After what felt like an eternity, the ambulance finally arrived. I was taken to the hospital and underwent emergency surgery.
Having drunk quite a bit, my head was already fuzzy. Combined with the anesthesia, I ended up falling asleep on the operating table.
In my groggy state, I overheard my mother talking to the doctor. She asked if it was serious, and the doctor replied that it was somewhat severe but, since I was brought in promptly, the surgery was relatively successful.
Mom then asked if there would be any lasting effects. The doctor said there might be a slight chance of erectile dysfunction, but the probability was low, and even if it occurred, it could be treated.
I don't know how much time passed before I gradually regained consciousness. My head throbbed from the hangover, the anesthesia had worn off, and the pain below was intense. My whole body felt as if it had been taken apart, leaving me utterly drained.
Turning my head, I saw my mother sitting by the bed, looking somewhat weary.
I tried to speak but found my voice hoarse and barely audible. Seeing this, Mom quickly brought a cup of water and fed me some cool, boiled water.
After moistening my throat, I could finally speak. Remembering what I had said to my mother earlier, I felt a pang of guilt. I said, "Mom, I'm sorry. I... didn't mean to."
Mom wasn't angry. Her voice was gentle as she replied, "It's okay. Just don't drink so much in the future."
I wanted to say more, but the pain in my lower body was too intense. Frowning, I asked, "Mom, what happened to me?"
"You..." Mom furrowed her brows, biting her lower lip. After a long pause, she said, "You hit a rock, and... that area got a little injured."
Remembering the injured part, I suddenly felt scared and pressed further, "Is it serious?"
"The doctor said it's not too serious. The surgery was successful, and you should recover in about a month."
Seeing the troubled and worried look on my mother's face, I could tell she was trying to comfort me.
The more she downplayed it, the more anxious I became. If any other part of my body were injured or even damaged, I could manage. But if this part stopped working, what would be the point of living?
"Does it still hurt?" Mom asked.
"Yes."
But the pain was the least of my worries. The unknown fear was what truly terrified me.
"The doctor said you only sustained minor damage. You'll be fine after some time."
The more lightly Mom spoke, the more afraid I became. I couldn't help but think—if it never worked again, what kind of man would I be?
A little later, the doctor came to check on me and asked a few questions.
Impatiently, I asked, "Doctor, am I really okay?"
"Nothing major," the doctor replied, equally nonchalant.
"Really?"
"Really. The surgery was successful. But you need to be careful—avoid stimulation and prevent any erection."
It wasn't a major surgery after all. After staying in the hospital for two days, my mother took me home. The doctor said the surgery...
It went very well, and there were no issues, but whenever I think of my little brother swollen like an eggplant, I feel panicked.
I can't go to school for now and can only study at home.
My mother's attitude toward me has changed dramatically. She takes care of me meticulously, and even her temper seems to have softened—it's as if she's become a completely different person.
Perhaps she feels guilty. After all, it was her push that caused my injury.
Of course, I also really like having a gentle and caring mom, but the more she acted this way, the more anxious I became.
Could it really be that I can't use it anymore?
My mind was completely consumed by this thought, leaving me with no focus for studying. Whenever I had a spare moment, I would search on Baidu, and the more I searched, the more panicked I became. I felt like I was truly useless.
After holding it in for two days, I couldn't take it anymore. During dinner, I finally spoke up: "Mom, please be honest with me. Have I really... become a eunuch?"
Upon hearing this, Mom nearly choked on her food. She widened her eyes, looking at me with a bewildered expression, and asked in return, "What did you say?"
"I always feel like you're deliberately hiding something from me. Have I... have I really become a eunuch?"
Mom was stunned for a long moment, then said with a mix of amusement and exasperation, "What on earth are you thinking about all day?"
Frowning and with a pained expression, I replied, "I'm... I'm scared. What if... what if I really become impotent? What will I do in the future?"
"It's not that serious. The doctor said it's just a simple minor surgery, and you'll recover in no time."
"I searched on Baidu, and it said that surgery for a torn corpus cavernosum might have side effects, and it could... you know..." I hesitated for a long time, too embarrassed to say it outright. "It could cause erectile dysfunction."
"Oh, for goodness' sake!" Mom sighed helplessly. "You don't listen to the doctor, but you go searching on Baidu. Can you really trust what you read on Baidu? They could turn a common cold into cancer and scare you into thinking you're sick even when you're not."
I said dejectedly, "Mom, I feel like I'm being punished."
"Can't you be a little more resilient? Why are you so narrow-minded?"
"I want to think positively too, but this is something no man could possibly take lightly."
Mom replied impatiently, "If you can't let it go, then don't think about it. Finish your dinner and go back to your room to study."
"How can I possibly focus on studying when my happiness for the rest of my life is gone?"
"Can you stop scaring yourself like this? You're making me anxious too."
After being scolded by Mom, I obediently went back to review my lessons after dinner, but my mind was nowhere near focused.
The more I thought about it, the more panicked I became. My hands and feet turned cold, my limbs felt weak, I grew restless, and cold sweat broke out. At night, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep, my mind constantly replaying the conversation between the doctor and Mom. On top of that, my little brother was swollen and purple—the visual impact was just too overwhelming. Every time I went to the bathroom, the pain was excruciating.
I became more and more convinced that this was heaven's punishment for me.
After a few days of torment, Mom finally forced me to go back to school.
It happened to be the time for the senior year mock exams. My other grades were decent, but my English score was terrible.
Teacher Tang called me into the office, holding my test paper, and asked, "Ling Xiaodong, why are your grades getting worse and worse? I remember your score from last year's college entrance exam was higher than this, wasn't it?"
"I just... didn't do well."
"Why didn't you do well? What's the reason? I see your other grades are pretty good, so why is your English score so poor?" Teacher Tang's tone was gentle, full of concern.
I was in a terrible mood, my mind completely off studying, so I casually replied, "Well, maybe you didn't teach it well enough." Teacher Tang looked at me for a long moment before finally saying, "Alright, you can go back." I turned and walked out of the office, but as soon as I stepped through the door, I suddenly realized that what I had just said might have been a bit too harsh. I turned around, wanting to apologize, but after stammering for a while, I couldn't bring myself to say a word.
Mr. Tang glanced up at me, adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose, and asked, "What's wrong? Is there something else?"
"Um… nothing." During self-study period in the afternoon, the homeroom teacher suddenly pushed the door open and shouted, "Ling Xiaodong, come out here!"
I was startled and instinctively stood up, but I used too much force, causing a sharp, tearing pain in my lower body. I let out an "ouch," my face twisting into an indescribable expression.
"What's wrong with you?" the homeroom teacher asked.
Everyone turned to look at me. Clenching my teeth against the pain, I forced an awkward smile and said, "It's nothing, just bumped into something. It hurts a little."
"Hurry up and come here," the homeroom teacher snapped sternly.
I walked over with my legs clamped together, step by step, in a posture so strange that my classmates couldn't help but start whispering and giggling. The homeroom teacher watched me approach, looking puzzled, and asked, "Are you really okay?"
Since it was too embarrassing, the excuse I gave the school for taking leave was an accidental injury, without specifying exactly where I was hurt.
I waved my hand and said, "It's fine, it's fine. Teacher He, whatever you need to say, go ahead."
"Come outside."
I followed the homeroom teacher into the hallway, racking my brain to figure out what I had done wrong. But no matter how hard I thought, I couldn't come up with anything—after all, given the special circumstances lately, I had been behaving quite well.
The homeroom teacher looked at me and asked, "What did you say to Mr. Tang this morning?"
"Ah…" Only then did I realize where the problem lay. I quickly lowered my head and admitted my mistake, "This morning, I spoke without thinking. I actually wanted to apologize to Mr. Tang."
"Then why didn't you apologize?"
I couldn't help but scratch my cheek. "I… I don't know why, but I just couldn't bring myself to say it."
The homeroom teacher glared at me and demanded sharply, "Do you know Mr. Tang even cried?"
"Huh? It couldn't have been that serious, could it?"
"What do you mean, 'not that serious'? What exactly did you say to Mr. Tang?"
"I just said… Mr. Tang asked me why I did fairly well in other subjects but so poorly in English."
"And what did you say?"
"I said, well, it's because you didn't teach it well."
"You…" The homeroom teacher pointed at me angrily. "How do you think a teacher would feel hearing something like that from a student?"
I frowned. "I don't think it's that big of a deal."
"What do you mean, 'not that big of a deal'? Go apologize to Mr. Tang right now!"
"Okay."
I nodded and turned to head toward the office, but the homeroom teacher stopped me, saying, "Mr. Tang is resting in the dormitory right now. Hurry up and go!"
Mr. Tang didn't live on campus; the dormitory was a temporary resting place arranged by the school for teachers.
On the way, I thought about what I had said that morning. Reflecting on it, I realized it was indeed a bit too harsh. Harsh words can wound deeply, and any teacher hearing such an evaluation from a student would probably feel hurt.
I crossed the playground and headed toward the dormitory building, only to run right into Mr. Tang at a corner.
She was walking hurriedly, her expression calm, as if she had already recovered.
I walked up to her and greeted her.
Mr. Tang seemed surprised to see me. She smiled and asked softly, "Why aren't you in class? What are you doing here?"
I gave an awkward smile and said, "I'm sorry, Mr. Tang. I shouldn't have said what I did."
After saying that, I took half a step back and bowed deeply.
Teacher Tang was taken aback for a moment, then waved her hand with a smile. "It's nothing, really."
"I truly didn't mean it. My mind has been a bit muddled lately, with too many worries. I spoke without thinking. Please don't take it to heart."
"Really, it's nothing. My abilities are indeed limited."
"No, no, no! You're a good teacher, absolutely a competent and good teacher. It's my fault for not studying hard enough. I apologize to you." As I spoke, I bowed again.
Teacher Tang smiled and said, "Alright, alright, I'm fine. Hurry back to class."
I apologized a few more times before turning to head back to the classroom. Not far away, I suddenly heard a sigh from behind.
I stopped and looked back. Teacher Tang was standing there, head lowered, her right hand pressed against her forehead, looking deeply troubled.
I walked back and asked softly, "Teacher Tang, what's wrong?"
She turned her head away, waved at me, and said in a choked voice, "It's nothing. Hurry back. Don't worry about me."
Her demeanor was unconvincing. Anyone could see that something was clearly wrong.
"Teacher Tang, I really didn't mean what I said. I never imagined it would hurt you so deeply. I apologize! How about this—next time, I'll definitely do well on the exam, okay?"
Teacher Tang took a deep breath, composed herself, wiped her tears with the back of her hand, and turned to me with a smile. "It really has nothing to do with you."
I saw her eyes were red, and though she wore a smile, it couldn't hide her sadness. I thought to myself, even if my words were hurtful, they couldn't possibly have such a powerful effect.
"Teacher, are you troubled by something else? If you don't mind, could you tell me about it?"
"It really has nothing to do with you. Hurry back to class."
It seemed Teacher Tang was carrying some other sorrow in her heart, and my words were merely the trigger.
As for what exactly it was, it seemed she wouldn't tell me. After apologizing a few more times, I returned to the classroom.
...
Time flew by, and over a month passed. The swelling in my little brother gradually subsided, but the anxiety in my heart grew day by day.
Since that accident, I hadn't had a single morning erection.
The more anxious I became, the more impossible it was to get hard. I imagined all sorts of stimulating scenarios, read various erotic stories, and watched adult films, but no matter what I tried, nothing could arouse my penis.
Could I really be impotent? Could I have truly become sexually dysfunctional?
Just as I was consumed with anxiety, Lu Yiyi returned from the provincial capital.
She knew about my injury from her last visit, but at that time, the swelling hadn't gone down, and we didn't dare to do anything stimulating.
This time, as soon as she returned, I eagerly called her to my rented room.
As soon as we entered, I couldn't wait to pull her into my arms, my hands roaming all over her.
It had been a long, long time since we last made love. It felt as if there was a fire burning inside me, yet my heart was filled with emptiness. Even now, holding her soft and fragrant body, I couldn't focus at all.
In the past, just the thought would make me stand at attention. But now, even as I held and kissed her, the little brother in my pants remained limp, showing no reaction whatsoever.
I began to panic.
Lu Yiyi pushed me away, panting, and asked with concern, "Is it better now?"
"It still hurts a little occasionally."
"Then..." Lu Yiyi couldn't help but glance downward, her cheeks flushing slightly as she gently bit her lower lip. "Being in such a hurry... is it really okay?"
"Probably fine?" Though I said it, my heart was a tangled mess of panic. "That's why... I wanted to try with you."
Lu Yiyi seemed a bit annoyed. "What kind of talk is that? Treating me like a tool? Just using me whenever you want?" I quickly apologized. "No, no. It's just that you rarely come back, and I'm almost fully recovered now. It wouldn't feel right not to give it a try."
Lu Yiyi mumbled under her breath, clearly not entirely satisfied, but she let me guide her into the bedroom anyway.
I pushed her down onto the bed, one leg wedged between her slender, beautiful legs. My right hand rubbed the soft swell of her breasts through her clothes, while my lips pressed against her long, snow-white neck, planting light kisses one after another.
My body felt hot and feverish, but my mind was a chaotic mess. My legs were weak, and down below, there was no reaction at all.
"Yiyi, touch it." At first, Lu Yiyi didn't understand what I meant. After a moment of confusion, she slid her hand down along the waistband of my pants, all the way to my crotch.
I could clearly feel her warm, soft hand caressing my cock, but it remained limp, like a worm, showing no sign of life.
"What's going on?" Lu Yiyi looked at me, puzzled.
"I..."
I didn't know how to explain it to her, and my heart grew even more frantic.
But the more anxious I became, the less I could get hard.
My lips trembled slightly as I said, "Maybe... maybe it's been too long since I last used it, and the stimulation isn't enough. How about... you help by licking it?"
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