Chapter 34: The Lap Pillow
"Okay… actually, I'm pretty dumb. One sentence and I got myself all messed up." Julian Hayes secretly glanced at Margaret Monroe, like a kid owning up to a mistake.
He didn't know if Margaret had noticed his slip-up. That was actually him accidentally blurting out the feelings he kept hidden in his heart. He was scared—if Margaret knew he liked her, would she still be this close to him?
Sometimes Julian had wondered if Margaret liked him too. If he confessed, the success rate might actually be pretty high?
But after thinking it through, he always ended up giving up. One of the three great delusions: she likes me. Julian couldn't afford to make that mistake. He was used to thinking the worst, and besides, most high-school romances fizzled out anyway. The more beautiful at the beginning, the more painful at the end.
Plus, what did he even have to attract Margaret? Just because she walked closest to him?
"Yeah, silly. From now on, you'd better be careful not to get tricked away by some bad woman."
"I don't really have anything worth tricking me for, right? Poor as dirt—unless they grab me for my kidneys or something."
"How could that be? Julian, you're pretty good-looking. Maybe someone's already got their eye on you."
"That still wouldn't mean they'd actually kidnap me. Selling my organs is way more likely."
Julian stared at the screen, taking Margaret's words as nothing more than a joke.
Margaret turned her head and stared at his side profile. The corner of her mouth curved into a meaningful smile. She knew the boy had noticed her gaze and was pretending to be absorbed in the television.
A thought suddenly surged in her mind. What if she just pounced on Julian right now? Her strength probably wouldn't be enough to hold him down. Would he resist? Would he get angry?
Margaret imagined the scene. A boy as obedient as Julian would probably be at a loss, blankly asking her what she was doing. And if she ignored him and kept tasting this delicious treat, would he push her away?
The more she thought about it, the more she felt herself losing control. The panicked Julian in her imagination was so tempting. They were both young and inexperienced; those irresistible touches would stir up her own shyness, but they tasted as sweet as creamy frosting. Would it feel the same to Julian?
The only thing she could be sure of was that the quiet, beautiful Margaret right now would shatter in the boy's eyes. He might not like her anymore. One false step could lead to eternal regret. Her reason suppressed the surging emotions once again.
"Julian, I remember you have a habit of napping, right?" Margaret said softly.
"But you're still here. How could I just go to sleep and ignore my guest?"
"You don't have to worry about me. Why don't you just sleep right here?"
"Here?"
"Yeah." Margaret patted the empty space between them on the couch. "Your sofa's pretty soft, and there's plenty of room."
Julian scratched his head, a little hesitant. "That doesn't seem right…"
"How are you still so uptight even in your own house?" Margaret covered her mouth and laughed, then patted her own closed legs. "I can lend you my lap as a pillow if you want."
Her legs wrapped in casual pants were long and slender, with perfect lines—the kind that would look amazing in stockings, though it was a little early for a girl her age to think that way.
Julian hesitated. His sense of propriety told him it would be too forward toward Margaret, but another voice inside him was tempting him to accept.
Margaret saw him staring blankly, clearly torn, so she simply reached over, pulled Julian down, and guided his head onto her lap. "Just try it, Julian. Are you shy or something?"
"Y-yeah… I've never used a girl's lap as a pillow before…"
"Then I'm your first." Margaret's smile grew brighter. The warm pressure on her legs gave her an immense sense of satisfaction, and the girl's shyness melted away completely.
"Actually, this is my first time letting a boy use my lap as a pillow too. I'm pretty embarrassed, but since it's you… I wanted to try."
"Me?"
"Yeah. You're special."
Margaret spoke in a flat, casual tone, as if the words held no deeper meaning. But to Julian, they sent his mind racing. He kept his eyes fixed on the television screen, feeling the soft warmth against the side of his head and a faint, fresh scent.
Those cool hands suddenly began stroking his hair, fingers threading through the fine, tangled strands. Her gentle voice came close to his ear. "Can you fall asleep? Want me to coax you a little more?"
"I'm not your kid. You don't have to do that."
He heard two soft laughs, then long strands of hair fell across his face. Margaret had leaned down, staring at his side profile from very close. "It's not just for kids, you know. Julian, you can think of this as… your special privilege."
"My privilege? Why give me something like that?"
"Didn't I already say? You're special."
Special again. Julian told himself that being like this with Margaret was enough, but her offhand words felt like they were coaxing him to confess. They made him unable to stop imagining that maybe Margaret liked him too.
"Julian, what kind of girl do you like?" Margaret suddenly asked, her tone still light, like casual small talk.
"I… I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."
"Then let me guess. Hmm… does she have to be pretty?"
"Not necessarily super pretty. I don't have that high of standards."
"Then am I enough?"
Julian glanced at Margaret. She was smiling happily, always so pure and beautiful—especially when she smiled, like a lily in the morning with dew on its petals, breathtakingly lovely. It made him wonder again if there was a deeper meaning behind the question.
"You're already way beyond high standards."
"Thanks for the compliment."
Margaret tilted her head up so Julian wouldn't see the flush on her face. She felt a little ridiculous. Here she was, entertaining such dirty, greedy thoughts, yet a simple compliment made her blush like she was pretending to be innocent. It was nauseating.
The conversation stopped there. Margaret savored the feeling against her legs. Gradually, she heard steady breathing. She looked down and saw that Julian had closed his eyes—he seemed to have fallen asleep.
She called his name softly twice, but got no response. His completely relaxed, peaceful sleeping face drove her inner desires wild. Saliva pooled in her mouth as she fought to suppress the urge to devour him. Slowly, bit by bit, she leaned in and began to taste the treat.
The warm, slender cheek met her lips. A torrential flood poured down from above, soaking her through, igniting the aching, tingling craving deep inside her.
"If you like me, just say it out loud, Julian. I like you too—I love you. Why… why don't you dare tell me? Do you know how agonizing it is for me to hold back from eating you up?"
She pressed her palm against the boy's collarbone, sliding up along his slender neck to his face, feeling his presence as much as she could, creating more physical contact.
You're mine, Julian. I can hold myself back until the day I can rightfully claim you as mine alone. But until then, you can't fall into anyone else's hands… you can't…
Margaret turned off the television. That cheesy teen drama made her sick to her stomach. Her love for the boy wasn't shallow like that. It was carved into her bones, etched into her soul. She loved every part of him—from his heart… to his body.