I couldn't move for a while.
Just sat there.
Breathing hard. Hands shaking. Chest tight like something heavy was sitting on it.
People were still talking around me. Whispering.
I heard bits of it.
"He actually fought back…"
"He's getting stronger…"
"That was kinda scary…"
Scary.
Me?
I almost laughed.
If they knew how close I was to collapsing… how much that last spark hurt… they wouldn't be saying that.
I pushed myself up slowly. My legs felt weak. Like they might give out any second.
"Don't fall," I muttered. "Not here."
I managed to stand. Barely.
My hands were worse now. Red. Burnt. Shaking like crazy. When I tried to close them, pain shot through my fingers.
Too much.
I went too far.
Again.
The yard started to clear. People losing interest now that the fight was over. That's how it always is. They watch when it's exciting… then they leave like it meant nothing.
But to me…
It meant everything.
I dragged myself to the side, leaning against a wall. My breathing slowly calmed, but my chest still felt heavy.
Why does it hurt this much?
Not just my body.
Everything.
My head dropped. I stared at the ground.
"What if I can't keep up…" I whispered.
The thought hit harder than any punch.
What if this is my limit?
What if I just got lucky?
What if… I'm still the same weak kid, just pretending?
My hands shook more.
The spark flickered. Weak. Unstable.
Like it might disappear.
Panic hit instantly.
"No… no, don't do this," I said quickly, staring at my palm.
The spark shrank.
My chest tightened.
"Come on… please…"
Nothing.
Just a tiny flicker.
Barely there.
My breathing got worse. Fast. Shallow.
I felt it again.
That feeling.
The same one from before.
That empty, heavy feeling like everything I do doesn't matter. Like I'll always end up back at the start. Weak. Laughable. Nothing.
I slid down the wall and sat on the ground.
"I can't…"
My voice came out quiet. Broken.
"I really can't…"
My head dropped into my hands.
I thought I was getting stronger. I thought things were changing. But right now… I just felt tired.
So tired.
The system didn't say anything.
No messages.
No help.
Just silence.
And somehow… that made it worse.
"Say something…" I muttered. "Anything…"
Nothing.
My chest felt like it was sinking.
Maybe it was all in my head.
Maybe I just imagined it.
Maybe I'm still nothing.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
"Why is this so hard…"
For a moment… I just sat there.
Not moving.
Not thinking.
Just… stuck.
Then—
A small flicker.
I felt it.
Not strong. Not bright.
But there.
I slowly looked at my hand.
The spark.
Still alive.
Barely.
But alive.
Something in my chest shifted.
"…you're still there," I whispered.
My fingers trembled as I held them closer. Like I was scared it would disappear if I moved too fast.
"I didn't lose you…"
The spark flickered again.
Weak. But stubborn.
Just like me.
I let out a shaky breath.
"Okay… okay…"
Maybe I didn't break.
Not completely.
Not yet.
I pushed myself up again, slower this time. My legs still weak, but holding.
"I'm not done," I said quietly.
The words felt heavy. But real.
I walked back to the empty part of the yard. No audience this time. No whispers. Just me.
And the spark.
I raised my hand.
Nothing happened.
Of course.
I almost laughed.
"Yeah… not that easy."
I tried again.
Focused.
Not anger this time. Not fear.
Just… breathing.
Slow. Careful.
The spark flickered.
A little stronger.
I kept going.
Again.
And again.
It kept failing. Then working. Then failing again.
Messy.
Frustrating.
Painful.
But… real.
Every small flicker felt like a step.
Tiny.
But forward.
Hours passed. I didn't notice when the sun started going down.
My body screamed at me to stop.
But I didn't.
Not this time.
Even when my hands hurt.
Even when my head felt heavy.
Even when the spark almost disappeared again…
I stayed.
Because I remembered that feeling.
Sitting on the ground.
Thinking I couldn't do it.
I don't want to feel that again.
Not like that.
By the time I finally stopped, my spark was still small…
But steady.
More steady than before.
I stared at it, breathing hard.
"…I didn't break," I said quietly.
The system finally responded.
Soft. Calm.
[Mental Stability Increased]
[Spark Control Slightly Improved]
I let out a small laugh.
"That took you long enough…"
But I wasn't even mad.
I was just… relieved.
I looked up at the dark sky.
Everything felt quieter now.
Not easy.
Not fixed.
But… not hopeless either.
"I'm still here," I whispered.
And that was enough.
For now.
I turned and started walking back slowly. My steps tired, but steady.
Tomorrow…
I'll train again.
Maybe fail again too.
But I won't stop.
I can't.
I'm Kai.
Still weak.
Still struggling.
Still a mess.
But I didn't break.
And tomorrow…
I'll keep going.