The man choked for a moment, but this was clearly part of his well-rehearsed routine. He quickly continued, voice full of zeal:
"The happiness you feel now is nothing but an illusion. In this war-torn ninja world, suffering is the eternal truth. Only by understanding pain, embracing pain, and devoting yourself to God can you attain true liberation…"
Ruichi's lips twitched.
Wow. Those lines are surprisingly polished. You and Brother Chao from my past life would definitely get along.
The Jashin cult was infamous for its fanaticism, sacrifice rituals, and obsession with pain and self-harm.
But honestly, compared to the pyramid-scheme scammers from his previous life, this level of persuasion was painfully amateur.
Too dry. Zero emotional appeal.
"Hey, brother," Ruichi interrupted casually, pointing at the skewer of oden in his hand, "my god just told me that if I don't finish this daikon soon, it'll get cold and taste awful. That'll cause me a lot of suffering. Will your god reimburse my medical bills?"
"Uh… God is—"
"No reimbursement? Then forget it." Ruichi waved him off.
"Oh, by the way, you should really update your opening lines. 'A bag of rice' is way too heavy. Young people nowadays prefer to lie flat. Later."
He strolled past the cultist, who hadn't even processed what happened, and continued down the street.
Arguing with a brainwashed fanatic was a waste of breath. As long as they didn't interfere with his vacation, they could worship whatever they liked.
Unfortunately—
The tree may wish to be still, but the wind refuses to stop.
Just as Ruichi passed the entrance of a narrow, shadowy alley, a small figure suddenly burst out.
"Oof!"
The child slammed straight into his arms.
At the same time, a grimy little hand shot toward Ruichi's waist with surprising speed.
Decent technique—for an ordinary kid.
Unlucky for him, he ran into Ruichi.
Without even lifting his eyelids, Ruichi grabbed the boy's wrist.
"Aah!"
With a flick of his arm, Ruichi spun the child around like a top.
The boy was seven or eight years old, dressed in rags. His eyes, however, were sharp and feral—those of a seasoned street thief.
"Now!"
The boy shouted.
Crash!
Seven or eight equally filthy homeless children rushed out from nearby alleys and piles of junk. They wielded sharpened metal scraps and wooden sticks. Despite their age, their movements were practiced and coordinated.
They surrounded Ruichi in an instant.
Ruichi sighed and finished the last bite of oden.
"First a cult salesman, now a group of scammers. Is public security in the Land of Hot Springs collapsing or something?"
Kids like this didn't even register as a threat.
Bullying them would feel like using a nuclear bomb to kill a mosquito—no satisfaction, just emptiness.
Fweee—!
A sharp whistle suddenly rang out from above.
"Move aside! This fat sheep is mine!"
A pink figure leapt down from a nearby low wall.
Under the lantern light, Ruichi saw her clearly.
A little girl, maybe nine years old. Short, messy pink hair. Her skin was rough from long-term homelessness, but her facial features were unexpectedly good.
What stood out most were her eyes—sharp and vicious, like a wolf ready to rip out a throat.
"Hey! You well-dressed bastard!" she shouted.
"You dare touch my people? Hand over all your money if you don't want to die—"
Ruichi simply looked at her quietly.
His initial indifference slowly sharpened into mild interest.
Leader of the kids? Good instincts. Very good instincts.
He didn't move, merely smiled.
But in the pink-haired girl's perception, the lazy young man before her transformed instantly into a primordial beast wearing human skin.
Her hair stood on end. Cold sweat soaked her back.
Despite her foul mouth and violent temper, she'd survived the streets this long because her instincts were sharper than a dog's.
And those instincts were screaming at her now:
This is someone I cannot afford to provoke.
"…!"
The rest of her threat died in her throat.
The air froze.
Her subordinates, still clueless, waved their sticks excitedly.
"Boss! Get him!"
"Get your damn heads straight!"
She suddenly spun around and kicked the boy who'd tried to pickpocket Ruichi, sending him flying.
"Everyone—kneel! Now!"
"Boss…?" the kids stared in disbelief.
She slammed one kid's head into the ground, then dropped to her knees herself.
"I—I'm sorry, young master!" she said hurriedly.
"That kid was being stupid. I'll make sure he learns his lesson!"
The speed of her change in attitude was faster than flipping a book.
Ruichi looked down at the pink-haired girl kneeling before him, her image slowly overlapping with someone from his memories.
Pink hair. Sharp instincts. That feral resilience…
"You wouldn't happen to be called Tayuya, would you?"
She looked up, startled.
"Huh? Yeah. I'm Tayuya."
So this is what she was like before falling in with Orochimaru…*
Whatever led her down that path later had nothing to do with Ruichi.
"You should be glad you ran into me," Ruichi said calmly.
"If it had been a real monster, death would've been the best possible outcome."
Hands tucked into the sleeves of his bathrobe, he walked past them as if nothing had happened.
"Oh—and work on your pickpocketing. It's terrible."
Only after Ruichi vanished at the end of the street did Tayuya collapse to the ground, gasping for air.
"Boss… who was that?" one of the kids asked, rubbing his head.
"Why were you so scared?"
"Shut up, idiot!"
She stared in the direction Ruichi had disappeared, her expression complicated.
He looked harmless—but her instincts told her he was someone who lived on the edge of life and death.
If they'd attacked, the result would've been either crippling injuries… or corpses.
---
Half an hour later.
Inside a dilapidated, abandoned warehouse in the slums.
Tayuya kicked open the door and tossed a cheap jar of ointment at an injured subordinate.
"Listen up! Stay away from that street for the next few days!"
"If anyone provokes that monster again, I'll cripple them myself!"
She cursed under her breath and went to grab some water.
Then she noticed something strange.
The cleverest of her subordinates wasn't helping distribute the medicine. Instead, he sat in a dark corner, mumbling something under his breath.
By candlelight, she saw what he was holding.
A talisman marked with a strange inverted triangle.
Beside it lay half a piece of moldy bread.
"Pain… is God's gift…"
"As long as there is sacrifice… we won't go hungry…"
A chill crawled up Tayuya's spine—far worse than when she'd faced Ruichi earlier.
"Hey! What the hell are you doing?!"
She rushed over, snatched the talisman, and smashed it to the ground.
"How many times do I have to say it? Don't believe in this superstitious garbage! Only fists and brains keep us alive!"
But the subordinates who normally obeyed her without question slowly turned their heads.
Their eyes were hollow—filled with resentment.
"Big sister…" one of them murmured.
"Why… why did you destroy God's relic?"
(A/N)
Guys author here.
This novel Naruto: The Lazy Sage or Ichiraku ramen is officially on my patreon with 40+ advanced chapters.
You can go and read the advance chapters right now on: patreon.com/TheLazy_sage.