I pushed the existential dread down for later and got up from the reversed pavement. My boots clanked softly as I walked over to where Sakura and the female Waver Velvet were huddled together behind Odin's imposing legs.
Waver looked up as I approached, her face pale and her eyes wide with lingering terror from the crossfire.
'Okay, let's try a different approach,' I thought, adjusting my silver armor to look a little less intimidating. I put on my best, most charming smile, fully intending to use my Artoria-face to smooth things over and maybe seduce some information out of her.
I reached out and gently grabbed her by the shoulder. "Hey, it's alright. You're—"
Waver's eyes rolled back into her head, and she completely passed out, collapsing backward before I could even finish the sentence.
I just stood there, my charming smile freezing on my face. "Well, that's one way to end a conversation."
I hoisted the unconscious girl over my shoulder in a fireman's carry. I looked down at Sakura, who was still clutching the Zolda belt tightly to her chest. "I'm just going to drop her off real quick, okay? Stay right here."
I walked back over to the mirror-like surface of the shipping container and peered through. The docks were still a warzone, but the immediate area had cleared out. About thirty feet away, I spotted Queen Medb. She was completely alone, frantically looking around the crates and shadows for any sign of her Master, having clearly broken away from her fight with Lancer.
I stepped through the surface, phasing back into the physical world.
Medb spun around instantly, her pink hair flying as she brought her whip-sword up. Her eyes narrowed into hostile slits the second she saw me holding Waver. She was furious, but she didn't attack right away, likely afraid I would use her Master as a shield.
"Put her down," Medb ordered, her voice trembling with a mix of anger and genuine concern.
I didn't say a word. I just walked over to a stack of nearby pallets, gently set the unconscious Waver down on the wood, and took a step back.
She straightened up slightly, her usual haughty demeanor returning. "Hmph. While you might not have harmed my Master, it's going to take a lot of—"
Without breaking eye contact, I reached down, swiftly pulled down my pants, flashed her for exactly two seconds, and pulled them right back up.
Medb completely froze. Her jaw dropped, her pink eyes going impossibly wide as her brain completely stalled trying to process what she had just seen.
"OooOOOHHHH!"
Leaving the Queen of Connacht absolutely flabbergasted and shrieking into the night, I turned around and calmly stepped back into the Mirror World.
Sakura looked up at me as I returned, blinking in confusion at the muffled scream that had echoed through the glass. I just gave her a warm, innocent smile.
"Alright, all done," I said, picking her up gently and walking back over to the Eikon. I climbed into the saddle, resting Sakura comfortably on my lap while Odin mounted behind me. "Let's head home. Sleipnir, to the apartment."
The six-legged stallion moved like a shadow, carrying us back across the reversed city in complete silence.
We arrived back at the apartment, and I carried Sakura through the hallway mirror. The physical apartment was quiet and warm. It was incredibly late, and the little girl had been through more than enough for one day. I set her down gently on the living room couch and draped a soft blanket over her. She curled up instantly, her breathing evening out as she fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.
I sat down on the armchair across from her, letting out a tired sigh as the adrenaline finally started to fade.
'This apartment is way too small for a Grail War,' I thought, rubbing the bridge of my nose. 'I need to make some serious money tomorrow and just buy a house with proper wards.'
Now, all I could do was sit and wait for Kariya, Okita, and Berserker to come back. My mind immediately drifted back to the tactical situation. Archer and Assassin. Berserker and Okita were fighting them, so they had to be a serious problem.
'Wait a second...' I mused, staring at the ceiling as the pieces clicked together. 'I summoned Okita. And knowing how Fate logic works, wherever Okita Soji goes, Oda Nobunaga is never far behind. Archer is almost definitely Nobu.'
I crossed my arms, tapping my fingers against my bicep. 'But if Archer is Nobu... who the hell is Assassin?'
I sat there in the armchair for another hour, racking my brain trying to figure out who Assassin could be in this completely off-the-rails timeline. Carmilla? Jack the Ripper? A female King Hassan?
Eventually, the mental gymnastics just got boring. The adrenaline had completely worn off, leaving behind a heavy wave of exhaustion. I dragged myself up, trudged into my bedroom, and collapsed face-first onto the mattress, falling asleep almost instantly.
———
I woke up the next morning feeling like I had been run over by a freight train. My magical circuits felt completely drained, my legs felt like jelly, and my lower back ached in a very specific, undeniable way.
I groaned, rolling over, only to completely freeze.
Okita Soji was sound asleep right next to me. She was tangled in the sheets, her bare shoulders exposed, with an incredibly smug, thoroughly satisfied smile plastered across her face.
My eyes blew wide. She actually came back for her 'reward'.
Then, sheer panic set in. I scrambled out of bed, nearly tripping over my own feet as I frantically threw on some clothes. Please tell me she didn't do this while Sakura was sleeping in the next room! I practically sprinted out of the bedroom and into the living room. The couch was empty. The blanket I had draped over Sakura last night was neatly folded, but the kid was nowhere to be seen.
My heart pounded in my chest until I noticed a piece of paper sitting on the coffee table. I snatched it up and quickly read the messy handwriting:
> Doctor,
> Berserker and Saber returned safely from the docks. You were completely dead to the world, and Saber mentioned she needed to 'tend to her Master's mana exhaustion.' I figured it was best if the kid wasn't around for that, so I took Sakura with me to a secure hotel for the night.
> I'm hoping we can meet up later today so you can train me in some actual magecraft.
> Also... that Thanos ritual didn't work. I'm sorry, Doctor.
> - Kariya
I stared at that last line, reading it over three times to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.
He actually thought quoting a Marvel meme and having a Sith Lord snap his brother's neck was a legitimate, high-level magical ritual—and he was genuinely apologizing that it had failed.
I slapped a hand over my mouth, my shoulders shaking violently as I bit my lip, doing everything in my power to hold back a massive burst of laughter.
I couldn't hold it back anymore. A snort escaped me, followed by a full-blown, belly-deep laugh. It echoed in the empty apartment as I imagined Kariya solemnly watching Byakuya die, genuinely believing he was partaking in some ancient, cosmic Thanos magic.
But as the laughter faded, a sudden, chilling thought crept into the back of my mind. Wait. Did I just find it funny that I orchestrated a man's neck being snapped for a meme? I stared down at my hands. Do I have sadistic tendencies now? Am I losing my humanity?
I forcibly pushed the thought down. No. Byakuya Matou was a monster who willingly participated in throwing a little girl into a pit of crest worms for years. I was playing with his life, sure, but he and Zouken had spent decades playing with the lives of innocent people. It was karma. Simple as that. I took a deep breath, letting the fleeting guilt wash away, and completely calmed myself down.
Needing a distraction, I pulled up the system interface and opened the dimensional chat for the first time in a while.
The holographic screen popped up, showing a flurry of messages between Saki and Lucy. They were deep in 'girl talk'—discussing clothes, school, and dealing with annoying guys. I smiled, feeling a massive wave of relief seeing Saki acting like a normal, happy teenager again. I wasn't going to say anything, perfectly content to just lurk, but the system snitched on me by displaying an 'Online' notification.
[Lucy Heartfilia]:Oh, Kenji is here! Hey!
[Yoshida Saki]:Good morning, Kenji!
I chuckled and started typing.
[Kenji]: Morning, you two. Just checking in. How are things, Saki? School going alright?
[Yoshida Saki]:It's going great! I'm making a lot of new friends, and studying is actually fun now.
[Kenji]:Glad to hear it. And you, Lucy? How's the craziest guild in Fiore?
[Lucy Heartfilia]:Ugh, don't even get me started. Natsu dragged me to this creepy manor to steal a book from some ugly Duke. It was a total mess, but it wasn't a complete bust! I actually managed to get a new Celestial Spirit Key out of it—the Maiden, Virgo!
I read her response and nodded to myself. The Duke Everlue mansion and the Daybreak book. That meant she was still super early into the story and they definitely hadn't run into Gajeel or the Phantom Lord guild yet.
"Master? What are you nodding at?"
I jumped, nearly closing the chat screen by accident. I spun around to see Okita standing in the hallway. She was rubbing her eyes sleepily, her hair a complete mess, wearing absolutely nothing but one of my oversized white button-up shirts that barely covered her thighs.
My brain completely panicked. Without missing a beat, I used my alchemy to rapidly synthesize a massive, cartoonishly large paper folding fan.
WHACK!
"Ow!" Okita yelped, clutching the top of her head.
"You lustful samurai!" I scolded, my face burning red as I brought the paper fan down again. WHACK! "What is wrong with you?! Sneaking into my bed like a succubus! There was a kid in the house!"
"W-Wait, Master, stop hitting me!" Okita protested, crossing her arms over her head to block the gag weapon as I kept swinging it. "Berserker's Master came and took Sakura away before I even started! She didn't hear anything, I swear!"
WHACK!
"That's not the point!" I yelled, bopping her on the head again. "You lack discipline! Where is your Shinsengumi honor?!"
"A-Ah! Master! Stop it, it's just paper but it stings!" Okita whined, trying to duck out of the way. But despite her protests, there was a distinct lack of actual regret on her face as I relentlessly kept smacking her head.
I let out a long, defeated sigh, finally lowering the paper fan. It vanished back into alchemical energy as I pinched the bridge of my nose, wondering what I was supposed to do next in this chaotic timeline.
"Whatever," I muttered, shaking my head. "I need to clear my head and we need supplies. I'm going out shopping."
Okita's eyes instantly lit up. "I'm coming with you!"
"In a second," I said, holding up a hand. "You can't walk around Fuyuki wearing that."
I clapped my hands together, letting the familiar blue sparks of alchemy dance across my palms. I reached out and touched a nearby throw blanket resting on the armchair, rapidly breaking down and restructuring its material. In a matter of seconds, I tossed a perfectly tailored set of casual modern clothes over to her.
Okita caught the outfit and quickly changed right in the hallway without a second thought. She smoothed out the fabric, looking down at herself in genuine surprise. "Wow, Master... it's a perfect fit! How did you guess my exact size?"
"I just guessed when I was examining your body to cure your tuberculosis," I lied smoothly, keeping my expression perfectly neutral.
"Ah, that makes sense!" Okita nodded, completely buying the excuse.
I kept my mouth shut. There was absolutely no way I was going to say aloud that I had actually taken the time to measure her three sizes while she was fast asleep. Some secrets are best taken to the grave.
We finally left the apartment, stepping out into the crisp morning air of Fuyuki City. Okita practically skipped alongside me, her mood completely brightened as she happily linked her arm with mine.
"I can't believe I get to go on a date with Master so soon," she beamed, looking incredibly pleased with herself.
WHACK!
I summoned the paper fan out of thin air and brought it down on her head one last time.
"Ow!" Okita yelped, dramatically 'wincing' and holding her head in exaggerated pain, though the massive, smug smile never once left her face.