctor, of course," I declared proudly. "Doctor Who!!!"
Pop. In the blink of an eye, Lucy and I vanished completely, leaving Van Hohenheim standing alone in the quiet, safe ruins of Father's lair, entirely bewildered but finally free.