The room is too large.
That's my first thought when I step inside. The ceilings are painted with dragons and clouds, gold and blue, looking down at me like they know I don't belong here. My footsteps echo. Each one sounds like my heartbeat. Because it is my heartbeat. Because my heart is trying to escape my chest.
I keep my eyes down. Chun Tao chose this robe. Plain blue. Simple cut. Nothing that draws attention.
I walk forward. The floor is polished marble. I can see my reflection in it. A girl in plain blue. Looking small. Looking out of place.
At the end of the hall, on a raised platform, sits the Empress.
I don't look at her face. I'm not supposed to. That's the rule. You don't look at the Empress unless she tells you.
But I see her robes. Crimson. The kind of red that says I am the Empress and you are not. They pool around her like spilled wine. Her hair is black, piled high, held with gold pins shaped like cranes. Her hands are pale, resting on the arms of her throne. Her nails are long, painted red.
She is beautiful. The kind of beautiful that makes you forget to breathe. But there is no warmth in it. It's the beauty of a winter morning. Cold. Sharp. Distant.
I drop to my knees. Forehead to the floor. The marble is cold against my skin.
"This humble one greets Your Majesty."
My voice is steady. I don't know how. My hands are shaking inside my sleeves, but my voice is steady.
"Rise."
I stand. Keep my eyes down. Look at her shoes instead. Red silk. Gold thread. Phoenixes. Even her shoes have phoenixes.
"The Prime Minister's daughter."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"I heard you were bedridden with a fever"
"Yes, Your Majesty. I've recovered."
She steps down from her platform. I hear her robes brush the floor. She stops in front of me. I can feel her eyes on my face, on my hair, on my plain blue robe.
Chun Tao said this robe wouldn't draw attention. Chun Tao was wrong. Everything about me is drawing attention right now.
"There are rumors about you," she says. Her voice is light. Almost casual. "They say you changed after your fever. That you're not the same girl who collapsed in her courtyard."
"I keep my eyes down. 'The fever cleared my mind, Your Majesty. I understand things better now."
"I see." She circles me slowly. I feel her gaze on my back, my shoulders, the nape of my neck. "And one of the things you now understand is Princess Murong Qian."
There it is.
"I met Her Highness at the banquet," I say carefully. "She was kind enough to invite me to her garden."
She stops in front of me. I see her shoes again. Red. Gold. Phoenixes.
"Kind," she repeats. "The princess is not known for kindness."
She is kind, I want to say. You just don't know her. No one knows her. No one ever tries.
"I am fortunate, then."
A pause. I can feel her smile. I don't need to see it.
"Fortunate. Yes."
"She returns to her platform and sits. Her robes settle around her like a pool of blood
"I've heard about the garden," she says. "It was her mother's favorite place. The princess keeps it exactly as it was. She allows no one else to touch it."
I keep my face still. "Yes, Your Majesty."
"They say she goes there every day. Sits by the pond. Watches the lotuses her mother planted." Her voice is light, but her eyes are sharp. "Some might say she cannot let go. That she is trapped in the past."
I feel my hands tighten inside my sleeves.
"I think she remembers. That is all.'"
"Remembers."
"Her mother planted them," I say quietly. "She doesn't want to forget."
The Empress studies me. "You defend her."
"I'm just saying what I saw."
"And what you saw," she says slowly, "was a woman who cannot move on."
I don't answer. I don't need to.
She laughs. Soft. It sends a chill down my spine.
"You speak quite boldly for someone who barely knows her."
I freeze. "I didn't mean to offend"
"You didn't." She waves a hand. "You're interesting."
That doesn't make me feel better.
"You may go."
I bow quickly. "This humble one takes her leave."
I step back. Slowly. Carefully.
Almost at the door
"Su Yuxiao."
"The princess is not your friend," the Empress says. "She uses people. She has used people her whole life. The sooner you understand that, the safer you will be."
I want to say something. She's not using me. She's not like that. You don't know her. You've never tried to know her.
I say nothing.
"I understand, Your Majesty."
The doors open. I leave.
The corridor is cold. Red walls. Stone floor. I lean against the wall and breathe.
I didn't die.
That's good.
I think.
My legs feel weak. I start walking.
I turn the corner
And stop.
She is standing there.
Purple robes. Silver phoenixes. Hair pinned up. Face a mask.
Murong Qian.
My heart stops. She's here.
"You were summoned."
Her voice is flat. Cold.
"Yes." My voice comes out rough. "I"
"Did she harm you?"
"No. She just"
"Then you should leave."
I blink. "I just wanted to"
"You should not have come." Her voice is sharp. "You should not have written to me."
Each word lands with quiet force.
"You are nothing to me."
It hurts more than I expect.."
My hands tighten at my sides. "I don't believe you."
Silence.
She doesn't react.
For a moment, the corridor feels too still.
"Go home," she says at last
She turns and walks away.
Without hesitation.
Without looking back.
I stand there.
I don't move.
My chest aches.
She came.
She came all the way here.
That has to mean something.
I swallow the tightness in my chest and walk