Chapter 38
"Mages: Marek, Zeref, and Nordon have been killed! Their heads were cut off, and their bodies thrown into their own toilets!" Suo entered through the wall and immediately began to express her indignation.
I looked up uncomprehendingly from the desk littered with paper. For the third week now, I had been squeezing knowledge out of my memory about the engineering and technology of "my" time, grain by grain. A terribly exhausting occupation, I must note. It requires the utmost concentration of attention on the task. A combination of trance, meditative, and relaxation techniques with methods of rational thinking, logic, and a scientific approach... Very draining.
"Cut off or torn off?" still immersed in my formulas, I inquired.
"Torn off!" she declared indignantly. "How?!! When?!! I didn't tell you their names!"
"You didn't tell, others told," I shrugged.
"But we agreed..."
"I don't know what you agreed on with whom, but I told you that I intended to kill them. And I did it. Moreover, note—not in Kamar-Taj."
"But how can you do that?! They are people..." Suo said, lost.
"They are mages. They do not deserve to live," I calmly shrugged.
"But I am a mage too!" she started her song once again.
"You are my woman," I started mine.
"How can you be like this, huh? Just how?" she dropped her hands, all her anger went out of her like air from a punctured balloon.
"Ordinary 'double standards'," I shrugged. "Their everyday application. There are 'ours' and there is everyone else. 'Ours' are not subject to judgment. Period."
"You are a monster," she exhaled, her eyes widening.
"Are you only realizing this now?" I was surprised. "In my life, I have killed more than ten thousand people. Most in the war and in the Arena. But about five hundred—in peacetime. And my conscience does not torment me about this. So—yes, I am a monster. And you are my woman. Deal with it."
"But you can't do that... That's not right..." I got up from the desk and calmly walked towards her.
"So what?" I came up and took her by the shoulders, looking straight into her eyes. A momentary sensation of penetration into my consciousness, and the "door" of will is thrown wide open.
A moment of fear that this is it, the end for Suo, the Beast will destroy her mind right here and now. But...
But this did not happen.
I felt Suo enter my mind, and the Beast lets her pass. Moreover, he fawns upon her, purrs like a kitten, and jumps around her like a funny fluffy puppy. I don't know how this is possible simultaneously, but this is not in the real world, but in consciousness, so let's accept it as a given. Exactly like that. Simultaneously.
And Suo plunged deeper and deeper, penetrating into the pictures of my memory. I don't know why she needed this, but since the Beast doesn't mind, then what's the point of me being indignant?
I hugged her real body with my real arms, without breaking the gaze, without breaking the contact of minds. Hugged and relaxedly enjoyed the feeling of unreal unity with my woman. Because, having spun around, fawned, purred next to "Suo," the Beast split in two. The puppy remained to jump, fawn, and rub, and the Kitten, like a black shadow, darted into Suo's own mind.
And the most interesting thing is, I did not consciously control this in any way. Didn't even try. Generally, when the "door" of my will swings open, releasing the Beast, the very word "control" becomes inappropriate. What can control the Beast? He simply acts, reacting to the situation. Doesn't plan, doesn't control—acts.
And I along with him.
I am a man of emotions, a man of mood. My decisions are not rational, but impulsive. Will turns on later.
Our embrace continued for another thirty minutes, ending with a passionate kiss and the breaking of contact. And the kiss naturally grew into an even more passionate process.
We hadn't had such vivid sex with Suo since perhaps our very first meeting more than a hundred years ago.
Not surprisingly, this occupation dragged on for almost longer than that time. Or rather, it would have dragged on...
If Howard Stark hadn't appeared. More precisely, that it was exactly Howard Stark, I found out only after opening the door to him. First, an intrusive ringing of the doorbell appeared, interrupted by an insistent knocking on the door.
"Oh... Victor, sorry," Howard froze with his fist raised for a knock, when instead of a locked door, I appeared before his eyes. Moreover, my entire clothing consisted of only a single sheet carelessly thrown over my hips. Moreover, it didn't even need to be held in place with a hand—it held up quite well on its own on certain physiological features corresponding to the interrupted activity. The picture was completed by Suo, who approached a little later, wrapped in a blanket, tenderly hugged me around the waist, and nodded to Howard. "You weren't answering calls... Missed the scheduled meeting with the engineers... So I got worried..." I thoughtfully scratched the slightly grown stubble on my face.
"The meeting has been rescheduled for when now?"
"Tomorrow at ten in the morning," Howard replied. I nodded, indicating that I had taken the information into account, and kissed my wife on her smooth crown.
"Have you been waiting long?" I inquired, without much interest.
"The last meeting was six days ago," Stark answered cautiously.
"Six days?" I pondered and patted my stomach, which had reminded me of its existence with a rumble. "Perhaps we should have a proper meal, Suo," I thought aloud. "Suggest a decent place with good cuisine, Howard. You know the city well, right?"
"Pretty well," Stark chuckled. "Maybe then to Maria's and mine?"
"No, Howard, sorry, but as a guest one must observe the rules of decency and politeness, which means I'll leave sober, angry, and hungry. Another time, then. Just tell me the address of a good restaurant, that will be enough."
"Whatever you say," Stark, having completely regained his presence of mind, smiled. He thought for a bit and dictated the name of the place I requested, which I carefully memorized. With that, we parted ways.
"That was awkward," Suo noted when the door closed behind Howard.
"Sleeping on the ceiling is awkward," I chuckled. "The blanket falls off."
"I understand Russian, Vic, but the meaning of what was said escapes me," she sighed.
"It's an idiom, a saying, a joke-half-joke," I tried to explain.
"And what does it mean?"
"That 'awkward' is not the word that describes this situation. I, personally, experienced no awkwardness. And looking at Stark's embarrassed mug was even amusing."
"What an impenetrable, brazen boor you are after all, Vic! Just a redneck! As if you don't have four of the most prestigious higher educations in Europe," Suo lightly thumped me with her little fist and held her hand at the point of impact. "Boor," she pronounced in a completely changed voice and with that very hand, which she hadn't removed after the strike, sharply pushed me.
Sharply and unexpectedly.
I weigh one hundred and twenty-five kilograms. She—no more than forty-five. But from this push, I flew back about five meters.
Flew back, realizing that something was going wrong. Completely wrong from how it should be. Because I see my own back of the head! And my own body slowly settling to the floor...
Shock. That's how briefly and succinctly my state can be described in one word. Absolute sensory and moral-psychological shock simultaneously.
And it fell upon me at the moment when I realized the reality of my bodiless state. The fact that I am, but I am OUTSIDE of my physical body.
In my long "local" life, I have encountered things and phenomena going beyond ordinary reality more than once, including the use of magic, but nothing had ever been this shocking.
I would even say—traumatically shocking.
Apparently for this reason, that very new "ability" that appeared after the treatment with the green stone triggered. The surrounding world stopped. If at the moment when Suo pushed me out of my body, everything around slowed down many times over, now it froze completely.
If I had the means to, I would have spat. But the point is, there is nothing to do it with. No body, no time, unclear how to move, unknown what to do...
Fear, rage, fear again, bloodlust, horror, panic, rage again—rolled over me in waves, literally overwhelming my entire being. I wanted to get at least some point of support. At least something known and familiar in this world that had instantly become alien and unexplored.
And I found this point—teleportation. Those very "jumps" of mine that the treatment with the Tesseract gifted me.
They turned out to be functional in this unexplored reality as well. And I "jumped" to where I wanted to be most of all right now—into my body.
As soon as I found myself in it, an incredible feeling of relief fell upon me, as if I were the titan Atlas, finally throwing the sky off his shoulders onto the back of the simpleton Hercules.
And time moved again at its usual speed. The body hadn't even had time to really fall, merely lost its balance and stability, which I immediately returned, taking a step back. My face twisted into a joyfully anticipating hunter's grin on its own, a reckless bloodlust lit up in my eyes. On the hands drawn back for a strike, claws popped out on their own, as, indeed, on the feet. By themselves they are quite small, both there and there, no longer than a centimeter, but they constituted, in combination with the rest of the body, a formidable weapon capable of tearing steel and scratching stone.
Suo turned pale and recoiled. The blanket fell from her shoulders, exposing her body.
The next moment I pounced on the prey that had carelessly teased the Beast. Resistance was suppressed in a matter of seconds, and then there was sex again. Wild, rough, furious, and passionate. In which Suo had no right to a voice and no right to decide something or not want it.
I am not a positive hero. I think everyone has understood this for a long time. I am the Beast. I can admit this to myself. There is no division in me, actually, into Beast and Human. I am one. And I am a Beast with a human mind, not a Human possessed by a beast, like those same werewolves. And the "door" of will holds me back, not some separate part.
I raped Suo harshly. Without crippling, however, and without causing unnecessary pain and injuries. But the essence did not change. I raped her. She was my prey, my victim. Mine!
This didn't last long. No more than two hours. Then we silently lay on the floor next to each other and looked at the ceiling. I was ashamed of myself. Of what had happened, but I didn't know what to say, how to apologize, and whether I should? Do words have any meaning at all now?
Suo unexpectedly and illogically to me, moved closer, lay on my shoulder and hugged me with her arm. All this also silently.
I hugged her back. And so we lay for a long time, not moving and saying nothing.
* * *
"Why did you do that?" were my first words, after that very push that knocked me out of my body. A fair amount of time had already passed since that moment: we managed to get dressed, wait for a taxi, get to the restaurant Stark named, and satisfy our initial hunger (the waiters were exhausted from running to our table with trays). Now the process of satiation was taking place much more calmly, and there was time to talk.
"I wanted to expand your understanding of the world around you. To try to reconcile you with magic, by letting you feel it yourself," Suo replied.
"I won't speak for magic, but I felt the shock. And even experienced it," I chuckled.
"This is a natural reaction to the first exit from the body onto the astral plane of existence. Completely different sensory sensations... They should have been pleasant, by the way," she smiled timidly. But the smile instantly died. "But how were you able to return to your body so quickly on your own? That is completely abnormal."
"I wanted to very much," I chuckled. "So I returned."
"Everything with you is like that: 'Wanted to very much...'," she sighed.
"I have a good body. I like it. It's more pleasant for me in it than outside," I decided to explain the situation to her a bit.
For a while we ate in silence.
"And why did you get into my head?" I broke the silence. "That was dangerous, by the way."
"You are exaggerating," she smiled. "Inside you are such a cutie! A purring puppy—it is something incredible."
"Urduliy wouldn't have agreed with you," I looked away to the side.
"Urduliy?" she was surprised. "He was among those fifty who left with Ahnenerbe. Did you cross paths with him in the war?"
"Once," I answered evasively.
"Knowing you, I can confidently assume that he did not survive this meeting?" she sighed sadly. I only shrugged, as if saying: "How could it be otherwise?"
Again for a while we ate in silence.
"But it's strange that you associate your inner 'self' with an animal," this time she broke the silence.
"Why?" I was a little surprised.
"Usually people, whoever they may be, associate their 'self' specifically with something humanoid. The vast majority in general with their own body. The only difference is the apparent age. Most often these are children, teenagers, less often—young men and women, very rarely—old people. But animals... I haven't even heard of such a thing."
"In childhood, I ran away from home and for several years ran with a wolf pack. Perhaps, that's why," I shrugged.
"Maybe," she sighed heavily. "But you behaved like a real animal!!!" she finally poured out her emotions. "Never do that again! I didn't like it at all! It's terrible! I am not a pervert to you, who loves pain and roughness! And not a brothel whore, who can be treated like an object! If you only try to repeat something like that, I won't hold back and will strike with magic!"
"You provoked me," I shrugged, but looked away. "Attacked without warning. And then retreated and got scared... Fear smells too sweet and arousing. Not to attack turned out to be beyond my strength. Forgive me. But don't do that anymore. Please. Don't attack me, don't provoke the Beast with aggression."
"I am not afraid of puppies," she snorted.
"Please," I repeated. "Don't force me to close myself off with a 'wall' of will. I... lo..." and stopped myself. My suddenly parched throat refused to pronounce this word.
"What did you say?" she threw her eyes at me.
"Nothing," I grumbled, burying myself in the plate and rapidly stuffing my maw with grub. It didn't matter what kind. It seems I absentmindedly shoved in there and crunched something very sharp. It seems, before the crunching, it was a pepper shaker. A glass one.
"Repeat that," she didn't look away. I slowly chewed and swallowed with effort. Moreover, in the process, one of the shards ripped through my throat from the inside and fell out, through the hole made, which immediately healed over, leaving only a few drops of blood on the skin. It must be a disgusting sight, but Suo didn't even wince, continuing to peer intently into my face.
"I... you..." my throat went dry again. But I managed to overcome myself and squeeze out barely audibly. "...love, Suo."
"Did I mishear?" she preferred to clarify once again.
"I love you, Suo," I repeated calmly now. It turns out pronouncing it a second time is much easier than the first.
"And two hundred years haven't even passed," she smiled with lips slightly swollen from my kisses.
"I love you, Suo. And I want to marry you... Properly, and not just fill out papers. Will you marry me?"
"Yes, Vic. I will marry you. But..."
"But?"
"But, do that again, and I will kill you! And I don't care that you are immortal. There are ways for immortals too. And places that are worse than death. Remember!"
"I'll remember," I nodded. "And... forgive me, if you can."
"I forgive you, but I warned you," she said and put her palm on my hand. "I love you too, you blockhead, my unapologetic boor..."
* * *