'Why is this so dirty?'
Standing in front of the kitchen sink, I scrubbed the plate I held with a frightening intensity.
I had spent a little more time with my family and it was now the day I was supposed to head back to my uncle's house.
Putting the plate I had finished washing in the drying rack, I stretched my neck slightly.
'I wonder if I can lay on clouds or if I'd just fall through them…'
I absentmindedly continued to wash the dishes and immersed myself in my thoughts.
I even hummed once or twice.
But just as I attempted to put the last dish on the drying rack, my hand slipped.
Scratch!
The plate collided with the ground, shattering upon impact.
'Damn it…'
I gritted my teeth and walked around the glass to get the broom. Once I got it, I began to sweep up the glass.
'Why am I so damn careless? I should've gripped the plate tighter. Or paid more attention. Or just anything!'
My clumsiness had yet to be improved upon. And knowing that my mistake would have actually cost money was like salt in the wound.
'Why am I such an id…'
"Hey! Are you okay?!" I heard a voice shout.
Turning my head, I noticed my mother approaching me.
"Sorry Mom. I didn't mean to break it," I said softly.
She sighed.
"It's fine. Let me help," She replied.
Mom took the broom from me and began to sweep while I held the dustpan.
Soon, we had cleaned up all the glass.
"Um, mom. How much did the plate cost?" I asked as she poured the glass into the garbage.
Since the day I was born, my parents had shown me nothing but care and love. I must've been a lot, considering how active and persistent I was.
Not to mention the financial strain of having a kid.
So inconveniencing them like this was irresponsible of me. If I was able to pay for the trouble I caused, I wanted to do it.
"What? Kid…" Mom began.
She sighed.
"Look, I'll be real with you. Money's very important and you should care about it. But you really gotta chill out." Mom said as she took two bottles of water out the fridge.
She gave one to me.
"We're adults. We can handle losing a few bucks. Mistakes are just that, mistakes. They don't happen on purpose. Just try to do better," She explained.
We both sat down on the couch.
"Okay," I replied.
"Anyway, how's your fancy high school? You like it?"
I paused for a few moments and then responded.
"Yeah, it's pretty good. The place is well made, the teachers are pretty cool, and my classmates are fine," I answered.
"Do you even have any friends that weren't from middle school?"
"Uh, a little…?"
I wasn't lying, I did have Soriel and Austin which were like…2 people.
Mom shook her head in disappointment.
"You need more friends."
"Nuh uh."
We went silent for a few moments.
Then, Mom broke that silence.
"So…who's the girl you like?"
"Huh!?"
I was slightly taken aback at the question.
"I don…well," I began.
Remembering Soriel, I didn't want to lie.
"Ah, so I was right. You gonna confess to her?"
"Nope."
"That was fast."
"Yup."
I didn't know exactly how to address my feelings for Soriel, nor had I put much thought into it.
"Seems like you're still a pretty fearful child. You've been like that ever since you were a baby," Mom mentioned.
I frowned.
"Still though, I don't know how to explain it, but you seem a bit braver than before," She continued.
My eyes widened slightly.
"Fearful or not, it seems you're changing. Little by little."
Hearing that, a smile spread across my face.
**
The air was fresh, as if it was different somehow.
The ground was sturdy and balanced.
The world itself seemed to gleam around me.
Yet, I still wondered.
'Who am I?'
Was I the child that knew nothing?
Was I the teenager who lacked everything?
What kind of person was I?
Objectively, what made me me?
It could've been my hobbies, my preferences, my relationships, or maybe my inner thoughts.
I'm sure no matter how objective I tried to be, I'd be biased when viewing myself/
The me that existed, the one that was strengthened by Nishimoya, Tristan and Soriel, was he now a good person?
If I felt I caused so much misfortune, then perhaps I'd have to give back to others even more so than my faults.
I was sure it'd be difficult.
But when was anything ever easy?
'Man, that's a lot of thinking.'
No matter what made me who I am, no matter what I experienced, one fact remained the same.
I was trying to be better.
And isn't that what mattered?
As I walked to my bus stop so I could head back to my uncle's place, I noticed someone.
A man with dirty clothes and torn up shoes.
He sat on the sidewalk, leaving a cup of change next to him.
Once I reached him, I stopped.
I took out my wallet and placed a few dollars in his cup.
Then, I turned my head and walked away.