Chapter 11: Prank Letter
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER. IT BELONGS TO JK ROWLING.
A/N: Read, enjoy, and remember not to take either life or my writing too seriously.
Ron Weasley was also having an awful morning.
Actually, "awful" might have been an understatement.
Today was supposed to be the greatest day of his life.
His picture should have been on the front page of the Daily Prophet, displayed for the entire wizarding world to admire.
Instead, everything had gone spectacularly wrong.
Not only had his photograph failed to appear in the newspaper, but Harry Potter had taken the spot that rightfully should have been his.
Even worse, the stupid article had gotten Ron's name wrong.
Tom Weasley? Ron thought angrily.
I should write to them and complain.
Then he paused.
Writing meant actual effort.
Ron brightened immediately.
I know. I'll have Hermione write the complaint for me.
Feeling rather proud of his clever solution, Ron glanced toward the seats where Harry and Hermione Granger had been sitting earlier.
He noticed a stack of unopened letters resting on the table.
Those must be for me, Ron decided instantly.
People probably sent them through Hermione since she's my friend.
Without hesitation he grabbed the letters and began opening them.
Miss Granger,
I'm so happy to hear that you and Harry are together. The photograph in the Prophet was beautiful. Harry deserves every bit of happiness you can give him.
—Emily Stones
"Pbrrrrrp."
Dear Hermione Granger,
Congratulations on your relationship with Harry Potter. Please take good care of our hero.
—Jane Woodhead
"Pbrrrrrp."
Harry and Hermione,
Best wishes for your future together. That picture in the Prophet reminded me of the day my Clarence kissed me for the first time.
—Alice Fox
"Pbrrrrrp."
"What exactly are you doing, Ronnikins?"
Ron looked up to see his twin brothers standing behind him.
Fred Weasley and George Weasley were staring at him with identical grins.
Ron lowered the letter.
"Reading my fan mail."
George clapped him on the back while Fred ruffled his hair.
Fred reached forward and grabbed one of the opened letters.
"Fan mail?" he said skeptically. "For you?"
He glanced at the letter.
"Hold on… these are Hermione's."
Ron waved dismissively.
"Most of them are probably meant for me. They just sent them through her."
He grabbed another envelope.
Fred and George began gathering the letters to return them to Hermione.
But Ron stubbornly held onto the one he had already opened.
George grabbed one end while Ron held the other.
They both pulled.
The envelope tore.
A yellowish-green liquid splashed out onto Ron's arm.
Wherever the liquid touched skin, yellow boils instantly erupted.
George immediately dropped his half of the envelope.
He tossed it back at Ron.
"Yep," he said cheerfully.
"That one was definitely meant for you."
Ron shrieked and bolted toward the hospital wing.
Behind him the twins watched with enormous grins as Ron's robes slowly turned bright pink and his hair shifted to a horrifying shade of lime green.
Meanwhile…
Harry and Hermione were having a wonderful morning.
But then again, almost any time they spent together felt wonderful to both of them.
The two were walking down a corridor on their way to Transfiguration after escaping the Great Hall and one of Ron's more unpleasant gas attacks.
Their conversation had drifted away from the tournament and Ron entirely.
Instead they were discussing Hermione's teeth.
"You really didn't need to change your teeth, Hermione," Harry said.
"I already thought you were beautiful."
Hermione smiled, a light blush appearing on her cheeks.
"I've never liked my front teeth," she admitted. "And my parents wouldn't let me shrink them with magic."
"Why not?"
"They're dentists," Hermione explained. "They wanted me to get braces instead."
She paused.
"Besides… you heard Malfoy yesterday. Calling me bucktoothed."
Harry snorted.
"That's just Malfoy being Malfoy. No one actually listens to him."
Hermione shook her head slightly.
"Some people do."
Then she added thoughtfully,
"And honestly… I wanted to fix them anyway."
She glanced up at him.
"Think of it this way. If you had the chance to remove your scar, wouldn't you?"
Harry answered instantly.
"You know I would."
He sighed.
"Alright, point taken."
Then he smiled warmly.
"But just so you know… I love your smile no matter what. Seeing it always brightens my day."
That comment earned Harry a kiss he would remember for quite some time.
After the kiss ended, another thought suddenly occurred to him.
"I think you might need to remove that jinx from Ron," Harry said.
"Our dormitory is becoming an environmental hazard."
He stopped mid-sentence.
He had almost mentioned that the house-elves had stopped cleaning the dorm.
Remembering Hermione's Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare, he wisely avoided that topic.
Hermione shifted uncomfortably.
"I… can't."
Harry blinked.
"You can't?"
"We know Ron is jealous," Harry continued. "But honestly I'm getting used to it."
"As long as you can tolerate it, I can too."
Hermione shook her head.
"No, you don't understand."
"I don't mean I won't remove it."
"I mean I literally can't."
Harry frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"It's a time-duration jinx," Hermione admitted.
Harry slowly processed that.
"Time duration… meaning it lasts a set amount of time?"
Hermione nodded, staring at the floor.
"How long?"
Hermione hesitated.
"Until the end of the school year."
Harry stared at her.
"That's… how long?"
"Seven months," Hermione said quietly.
Harry groaned.
"Oh Merlin."
He imagined seven more months of Ron's current problem.
Even the Fat Lady had started wearing a scarf over her nose.
"I wonder if the Headmaster would let me transfer to Hufflepuff until next year," Harry muttered.
Hermione considered that.
"I doubt it."
Then suddenly her eyes widened.
"Wait…"
Harry looked up.
"Switching…"
Hermione snapped her fingers.
"That's it!"
Harry blinked again.
"What's it?"
"The solution to Ron," Hermione said excitedly.
Harry rubbed his forehead.
"My brain isn't moving that fast. I'm still thinking about transferring houses."
Hermione sighed dramatically.
"The smell, Harry."
"I can layer another spell over the original jinx."
"What kind of spell?"
"A switching charm," Hermione explained.
"Every time the first jinx activates, the air behind Ron will be swapped with air from another location nearby."
Harry stared at her in awe.
"Hermione… you are the most brilliant person alive."
Hermione blushed slightly.
"So where should the replacement air come from?"
She thought aloud.
"Somewhere outside… but not too close to the—"
A familiar voice interrupted.
"Well well… if it isn't Scarface and his Mudblood beaver."
Harry's hand moved instantly to his wand.
He turned to see Draco Malfoy approaching.
Malfoy's head was wrapped entirely in bandages and his eyelashes were missing.
Harry stared.
"I thought ferrets had fur," he said casually.
Then he added,
"You look like a Ferret Mummy."
Malfoy snarled.
"Shut up, Potter."
Hermione suddenly looked past him.
"Oh! Hello Professor Moody!" she said loudly.
Malfoy spun around in panic.
No one was there.
Hermione smiled sweetly.
"Nervous, Ferret Mummy?"
Malfoy yanked out his wand.
But when he turned too quickly his neck locked sideways.
Harry quickly snatched the wand from his hand and tossed it down the corridor.
Then Harry leaned close and whispered coldly.
"If you ever insult Hermione again, I'll personally drop you in the Forbidden Forest near the acromantulas."
"I hear they love ferrets."
A wet sound echoed on the floor.
Harry looked down.
"Oh look… Ferret Mummy has bladder issues too."
Harry calmly walked away with Hermione.
Behind them Draco struggled to move with his twisted neck.
As they left, Hermione grinned.
"Well," she said thoughtfully.
"I know exactly where Ron's air should be switched from."
"Where?" Harry asked.
Hermione smirked and said
"The Slytherin common room."
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