Dear Dairy,
It's me again, sometimes,everything can just get confusing
You think you know a day.
You think it's just hours to fill, people to watch, rules to obey.
And then—bam. The world tilts sideways. Just enough to make your pulse stumble, to make your skin hum in places you don't want it to.
I've fought. I've lost. I've almost bled. And still… I'm here. Standing. Breathing. Pretending the chaos hasn't crawled under my skin and settled like a secret I can't share.
Control? A joke. Power? A joke. Morality? Laughable.
All I really have is me. My choices. My pulse.
And that quiet, dangerous little whisper in my head, urging me to lean in… to feel it all.
Maybe I'm more alive in this mess than I ever was in safety.
Chaos isn't new. Fear isn't new. Loss… almost. But the way it lingers in my bones, in the smell of ash and blood and smoke… that's mine.
Funny thing—I don't even know if I hate it… or crave it. Every risk, every wrong step, every sharp edge that cuts just enough to remind me I'm alive.
Tomorrow, I'll put the pieces together.
Tomorrow, someone will pay attention.
And I feel him—Kael. Always there.
Watching, waiting, laughing at the careful little walls I build around myself. I can't see him, but I feel him brushing against my thoughts, curling through the dark corners of my mind like smoke, dangerous, impossible to ignore.
"You can't hide," he whispers. "You want me to, but you act as if you don't."
I shiver, pulse spiking, and I realize… maybe I don't want him to stop.
Maybe I need him to stay.