I ended up sitting by myself near one of the quieter benches on campus.
The kind of place people only came to when they wanted silence.
Ironically, I didn't even feel like I wanted silence anymore.
My mind was too loud for that.
I leaned back and stared at the trees ahead, trying to settle my thoughts into something logical.
It didn't work.
Because no matter how many times I told myself Ethan didn't matter in that way…
My brain kept replaying what I saw.
His hand on her waist.
Her standing close enough to laugh easily with him.
The kind of comfort that didn't need explaining.
I exhaled slowly and pressed my fingers against my forehead.
Stop.
It wasn't like that.
It couldn't be like that.
We weren't anything.
Not even friends anymore, really.
Just people who once shared a room by chance.
So why did my chest feel like it was reacting anyway?
I stayed there for a while longer, forcing myself to scroll through my phone just to distract my thoughts.
Nothing worked.
Eventually, I stood up and started walking back toward the dorm.
The campus was still calm, but my head wasn't.
By the time I reached the building, I just wanted to shut everything out.
I pushed open the door to my room—
And stopped.
Chloe was sitting on her bed, flipping through her phone.
She looked up immediately.
"Oh, hey," she said casually.
I nodded.
"Hey."
She studied my face for a second.
"You okay?"
I hesitated.
Then shrugged.
"Just walking."
She hummed like she accepted that answer.
I dropped my bag and sat down slowly on my bed.
The room felt too still again.
Chloe went back to her phone, but after a moment she spoke again.
"You've been… kinda quiet lately."
I looked over at her.
"I'm always quiet."
"Not like this," she said simply.
That made me pause.
I didn't answer right away.
Because I didn't know how.
Eventually I just looked down at my hands.
"I think I'm just thinking too much about stuff," I said quietly.
Chloe nodded slowly, like she wasn't going to push.
"Fair."
Silence settled again between us.
But my thoughts weren't settling.
They were still stuck outside.
On Ethan.
On the girl beside him.
On the way it shouldn't have meant anything…
But still did.
My phone buzzed softly.
I didn't even check it.
Instead, I leaned back on my bed and stared at the ceiling again.
And for the first time, I admitted something I didn't want to say out loud.
It wasn't just confusion anymore.
It was attachment.
And I didn't know when I started caring enough for it to hurt like this.