Location: Lakeside
High Score: 77,783
Top High Score: 3,333,360
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Sore arms and cheeks were lapped by waves of cool water. Blurred vision took in the sky, dominated with a bright, angry sun looming in the late afternoon. A few clouds cast shadows onto the lake, and one started to block the sun. All things considered, Gamer felt at peace.
"That was a royal ass kicking," Gamer reserved himself. The aftermath of defeat made his body thrum. All the terms Asterion mentioned were fighting game related. He needed to learn them, or find a way to circumvent them. Otherwise, his goal would slip between his fingers, and his existence would be annihilated. He sighed, "I got lucky, at least. Now I have some time to think..."
A text box popped up in front of Gamer, "It wasn't all luck."
Gamer bugged out for a moment, "Woah, did Asterion hit me so hard that I can see the matrix now?"
"Lol, no, goofball! How's this – you're my little pogchamp! The yoked bull with the gyat has that dog in him!" the text box spoke a language only the truly depraved would understand.
There was familiarity to the words, like a distant, cringe memory, "Wait...Samira?"
An avatar picture popped up with the text now. It framed the portfolio of a youthful, dark-skinned woman. A cybernetic headset covered her eyes like boxed glasses, and the wires ran back through her black hair. The wires lit up LEDs, like high-tech highlights. The text read, "What's up, lil brother?"
"Samira!" Gamer's heart soared. "Boy, am I glad you're here."
"In your darkest hour, I appear! Now if only I can enter your name. Gamer! Ah, it autocorrects!"
Gamer didn't care too much, "It is what it is. Where have you been?"
"(˶ˆᗜˆ˵) I've been here, like, the whole time. The protocol popped the cherry, but there are so many firewalls and security nodes in their coding that it's farking my groove. It takes forever to bypass everything safely. I can't even stream to you without setting off a bunch of alerts. It'll have to be text only. At least I was able to enable some player options for you."
"I appreciate it," Gamer's intact memories allowed him to hear her voice. Faced with hope, it felt more like he was in the clouds and not a lake, "So you caused the cliff to collapse?"
"Yeet. If Asterion unalived you, all of this was for nothing. (ᵕ–ᴗ–) It'd go right down the toilet, and not the skibidi kind, either."
"Thanks, it's kinda embarrassing how poorly that went. Maybe you can send a recording I can review and...wait a minute. Have you seen...everything?"
"Yezzir!"
Embarrassment started to sink in as his thoughts went to turtle tits and druggie hips, "Which means you've seen..."
"Not a byte's gone by I haven't seen. Rubbing monsters, fucking princesses; baby bro really fell off. Whatever happened to those good ol' fashioned family values?"
Gamer gritted his teeth, "Shut up! I'm dead – I'll take every opportunity I can."
"LMAO!!! (≧▽≦)," Samira successfully trolled Gamer. As he grumbled and contemplated drowning himself, Samira sent a more melancholic message, "...I missed this. I miss you (╥﹏╥)"
Gamer shared the affection, "I miss you, too. I was hoping I could see your face. The real one."
"Heh, that'd be low key bad. I look like a ghoul 💀💀💀 like Jesus if you left him on the cross a little too long!"
"What have you been doing since my execution?" Gamer asked.
"The usual biz – popping locks and decoding flags. Check it out..."
A screen popped up in front of Gamer. It listed out his attributes, from strength to magical resistance. His health bar was low, as expected. Samira gave him access to the character screen, "Oh, hell yeah! It's about time!"
Tabs aligned on top of the screen caught his eye. He scrolled over to the inventory screen. Thirty slots were available, with a few already filled. Cammy's broom, a tanuki tail, and the flare flower from this morning were all he had. In the corner it showed his currency: zero. He was a broke ass tramp.
"You have hammer space inventory. Doesn't matter height or weight, as long as it fits in your hands, you can pocket it (ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ) downside is you have inventory slots ( ◡̀_◡́) thirty, to be precise. You can also see more of the HUD when it becomes relevant," Samira explained. Her text popped up in its own screen, superimposed over the player screen, "And don't worry about responding to me while around others. It'll always look like you're staring forward, being a derp (⊙ _ ⊙ )"
"Great, this will come in handy," Gamer closed the screen. He didn't feel so powerless anymore.
"I don't mean to be extra, but you're in imminent danger (っ- ‸ - ς) if we don't come up with a way to defeat Asterion, it's for real game over!!!"
"I have a few ideas. I need to talk to my friends here, first and foremost," Gamer's mind ran like clockwork. "Actually, first, I need to get out of this lake. A gulp gulp has been giving me analingus for a bit now."
"No cap, my readings show it's been there for a hot minute ( ╹ -╹)?"
"My ass needed the comfort..." Gamer made an o-face to gross her out. It worked (•᷄▯•᷅ )
Gamer swam to shore, thanked the gulp gulp upon release, and checked his bruises. He needed his bed again. He walked along the beach until he found the stone path he saw before, and followed it up to the castle. Gamer expected to find Minnie still sunbathing on the bench, but she wasn't there. He walked to the front, where many of the shroomans and yosauri were wrapping up for the day. They shuffled into the entrance, and spoke of a large banquet being held. Gamer tailed the crowd in.
The crowd funneled through the foyer into the grand hall. Shroomans and yosauri filled up the long tables and ate mushroom-themed dishes. Gamer ignored the morality of the feasting shroomans, for sanity's sake. Bellowing laughter came from the center of one table.
Asterion gave the grand hall a show. Shroomans dangled from his arms and he lifted them with ease. The shroomans were having a hoot and a holler, and the yosauri cheered with each hoist.
Minnie sat at the end of a table, and munched on a mushroom steak. Gamer approached the shellie and caught her attention, "Why are you by yourself?"
"Oh, hi, Gamer! Shelcome back! I'm staying away from Persica until she's more comfortable with me around," Minnie put her food down. Persica had a front row seat to Asterion's gun show. Minnie seemed surprised, "Asterion said he beat you. Is it true?"
"He didn't beat me," Gamer gave a hard, exacerbated grunt. He grunted the moment the grand hall simmered down, so it echoed. All eyes turned to him.
"Ah, you've returned. Figured you went into hiding, cheater," Asterion glared. The shroomans monkeyed their way off Asterion and the table.
Gamer marched over. Asterion dismounted the table and both men got in each other's face. Gamer argued, "I might cheat, but at least I don't lie. You never got the final hit on me. By all accounts, it was a draw."
"That makes it a no contest, so I didn't lie. You lost by forfeit."
"I'll forfeit your face to my fist!"
"Start the fisting, then, sonny! I'm ready!"
"Phrasing ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Samira inserted.
Persica stepped into the frame to part the men, "Could we please not do this during dinner? Your vibrations are spoiling my tea."
"Sorry, Persica, I'll keep it cool," Asterion eased up.
"Kiss ass," Gamer hissed.
"I'd like for him to join us," Persica informed. Her words shocked Gamer, but the princess clarified, "An ally of his strength and capabilities would be beneficial in Lord Shellie's lands. When you defeat him, and not die yourself, please do not kill him."
"Why do I feel like my hands are being tied?" Gamer grumbled.
"And I don't mind helping a beautiful maiden," Asterion bowed slightly.
Persica attempted to hold back a blush, "Thank you, daddy...I mean, daddy...I mean, papa...I mean..."
She continued to stutter. Persica wore a blindfold while tying Gamer's hands. He pitied, "You're hopeless."
Asterion ignored the flabbergasted princess and spoke to Gamer, "We'll have to put the rematch off until tomorrow. I have to log out soon."
"The day's still young. You getting cold feet?" Gamer wiggled his sock-soaked toes.
"Unlike your weird new existence, I have to eat real food. Plus, it's healthy to take breaks from gaming," Asterion's words confused the shroomans and Persica. "You'll have to wait for me. You have my word I won't do anything dishonorable. I'm not you."
Gamer hated the slights, "Whatever, long horns. I'll meet you here, and we'll settle the score. Win or lose – I won't run."
Asterion pressed X for doubt, "Just make sure you bring your A-game. Now that you know how these fights go, I don't expect any excuses."
Asterion logged out.