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14-August-1920
Upon entering the room, I noticed that, of all the Romanovs under my care, only Tatiana was missing. Apparently, I was going to marry the second daughter of the deposed Tsar.
As soon as I crossed the doorway, I received the gazes of every member of the family, who had been conversing. There were some servants around them, as well as the usual guards responsible for making sure nothing happened to them during their stay in the Duchy.
For a few seconds, I completely forgot the reasons with which I had justified all of this and my conscience struck me like a hammer.
I did not feel proud of forcing a marriage upon that family, obliging them under threat to hand over one of their daughters to me.
Nor did the situation improve much if I thought about the matter beyond appearances. Although I once again possessed a young body and enjoyed all the benefits of youth, I could not forget that I carried several decades from my previous life. Karl's face was nothing more than that...a face.
I did not feel good thinking that I was forcing a young woman to marry someone who was already over fifty years old, if I added my previous life and the time I had spent being Karl.
I felt guilt and shame for what I was doing.
I had managed to ignore them to a great extent because I convinced myself that it was necessary to keep myself in power and prevent all the efforts of the last few years from ending in nothing simply because we had lost the war thanks to that idiot Hindenburg and his flatterers.
In a certain way, I now understood even better the hatred Nicholas and Alexandra felt toward me.
I was a man stained by all the blood I had shed as Karl. The shit reputation I had earned acting as the lapdog tasked with fulfilling Hindenburg's impossible orders must have seemed poisonous to any father forced to give me his daughter.
I sighed while observing the family's reactions.
The parents looked displeased. The younger daughters watched me with curiosity. Aleksei greeted me kindly, while Olga frowned upon seeing me. Her expression looked quite similar to that of her parents, who could barely hide how much my presence displeased them.
''I hope everything is according to your expectations. I have made as much effort as possible to ensure the ceremony is carried out according to your requests'' I said, pressing my lips together while looking at Alexandra.
It did not take her long to change her attitude completely.
''Oh, yes. We appreciate your concern and the effort you have made to fulfill all the requests related to the wedding. It must have been very difficult to obtain everything in such little time, especially because many of our suppliers were isolated by the civil war in Russia and not all the tailors we requested from Germany were able to come either'' Alexandra replied with a smile while joining her hands over one of her legs.
Then she gave her husband a light, almost imperceptible tap with her leg.
''We certainly appreciate your concern in respecting our recommendations regarding the manner in which the marriage should be celebrated. Let us hope the ceremony passes without any incident capable of ruining it'' Nicholas said, although he still looked quite annoyed.
''I am glad to know you are satisfied. Nothing should happen. Everything has been carefully organized. Alexander has made sure that every detail is fulfilled. There will be heavy police surveillance, the food is secured, as are the wine and the other liquors. We have also hired the cooks you recommended. Everything has been prepared according to your specifications to celebrate a wedding worthy of your former status'' I replied, managing to calm myself a little.
''Tatiana is very pleased with the preparations, for she showed considerable interest in becoming your wife. She has participated actively in the organization, although much of that happened when we had still not decided which of our daughters would marry you'' Alexandra explained while taking Olga's hand, who seemed upset for some reason.
''Do not worry. I understand perfectly well that all of this must have been a headache. No one would voluntarily wish to marry a man with my reputation. It is enough to observe your husband's reaction every time he sees me. It is a feeling I have grown accustomed to over time. That reputation is part of me and I doubt I will ever manage to erase it'' I said, grimacing.
Alexandra and Olga looked at me with surprise, as if my words had been completely unexpected to them.
Olga opened her mouth slightly.
''In any case, I would like to speak with Tatiana before the wedding to make certain things clear. I prefer that she know my intentions beforehand, so we can agree on how our relationship will function and what obligations I expect her to fulfill before the State'' I said while straightening myself.
''She is currently preparing. Besides, there is the tradition that the groom must not see the bride until the ceremony… Although I recognize that it is a rather old custom, it should be respected'' Alexandra replied, looking somewhat nervous.
''I insist. It will be the best and healthiest thing for our future relationship. Nothing good can come from what we are doing if I cannot even speak with her before the marriage'' I replied calmly while walking toward the door that led to the family's rooms.
''Go, then. You will be surprised'' Nicholas said, who, for some reason, seemed to have calmed down considerably.
Without adding anything else, I crossed the door and advanced through the rooms of the mansion. I guided myself by the noise, since from one of them came the constant movement of servants speaking in Russian.
Upon entering, I immediately found myself facing numerous surprised gazes.
''We need to talk. Alone'' I said while looking at the servants.
Some were holding different parts of the wedding dress, while others were arranging Tatiana's hair.
''Oh… I did not expect you to come. Please, leave us alone'' Tatiana asked, looking at the servants.
She hurried to cover herself a little more with a garment, although she was already wearing a kind of white nightgown that concealed almost her entire body.
I waited in silence while the servants left the room and closed the door behind them.
All of this was curious. I felt more nervous than on many other occasions in my life, since my only experience with a relationship had been with a woman I thought I knew and who did not think twice before spreading her legs for another man while I broke my back earning my bread in the army. Afterward, she did not take long to lie to me either, claiming the child was mine so she could continue living at my expense.
''I know all of this must be an enormous problem for you. Your family has chosen you so that you will end up marrying the Devil of Masuria, but I hope you understand that I would never have forced this marriage if it did not offer me certain political guarantees necessary for the survival of the State'' I said while walking toward her with slow steps.
''I am not proud of what I am doing, but this is politics. An old way of practicing it, although it remains valid in the eyes of many people. Since we both know this relationship could end up being terrible for both of us, I have come to explain what I expect from you''.
I sat on the bed and looked her directly in the eyes.
''I expect you to fulfill the public image of a wife, but only that: the image. I am not going to ask you to love me or any other stupidity like that. I only need you to present yourself before society as an ideal wife. Nothing more''.
''But… then this entire marriage will be a farce'' Tatiana said, looking concerned.
''I do not want to force you to do anything. I would not be able to fall asleep carrying that on my shoulders. I do not plan to consummate the marriage. Besides, there is the possibility that my government may collapse because of circumstances beyond my control. In that case, you could resume your life later, and perhaps your parents could find you a husband who was truly to your liking or whom, at the very least, you could choose for yourself''.
I clenched my teeth because of my nervousness.
''So sleeping with you is not among my plans, unless you desire it''.
Tatiana let the garment with which she had been covering herself fall and sat beside me, looking directly into my eyes.
''And what will happen if I decide that day will never come?'' she asked seriously.
''Then it will never come. I do not want to be responsible for a terrible marriage. As long as you publicly fulfill your obligations before society, participate in some State charity events and show your face in my name when necessary, I cannot demand anything more from you. It will be enough for us to maintain a cordial relationship'' I replied, nodding while closing my eyes.
''Now I feel very bad for Olga'' I heard Tatiana murmur.
''Hum?'' I asked, turning toward her.
''Nothing, nothing… Only that there has been a great deal of talk about you. We have never known whether the stories people tell are true. There are versions from both sides. Some attribute terrible acts to you, while Crown Prince Wilhelm insists that you are a good man who was forced to do dreadful things'' Tatiana explained while taking my hands in hers.
''Well, that is the truth. Although I am not going to hide only behind the good things I have done either. I committed terrible acts for Germany, only for an annoyed general to end up turning his back on me. That is also part of what I am'' I replied calmly.
''It is good to know. You have no idea how much weight you will take off my mother's shoulders when she learns all of this'' Tatiana said while interlacing her hands with mine.
''This must remain secret. The more people know something, the more likely it is to end up reaching the public, and that is precisely what we must avoid. Before the world, we are presenting a traditional noble marriage, not this private agreement'' I replied, looking her in the eyes.
''I will try…'' she said with a smile. ''But you mentioned something about charitable works. That was precisely something I wanted to ask you about. During the war, we were responsible for attending some hospitals, so I wanted to know what I would have to do to continue my preparation''.
Tatiana moved a little closer.
''I want to establish an institution intended mainly to help those who were shattered by the war. There are many men who returned completely broken, and for quite some time I have wanted to create some kind of program to assist them, but I have never been able to do it because of the lack of funds''.
I stopped for a few seconds while organizing that old idea in my head.
''I hope to have the necessary means next year, but I want someone close to me to take direct charge of the institution. Many of the people I trust already occupy important posts within the administration. Giving them charitable work on top of that would only consume the time they need to organize and supervise their true responsibilities'' I explained.
''Yes, I have no problem taking charge of that'' Tatiana replied with a smile.
''Thank you. I hope we can live together well'' I said while trying to separate my hands from hers.
However, as I tried to do so, I felt a slight pressure on my lips.
When I raised my gaze, I discovered that Tatiana had kissed me. She remained very close to me, looking directly into my eyes.
''We were raised to marry in this way. Your concern seems excessive if you consider the circumstances, but I am glad to know what you are truly like'' she said while resting her head on my shoulder.
''There is no need to pretend. We will both fulfill our duty and, if God wills it, we will have a marriage like that of my parents. Perhaps they could not choose each other either, as some people have the freedom to do, but they managed to build a happy life together'' she added with a broad smile before lifting her head from my shoulder.
''That… would be something very good. Your father's family is beautiful'' I replied while lowering my gaze toward my hands.
''Good. Let me finish my preparations for our wedding'' Tatiana said as our hands separated.
I stood and began to withdraw from the room, feeling some of the pressure in my stomach and shoulders ease.
When I returned to the Romanovs, I noticed the gazes of the other family members, although I could feel the piercing stare of one of them.
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If there are spelling mistakes, please let me know.
Leave a comment; support is always appreciated.
I remind you to leave your ideas or what you would like to see.
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