Cassia didn't let go of the hug. She rubbed the back of my head gently, giving me space to breathe for a moment.
"It's alright," she murmured. "We both hate our fate. Usually it's me who opens up. But from now on, you can be vulnerable too. Like I said—I don't judge."
Cassia was my childhood best friend. She knew everything about me. Now I knew she had known my biggest secret from the very beginning—the one secret no one else had ever discovered. Not a single soul besides her.
"And what now?" I said. "It's not like it will make my life better. Things will only get worse from here."
My voice cracked. Why was I letting myself be vulnerable? I didn't want to. Cassia slowly eased back from the hug, cupping my chin in both hands.
"No," she said softly. "I like you the way you are. The inner you. Nothing will stop me from liking you. You're my best friend who understands everything. You can trust me."
I felt the weight leave my neck. I couldn't meet her eyes. Looking down, I held back the tears that threatened to spill.
"How?"
"I know you hate your own body and you can't do anything about it," she said softly. "But sharing will lighten your inner self."
Could it truly? How was I supposed to believe that? There was no hope. Yet her words reached the inner me in a way I hadn't expected—they were comforting, deeply so. I craved them far more than I had realized, far more. Of course, because of this cursed world.
My arms began to shake; they moved on their own. Barely holding Cassia now, I let my head rest against her chest. Tears slipped free, silent at first, then steady. I had never thought I would have someone to tell what I truly was.
"It's alright," she whispered. "Cry it out."
I didn't know how this would end, but for now I needed her comfort. Cassia ran her fingers through my hair, gently massaging my scalp. I thought I might drift off right there, but was that okay?
Cassia Thornvale—my wife. No—Cassia Viremont, my best friend. She deserved happiness beyond me.
"How can I even… repay you?" I managed, voice breaking between tears.
Cassia smiled and answered, "I could say the same thing. But we don't need to repay each other. We don't want to live by the rules anyway."
My garden of comfort, Cassia. I will gladly give everything I have if you just hold me like this. That's what I wanted to say. I couldn't. She held me anyway—she knew.
We stayed like that for a long moment, completely silent, wrapped only in warmth. When we finally parted, I didn't know what to say.
"Feeling better?" Cassia asked gently.
I nodded. "Y-yes."
We stared at each other, neither moving. Then Cassia giggled—not teasing, just soft and genuine. Her laughter felt so real that even this dumb human caught it; I giggled along with her. We were happy, truly happy in that small pocket of time. Is this what writers meant when they wrote, "I found my soulmate, but we are not lovers"?
"And I love your womanly side," she added quietly. "We could be even closer if you ever became a woman."
Yes. I wished I were a woman—I just wanted someone to see the real me. Though I'm more confused about my sexuality than anyone in the world.
This felt so heartwarming. I just wished it could last a little longer. As our giggles still lingered between us, a sharp voice cut through the air.
"MOVE! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING!!"
The driver screamed at someone ahead. We both shifted to look out—but it was already too late. The wagon lurched violently, stumbling hard over whatever obstacle had appeared. I grabbed Cassia instinctively; she clutched me back with desperate strength.
"WHAT are you doing?" I shouted at the driver.
Uncontrollable neighs filled the air—wild, panicked horses. The wagon shook harder with every second, wood groaning under the strain. We tumbled from our seats, bodies slamming together as we fell. Our grips only tightened on each other, fingers digging in.
"NO! NOT THERE, YOU DUMB ANIMALS!"
It was pointless to shout at the driver now. Cassia was trembling. "Don't worry," I said, "I'm here." But honestly, I had no idea how to help. I could feel death rushing closer.
I was right. Soon our bodies grew strangely weightless—we were levitating. At that same instant, Cassia felt it too.
"AHHHHHHHHH!"
The driver's scream tore through the air as the wagon plunged into the ravine. I lost consciousness against the ceiling. Cassia's terrified face was the last thing I saw. I didn't think I would survive.
But I did.
When I woke, pain was everything. My arm and leg refused to move. Blood blocked my vision, thick and warm, coating my eyes. Blood was everywhere—on me, around me, soaking the wreckage. I accepted it then: I wouldn't survive. Death had to come.
But when? Why couldn't it just take me right now? Why this endless pain? For someone who hadn't even truly lived. If this was how it ended, fine. At least I wouldn't have to live the life I never wanted.
I laughed inside as I waited for death. It was midnight now, the cold seeping in. I was losing blood steadily; my head grew numb, slower with every breath.
That's right—where was Cassia?
I turned my head, vision blurry and red. There she was, crushed beneath the weight of the wagon. Oh. She was dead before me.
We had just been about to start something new, and this happened. I guess Cassia had better luck than me—gone instantly. Unlucky me, left to feel exactly how extreme pain really is.
Anyway, I think death has come. I can see my life flashing before my eyes as the pain slowly fades. Childhood: mostly terrible memories, manipulation, being a bad person.
Teenage years: sin after sin, and the constant pain of not knowing who I was. But something new emerged—nothing but discovering the truth.
Adulthood: tired of people and family, giving up on my true self.
And now I'm here.
I closed my eyes as death approached. My last words rang out inside my head: "FUCK YOU, UGLY OLD HAG!!!!!!"
A thousand times. Now I could die in peace…
But wait—what is happening? Why are my memories flashing back in reverse? How can this be possible? What is this?
I lost my sense of time. Warmth surrounded me—everywhere, inside and out. I could just sleep here; it was so peaceful. No worries, only comfort. It felt like being in a mother's womb.
The comfort was like a cosmic force, endless and unbroken. As I tried to make sense of it, my body suddenly shifted downward. I didn't know what was happening.
But it felt as though I was shifting toward a much wider space. As I left the warmth behind, every sense flooded back at once. Touch returned first, sharp and overwhelming; sound followed, muffled then clear; vision remained blurry, my eyes refusing to open properly for some reason.
Cold air brushed against me, passing over my skin—refreshing, strange. I felt impossibly tiny. Two hands cradled me—giant, yet firm and steady. My body was no larger than a newborn child's.
"It's a girl, Mrs. Thornvale."
A woman's voice rang out, bright with happiness.
But wait… Mrs. Thornvale?
I heard heavy, restless breathing from another woman in the room. She answered, voice trembling with exhaustion and joy: "Ohh, princess… you really… gave your mother… a trouble…"
That was my—mother's—voice. What!
What was happening? Was this just an illusion flickering before death? Or had I truly gone back in time? Had I been reborn just now?
The hands that held me gently placed me beside where my mother lay. I couldn't see clearly, but I knew it was her. My eyes teared up. My mother—Elowen Thornvale—took me in her shaky hands.
Tears filled my eyes as Mother kissed my cheeks. I didn't… know how to even begin. I was back in time, right beside her. Mother, why did you abandoned me in the first place?
I cried so hard. I already knew the reasons, but my emotions were a complete mess. As I wailed, happy giggles rippled around the room—only women's voices, soft and celebratory.
One of them spoke. "We need to inform your husband and the rest of the family as quickly as possible that you have given birth to a beautiful princess."
Another chimed in, "Congratulations, Mrs. Thornvale. She looks like an angel."
Wait—I'm… a… girl!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm just
Crying...
God. If it's a joke then... No it's all real.
My greatest wish had come true. I had been reborn in the same life, but in a girl's body. It was… me. I'm so happy.
I was exploding inside, and it already felt amazing. Just thinking about all the possibilities sent excitement surging through me. My childhood was back. Right—I would see Cassia again.
You said it right. We will become even closer friends than before. Does she also carry memories from the previous life? I have to wait. Ahhh, but there is so much to do.
Mother played with me for a while—gentle giggles, soft cuddles, simply holding me close. I tried to cup her face, but my tiny hands weren't enough. Back to being a child again… this is it. I will make this life worth living. Not only will I change my own future, but Cassia's and others' too.