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Remus Lupin Jr. was unfortunately unable to meet with Nymphadora Tonks Jr. this time around.
It was simply too difficult to schedule such a highly illegal, cross-country secret rendezvous while hiding from Walburga. And besides, logically speaking, they weren't even technically relatives yet.
Honestly, it's probably for the best, Regulus reasoned as he packed his satchel. Otherwise, if the two of them eventually get together in the future, and an older Remus casually mentions, "You know, I actually used to hold you when you were a literal infant," it might be a massive, slightly creepy mood killer.
Finally, after weeks of careful planning, Sirius and Regulus—operating under the flawless, highly academic pretext of traveling to Flourish and Blotts to purchase advanced supplementary reading materials—used the roaring fireplace at the Leaky Cauldron to travel securely through the Floo Network directly to the Tonks family's modest cottage.
When they spun out of the hearth, brushing ash from their robes, they found that they weren't the only guests.
Alphard Black was also there, lounging comfortably in a Muggle leather jacket. Alphard was their mother's younger brother—the notoriously wealthy, wildly independent, highly eligible bachelor wizard who, in the original timeline, would eventually leave Sirius a literal mountain of rebel gold.
It is often said that nephews heavily resemble their uncles. Looking at Alphard's roguish, devastatingly handsome features and dark, curling hair, Regulus had to admit the genetic resemblance to Sirius was undeniable.
But all thoughts of family resemblance vanished the absolute second Regulus laid eyes on the baby. Tonks was simply too cute!
Looking down at the tiny, gurgling future Hufflepuff lying in her crib, Regulus found himself genuinely, deeply loving the role of the cool, younger uncle. Her chubby, rosy little face already showed a distinctly pointed chin that was just as pretty as her mother's, and her dark, remarkably bright eyes sparkled like two polished black gems. She had a mop of soft, sparse hair that was currently rapidly cycling between a violently bright, bubblegum pink and a shocking, neon yellow...
She was incredibly soft, ridiculously squishy, and overwhelmingly cute, exactly as a magical baby should be.
Regulus reached into his pocket and pulled out the special gift he had prepared: a highly enchanted, plush little wolfhound magic doll. As soon as he squeezed its soft stomach, the doll's jaw moved, and it began to cheerfully spout a series of pre-recorded, highly inappropriate, and witty romantic remarks, including one that loudly declared: "Hey there, beautiful girl. Will you marry me?"
The two teenage brothers spent the next twenty minutes trying their absolute hardest to make her laugh, watching in sheer fascination as the infant version of Tonks giggled wildly, her hair and eyes rapidly changing color with every burst of joyous emotion.
Andromeda Tonks sat gently to the side in a rocking chair. She smiled warmly, her eyes crinkling as she watched her two younger cousins and her uncle eagerly surround her newborn daughter, laughing and enjoying themselves without a single drop of pureblood prejudice in the room. In that small, chaotic Muggle cottage, she felt profoundly, overwhelmingly content.
"Meda," Alphard asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "How exactly did you discover that little Nymphadora was a natural-born Metamorphmagus?"
"Well, when Nymphadora was first born, her hair was completely, normally black," Andromeda explained, her voice soft and full of wonder. "But about two hours later, when her hair suddenly started to violently change color right in front of our eyes, it absolutely startled Ted and me half to death. For a horrifying minute, we genuinely thought the St. Mungo's Healers had somehow accidentally switched our babies!"
She laughed softly, shaking her head. "It took me about half an hour of frantic panic before I finally remembered my family history and realized that my daughter was actually an incredibly rare Metamorphmagus."
"Her hair color heavily reflects her current mood and internal physical state," Andromeda's husband, Ted Tonks, added proudly. He walked into the living room carrying a stack of towels, his beaming, exhausted face radiating an absolute, unwavering love for his wife and daughter. "Her hair is bright pink right now, which means she's currently very happy and stimulated. But the absolute second she gets hungry or cranky? It instantly turns a dark, muddy blue or an angry purple."
Ted Tonks seemed to be an incredibly gentle, deeply patient, and remarkably kind person. Watching them interact, Regulus could easily see that he and Andromeda were a perfectly matched, deeply loving couple.
But Regulus simply couldn't let it slide. He absolutely had to ask the burning question that had bothered him since reading the books in his past life.
"Andromeda... I mean this with the utmost respect," Regulus began carefully, looking up from the crib. "But... is it really okay to name a human child 'Nymphadora'?"
"Nymphadora? What on earth is wrong with that name?" Andromeda asked, a hint of genuine surprise in her voice, before she smiled beautifully, brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "It literally translates to 'A fairy's gift.' And she is exactly that. She is my precious Nymphadora."
Standing entirely unseen behind Andromeda's back, Ted Tonks locked eyes with Regulus. The Muggle-born wizard secretly, frantically shook his head side-to-side, shooting Regulus a deeply helpless, completely defeated smile that clearly communicated: 'I tried to stop her, mate. I really did.'
Regulus sighed internally. Okay, baby Tonks. I tried to save you from a lifetime of hating your own first name. That's literally all I can do for you.
Ted was undoubtedly a fantastic, highly involved husband. The absolute second Tonks's hair violently shifted to a dark, angry purple, he immediately swooped in, scooped the wailing infant out of the crib, and whisked her away to the nursery to change her diaper, leaving the extended Black family alone in the sitting room.
"Although Ted is a fully qualified wizard, he actually vastly prefers to change her diapers manually, using the traditional Muggle method," Andromeda said with an affectionate, exasperated smile. She casually waved her wand. A large, floral porcelain teapot flew gracefully from the kitchen stove to the center of the coffee table, followed closely by a parade of delicate teacups that flew out of the cupboard one by one, landing gently in front of each person.
"Uncle Al, Sirius, Regulus... thank you so much for finding the time to sneak out and visit Nymphadora," Andromeda said softly, her smile fading slightly. "How is... how is everything at home?"
Upon hearing the dreaded question, Alphard aggressively crossed his arms, leaned far back in his leather chair, and adopted an expression that clearly screamed: 'I have entirely given up on trying to treat the mental illness of that household.'
It was a highly stylish, effortlessly cool move. That was simply Alphard's default state.
"It's honestly alright," Sirius said, his tone surprisingly calm and highly relaxed, a stark contrast to his usual, explosive anger when discussing his parents. "Mother and Father are still exactly the same as before. They haven't changed their bigoted views at all. But honestly, ever since Regulus started school last year, our daily lives at home have become infinitely more interesting and tolerable. In fact, we were only able to get out of the house today completely thanks to Regulus's flawless, highly manipulative alibi."
Regulus simply smiled silently, sipping his tea and comfortably accepting the sudden, highly intrigued "Oh, really? I see" scrutiny radiating from both Andromeda and his uncle.
"That's genuinely good to hear," Andromeda smiled, though a deep, painful hint of sadness lingered in her dark eyes. "It's just... I'm quite sad that I won't be able to attend Cissy's upcoming wedding. She... well, she didn't send me an invitation."
"Meda, let's be entirely honest here. Would you even want to go if you were actually invited to Malfoy Manor?" Alphard said mercilessly, taking a long drag from his tea. "Have you completely forgotten what an absolute, gothic nightmare Bellatrix's wedding was? Bella clearly didn't love that miserable brute Rodolphus for a single second; she was literally just fiercely fulfilling the traditional, fanatical obligation of a pure-blood family marriage."
Alphard scoffed in disgust. "She literally disappeared from the reception the absolute second the binding ceremony ended. I was looking for the wine cellar and accidentally stumbled upon her in the gardens. Guess what the blushing bride was doing instead of dancing?"
Alphard sneered. "She was actively practicing unforgivable Dark Arts by torturing a stray House-elf. That woman is completely, irredeemably crazy, Meda. And I've honestly never met a family as notoriously sharp-tongued, deeply cruel, and cold-hearted as the Lestranges."
"But Cissy isn't Bella! She wouldn't do something like that... She's completely different..." Andromeda tried to argue defensively, but her voice trailed off, unable to confidently finish the sentence.
"She is definitely different," Regulus, who had been listening silently, suddenly interjected smoothly. "I see Narcissa constantly at school. She really, genuinely loves Lucius Malfoy. Every single time Lucius's name is even casually mentioned in the Slytherin common room, the icy 'Sister Cissy' instantly acts like a giddy, lovestruck little girl. Right, Sirius?"
"Unfortunately, yes. I can confirm," Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose, grudgingly admitting the nauseating fact. "When I was in my first year, those two were constantly, sickeningly glued together in the corridors."
"Well, I personally received the heavily gilded invitation to the wedding, but I have absolutely no plans to go," Alphard stated flatly, setting his teacup down with a sharp clink. "There's no bad blood between Cissy and me, but I fiercely despise that slippery snake, Lucius Malfoy. Furthermore, his father, Abraxas Malfoy, actually—"
Alphard abruptly stopped talking. He shot a very quick, highly cautious glance at the two twelve-year-old minors sitting at the table. He cleared his throat. "...Well. Let's just say Abraxas Malfoy's recent, highly classified 'extracurricular activities' are enough to fuel the Ministry's darkest gossip mills for a solid month... I genuinely hope Cissy's fiancé won't turn out exactly like his monstrous father."
Tsk tsk, Regulus thought, his inner gossip highly disappointed.
With impressionable minors present in the room, the adult wizards were suddenly being frustratingly careful with their words. However, during the rest of the afternoon tea, Regulus still managed to keenly overhear fragments of highly entertaining, utterly bizarre wizarding gossip exchanged between Alphard and Andromeda:
What happened in the news recently? Someone in Knockturn Alley allegedly used the Imperio curse to secretly capture a bunch of Muggles to use as unpaid manual labor; a brewer sold a batch of pirated, highly unstable Polyjuice Potion that catastrophically failed, causing a wealthy wizard couple to permanently grow cat ears and bushy fox tails (they are currently undergoing highly embarrassing, experimental treatment at St. Mungo's); a vengeful witch allegedly used smuggled Veritaserum to successfully interrogate her husband about his secret, offshore Gringotts stash, violently escalating their family conflicts into a literal spell-fire duel; a notoriously careless potioneer's basement laboratory violently exploded due to a cauldron miscalculation, reducing an entire historic pureblood manor to absolute ashes in seconds...
Such wild, unfiltered gossip—besides being incredibly exciting to listen to and greatly broadening Regulus's knowledge of the era's social climate—also served a highly practical, educational purpose. It effectively taught the listening young wizards exactly what not to do if they wanted to avoid causing lethal trouble. It killed two birds with one stone.
"You boys must be incredibly careful not to attempt operating any highly dangerous, unregulated magic yourselves!" Alphard warned sternly, catching the highly interested gleam in Sirius's eyes.
Sirius and Regulus—the two underage wizards who were currently, actively planning to aggressively perform the most dangerously complex, highly illegal form of human transfiguration known to wizardkind—could only look at each other, suppress their smirks, and highly reluctantly nod in agreement.
Just before they were forced to part ways and return to the Floo, Alphard reached into his heavy leather jacket and pulled out a small, rather poorly wrapped paper bag.
"I was originally planning to take advantage of Sirius being grounded..." Alphard paused, smirking, "...to completely abandon my duties and travel alone to Sweden for the annual international broom contest. But since you two are actually behaving yourselves, I did some preemptive exploration in Diagon Alley instead. Consider this an early birthday present for both of you."
"Brilliant! Thanks, Uncle Al!" Sirius beamed, eagerly accepting the bag and ripping it open.
Inside the packaging were two small, perfectly square, identical glass mirrors. Sirius held one of the mirrors up to his eyes, expecting to see a trick, but his own handsome reflection simply stared blankly back at him.
"Those are a highly rare set of enchanted two-way mirrors. They are intrinsically magically linked," Alphard explained, pointing to the glass. "If you two ever want to securely find or speak to each other from across the castle, all you have to do is clearly call out the other person's name directly into the glass, and the mirrors will connect your reflections like a visual Floo call."
"Mate, that is so incredibly cool! Thank you so much, Uncle Al!" Sirius said happily, immediately handing one of the enchanted mirrors over to Regulus.
Regulus stared down at the small square of glass resting in his palm, completely, utterly stunned.