Stopping in front of the bakery, Suho turned off the engine. Silence filled the car, heavy with anticipation. The glow from the streetlights filtered into the cabin, illuminating their faces. They looked at each other in silence, each waiting for something. To be honest, Suho wasn't entirely sure how he should approach Jia. At this very moment, every fiber of his being wanted to touch her, to feel her soft skin under his fingers and pull her close. He could feel his self-control beginning to crumble.
Yoon Jia, sitting in his car, was like a forbidden fantasy come to life. With an innocent smile and her hands resting on her knees, she looked nothing like the cold porcelain princess photographers made her out to be. Yoon Jia, sitting in his car, was warm, soft, and infinitely desirable.
All other thoughts gradually faded. Covering her slender fingers with his palm, Suho leaned forward. A sharp gasp escaped Jia's lips. Suho smiled silently, moving closer, looming over her. One of his hands traced along the soft skin of her neck and stopped at her collar. Jia quickly licked her lips and swallowed.
The proximity between them was starting to seriously go to Suho's head. He looked into Jia's eyes, intending to close the distance even further, but stopped instantly when he saw a flash of panic cross her face.
Jia tried to pull back, but then, as if startled by her own reaction, let out an awkward laugh and chirped:
"I'll grab us some strawberry ones, if that's okay with you!"
Then she quickly turned away. Opening the door on her second try, Jia nearly tumbled out of the car. Suho leaned forward after her to keep her from falling. Jia let out another awkward, nervous laugh and hurried out of the car.
Watching her retreating figure, Suho took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. The waves of warmth that had been spreading through his body instantly turned to frost, leaving behind the bitter taste of disappointment in himself.
"I'm such an idiot."
It was obvious Jia hadn't liked that.
Suho groaned softly, dropping his head back against the headrest. What was wrong with him?
"Got a little reciprocation and completely lost your brakes? Idiot," his inner voice started berating him.
Suho ran his hands over his face. He wanted things to go naturally, but what did he end up doing? The moment he sensed mutual interest, he'd almost lost his mind.
"She literally flinched away from me. I think I misread her feelings."
An image of Minseok shaking his head popped into his mind out of nowhere. He'd probably say something like:
"Hyung, do you have a basketball for a head or something?"
The fact that his inner voice had started sounding like Kim made Suho feel even worse, as he glumly fiddled with his car keys.
Maybe Jia's interest meant something else? Maybe she just wanted to be friends? Suho's thoughts drifted far away.
Jia clearly had plenty of struggles in her life. Her younger sister needed expensive rehabilitation treatment. Jia never mentioned her father, which made Suho assume he wasn't in the picture. Add to that her work obligations, her controlling managers, the pressure from university, and all the attention on social media… It was amazing Jia was still the person Suho had come to know — gentle, caring, and kind.
Something painful stirred in Suho's chest. Compared to Jia, he'd handled things terribly. Scenes flashed through his mind of the way he'd behaved after the doctors told him that any athletic activity involving his legs was now out of reach.
In his fits of powerless rage, it never even occurred to Suho to think about anyone else's feelings. He was angry, sarcastic, unwilling to listen. He blamed and pushed everyone away. It was only after two months, when his anger finally ran out, that he'd quieted down.
But he hadn't accepted it or forgiven it. Somewhere inside him, that ugly, suffocating resentment still lived.
Suho's thoughts returned to Jia.
Yoon Jia looked fragile on the surface: push her, and she'd fall; strike her, and she'd break. After getting to know her a little better, Suho had assumed that since Jia looked at the world with kind eyes, she'd never faced any real hardship. How naive of him…
Yoon Jia turned out to be an incredibly strong person, capable of overcoming difficulties without growing callous toward others.
And someone like that found his company interesting! And what did Suho do?
"Let my imagination run wild and almost threw myself at her… Animal."
He slid down in his seat, feeling completely hopeless about himself.