The doorbell rang three times in rapid succession.
Sunny was halfway down the stairs when Effie's unmistakable voice boomed through the thick oak door. "Open up, short king! It's the tax man!"
Sunny froze. He had met effie a few weeks after he moved into the house, and he had given Effie a key to his house in a moment of what he now realized was either profound trust or catastrophic poor judgment. He had never fully analyzed which.
She didn't wait for an answer. The lock clicked, and the door swung open.
Effie breezed past him like she owned the place, Kai trailing at a polite distance with the serene expression of a man who had long accepted his fate in her chaos. Effie was dressed in her usual post-workout gear—tight leggings and a tank top that showed off every muscle—and she carried the air of someone who had come to conquer.
"Nice place," Effie announced as she strode into the kitchen without invitation. "I was expecting more goblin den, less functioning adult. I'm impressed."
"I take that personally," Sunny said flatly, walking down the rest of the stairs to close the door behind Kai.
Kai wandered in after her, taking in the space with quiet interest. "It's very you, Sunny," he said diplomatically. "Empty, excessively tidy, and vaguely depressing."
"It has a plant now," Sunny defended, gesturing to the brave little fern sitting on the windowsill. "That's progress."
"The plant is doing its absolute best," Effie said, patting one of its leaves sympathetically. "Unlike you."
She turned around, and her eyes snapped to the kitchen counter. There were two mugs resting on the drying rack, still damp from being washed. Her gaze locked onto them like a hawk spotting a field mouse.
"Oh my," Effie said, her voice dropping into a register dripping with utter delight. "Two cups."
"Congratulations," Sunny said dryly, crossing his arms. "You've learned to count. Should I get you a sticker?"
"Get me a man," Effie shot back absently, already moving further into the house. "Or a girlfriend. Or both. I'm flexible. Honestly, I just want to know who is desperate enough to—"
She stopped completely dead in the doorway to the living room.
Sunny turned from the counter. He took a slow, deep breath, adopting the careful, deliberate composure of a man who had just realized his carefully constructed life was about to violently implode.
Cielle had emerged from the hallway.
She was wearing his black shirt. That was the first problem. On Sunny, it was a comfortable, slightly oversized fit. On her, it was something else entirely. The hem skimmed the upper middle of her bare thighs, the collar had slipped off one shoulder to reveal a stark expanse of pale skin, and the sleeves were far too long, the cuffs hanging past her hands and folded back once in a way that was either completely careless or artfully accidental.
Her brown hair was still sleep-mussed, falling in soft, messy waves around her face. Her massive white wings were half-folded, drifting lazily at odd angles like she hadn't fully shaken off the drowsiness of the pods yet. She held his favorite mug in both hands, the sleeves covering her fingers completely, and she was looking at Effie with mild curiosity.
Effie stood perfectly, unnervingly still.
The silence stretched for a solid, agonizing four seconds.
Then, Effie turned her head very slowly to look at Sunny. Her expression contained roughly seven complete sentences she wasn't saying out loud yet, all of them variations on what the absolute fuck have you done, you actual maniac?
Sunny looked resolutely at the refrigerator.
Cielle looked between them, then directly at Effie. In the perfectly flat, straightforward tone she used for things that were simply true, she said, "Hello."
"Hello...." Effie replied. Her voice was very careful, like she was trying to defuse a bomb with tweezers.
Cielle glanced down at the mug in her hands. "Do you want tea? I just made some."
Effie opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. "I—where is the—what is the—" She made a vague, frantic gesture that encompassed the shirt, the wings, the bare legs, and the entire morning. "Sunny," she said finally, with an amount of restraint that was actually terrifying. "We knew you were hiding a girl. We knew she had wings. What we didn't know is why there is a half-naked angel wearing your clothes in your house."
"She has a name," Sunny said, refusing to look away from the fridge.
"I know she has a name," Effie snapped, her volume rising. "I want to know what she's doing here in that shirt!"
"The shirt was nearby," Cielle said reasonably.
Effie stared at her.
"When I woke up, its mine now" Cielle added, as if that clarified everything.
She looked down at herself, then back at Sunny. "I'm not naked. I have underwear." (Progress ig)
Effie clapped both hands over her ears. "I didn't need to know that!"
"You asked," Cielle pointed out, genuinely confused. She looked at Sunny for confirmation. "She asked."
"She was being rhetorical," Sunny muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. He could feel a migraine forming behind his left eye.
Kai, standing near the door, coughed into his fist so hard it was painfully suspicious. His shoulders were shaking.
Sunny pinched the bridge of his nose, regretting every life choice that had led to this exact moment. "Effie, this is Cielle. She'll be around. Cielle, this is Effie. She yells a lot, but she's technically on our side. I told you about her"
"She'll be around?" Effie repeated, her eyes going enormous as her brain finally fully processed the phrase and the visual evidence.
"Around," Sunny confirmed.
Effie pointed between them, her jaw dropping. "Around like around around, or around like—"
"Around like around," Sunny said, which clarified absolutely nothing and he knew it.
Cielle looked at her tea mug, ignoring the chaos entirely. "This one said 'robust morning blend.' What does robust mean for tea?"
Sunny coughed, desperately grateful for the distraction. "It means strong."
"Strong is good," Cielle decided, taking a sip. A small, pleased smile tugged at her lips. "Good choice." She took another sip. "Robust."
She looked up at Sunny. "Do you want tea?"
He sat down heavily at the kitchen table and buried his face in his hands. "Yes. Gods, yes. Please."
Cielle went back into the kitchen to make it. The shirt moved with her in ways that made Effie watch Sunny very specifically not watching her. Instead, Sunny was staring at the table with an intense, laser-like focus.
"Sunny," Effie said in a low voice that was equal parts reverence and accusation. "You absolute—"
"Tea!" Sunny interrupted loudly, sitting up completely straight. "Everyone is having tea. We are going to sit down, we are going to drink robust tea, and we are going to act like functioning members of society."
"She already offered me tea!" Effie shot back, gesturing wildly at Cielle's retreating back. "I am not talking about the tea! I am talking about the fact that she is wearing your clothes!"
"Then have the tea," Sunny insisted, glaring at her with dark, murderous intent. "Start drinking. I strongly recommend it."
Cielle returned a moment later carrying three more mugs on a small wooden tray. She set one in front of Effie, one in front of Kai, and slid the last one toward Sunny.
She then pulled out a chair across from Effie, tucked one bare foot under herself, and sat down. She drank from her own mug with perfect, unbothered composure, entirely immune to the heavy, awkward atmosphere suffocating the room.
She looked at Kai, who had finally stopped coughing and was now standing near the door with his hands folded neatly in front of him. His expression had returned to extreme, polite neutrality—except for the slight, trembling tension at the corners of his mouth.
"You're Kai," Cielle stated.
"I am," Kai confirmed, offering a polite, slightly strained smile. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."
"He talks about you," she said, nodding sideways at Sunny.
Kai raised an eyebrow, looking genuinely pleased. "Favorably, I hope?"
"Mostly," Cielle replied, taking another sip of tea. She thought for a second. "He said you once spent three days trying to convince a Nightmare Creature that you were a pillar. I wanted to ask about the legitimacy of that ."
The corner of Kai's mouth twitched violently. He completely lost the battle for neutrality, letting out a short, helpless laugh. "That's… a very long story. And not entirely accurate."
"Knew it. We have time," Cielle said, holding up her mug slightly. "There's tea."
Effie, who had been vibrating with suppressed energy, finally snapped. She pulled out the chair opposite Cielle, sat down heavily, and leaned forward, putting her chin in her hands.
"Okay," Effie said, staring directly into Cielle's clear green eyes. Her voice was uncharacteristically quiet. "I need you to know that I am going to be normal about this."
"All right," Cielle said.
"I am very normal," Effie insisted, tapping her finger on the table. "I am legally known across two realms for being normal."
Cielle said nothing. Her expression suggested she had processed this information, cross-referenced it with Effie's screaming a few minutes prior, and was actively withholding judgment.
"Did you—" Effie pointed a single finger vaguely toward the bedroom hallway, then at Cielle, then back at the ceiling. "Did you crack him?"
Cielle tilted her head, her brow furrowing slightly. "In what sense?"
"In the biblical sense," Effie clarified urgently. "In the unspeakable sense. In the sense of 'I came to check on my traumatized, emotionally stunted friend and found him thoroughly domesticated.'"
Cielle thought about this for a few seconds. She deciphered the metaphors, cross-referenced them with the events of the cave and the morning, and arrived at a logical conclusion.
"Yes," she said.
Effie choked on her own saliva.
"To be fair," Cielle added, as if clarifying a highly important technicality, "he helped."
Effie dropped her forehead onto the wooden table with a loud thud. Her mug rattled precariously, spilling a few drops of hot water over the edge.
Kai pinched the bridge of his nose, looking up at the ceiling. "Oh Void, save us," he muttered.
Sunny closed his eyes, fervently wishing for a sudden, localized Crushing to happen right now, preferably directly on top of his own head.
"To be clear," Sunny said, his voice completely devoid of emotion, "she doesn't fully understand your euphemisms."
"I understand enough," Cielle corrected him bluntly. "We have had sex."
Effie slapped both hands over her mouth to contain what was clearly a high-pitched scream. It didn't work—the sound escaped around the edges of her fingers, squeaky and filled with equal parts absolute outrage and sheer delight.
"Okay!!!" Effie said, removing her hands and pointing a shaking finger at Cielle. "I like you. I like you a lot. But put some pants on. I am fragile and my heart cannot take this level of revelation."
Cielle looked down at the oversized black shirt. "I thought this counted."
"In your own home? When it's just the two of you? Yes," Effie said, nodding rapidly. "In front of my tender maiden eyes? Absolutely not. Go put on pants."
Cielle didn't argue. She set her mug down, got up without protest, and disappeared up the stairs.
Effie watched her go with round, fascinated eyes. The second the sound of footsteps faded into the bedroom, she whirled on Sunny.
"Sunny," Effie whispered, leaning halfway across the table. "You absolute animal."
"I hate all of you," Sunny said to his tea. "I hate you specifically."
"How long?" Effie demanded. "When did this happen? How did this happen?! You wouldn't even hold a girl's hand, i mean not that a girl would ever approach you but still!!"
"I am not having this conversation with you," Sunny gritted out, his ears burning bright red.
Cielle came back down a minute later. She was now wearing actual dark trousers underneath the oversized shirt. She sat back down, tucked her wings in so they didn't knock over the salt shaker, and picked up her mug.
"Better?" she asked Effie.
"Infinitely," Effie said, letting out a long, dramatic breath. "Thank you for respecting my delicate sensibilities."
"Good." Cielle drank her tea. Then, after a moment of quiet contemplation, she looked at Effie again. "I don't know what you meant about cracking him, though. He was already like this."
Effie made a sound like air leaving a punctured balloon.
"Like what?" Sunny asked flatly, instantly suspicious.
Cielle looked at him. The look she gave him was brief, highly precise, and contained several extremely private memories she was choosing not to say out loud in front of company.
"This," she said simply.
Kai, who had turned away to pretend to admire the struggling fern, looked at Sunny's aggressively red ears. He looked at Cielle's calm, completely unbothered face. He looked back at Sunny, and then returned to the window with a small, highly private smile.
Effie had seen the look. She filed it away in her mental vault with everything else, drank her robust tea, and said nothing at all, which cost her an enormous amount of physical effort, but was absolutely worth the blackmail material.
***
Thirty minutes later, Effie was on her third helping of Sunny's hastily prepared breakfast stew. Cielle had quietly pushed the serving bowl closer to Effie's side of the table ten minutes ago. It was a small, practical gesture that Effie noticed but didn't comment on.
"So," Effie said around a mouthful of carrots, pointing her fork at Cielle like it was an interrogation tool. "How did you manage it?"
"Manage what?" Cielle asked, taking a delicate bite of her own food.
"Cracking the vault," Effie said, gesturing to Sunny, who was glaring at a spot on the wall. "Getting Doofus here to acknowledge a human emotion. Did you trap him? Blackmail? Is there an active hostage situation I should be aware of?"
"No," Cielle replied, chewing thoughtfully. "I just asked him if he wanted to have sex."
Sunny violently choked on his water, spraying a fine mist across the wooden table.
Effie stopped chewing. She stared at Cielle. Slowly, she lowered her fork to her plate.
"You just… asked him."
"Yes."
"And he said yes."
"Eventually," Cielle said, nodding. "He had to explain that most people don't talk about it out loud first. He made a lot of noises. It took a few minutes of talking."
Effie turned slowly to Sunny. Her eyes were gleaming with profound, terrible wonder. "Sunless," she breathed, her voice filled with awe. "You absolute fraud. You brooding, shadowy fraud. You didn't get seduced. You got requisitioned."
"I am officially asking you to leave my house," Sunny coughed, his voice tight with strain, refusing to look either of them in the eye.
"I am never leaving this house," Effie declared gleefully. She looked back at Cielle, her new favorite person in the entire world. "Please tell me you use small words with him. He gets confused when people are subtle."
"I know," Cielle agreed, completely serious. "He has a face he makes when he's calculating whether to trust someone."
Effie slammed a hand on the table, rattling the plates. "YES! The squinty one! Where he breathes weirdly through his nose!"
"Exactly," Cielle nodded sagely. "Like he smells something bad, but he is trying to be polite."
"I do not do that," Sunny protested weakly.
"You do," Effie and Cielle said at exactly the same time.
They looked at each other. Effie grinned, utterly delighted. Cielle didn't smile, but she tilted her head in a way that clearly meant she had decided she liked this incredibly loud, observant person.
"Cielle," Effie said, reaching across the table to affectionately pat her hand. "We are going to be such good friends. We are going to ruin his life together."
Sunny put his forehead on the table and stayed there, praying for the floor to open up and swallow him whole.