Roger squatted on the deck, watching Rhett skillfully change Shanks' diaper. He burst into booming laughter. "Kyahahaha! Come to think of it, you weren't this much trouble when you boarded at age three, Rhett!"
Rhett didn't look up from the diaper. "Obviously. I was a sweet little angel. Ahahahaha."
Rayleigh's hands paused while brewing tea. His glasses flashed coldly. "Now that you mention it... how did a three-year-old manage to sneak drinks from my private stash at midnight?"
"And only the most expensive bottles," Gaban added through gritted teeth. "That rum took me six months to save up for!"
Rhett lifted Shanks into his arms as the baby happily tugged his hair. "That was called refined taste," he said without batting an eye. "Besides, you knew I wasn't a normal kid when you picked me up from that deserted island. What kind of ordinary child survives alone like that?"
Roger laughed even harder: "True enough!"
Shanks yawned in Rhett's arms, drooling all over his shoulder. Rhett glanced at the baby and patted his back gently. "See? This is what a normal child looks like."
Rayleigh took a leisurely sip of tea. "So you admit you were faking cuteness to board our ship?"
"Faking cuteness? The Roger Pirates would've sunk without me!" Rhett shoved the sleeping Shanks into Roger's arms. "Now it's your turn to experience the joys of childcare, dear Captain."
Roger fumbled to catch the baby just as Rhett's Observation Haki detected something—a wooden barrel bobbing in the waves.
"Wait..." Rhett's Haki pulsed. "There's something inside..."
Destiny seemed to call as Rhett fished it out.
Roger roared with laughter: "Don't tell me it's another baby!"
The barrel slammed against the ship's hull, its lid popping open to reveal a red-nosed infant clutching a half-eaten carrot, waving cheerfully at them.
"Another one?!" Gaban's jaw nearly hit the deck.
The baby squealed excitedly at the crew, his shiny red nose catching sunlight as he clumsily tried climbing out—only to faceplant into Rhett's freshly laundered diapers.
Rayleigh's glasses slid down his nose: "This...?"
Roger already held the red-nosed baby aloft: "Kyaha! Look at that nose! Adorable!"
Shanks stirred in Roger's arms as if sensing something. When their eyes met—
"Waah!" Shanks reached eagerly for Buggy's nose.
"Ah!" Buggy retaliated by chomping down on Shanks' finger.
"Hey now, play nice you two," Rhett intervened, separating them as both babies wailed.
Rayleigh massaged his temples. Well, buy one get one free. This is giving me Rhett-as-a-toddler flashbacks.
Holding both squirming infants, Rhett suddenly grinned like a demon: "Captain... I've got a brilliant idea."
Roger leaned in curiously: "Oh? Do tell."
Oh, great. Just what I needed. Rhett, as usual, was dumping his responsibilities on me. "Since you love babysitting so much—" he said, shoving both babies into my arms. "—these two are all yours now!"
"Wait! I'm not ready—" Roger flailed as Shanks' drool and Buggy's snot smeared across his face.
Rayleigh discreetly retreated three steps: "Such is the burden of captainship. They'll be your future crewmates after all."
Gaban vaulted over the railing: "I'll check the hull for damage!"
Seeing his crew abandon him, Roger simply laughed and lifted both babies high: "Whatever! Kyahaha! From today, you're both official Roger Pirates apprentices!"
Shanks and Buggy seemed to understand, their tiny faces lighting up—until Buggy's nose twitched. A snot bubble burst right on Roger's face.
"Oi! This brat's worse than Shanks!" Roger scrubbed furiously at his face.
Shanks immediately mimicked the action with a "Pbbbt!"—though his amateur attempt only sprayed Roger with spit.
This is it, the start of it all, Rhett thought, watching the two of them. The Red-Haired Emperor and the Clown Emperor, before they were anything at all. And I'm here, watching them grow up.
"You little rascals!" Roger feigned anger but couldn't hide his delight. "Time to teach you respect for your captain!"
He went to tickle them, only for Buggy to yank his nose hairs while Shanks scrambled onto his head.
"Owowow! Let go, you terrors!"
The deck dissolved into chaos. Rayleigh shook his head: "This is going to be... lively."
Gaban reappeared with two liquor bottles: "Place your bets! I say Buggy walks first—wager's a bottle of rum!"
"I'll take Shanks! He's already babbling—he's got the lead," another crewmate countered.
Rhett casually joined: "I bet they'll master stealing booze first. Like captain, like crew."
"HEY! You heartless bastards! Help me!" Roger's pleas were drowned in laughter.
Days later...
"Psst, Shanks," Rhett whispered, pointing at the napping Rayleigh before slipping an ink bottle into the baby's hands. The infant blinked innocently before toddling toward the first mate...
Five minutes later, Rayleigh sported a perfect Jolly Roger tattoo on his cheek while the culprit sucked his thumb angelically.
"RHEEEETT!" The first mate's roar shook the ship.
Hiding in the rigging, Rhett shook with suppressed laughter—completely missing Buggy crawling up behind him. The red-nosed infant suddenly wailed.
"What now?" Roger arrived to find Rhett desperately trying to soothe the baby.
"Kyaha! Instant karma!" Roger slapped his knee.
"That little demon's faking!" Rhett hissed. "He was grinning at me seconds ago!"
Right on cue, Buggy stopped crying to stick out his tongue.
The entire crew erupted in laughter—even the usually stoic Rayleigh cracked a smile beneath his ink-stained face as he went for a towel.