Words : 5600
Marre POV: Flashback
The powder had a name in the city. People called it White Quiet. It didn't produce euphoria the way the cheaper things did — no rush, no heat, no brief bright feeling that burned out fast. What it produced was an absence. The noise went down. The weight lifted slightly. The edges of the day stopped pressing so hard. It didn't feel like a drug. It felt like relief. And relief, once felt at that depth, became the only thing the body could think about when it was gone.
Marre hadn't gone looking for it. She'd been four months into her second year at the crib, thirty-one years old, and the previous caretaker had just died leaving her with forty kids, a broken heating unit, and a food allocation that was short by a third. A woman had come to the door. Not a beggar, not a salvage worker. Clean coat, unhurried manner, the composure of someone who'd done this before and knew how it would end.
She'd said she heard things were difficult. She left a small plastic packet on the ledger without being asked.
The first one had cost nothing.
The second had cost a small thing — a name, a child's intake date. Screening information. Whoever was buying needed to know what was in a crib before it made an approach — age, time in the system, condition. A name and a date told them enough. Marre had given it without thinking. It wasn't sensitive information. Just a ledger entry. She understood later what it had actually been: the first test of whether she would hand something over when asked.
The woman hadn't come back a third time and Marre had understood, for the first time, what the cost of not having it felt like.
She'd seen what White Quiet did to people who couldn't manage it. Found two of them herself in back passages, gone still in the way that meant the drug had taken everything and left the body running on nothing. She wasn't those people. She had a system. She took the minimum that kept the edges of things from pressing in too hard and she stretched each packet across three months, sometimes four. She'd never once lost a day to it. Never once failed to do the count, check the children, close the door before taking a hit.
She'd also understood, somewhere in the second year, that the woman's timing hadn't been coincidence. The shortage, the broken unit, the moment of maximum pressure — it had been selected. She'd been read the way she read the children: for vulnerability, for the exact point at which something would take hold. By the time she understood this the arrangement was already established and dismantling it would've cost more than maintaining it.
The children were going to end up somewhere. That was the city's logic and Marre hadn't invented it. The ones she moved were the ones nobody was watching for, the ones whose absence would register as one less mouth rather than one less person. The woman took them clean and fast and asked no questions about names. Marre took the packet and asked no questions about destinations. The ledger showed departures. The crib kept running.
She was nearly out. Had been for two weeks. The jitteriness wasn't something she could fully suppress when she was this low — a restlessness in her hands, a sharpness at the edges of sound that made the children's noise harder to sit with. She needed the transaction to happen. It would happen tomorrow. She'd sent the signal three days ago.
She sat in her chair and waited for the building to go quiet.
-x-
March 3rd, 1955
The crib went quiet after the evening ration. The children settled into their spots. The sounds of the building shifted — slower breathing, less movement, the occasional turn on the floor. Within twenty minutes most of them were under.
Sable wasn't. She hadn't needed as much sleep as the others for a year now. She lay on her mat with her back to the wall and watched the crack of light from Marre's door — it couldn't close fully; the frame had warped.
Marre had been in that chair since before the evening ration. Not unusual. What was unusual was the impatience. Still jittery. Her body hadn't settled the way it normally did at this hour.
An hour after the last child fell asleep, Marre got up. Moved to the desk. Sable heard the drawer open. The crack gave her the desk edge and part of the wall. Not enough to see what Marre took out.
Then a soft crackling sound. Plastic made that noise. She connected it to the baggie Marre had hidden after giving Wren away.
Marre sat back in the chair and bent to the desk. Sable heard a sniffing sound. The kind people make when their nose is blocked. Sable had experienced that once and never again.
Marre's body started giving out mixed signals. Sable had never received them from her before. The limited view through the crack didn't help, but what she could read was clear enough — Marre looked very relaxed. Her shoulders dropped. Her breathing opened. Marre sat in her chair for a long time and did nothing.
She didn't get up again. Her movements after that were slower. The small sounds she usually made at the desk — the ledger, the pen, the occasional shift of weight — stopped. Just breathing. Quiet and wide.
Sable hadn't heard Marre sit that still before.
She didn't know if the powder was responsible for the signals. She had the correlation. Not the causation.
She got curious about it. If the powder was responsible, she needed to know more.
-x-
In the days after, she thought about Grit and Wren.
Grit had been more than a year older than her. That made him five when he left. Wren had been two. Age wasn't the deciding factor behind Marre choosing either.
Neither was presence in the social hierarchy of the crib. Grit hadn't been alone — Sable had been his eyes and he'd been her cover, and the man had taken him anyway. Wren had been alone. By all factors Wren was an easier target. But Grit wasn't, and it hadn't mattered.
The arrangement hadn't protected Grit.
Gender wasn't the factor either.
The apparent lack of any pattern in Marre's choosing — while it was too early to establish one based only on two transactions — was a threat, as it meant no child in the crib had any real security.
She thought about the woman and the man. The one who'd taken Wren and the one who'd taken Grit.
Both had the same quality. Composed. No elevated fear, no guilt about the transaction. The only thing they showed was apathy. She had a feeling that being taken by either meant a death sentence one way or another. She didn't want to check this hypothesis.
-x-
The crib wasn't safe anymore. She knew that now. But it had been safer than outside — food, shelter, warmth, Renn. Outside had none of those.
The risks inside felt closer than whatever she'd face out there.
She didn't know how Marre chose. Didn't know if there was a criterion. Didn't know if she met it or if she would meet it in time.
She couldn't fight Marre. Marre was adult-sized and Sable was four. That door was closed.
She could leave. But leave to where. The street. The outer ring. She'd been outside three times. Each time what she saw was bigger than what she could alone explore for survival needs. Too much unknown. Unknown was dangerous.
She needed a destination. Not just an exit.
Renn ages out in eight months. When he ages out he'd walk out the door. Renn was capable. When he left, she'd lose her cover. But if she left with him, she'd have the destination.
Eight months. That was the earliest clean exit she had.
She didn't know if eight months was before or after Marre chose her. Didn't know if Marre had already noted her the way she'd noted Grit, the way she'd noted Wren. She didn't have the framework for that. Marre's baseline was the most complex profile she carried and the one she understood the least.
It wasn't a plan. Bare bones of one.
She would spend the eight months building the body around it.
-x-
She found the man on a Tuesday. She knew it was Tuesday because Marre did her ledger work on Tuesdays and left the crib for the afternoon with it — where she took it, Sable didn't know. Dov watched the distribution while she was gone. Sable had three hours.
She'd been exploring further each time she went out. Not too far but far enough to read a new section of the surrounding streets and add it to what she knew every week. She was building a map.
The man was in the passage behind the water point, two streets north of the crib. Sitting against the wall with his legs out. Not asleep. His eyes were wide open. They couldn't have been wider if he tried.
She stopped at the passage entrance and watched.
He shared similarities with Marre's state the night before. Shoulders down, jaw loose with a bit of drool coming down the side of it. His breathing matched the pattern Marre had produced.
On his upper lip there was a white powder. Same colour as the powder inside the baggie Marre had taken.
She stayed and watched for around twenty minutes.
In that time the man barely moved. His head drooped as if he'd fall asleep any moment from the degree of relaxation, but his eyes stayed wide awake.
Then his body's signals went haywire in a way she hadn't seen before.
Fast. It came like a tide.
His chest pulled in and the breath didn't come back out. His legs kicked once and his body went still.
The still didn't last — his back arched off the ground, his heels struck the alley floor, his jaw locked with his lips pulled back from his teeth and his arms came up without purpose, hands opening and closing.
Then it stopped and his arms dropped, his chest moved once and didn't move again, his jaw stayed open and his eyes stayed open.
She knew that stillness. She'd been seeing it from across the crib floor since she was two.
He was dead.
She looked up and down the passage. No one had seen the man's death. A cart moving on the far street, not turning in. A woman in a doorway at the far end with her back to the passage, walking away.
Sable moved toward him.
She'd never been this close to a fresh body before. She'd found Tin in the morning — already cold, already flat. This was different. His skin was still warm. His face was the same face it had been twenty minutes ago.
She crouched. Put her hand near his neck the way she'd seen Marre check the infants. She felt nothing.
She already knew. Checked anyway.
She looked at him for a long moment.
Then she went through his coat.
He had no food. He had a short knife, folded, tucked into an inside pocket. She took it. Opened it, looked at the blade. Three inches, worn but sharp enough. She closed it and held it in her palm. She'd need it for what she had planned next.
She checked the rest. Nothing else worth keeping.
She looked back at the body.
She wanted to understand the difference — between twenty minutes ago and now, between the state where he was producing signals and the absence of any signal at all. The border between them was somewhere in those twenty minutes but she hadn't been close enough to read it precisely.
She looked at the passage. Still empty.
She took his wrists and pulled.
He was heavy and she was small. She moved him in steps — two steps, rest, two steps — until she had him around the corner into the narrow gap between two temporary structures. No one had walked through it in the twenty minutes she'd been watching. Must be why the man had chosen this spot to do what he was doing.
She set him down on the cracked concrete floor. Pulled his jacket open and worked it off his shoulders. Undid the remaining buttons on his shirt and pulled it free. She worked the rest of him — belt, trousers, shoes — and folded each piece flat, set the stack against the wall. When she finished, he lay naked. She spread him out.
She had no names for any of it — no words for heart, lungs, liver, veins. But her hands moved as if they already knew what each constituent did. Fingers pressed, parted, probed his interior. She nicked the brachial artery first; bright blood surged. She pressed her thumb down hard and her body adjusted without her deciding to. The flow slowed to a steady ooze. She continued.
It took her thirty minutes. Her small hands learned faster than thought could follow. Knowledge about what she was doing, why she was doing it, and the function of each thing she found started arriving unbidden in her mind — from somewhere she couldn't see or feel.
She peeled the skin back in wet flaps, the underside pale and threaded with fat. Beneath the knife, the fat gave way soft and yellow, then muscle that parted in long dark red strands, still warm.
She found the ribs — hard, curved bars — and worked the knife between them until cartilage snapped. The sternum lifted like a lid. Inside, everything was wet and still and glistened.
She found the heart first. Fist-sized and darker than it should've been. She squeezed it and blood spurted out onto her hand. It didn't spring back. It should've been firmer — the walls had thickened; it had worked too hard for too long under too much strain and too little food.
The lungs were spongy sacks, collapsed on themselves, all structural integrity gone. They should've been pale pink. These were grey-black throughout, the tissue dense and stiff. She cut one open and a tar-like substance ran out slow and dark, thicker than blood, coating her fingers. It smelled burnt and chemical. Years of whatever he'd been smoking had gone in and stayed.
The liver was wrong in her hands before she understood why. It should've been heavy and lobed, a solid thing. This one was reduced, the surface rough, harder than it had any right to be. Mottled purple-brown where it should've been clean. Whatever it had been filtering had damaged it past recovery long before today.
The stomach was a thin-walled sac, half-full of sour sludge. She held it and knew what it was for. What was in it wasn't food in any meaningful sense.
The intestines were slick ropes. She uncoiled them carefully, feeling the way they looped and folded to fit.
The kidneys were small, bean-shaped. One was close to what she understood as correct. The other was smaller and hard in patches — old damage, scarred over, never treated.
She traced every vessel she could reach — thick arteries branching into finer threads, veins dark and collapsed. She felt the texture of nerves, thin white wires that frayed when tugged. She learned how fascia held muscle in sheets, how tendons anchored to bone. When she reached bone she tested it — ribs brittle under sustained pressure, vertebrae stacked uneven.
The white powder clung to his fingertips. She studied the residue. Then she looked at the open chest cavity again.
The shutdown sequence was written everywhere. Bluish lips. Mottled extremities. Lungs that never reinflated. Heart that sat quiet. The sequence had been fast — she'd watched it from the passage entrance and it had taken under a minute from the first wrong signal to stillness. That speed meant something. A body didn't stop that fast from cold or hunger or blood loss. Those were slow. This had been a switch.
The powder had done it. She was certain of that much. What she didn't know was how. What in the powder had reached what in the body and turned it off. The chest cavity didn't tell her. The organs showed her a man who'd been failing for years, but the failure today was different from all of that. Something more immediate. She didn't have enough to read it yet.
She noted what she had. Next body, different death, different interval. A living one would tell her more than all the dead ones combined. She added it to the list of things she didn't yet have.
She looked at the skull for a long time. The powder had done something to the nervous system — she was certain of that now, certain in the way her hands had been certain of everything else today. The answer to how was inside the skull. She found a rock and tried. Hit it twice, three times, four. The bone held. She didn't have the strength. She set the rock down. Looked at the skull with a hint of regret.
She moved to the face.
His eyes were still wide open in death, staring at nothing. She pressed her thumbs into the inner corners, feeling the soft give of the sockets. With a slow, twisting motion she gouged them out — one after the other. The eyeballs came free with a wet pop, trailing thin strands of optic nerve and clear fluid that dripped onto his cheeks.
She held them in her small palms for a moment, noting their weight, the smooth white sclera, the dark iris frozen wide. Then she set them neatly beside the other organs.
The sockets stared back at her. Empty and black.
She turned her attention lower, tracing the line where thigh met groin with one finger. With the knife she made a careful circular cut around the base of the genitals, shallow at first, then deeper until the skin separated in a clean ring. The scrotum peeled back; she lifted the penis aside, exposing the underlying structures — spongy erectile tissue, the urethra running through it, the root anchored to the pelvic bone by tough fibrous bands. She noted the way blood had pooled darker here, the faint bluish tint of veins collapsed in death.
She returned to the groin. With careful cuts, she fully separated the scrotal sac — the thin skin parting. Inside were the testicles: two firm, oval shapes, pale and veined, each about the size of a large walnut.
She lifted one free, feeling the slick, ropelike cord that held it. Did the same with the other. She cut the cords, freed the testicles, examined them closely. She sliced each open lengthwise. The inside was dense and pale — tightly coiled tissue packed like fine thread, wrapped in a thin layer that tore easily under her fingers. Something told her their purpose. Nothing was damaged. Everything had simply stopped.
She placed them with the other organs.
When she was finished, the body was no longer whole. Organs lay arranged beside him in rough order — heart nearest the head, lungs flanking it, liver below, intestines coiled, smaller parts set aside. Blood had pooled under him in a wide, cooling sheet. She'd mapped the interior: shape, texture, layering, connections. Not complete. But enough to recognize the next one faster.
She wiped her hands on the ground, smearing red into grey dust.
She heard footsteps approaching the mouth of the gap.
She went still.
A child came around the corner.
He was around her age. Very thin. Stripped down past what ordinary hunger produced, the body reshaped over generations into something efficient and specific. No excess anywhere. Just the minimum the body had decided it needed. Nothing more. He was naked. He looked at her, then at the body, then back at her.
He said something. The words were broken. He was speaking the same language as her but it was coming apart at the edges, as if he'd learned it from hearing others talk rather than from being taught.
She worked out what he was saying.
He was asking if she was going to eat it.
She looked at him. She'd heard of people eating people. She felt nothing dramatic. Just a faint aversion she couldn't name.
She shook her head.
He looked at the disassembled body in puzzlement but he looked hungry, so ignored it.
She was done anyway. She stood up and moved past him out of the gap.
Behind her she heard a whistle. Two short notes, a third different.
She paused at the corner.
Two more children appeared from the street. Similar build. One carried a length of rope. They went into the gap without looking at her. She heard dragging.
She didn't follow. Didn't care where they took it. The body had given her what she needed from it.
She looked at her hands. Blood on both. Her clothes too. She looked at the sky.
The light told her: midday. She'd been in the gap for just over an hour. Two hours left on Marre's ledger day.
She walked back to the crib.
-x-
Dov saw her come in. He was at the back of the distribution area, half-watching the children in the sleeping space. He looked at her hands. Then her clothes.
"Oh for—" He pushed off the wall. "What did you do."
"I fell on a body in the north passage."
He looked at the ceiling. "You went out and you fell on a body. Marre's going to love that." He waved her off. "Get to the back. Don't touch anything."
She went to the sleeping quarters and sat down; she needed Marre's permission to use water to clean herself.
Marre came back an hour later. Moved through her entry check and stopped when she reached Sable.
She looked at the blood on her hands. Then the smear on the floor where Sable had walked in.
"Where have you been," Marre said.
"North passage. Behind the water point. I fell on a body."
Marre slapped her across the cheek. Hard enough that Sable's vision went white for a moment. Sable held her cheek; this was the first time she'd been hit by Marre.
"I don't care where you fell." Marre pointed at the floor. "Clean that. Then wash your hands and clothes. You have a spare, right?" Sable nodded. Marre looked at the blood on Sable's clothes. "You get no water ration for the rest of the day. You've used it."
She moved on without another word.
Renn found her at the wall when the afternoon ration came out. He looked at her hands.
He was quiet for a moment. "You went out today."
"Yes, for a stroll."
"Okay," he said.
-x-
March 3rd, 1955 — November, 1955
The cannibal boy was in the gap when she came back the next Tuesday.
He was alone and eating. She didn't look at what. He stopped when he saw her.
She pointed at the body. Then at herself.
He watched her for a moment. Then he moved aside.
She worked for forty minutes. When she left, he was still there, crouched at the entrance with something in his hand. She didn't thank him. He didn't ask her to.
She came back the following Tuesday.
He was there again. The gap smelled different each time — copper one week, something older the next. She stopped noticing it by the third visit.
On the third visit she found not just him but a woman. Older. Her thinness was more noticeable. It looked natural on her. She stood at the gap's entrance with her arms at her sides and watched Sable come down the passage.
Sable stopped.
The woman's body was neutral — no elevated tension, no hostility. Waiting.
Sable held the woman's eyes.
The woman spoke. Her words were plain, still a bit broken but more intelligible than the boy's. She wanted to know what Sable was taking.
Sable told her. She sought knowledge of the human body. Not meat.
The woman didn't find it odd. She nodded. Then she stepped aside.
That became the arrangement. Never formalized, not even verbally. She came on Tuesdays. She used what she needed. She didn't take anything they would've taken. The boy stopped watching the entrance when she was inside and started watching the passage instead.
-x-
By autumn she'd worked through eleven bodies.
The first three had been too far gone. Decomposition had collapsed the structures she needed to read. She learned what collapsed structures looked like — the order in which things broke down, which systems went first, which held longest. That was also knowledge.
The fourth had died recently. She spent two hours on him. Her hands moved with a confidence that hadn't been there in the first body. They knew where to go. She didn't decide the direction. She followed it.
By the eighth she had the full picture.
Not in words. She still didn't have words for most of it. But her hands knew every structure by position and by feel. They knew what was connected to what and how. They knew which things were the same across every body and which things varied — the small differences in how a thing sat, how dense it was, how far it sat from its neighbour. She'd opened bodies at different intervals after death and the difference was readable. She knew the order in which systems stopped.
By the ninth body she knew how the white powder killed. The skull had cracked on that one — she hadn't managed it, the man had arrived that way — and she'd been able to pry it open and reach the brain. The nervous system told her the rest.
It was different from the other deaths. Blunt force left marks on bone and tissue she could read clearly. Starvation reduced everything evenly — organs smaller, tissue thinner, the whole system scaled down to the minimum. Disease was messier, specific to the system it had targeted, the damage concentrated. The powder was different. The body looked almost normal from the outside. Inside, the damage was in the signaling — something in the chest and the base of the skull, a stillness where there should've been activity. She didn't have words for what she was reading. But she could tell the difference between a body that had stopped because something broke it and a body that had stopped because something told it to stop and it had listened.
By the end she was a four-year-old who knew more about what was inside a person than most people in the world.
One thing she couldn't get from dead bodies.
She knew the shape of every system at rest. She didn't know the systems moving. Blood at pressure. The working rhythm of the chest. The way a muscle looked when it was carrying load versus when it wasn't. Dead tissue told her the map. It didn't tell her the map with the roads running.
She needed a live one. Not to kill. To open carefully, read what was moving, close again. She'd thought about how that would work. She hadn't yet thought about how she'd get one without the person dying from it. That was the problem she hadn't solved.
She added it to the list and moved on.
-x-
One thing she noticed in the months of working: her hands sometimes knew things before she did.
She'd open a body at a new angle and her thumb would find a position and apply pressure and she'd understand, a moment later, why. The knowledge arrived with the action. Sometimes before. As if it was being poured into her brain without her having any previous biological context.
She noticed this. Didn't find it strange. Her body had always done this — moved out of Dov's path before she decided to move, woken before the building did, known the safe positions in the crib before she could've reasoned them out. Her body carried things ahead of her thinking.
She accepted it and continued.
-x-
The second trade she witnessed was in June.
Marre left early on a Wednesday.
Sable was already outside when Marre came through the door. She'd read the change in Marre's morning signals two days before Marre moved. She didn't know what she was anticipating. She knew something was coming.
She followed at distance.
The same waste ground behind the northern wall. A different person this time. A man. He held a carry sack by his side.
Marre had a boy with her. Sable recognized him. Flint. Three years old. He'd arrived four months ago — quiet, adaptive, a loner.
Marre handed him across.
The man gave her something. Sable was too far to see what, but she could guess. The powder. Marre tucked it inside her coat.
The man walked away with Flint's hand in his.
Flint looked back once. Not at Marre. In the direction of the crib. Then the man turned and Flint turned with him.
Sable watched until they were gone.
The other two she inferred.
A girl called Pip. Gone on a morning in September when Marre had been jittery the night before. Sable had tracked the signal. Pip's sleeping space was empty before distribution.
A boy in October. She hadn't known his name yet. He'd arrived three weeks before he disappeared. She hadn't built a profile on him in time.
Three children since Wren. The pace wasn't constant. Marre didn't move on a schedule Sable could fix. She moved on need — the powder, most likely. From her autopsies Sable had learned what the powder did to a body over time. A body that had used it long enough needed it. Marre's jitteriness before each transaction had a pattern. She was running low.
Before Wren there'd been Grit. Five in total that she knew of. Likely others before she was old enough to track the pattern.
She wasn't going to be the sixth.
-x-
She'd been eating more since summer.
Not from the distribution point — the man still shorted her, and she hadn't solved that problem in a way that was worth the cost. But on the rangings she took more.
The food stalls in the market passage had gaps if you knew where to look. The woman at the third stall always turned left when her regular buyer came — thirty seconds, sometimes forty. Sable had timed it across four visits before she moved. She took one thing. Never two. Two was noticeable. One was inventory error.
The drunk was easier. He sat in the same doorway most afternoons, a salvage worker who'd traded his afternoon for whatever he could get cheap at the stall across from him. His food sat beside him on the ground. He wasn't watching it. She walked past twice before she took it. The second pass was habit — she never moved on the first read. He didn't look up either time.
The child was the one she thought about longest before she moved. A boy, maybe six, carrying two portions wrapped in cloth — more than he could eat, more than he should've been carrying alone. She watched him for ten minutes. He wasn't meeting anyone. Had no one walking with him. He was simply a boy who'd taken more than he could defend and hadn't yet learned that this was an invitation.
She didn't feel anything about taking from him. He'd made an error. She hadn't. That was the calculation and the only calculation that made sense in a place where there wasn't enough for everyone. At least she ensured he was alive after.
She took when the risk was zero. Left everything else alone.
-x-
By winter her arms were different.
She noticed it when she pulled a body into the gap. The weight was the same. The effort was less. She looked at her forearms. The shape under the skin had changed. She pressed her thumb in. The muscle didn't give the way it used to.
She hadn't trained for this. Hadn't done anything deliberate. But she'd been eating more since summer and she'd spent months learning exactly what a body was made of. Her body had taken that knowledge and used it. The food didn't sit the way it would've on another child. It was used up to build her body stronger than before. Her body was optimizing itself and doing it faster than it should've been able to.
She pressed her thumb in again. Harder.
Marre was adult-sized. She didn't move like a person who'd ever needed to use her body against another person's. Her signals when she was angry were loud and untrained. She hit with her palm. Used her weight.
Sable was five. Still small. She wasn't certain she could take Marre down. Wasn't certain she couldn't. Untested.
She wasn't planning to fight Marre. Fighting was a last option and last options were for when all other doors had shut. She still had Renn. She had a few weeks.
But she thought about fighting. A few months ago she hadn't, because the answer was obvious. Now it wasn't.
She put the body back to work and didn't think about it again that day.
-x-
November 26th, 1955.
She woke before the building did.
She lay on her mat and ran her morning observations. Then her inventory.
The knife under her mat inside the bag she'd made from the clothes of the first dead man. The map she'd built over a year of ranging — every passage, every water point, every adult whose signals she'd read enough times to have a baseline. The arrangement with the cannibal family. What she knew about the human body.
What she still needed: a live body to complete the picture. A destination past the outer ring. Both were problems for after the door.
Outside the salvage teams were already moving. The cart sound came through the wall. Same as every morning.
She got up. Moved through the sleeping children without sound.
Today he walked out. She walked out with him.
She went to get her ration.