"Do you actually think I can help you win from in here without coming out?"
Naruto's head was still spinning from being shaken up and down, but he perked up immediately at the sound of Menma's voice. He hurriedly suppressed his nausea and asked repeatedly in his mind, "How can you help me win? Are you gonna teach me how to use the Nine-Tails' chakra?"
Menma scoffed. "Keep dreaming. I can't teach you that," he continued, his tone flat. "You have to figure it out yourself."
Menma was telling the truth. The Nine-Tails he possessed was a power granted by the System, making him its master. Naruto's Nine-Tails, however, was a sealed tailed beast. If Naruto wanted power, he had to get it from the fox himself.
"Then what am I supposed to do?" Naruto pursed his lips, feeling aggrieved and angry. "You can't come out, and I can't get stronger. What good are you?"
"Naruto, solving problems isn't just about throwing fists. You've got a rusty, blockheaded brain, too!" Menma sounded completely exasperated. "You're so saintly, yet so goddamn stupid. If you weren't miserable, who would be?"
"Huh? Why are you cursing me?" Naruto's face flushed with anger. "I knew it! You're just making fun of me!"
Furious and ignoring the fact that he was still swaying through the air, Naruto began wildly flailing his arms at nothing. Kakashi, watching from a distance, raised an eyebrow. "Communicating with that alternate personality, Menma? He should be coming out soon, right?"
Thinking this, Kakashi picked up the pace, turning the bungee jumping into a disco duo. Naruto's mounting discomfort began to seep through their link, forcing Menma to cut the banter and get straight to the point.
"Look at the book Kakashi is holding," Menma said, cutting through the static. "What's it called?"
"Ugh—!" Naruto grimaced as the nausea spiked, but he looked down just in time to see the cover of the book in Kakashi's hand. "It's… Kenichi! Wait, that's the novel you wrote!"
"Exactly," Menma said. "You want the plot details? Fine. I'll tell you everything. Use it to distract Kakashi."
Naruto blinked, processing the instructions.
"Listen closely," Menma ordered. "While he's distracted by the story, use Multiple Shadow Clone Jutsu again. Have the others swarm him, shouting 'Revenge!' But here's the trick: make one shadow clone look like a shuriken. Weave it into the attack to get close to the bells at his waist. While he's focused on the plot and dodging the others, that clone reverts to normal and snatches the bell. Got it?"
Naruto's eyes widened. Since the Nine-Tails' chakra link had been severed earlier, his Clone Technique had returned to normal. Using a clone to mimic a shuriken was entirely feasible.
"I understand!" Naruto's face lit up with pure admiration. He had assumed Menma was just a violent maniac who only knew how to punch. He never expected him to be this clever, coming up with a strategy so simple yet effective.
He's shouting revenge just to get the bell, Naruto realized. It's a feint! A diversion!
If Naruto were good at vocab, he would have called it a stroke of genius.
"Kakashi!" Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs, swinging through the air. "You'd better shake me to death today, or I'll beat your butt into a pulp once I'm free!"
He frantically winked at Sakura, who was creeping closer with shuriken in hand. He shouted loud enough for Sasuke to hear as well, "Sakura's gonna cut the rope later! Then we go for it together!"
Sasuke, dizzy and exhausted, groaned. "Idiot, you're too loud. Shut up."
"Want to spank me?" Naruto taunted. "Then don't blame me for being ruthless! I'll use Konoha's secret technique: the Thousand Years of Death!"
Kakashi grinned behind his mask, mentally preparing to make Naruto and Sasuke's butts bloom.
Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!
Sakura seized her chance, hurling shuriken at the ropes binding her teammates. Kakashi saw it but let them snap, allowing Naruto and Sasuke to drop to the ground.
"Sasuke, Sakura, move!"
The moment his feet hit the dirt, Naruto snapped through hand seals. "Multiple Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
A small army of clones materialized. "Attack!" Naruto roared. Then, switching channels, he shouted at Kakashi, "Chp 31, Mom's Friend..."
"Chp 31?" Kakashi paused, confused by the random number.
But then Naruto continued, weaving the plot points of the sequel—the names, the connections.
Kakashi's expression shattered. His eyes widened in disbelief behind his mask, looking as if he'd seen a ghost. "How is this possible?! How do you know the rest of the plot?!"
"The author's name is Menma," Naruto yelled, driving the point home. "Uzumaki Menma! He's the one who wrote this novel!"
"The author… is your dark personality?!" Kakashi's mind short-circuited. "You wrote this?!"
"Don't just stand there, get moving!" Naruto barked at his teammates.
Sakura and Sasuke had frozen, faces flushing as they listened to the plot reveal, completely stunned. Naruto's clones roared and surged toward the frozen Kakashi.
The two genin snapped out of it. They gave Naruto a complicated look—part confusion, part disbelief—but they knew Kakashi was dazed. This was their chance.
They didn't ask questions. They followed the plan, drawing kunai and shuriken and hurling them at their teacher.
Meanwhile, Naruto kept reciting the plot while clutching a shuriken that looked like a standard weapon. He grabbed a few more from his pouch and threw them in a spread, hiding the clone-shuriken among them.
"The plot is very coherent," Kakashi murmured, listening intently, seemingly bathed in divine revelation. He had read the original Kenichi manga several times; hearing the sequel he'd been craving completely captivated him.
But even in his daze, his reflexes were terrifying.
Kakashi moved like a blur, effortlessly dodging the barrage of shuriken and kunai. "Well done," he said, his eyes narrowing as he finally snapped back to full awareness. "But unfortunately for you, your last-ditch effort to beat me up... the bell!"
His grin returned, but his hand was already reaching for the bells at his waist.
It was empty.
The sharp jingle of the bell rang out from behind him, accompanied by Naruto's triumphant, manic laughter.
"Hehe! Kakashi, I got the bell! You lost!"