I wake up a bit confused about where I am, only to see Jan staring at me. "Günaydın."
"Günaydın. I..." I start to regain my senses, jumping up quickly and pacing back and forth.
"Aylla, I made you tea." I stop and stare at Jan, worried.
"Did I sleep here?"
"Yes." Jan is smiling.
"Oh no, Allah, Allah, my mother is going to kill me, Ezgi is going to kill me, I'm going to turn into animal feed on a farm! And..." I start remembering last night. "Jan, did we dance last night?"
"Yes."
"And did I call you the 'Evil King'?"
"Yes, and an 'irresistible beast'."
"Oh..." I sit on the sofa, pulling my knees to my chest and hiding my face in my hands. "The shame... I can't believe it."
"Aylla, calm down, it's fine."
"I have to call Deniz."
"Aylla, where on earth have you been!?" Deniz screams through the phone. "I'm fine, it's a long story, but do our parents know where I am?"
"Since you said you were sleeping at Ezgi's, I covered for you. I'm here at her house now, I slept here waiting for you. You owe me a huge favor, and this is not happening again."
"Deniz?"
"What, Aylla?" Deniz says sharply.
"Have I ever told you that you're the best sister in the world?" I hang up before she can say anything else. Jan is watching me, laughing at the whole situation.
"You think this is funny, don't you?"
"Come on, shall I take you home?"
"Drop me off at the corner. The neighborhood would gossip for weeks."
"Right, and there's still your fiancé, Osman, isn't there?"
"Yes."
I should tell him the truth, but I'm so worried about being grounded that I don't know what to say. It's not the right time yet. Jan waits for me to get ready so we can go to the office together, since we're late. We walk side by side, glancing at each other; everything feels perfect between us.
"Will you bring me tea?"
"I will, Jan bey."
I head to the cafeteria smiling.
"Günaydın, Zeki."
"Aylla, what are you doing?"
"What do you mean, Zeki? Making tea for Jan bey," I try to keep a straight face.
"You're late, Aylla. You think this is discipline?"
"Zeki..." Ezgi calls me before I can argue with him.
"Ezgi, merhaba."
"Merhaba, Aylla, where were you last night? Deniz and I were worried."
"I was with Jan bey," I whisper so Zeki can't hear.
"What? I know someone is next to you, but what? How?"
"Yes, Zeki is right here next to me." Zeki keeps poking me.
"Ah..." Ezgi liked him; she'd gone out with him a few times but wasn't ready to admit it to me, or even to herself. "We'll talk later, tonight at our spot, okay?"
"Okay."
"Did Ezgi talk about me? Aylla, what did she say?"
"I have to take tea to Jan bey," I say, smiling at Zeki, who is now stressed out. I think it's good revenge.
I knock on the door, smiling at Jan.
"Jan bey..." Emre, Polen, and Layla are in his office.
"Did something happen?"
"Yes, Jan disappeared last night after you showed up, and we couldn't reach him. We called Deniz to see if she had any idea where you were, and she had no clue."
Jan strokes his beard, looking unbothered but irritated by the interrogation. Everyone is looking at me now, probably suspecting I was with Jan—which is true in a way. Deniz took the day off today; I didn't know. How lucky am I?
"I took Aylla to dinner."
"And you couldn't call to let us know?" Polen says, sounding hurt, stressed, and frustrated.
"We just went out to forget the stress for a bit," I say, looking from one person to the other.
"I also slept at Ezgi's house," I lie. Jan looks a bit disappointed by the lie, but the situation was becoming too compromising.
Even though Jan said he and Polen broke up, she was calling him worried all night and is here now as if they were still together. Did he tell me the truth? Are they really just friends?
"Aylla, you can leave the tea and head out," Emre says calmly and politely to de-escalate the situation. Layla, for the first time, looks at me with a certain contempt. She calls me into her office.
"Aylla, I'm telling you this as a friend who has worked here for years."
"What, Layla?"
"This friendship of yours with Jan bey... people in the office might start talking. If you want to grow in this company, they might question how exactly you're moving up."
"Layla, if I grow in this company, it will be because of my competence. I appreciate the advice, but it's not necessary." I leave her office offended. Layla used to be kind; she loves gossip, sure, but she never treated me as an inferior like this. Now it feels like there's a hierarchy, and I'm at the very bottom. Insignificant.
For the rest of the week, I promised myself I'd avoid Jan to make people forget the drama. But it was hard; he constantly asked for tea or came to my desk to chat about unimportant documents.
Even though Jan is single and all that's left is for me to confess, everything at the office would get messy. It seems the obstacles just keep growing. So, I had a "brilliant" idea on Friday.
"Günaydın, Zeki," I try to smile kindly at him.
"Günaydın, Aylla." Zeki was looking at his phone, smiling—likely at a message from Ezgi. When he finally looks at me, he gets worried.
"No, Aylla." He turns and starts walking away, and I chase him through the office.
"But Zeki, you don't even know what I'm going to ask!"
"It's nothing good."
"It's just to take tea to Jan bey, the boss." Zeki looks at me suspiciously but finally gives in.
"Perfect," I say to myself in my office. "Now I just avoid him the rest of the day and—success! Very clever, Aylla. Tell me now, conscience, even you wouldn't think of anything better."
"Aylla?" Darn it. Jan is right behind me.
"Günaydın, Jan bey."
"Günaydın." Jan looks at me, puzzled.
"Why didn't you bring the tea?"
"Why do I always have to bring the tea? Why not Zeki?"
"The tea was cold." "
I had just boiled it and given it to Zeki!"
"And why didn't you deliver it like you always do?"
"Because Layla sent me to do some things," I look at my desk and point to some tasks, but they were just random papers I didn't even recognize.
"I truly don't understand you. One minute you're cold and distant, the next you're close. Then you want to be treated like an employee, then a friend... what do you want, Aylla?"
"I'll bring you your tea, Jan bey."
Those questions... I wanted Jan to understand the obstacles in the way of me confessing, but he just makes it harder. I wanted everything to be easy with him, but whenever something seems resolved, something else happens. Should I take these as signs?
"Finally home." After an exhausting week, I leave my shoes at the door and put on my slippers, heading for my long-awaited shower. Deniz is a bit more cheerful, but still won't tell me her secret.
"Mom, we're home!" Deniz runs to take the first shower.
"I noticed that, Deniz!"
"I'm not listening!" Deniz shouts from the bathroom.
"Aylla, come here and see our guest." My mother is in the kitchen.
"Merha..." I can't even finish. I'm in shock. It's Jan in my kitchen, talking to my mother.
"What are you doing here, Jan bey?"
"Is that any way to behave, Aylla? I invited Jan bey for dinner this week, remember?"
"Jan, Nadire, please. I couldn't miss your dolma for anything. I crave home-cooked food. Emre and I cook sometimes, but it's never this good."
"You can come whenever you like! I'll even set some aside for you and your brother to eat later." My mother smiles at Jan, then looks seriously at me.
"Aylla, set the plates. And one for Jan." She smiles saying his name.
"Your father is leaving the market now. Then take a shower."
"Yes, mom."
Deniz comes down and greets Jan, surprised.
"Will Osman be dining with us?" Jan says with a smile.
Darn it. I forgot that detail. I look at Deniz to save me.
"No, he's staying home," she says quickly.
"Why would he dine here?" - my mom asks. Think fast, Aylla!
"Because at the retreat, Jan and he talked a bit, and that pleasant conversation could continue. You know what's pleasant right now? Tea. Who wants tea?"
"I do," Jan says. I'm relieved it worked out—for now.
"Aylla, how long are you going to keep up this farce?" Deniz whispers to me while I prepare the tea.
"I don't know."
"You shouldn't have even started it in the first place." Deniz pinches my arm.
"I didn't start anything! He assumed it and I didn't deny it."
"And you didn't correct it! You took him to the retreat and even introduced him as your fiancé," Deniz lists.
"Yeah, but it was for a good reason." Mom calls us out:
"What are you two little ones whispering about?"
"Nothing, mom!" we say in unison.
"Allah, Allah."
"It looks like it's going to be a long night, Inshallah." "
Inshallah, Aylla. You always get into these messes," Deniz whispers. I shrug. Sometimes, these confusions just follow me.