"...Idiot." I mutter to myself, slumping against the wall outside Lev's room. "What the hell were you thinking, Natsuki Subaru? That if you just apologized for your screwups, everything would be fixed?"
It won't be that easy. Saying sorry won't return Lev Lainur's soul to his body, or undo the explosions of the bombs I failed to stop. The latter is impossible to fix at this point. With the exception of Natsuki Subaru, the dead don't come back to life, and [Return by Death] only ever returns me to the most recent 'save point'. And as for the former...
It goes without saying, using the Witch's taboo like that was a mistake. After all, it's not in her nature to be gentle when tearing apart those who learn about [Return by Death]. In all likelihood she tore out Lev's soul at the same time that she removed Flauros, without bothering to distinguish between the two.
And of course… knowing this power of mine works, I won't be able to return far enough back to make a difference now.
No, that's not quite right. The truth is, if I had really wanted to save Lev, I'd have made sure that he was alright the moment Flauros was gone. There was already clearly something wrong with him at that point. But I pushed it aside, because I was selfish.
"Because… I still don't want to die, huh?" I mumble, scratching at my arm and beginning my slow walk back to my room. That's right, even though I've died more than fifty times at this point, I'm still hesitant to-
"Oi, just what the hell am I thinking?" I realize.
I've already been down this mental road and been scolded for it before. It's not wrong to survive. It's not wrong to want to live. It's not wrong to be afraid of dying.
...Where was I?
Right, a way to fix the damage to Lev…
"His soul is missing… but what does that even mean?" I mutter, trying to think back to my brief stay at the Clock Tower. The nature of the soul, what exactly a soul is, was certainly covered. However, I didn't have the chance to attend that lecture.
"Right, that was the day Von Krudik kidnapped me, wasn't it?" I mutter. And while the guy who rescued me did try to explain the concept to me afterwards…
"Well, it's like a dance between 'that' and you, you know?"
...Flat Escardos was terrible at explaining things. Even after he spent several hours telling me about it, I still couldn't wrap my head around his explanation. I had meant to ask the Professor for help, but a few days after that fiasco I finally got my chance to meet with Zelretch, so it never wound up happening.
So… if it's come to this, I'll use my secret special move-!
***
"I'm completely clueless, so please explain it to me." I say with a polite bow.
Doctor Roman sighs. "...The Soul, huh? Well, that's a pretty complicated question, since there are so many schools of thought on it… Chaldea uses the threefold existence model, which posits an independent [Body], [Mind], and [Soul]."
"...So, it's something as extreme as having the body completely destroyed? How is Lev even still alive, then?" I ask.
"...Well, in theory, you actually have to eliminate at least two of the three in order to actually kill someone. Of course, it's not like the body, mind, and soul are wholly divorced from one another. Under normal circumstances, just losing one would cause cascading trauma that kills the other two." Roman says. "If I had to guess… odds are that it's because of what Flauros talked about. That the Lainur family was created for the exact purpose of hosting him. If that's the case, then it explains how he could be possessed without experiencing the usual bodily and mental corruption that demonic possession entails."
"Eh… so there are usually pretty clear signs, huh?"
"Sort of. The real bodily changes don't usually kick in until the demon is fully matured, from what I've been told." He says. "But once the demon's matured, it's way too late to save the possessed person. For that reason… those who can detect demons are highly prized by the church." He locks eyes with me.
"Hey, it was just a fluke this time, okay? A fluke!" I say, sweating a bit under his stare. "Don't go selling me to the church or something!" I already know that won't end well, after all. The life I spent dealing with those guys was a disaster through and through.
He chuckles. "Anyway, the fact of the matter is, we got incredibly lucky with Lev. As a general rule, surviving a full demonic possession is impossible. Supposedly there's a man in the [Burial Agency] who can actually exorcise fully matured demons, but even then, it's unknown what happened to the person he saved."
"I'm sure they're fine… is what I'd like to say, but since the one to do it was one of those weirdos, there's seriously no guarantee!" I yell.
"Wait, Subaru-kun, are you actually familiar with-?"
"Nope. I've definitely never met any of them before. I'm just inferring based on their reputation, yep." I say with a forced smile.
"R-right… in any case, Lev's chances of recovery aren't zero, but we can't do anything with the equipment we have here at Chaldea. And, well…" He says, trailing off with a sad look.
"Yeah. Humanity has been incinerated, after all." I mutter.
Things weren't fixed when the Fuyuki Singularity was resolved. [Apocalypse Conflagration] was not prevented. At the present moment, every human being outside of Chaldea is no more than cinders. And unless we resolve all seven of the extra singularities that popped up in the wake of the first's collapse, they'll remain that way.
"Well, it's not like we had any choice in the first place. We'll just have to save the world, right?" I say with a chuckle.
The doctor lets out a laugh of his own. "I guess so! Nowhere to go but up, right?"
"Exactly!" I reply, grinning. "On that note, I know I'm clear to move around, but how soon will I actually be able to exert myself physically? I've got to get back into shape if I'm going to be scrambling around another seven Fuyuki-level disaster areas, you know!"
"Hmm…" He closes his eyes and nods, stroking his chin. "Well, according to Cu Chulainn, you should already be healthy apart from the blood loss - and since modern medicine has that part covered, you're technically good to go. Still, considering the wounds you sustained, I'd really like to supervise your rehabilitation. As long as I'm there to keep an eye on you, it's probably fine!"
"Great! That means you get to be my first… no, actually, you're my fourth victim!" I say with a thumbs up.
"Mhm, that's… Wait, what's this about me being a victim!?" He yells. "Subaru-kun, don't just laugh menacingly! You need to explain at least a little!"
For a brief moment, his reaction reminds me of a certain grey-haired merchant. Quickly, I turn my face away from Roman, and blink to control the stinging in my eyes. Am I replacing my friend? Is that what's happening right now?
For a couple seconds, guilt eats away at me - and then I realize how stupid I'm being. I'm not replacing my friend. I'm just making another friend. I'm allowed to have more than one friend, even if they are surprisingly similar in how they respond to my jokes. In fact, having friends who are similar to each other is good, since that means they'll get along well with one another.
Right. Right. This is fine. Besides, Otto's probably whining to himself right now about how he misses playing the straight man to my jokes. Right, it's decided, I'll mess with him twice as hard to make up for lost time when we reunite.
But for now, I need to keep in practice.
"Muahahaha! You already agreed to be there, after all! Everything is going according to plan!" I laugh.
"Wait, three prior victims… Mash, Cu Chulainn, and Mordred… No, I refuse! Anything but thaaaat!" Roman yells, scrambling away.
"Heh heh heh… Too late, Doctor! No one escapes… Radio Calisthenics!"