Imelda's POV
Small apartment - early morning a year after the verdict
I woke up with a back ache.
Even after a year of sleeping on the hard mattress, I wasn't used to it.
The estate and the Harmon Designs building had to be sold.
The cars were confiscated.
Funds, accounts, assets all frozen.
Now I am living in a one-room apartment.
The furniture was all second-hand.
I was only allowed to take necessary items and a few clothes.
I had no money for anything.
"Is this what being helpless means?"
"Did Veronica feel like this when she didn't have money?"
"She was his wife, but because of me I held her money."
"Now even if Jonathan might help me for old times sake, the court has restricted me from contacting him."
I walked to the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee.
I stared at the cup with no cream.
I used to throw the cup at the new maids if they forgot to add cream.
Now I didn't have money for it.
"Did Veronica feel like this when she couldn't buy things for Janet?"
I drank my coffee.
It was bitter.
I couldn't add too much sugar as I only had for the week.
I kept the cup half-drank and walked to the bathroom.
I took a cold bath and stood in front of the mirror.
I stared at myself in the mirror.
There was a time I used to spend hours at the parlour just to get my makeup and hair done.
Now all I had was lipstick, face powder and a cheap perfume.
I brushed my hair into a ponytail.
I recalled how Jonathan's eyes wouldn't leave Veronica whenever she was in front of him.
"She never needed any makeup to be noticed by him. His eyes never left her."
After getting ready I locked the apartment and walked to the bus stop as now I didn't even have money to buy a second-hand car.
Flashback
Jonathan is holding Janet in his arms and feeding her a pie.
He wiped her mouth with his hand as he was feeding her and kept kissing her on her forehead.
Adrian ran over so he put Janet down and lifted Adrian.
As Janet walked away, his smile faded.
Present
"How come I never noticed this?"
"He loved Janet and only tolerated Adrian because of me."
I got on the bus and managed to find myself a place.
At first people used to sneer at me, but over time they've forgotten who I was and who I am now.
My mind drifted towards Adrian.
He was now in a small hostel as I couldn't afford a decent school for him.
Even now Daniel didn't know about Adrian as I was afraid he would take him away.
But Adrian was no longer the same.
He called on Sunday's and would often argue with me.
His teachers said he often got into fights and skipped his classes.
"Did I make him into who he is now?"
"What should I do? I can't lose him."
Harmon Designs - a small office in a building
I walked into my now small Harmon Designs office.
I didn't have any staff as no one wanted to work for me.
I opened my laptop and frowned.
The revenue was down by ninety percent.
Old clients and customers had stopped working with me.
A headline notification flashed on my phone:
Jonathan Rollings and Daniel Staf launch a new collection titled 'Waiting for you. The collection features the finger heart emoji to express waiting for you.
"Jonathan and Daniel have collaborated on many projects since the verdict."
"Before they were just friends. Now they are partners."
"Both have each other's backs."
I closed the screen as I couldn't watch anymore.
My mind drifted towards Veronica and Janet.
An unwanted habit I had gotten ever since I lost everything.
I recalled when Veronica and Janet lived in that small apartment.
They were happy.
And when Jonathan would come over, they would be so happy.
I used to watch them from hidden cameras.
Janet would run around occasionally hugging her parents.
Jonathan would occasionally tease Veronica by kissing her or holding her by her waist.
In public I had his time.
I had him beside me.
I had his attention.
But his real time never belonged to me.
He was beside me, but only body.
His heart was with Veronica and Janet.
I had his attention, but his mind was with them.
It's been months since she left, yet she's the only one in his heart.
A bitter laugh escaped my lips.
Today for the first time I realized all along I was competing with a ghost and she was the one winning.
A building employee came over.
"Ms. Imelda the rent is overdue."
"Yes, I'll pay tonight."
As the employee left, I quickly checked my personal account
"I barely have money for two months."
"I can't go on like this."
"And Harmon Designs image is tarnished as well."
"Jonathan," I said, clenching my fists.
"So this is what you want."
"To see me struggling."
"I might have separated you from Veronica, but it was for your good."
"Why can't you see she's not worthy to stand beside you?"
I slammed the laptop screen in anger.
My phone buzzed with a notification.
"Today I'm going to go meet Adrian."
I quickly packed my stuff and picked a bag I had packed for him.
I had packed some of his clothes and some snacks.
I hadn't seen him in three weeks as he also didn't want to see me.
Only when he needed something he would call for me to come.
I recalled the time Janet was part of a student exchange program.
Jonathan would with Veronica and they would spend the weekend together.
But he never visited Adrian after the court verdict.
Even when the hostel called him on Adrian's request he denied.
The only time he went was when he was sick.
Then also he clarified he came only because he raised him and wouldn't want to see him hurt.
I used my own son as a weapon and now he had become a rebel.
I walked into the meeting room and saw Adrian seated on the chair.
He didn't look up when he saw me.
Just sat cross armed.
He was thinner and had dark circles. His uniform was wrinkled.
"Adrian, I brought you some snacks."
"I don't need your snacks."
"Just give the clothes and you can leave."
"Adrian," I said, swallowing a lump of emotions down.
"You know I'm here for—"
He cut my words.
"Don't say that," he said, raising his voice a bit.
"Where were you when I needed you? Now I don't and you keep coming back."
His eyes were colder than his voice.
He was right. I never was there. I was busy chasing a man who never was mine for some profits as that's all I learned growing up with father. Profit over family.
"Adrian I'm trying to do my best."
"Try harder." Adrian raised his voice again.
"I don't have the money we used to have. So I can't give you the same life."
"Who wants that old life?" Adrian lashed out.
"I don't care about the money."
"I don't care what type of school I'm at."
"I only care that you used me." His voice was full of emotions.
"You used me to keep Dad beside you. You forced him to stay away from his daughter even when I wasn't his son."
"No wonder he never loved me."
With that Adrian walked out of the room leaving her and her bag.
Tears rolled down my cheeks.
The son I once neglected is now neglecting me.
The reality that hit me harder wasn't that he neglected me, but that he had given up on me long before..
I just didn't notice.
In the bus on her way back home
The bus was empty tonight.
Perfect as I could sit alone.
My mind drifted again towards how Jonathan would take care of Janet, contrasting how he would be with Adrian.
With Janet everything he did came to him naturally.
But with Adrian…he was like a formal dad.
Even actors must be forming a bond with the child actors, but Jonathan…
He never did.
"I just wanted to give Adrian a father figure. I thought by making him believe Adrian is his, he would love him the same way as he did Janet. I guess with him blood is thicker than water."
I exhaled.
My phone buzzed.
I removed to see a text message from Adrian,
Do I even have a father
Today was the first time I regretted making a fake DNA report.
I knew who his father was, but I myself pushed him so far that even if I tell him Adrian is his son, there's no way he'll believe me.
"Adrian," I said to myself. "I hope God only blames me and you can truly unite with your father. He's the only one who can."
Apartment - late at night
I was seated at the table with instant noodles. The room was a bit dark.
Once I had power, money, status and connections.
I used them to make Veronica look inferior.
To take Jonathan from her.
I used it to control Jonathan.
To make him someone he wasn't.
Today I have nothing.
Veronica who left everything back, including Jonathan,
Still has everything, including Jonathan.
Veronica had nothing.
She still survived.
I had everything.
Now I'm barely surviving.
I suppose this is the difference between creating and destroying something.
She was creating a family…I was destroying a family.
Veronica created a daughter from her love with Jonathan.
I destroyed my son from my love with Daniel.
After packing up I went to my bedroom and lay on the hard mattress as I stared at the ceiling.
Daniel was my love…Jonathan was the one I tried to make mine.
Two men whom I wronged.
Today they are not only allies but friends.
Let alone Daniel, now Jonathan also must not be thinking about me.
I was now an irrelevant person for them.
For seven years I made Veronica live an irrelevant life and I couldn't bear even seven months.
I don't know when I fell asleep, as I woke up to the sun rays falling on my face.
I walked over to the window with a cup of coffee in my hand.
I looked down at the traffic and the people.
Everyone was going about their normal routine.
I also thought I had a normal life, one that wanted Jonathan to be part of it.
But I myself destroyed that.
A pathetic laugh escaped my lips.
"Jonathan was never mine."
"Not even once in the past seven years."
I laughed again.
This time a soft bitter one.
I finally realized I had surrendered.
Not to Jonathan, but to the truth of my life.
What I could have had, and lost myself.
What I tried to get but never could.