"Yo," I greeted, entering the room.
Rowan, who sat on the floor, seemed to be working on something.
Noticing my presence, he responded.
"Hi."
It had been a day since my visit and I had been staying in my bedroom, which would soon be turned into an office for Dad.
I hadn't been doing much, just spending time with my parents.
But I hadn't spent much time with Rowan.
"Mom told me you're working on some project for school," I mentioned as I walked towards him and sat down next to him.
"Yeah. I have to make a poster about who I'll be as a grown up," Rowan replied.
He was surrounded by markers and other art supplies.
His poster already had a sketch of what he wanted, now he was just overlining it with a black marker.
"Do you want some help?
Rowan paused for a moment before silently nodding.
I picked up one of the black markers and slowly began to outline as well.
While I did, I reminescised a little.
'I wonder what's going on in his head…'
Rowan had always been a pretty quiet kid. He wasn't overly expressive nor energetic.
While I was slightly hyperactive, he seemed to dislike exerting himself.
He learned very quickly and thought much differently than I did.
Ever since he turned 7, I had become lost on how he actually thought.
Maybe that was my fault.
"Do you like 3rd grade? Have you made any friends?"
Moving my marker across the poster, I asked that question.
Without looking up or changing facial expressions, Rowan responded.
"Um…yes I like it. But I don't have any friends."
"Hm? How come?"
In response to my question, Rowan paused for a moment.
Then, he just chose to stay silent.
"Y'know, I heard that you're supposed to beat up the biggest guy in the room. That way everyone will respect you,"
Rowan stared at me with a confused expression.
"That's prison, not school."
"What's the difference?"
Rowan just sighed and kept on outlining.
For a few moments, he went silent. But that wasn't for long.
"I'm not like them. They don't like me…" He mumbled, just loud enough for me to here.
"I don't know why."
My gaze became solemn.
'Ah, I get it.'
Like I said before, Rowan learned and thought differently.
It was obvious to anyone that he was extremely intelligent.
But that was exactly why it was so hard for him to interact with others.
Jealousy was a very dangerous thing.
Whenever a child noticed Rowan different, jealousy would take root.
In fact, I was jealous too.
His intelligence was similar to Shin. However, the fact we literally shared the same blood and I still came out inferior hurt to no end.
'What a pain…'
Looking around the room, I noticed there weren't many things around.
Even with Rowan's many interests in games like me, he hadn't outwardly shown it.
My shoulders drooped.
'Why did I have to be a big brother?'
I wasn't the big brother type at all.
I wasn't kind nor caring. Nor empathic or wise.
Ever since the beginning, I hated being an elder brother.
Despite not being my kid, I had to spend time watching and playing with him.
I was expected to be kind and loving even during times I didn't want to be.
I couldn't be as lazy as I wanted because I was always called to help out.
In fact, when I had to start living with my uncle, I thought that it might be great since I'd have no responsibilities.
'It makes no sense I was chosen to be Rowan's brother…'
Yet, despite all of that…
Despite all of my frustration…
I really loved my younger brother.
"Well, why don't you talk about games and cartoons and stuff? You might like the same things as them," I suddenly suggested.
No matter how jealous I was, I would've done anything to protect.
And that was because I knew him.
Over time, I learned about what he liked, hated, didn't care about, and loved more than anything else.
That's how I came to know who he was.
So if getting to know him overpowered my jealousy…
Maybe it'd work for them too.
"Okay…" Rowan replied softly.
I smiled.
"You wanna play some smash after this?"
"Yeah."
"We could get our favorite ice cream too. The chocolate chip with sprinkles. But you should probably be the one to beg mom for it though, she'll probably listen more since you're younger," I added.
Rowan stared at me for a couple of moments.
Then, he smiled brightly.
"Yes please. I want ice cream."
That was how I spent the day with my little brother, whom I loved so dearly.